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View Full Version : LPW SuperCycle 26.3 LIVE! From Quebec City, Quebec! RESULTS!



Macho Mourn
05-13-2018, 02:05 AM
Bobino: WHERE. IS. HE?

The show opens with chaos in the hallways. Two ring crew members are pulling at Bobino’s arms which are grabbing a much smaller stagehand by the shoulders, yelling inches from his face.

Bobino: Your whole job is to keep track of things. Where is Al?

Bobino shoves the smaller man froward, releasing his grasp and pushes past the others. His movements are frantic as he marches down the hallways. He stops and kicks each door he passes, looking inside quickly.

Bobino: Where you hiding, Al?

Bobino turns the corner and sees the office of Christian G. Smitten. He tilts his head and rears his foot back, getting ready to kick it in in his continuing search. Moments before he can, the door opens and Smitten himself steps forward.

Smitten: Can i help you? What’s all the commotion?

Bobino: Yeah, you can. I need to see your champion, NOW!

Smitten shakes his head and motions towards his office.

Smitten: Listen, we’ve got potential buyers in this office. They’re here meeting with some of the talent of “special value” to prepare for anything that may be coming. I can’t have you out here kicking doors and harassing our employees.

Bobino: That’s fine, give me Al, and your doors and employees shall remain in their non-harassed state.

Smitten: Do you even understand the gravity of the meetings I’m holding here? Do you understand exactly what this can mean for our future? Al is a BIG part of these meetings tonight.

Bobino shakes his head and sighs.

Bobino: When’s my interview? If it’s that important, let me tell them the joke that this place ACTUALLY is.

Smitten: I said they’re ONLY meeting with talent with value. I don’t see you on that list. Let’s go ahead have security here remove any threat you think you pose.

As he says “security” four plain black shirts step from off screen and flank Bobino. Seeing how he’s outnumbered, Bobino simply raises his hands and starts to back off.

Bobino: Fine, fine. I’ll go. This isn’t over, though. Just know this, Smitten. By the end of the night, I will find Al.

Bobino walks towards the exit being followed by the security team as Smitten shakes his head and goes back into the office, leaving the camera looking at his closed door.




pYromania

Rise up, gather round, rock this place to the ground

Burn it up, let’s go for broke, watch the night go up in smoke

Rock on! Rock on!

Drive me crazier

No Serenade, no fire brigade, just Pyromania!!

http://img4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20131107220036/lpw/images/a/ac/Lpw_pyro_logo.png

and Insanity

Come inside now, I implore.
Do you think you can restore
The crucial pieces missing from my brain?
What seems to be the matter dear?
Why do you cry and shake with fear?
I've only had the best dub me insane.
Please let me out
Please let me out
Please let me…


http://img2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20131215052925/lpw/images/9/92/Lpw_insanity_logo.png

Present…

http://img4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20140322200719/lpw/images/8/8e/Lpw_logo_large_wbg.png


LPW SuperCycle
LIVE! From the Centre Videotron in Quebec City, Quebec!



Phoenix: Welcome everyone! We are here, live in Quebec City, Canada at the ! I hope I’m saying that right!

Lillehammer: That’s right Phoenix, we’re here to make the Great White North great again! Tonight in our main event, we’ve got the finals of the number one contender's, Tag Team Tournament, Bronx and Thornridge challenge the tumultuous pair of Caeser Osiris and Mathew “Silver” Kazama.

Phoenix: Also tonight, Ozzy Crerar challenges Chris Austin for his United States Championship. Will the championship change hands here in Canada? We’ll find out tonight!

Lillehammer: And before all that, we have to wade through the muck with five way action, Maddie Murdock, Jeff Watson, Marlon Veritty, Ryland and Trey Spruance square off in a five way scramble.

Phoenix: That’s right, the first competitor to pin or submit another will be declared the winner, let's take it to the ring!

Announcer: The following is a five way scramble match! Introducing first, weighing 169 pounds, Ryland!

“Wolf Moon” by Type O Negative starts to play across the speakers, as Ryland enters the arena. Ryland scrambles to the ring, looking around, and climbs up the turnbuckle.

Phoenix: Ryland doesn’t appear to be flanked by Clarence or Obsidian tonight.

Lillehammer: I like Obsidian, but this could be a good chance for Ryland to stand on his own tonight.

Announcer: Next, From London England, weighing 230 pounds, Trey Spruance!

“We Die Young” by Alice in Chains starts to play across the speakers, as Trey Spruance makes his way down the ramp, and into the ring.

Announcer: From Kazimierz Dolny, Poland, weighing in at 223 pounds, Marlon Verity!

The arena fades into darkness as “Abel” by The Body Full of Hell starts to play. Lights flash red and purple, as Marlon starts to walk down the ramp, and toward the ring. He climbs in, and stares down the other two competitors.

Announcer: From Miami, Florida, weighing in at 230 pounds, Jeff Watson!

“In the Air Tonight” by Nonpoint starts to play across the speakers, as Jeff Watson makes his way down the ramp toward the ring. Jeff rolls into the ring, and stands in the remaining corner, eager to begin the match.

Phoenix: Just one more left now.

Announcer: And from Plymouth, Massachusetts, weighing in at 120 pounds, Maddie Murdock!

“Confident” by Demi Lovato starts to play, as pink lights begin to fill up the arena. Maddie’s entrance video begins to play, but Maddie is nowhere to be seen.

Phoenix: I’m… I’m getting word from the back. Well? What? Does she know she’s on?

Lillehammer: Where’s Maddie, Partner?

Phoenix: I understand. We go to the ring where our Announcer has an… uh.. announcement.

Announcer: I have just been informed, that Maddie Murdock will be unable to compete tonight, and this match will now be a fatal four way match!

Lillehammer: Well, I guess we’re not seeing Maddie this week! What a disappointment!

Phoenix: Well the referee has rung the bell, and it looks like this one is under way.

All four men stand eager in their corners, but it is Jeff Watson who makes the first move, rolling out of the ring, and over toward the commentary table. He picks up a microphone, and begins to speak.

Watson: No, no no. Maddie probably saw that this match was already a farce, and didn’t bother showing up. I think I’m going to do the same. This company has been SO unfair to me. Since everyone would see me as too much of a threat, and try to attack me. I’m taking myself out of this joke, and I’m headed back to my hotel! And it’s a fantastic hotel, ok?

Watson tosses the mic aside, and starts to walk up the ramp, and backstage.

Phoenix: Well…there’s no count outs in a five-way.

Lillehammer: Well I guess officially now, it’s a four way, but it’s looking like more of a three way now.

As a confused Ryland and Verity watch Watson leave, Trey circles around from behind, and goes for a roll up on Verity.

1

2

No!

Verity kicks out, and now Verity and Ryland are united against Trey. Verity delivers a strong elbow to the jaw, and backs the former Misfit into the corner.

Lillehammer: Well, it looks like Verity and Ryland are teaming up against Trey. Tell me Phoenix, is there anything better than watching Trey get beat up?

Phoenix: I can think of a few things.

Ryland has Trey backed into the corner, and Verity chops him in the chest. Verity grabs him by the wrist, and thrusts him to the other side of the ring. Trey is stunned in the corner, but Marlon grabs onto Ryland, and thrusts him into the same corner. Ryland leaves his feet, going for a drop kick, but Trey slides out of the ring, and Ryland crashes between the top and middle ropes, groin first.

Phoenix: Oh! That’s gotta hurt! Ryland and Verity were working pretty well together but I don’t know how much longer that’s going to last after that.

Lillehammer: What’s that idiot doing?

Trey is on the outside of the ring, and jumps up to the top rope. He launches himself toward Verity, and takes him down with a spear. The crowd goes wild for Trey, as he gets back to his feet. Verity is down, and Trey turns his attention toward Ryland.

Lillehammer: That Junkie must be high!

Phoenix: Trey’s got Ryland on his feet now, and clobbers him from behind with a forearm across the back of the head! Ryland is stunned on the ropes, and Trey clotheslines him over!

Lillehammer: He better watch out!

From behind, Verity is back on his feet. Verity comes charging at Spruance, and connects to the jaw with a big boot.

Lillehammer: There’s nothing better. I want to see that one again.

Phoenix: I don’t think we have time for a replay! Verity is on the attack again! Verity shoves Trey to the ropes, and connects with a wicked lariat! Trey struggles to get back up, but Verity helps him along. He picks him up and powerbombs him into the canvas! Ryland is on his feet, and slides back into the ring, as Verity plants Trey with the Powerbomb, Ryland drop kicks Verity, who rolls out of the ring. Ryland goes for the cover.

1


2


No!

Verity is back on his feet quickly, and pulls Ryland out of the ring, with him. Trey starts to rise as well.

Lillehammer: If I was Ryland, I’d be trying to get back into the ring as quickly as possible. Marlon Verity doesn’t appear to be in a good mood.

Phoenix: You don’t want to be on THAT man’s bad side. Marlon Verity has a mean streak about a mile wide. And Ryland might be about to get a first class tour of it.

Verity picks up Ryland by the neck. The wolf-man’s feet begin to dangle wildly. Verity tosses him, and he lands head first on the barricade. Verity picks him up again by the head, and slams him into the ring apron. Ryland has begun to bleed from his forehead, and looks dazed, but he still manages to get to his hands and knees, at which point Verity punts him in the ribs.

Phoenix: My God, the destructive force being imposed here by Marlon Verity! What a force!

Lillehammer: Verity has dominated most of this match. I hate to say it, but is it possible Jeff Watson was the smartest man in the match for getting out of it before anything like this could happen to him?

Phoenix: Time will tell! Trey Spruance is standing on the ring apron now, I don’t think Verity sees him! Spruance with the senton! Right on the chest of Verity! Spruance is back on his feet, and he’s trying to roll Ryland back into the ring.

Lillehammer: Ryland is the smaller man, and it looks like he’s bleeding too.

Trey has Ryland in the ring now, Ryland tries to get up, but Trey is ready for him! The Dude’s DDT! Trey hits it, and Ryland goes down hard!

Trey goes for the cover!

1

2

No!

Verity is back in the ring, and breaks up the pin! Verity snatches Trey off the ground, and levels him with a Spinebuster. Verity turns his attention to Ryland, who is using the ropes to pull himself up, and launches toward his head with his knee.

Lillehammer: Full Stop! He’s used that to end matches before! Ryland looks like he’s knocked out cold!

Verity stands over his opponent, and raises his hands.

Phoenix: What!? No!

Lillehammer: Watch out!

From behind, Jeff Watson has snuck back into the ring, he grabs Verity by the neck, and launches him out of the ring! Watson pins Ryland.

1


2

Phoenix: No! Watson looks around stunned, but it appears that Trey Spruance is on the outside, and has pulled the ref out of the ring! He can’t believe it! Watson charges over to Trey, who slaps him across the face. Watson retreats, dazed, as Ryland doesn’t move. Trey gets back into the ring, as does the ref.

Lillehammer: Trey Spruance is a dirty rotten cheater! You can’t grab the official like that!

Phoenix: Well there are no disqualifications in this match up. Trey did what he needed to do.

Lillehammer: It’s not right!

Phoenix: So Watson hiding, and waiting for his moment would have been better?

Lillehammer: Some days, I don’t know who I hate more.

Phoenix: What a rough life you lead. Trey is back in the ring, Watson charges him with a running knee, and Trey goes down hard. Watson mounts him, and connects with several strikes to the face.

Lillehammer: Good. That cheater is going to get what he deserves. Verity is back up to his feet now. There’s who really deserves to win Phoenix!

Phoenix: Watson and Spruance are both up now, and trading strikes. It looks like neither man is giving any ground.

Lillehammer: But here comes Verity to level the playing field. Verity connects with a big boot to the cheek of Spruance. Trey goes over the top rope, and now we’ve just got Watson and Verity in the ring.

Phoenix: Don’t forget Ryland!

Lillehammer: I’m not even sure Ryland is still alive!

Verity comes charging at him, but Watson grabs him, and pulls him in for an Arm drag. Watson adds a drop kick to the end of his chain, and then scampers over toward the downed body of Ryland. Before he can get there, Verity grabs him by the foot, and drags him back, locking in the Kokina Clutch.

Phoenix: Kokina Clutch! This one might be over!

Lillehammer: Is Ryland on his feet!?

Ryland is up, and using the ropes to balance. Jeff Watson raises his hand to tap, but before he can submit, Ryland breaks up the hold. Watson rolls out of the ring, and Ryland takes a step back, ready to strike.

Phoenix: We’ve seen this before! Ryland could win it all right here, with The Howling Curse, out of nowhere!

Lillehammer: It would certainly be a come from behind victory!

Phoenix: Ryland Strikes! The Howling Curse! No! Verity reverses it! With his opponents back turned, Verity connects with The Full Stop! Ryland goes down hard, and Verity makes the cover! This crowd is electric!

1

2

3!

Announcer: The winner of the match, Marlon Verity!

From outside the ring, Jeff Watson and Trey Spruance look on, as Marlon Verity stands in the middle of the ring with his hand raised.

Phoenix: An impressive victory from the newcomer Marlon Verity and what has to be a disappointing missed opportunity from the vets Watson and Spruance.

Lillehammer: Spruance and disappointment go way back like Canada and surrendering. I’m sure he’ll be fine.

Phoenix: And Jeff Watson is IRATE on the outside. He really thinks he had a chance here.

Lillehammer: He did have a chance. Unfortunately, he lost that chance.

Phoenix: Well, we’ll see what’s next for both men. But one thing is clear, Verity is here and he’s on the up. We go live to the back...

Golden walks into camera shot to a chorus of boos from the live audience. The backstage area is abuzz with excitement. Roadies are running around like headless chickens trying to convey messages between management and superstars. A puzzled looking Golden stops one in his tracks with a sharp right hand to the chest.

Golden: What's going on here, big boy?

Roadie: Uh...Mr. Golden I-

Golden: I've long since dropped the 'Mister', Golden will do fine. Or Oscar.

Roadie: OK, Oscar, um the-

Golden: No, wait. You can call me The GOAT...continue. Why is everyone running around chasing their tails like a three legged dog?

Roadie: The new owners are here.

Golden: New owners?! What are you talking about.

Roadie: Well, it's not official yet, but Dave in tech support's cousins with one of the directors P.A's and he says things are almost complete.

Golden: Dave is always in the know, isn't he?

Roadie: I guess he's just lucky that his cou-

Golden: Shut up you Goddamn idiot. Enlighten me, what does the 'prospective' new owners being here have to do with all you monkey nuts scurrying around like blind mice?

Roadie: They're eager to talk to some superstars in particular and we've been sent out to get them.

Golden: Stall the tractor, tubby, why didn't you just say that and I would have saved my soul the anguish it has just endured talking to you. Take me to them.

Roadie: You? ...um...you're not on the list.

Golden: I can only assume you're as dumb as you look and can't read. Of course the World Heavyweight Champion is on the list.

Roadie: Uh..no...sir.

Golden: Clearly there is a mistake in the list then. Take me to see them. Now.

Roadie: It's meetings by request-

Golden: -and I request you take me to see them immediately.

Roadie: I...uh...don't thin-

Golden: -you know what, you're probably best shutting your pie hole and moving on before you say something that will cost you your front row. I'll arrange my own meeting…

Macho Mourn
05-13-2018, 02:07 AM
Phoenix: We are back, and it's time for singles action.

DING DING!

Announcer: The following contest is scheduled for one fall.

"Feel The Pain" by Dinosaur Jr. brings a hearty response from the crowd as the masked Superstar Joe Citizen makes his way through the crowd. Fans spend the moments near him slapping hands.

Announcer: First. Making his way to the ring, from parts unknown. Weighing in at 240 lbs. The number one contender to the Hardcore championship, JOE CIIIITIZEEEEEEN!

Lillehammer: Oh look, our lovely thief in the night is getting close to his next victims.

Phoenix: I BEG YOUR PARDON!

Lillehammer: That’s what I heard.

Phoenix: Citizen’s been in LPW for four-plus years. Been derailed along the way. He gets his first title shot when we head to All-Stars.

Citizen hops the barricade and quickly climbs a corner to raise an arm for a “ILU” in sign.

Lillehammer: He faces DGS then but I’d be thinking about this hornets nest he’s about to step into tonight when he runs headlong into the swarm that is Bane.

Phoenix: Rightfully so. He’s been on a roll as of late and is always a tough out.

Announcer: And his opponent.

“Sapari” by Orphaned Land plays as boos drown out the festive atmosphere as the dapper dressed Bane Uzzah strolls out from the back.

Announcer: And his opponent. From Jerusalem, Israel. Weighing in at 235 lbs. BANE UUUUZZAAAAH!

Phoenix: And here is the aforementioned Bane Uzzah.

Lillehammer: He the heads into the angry arena to best the evil criminal.

Phoenix: You are in rare form tonight, aren’t you?

Lillehammer: Just ramping up Blazing. Still this and 5 other matches to come!

Phoenix: The levels of salt seeping from your pores is ridiculous. Joining us at this time, I want to welcome back to the announcer’s booth, Sean Jensen. Sean. Nice to see you.

Jensen: Here to scout my good buddy Bane Uzzah. Maybe even put together a tape of excellent commentary for a resume to replace Bobby over there when we get new owners.

Lillehammer mumbles under his breath.

Lillehammer: The name’s Robert…

The bell rings and both men lock up.

Jensen: You know, I have to say it.

Phoenix: What’s that?

Jensen: I despise Bane with every fiber of my being, but I think he’s gonna walk out the winner here.

Bane gets Citizen in a headlock and begins to drive his knuckles into Citizen’s scalp.

Lillehammer: As long as he keeps doing things like that, I can’t help but agree with you there.

Phoenix: The dirty tactics don’t last long, though! As Citizen breaks out of the headlock and lands a stiff right to Bane’s jaw!

Jensen: I felt that one!

The two men stare at each other as Bane rubs his jaw and they lock up once more.

Phoenix: Both men jockey for position and Bane gets the upperhand again, SLAP TO THE FACE BY BANE!

Jensen: That’s just gonna make Citizen mad.

Phoenix: Citizen shoves Bane right down to the mat.

Jensen: Told ya.

Bane stares at Citizen for a moment as he slowly gets back up, eyes not leaving his opponent’s.

Phoenix: Bane shoots back up and both men are screaming in each other’s face! Bane goes for a right hand of his own, but Citizen ducks out of the way. Bane turns around, DOUBLE LEG TAKEDOWN BY CITIZEN AND HE’S JUST FIRING OFF AT BANE’S HEAD!

Lillehammer: Bane’s gotta get out of this, and once he does, Citizen is going to rue the day he thought he could get one over on Bane.

Jensen: I disagree with you there. Bane’s definitely going to remember this point of the match. He’s going to remember that he can get caught at any moment.

Phoenix: Referee pulling Citizen off of Bane and giving him a warning about the closed fists, but the fans are cheering Citizen on.

Jensen: As they should. I’ve been around long enough to see when a guy’s got incredible potential. Joe Citizen is one of those guys who has all the heart in the world.

Phoenix: Does he remind you of yourself at all?

Jensen: Let’s not get carried away here, man. Both of us fight with our heart, but that’s where the similarities end.

Lillehammer: Oh, you fight with your heart now? You sure you aren’t some psychotic, posessed miscreant anymore?

Jensen: I don’t know, Lillehammer. You wanna find out for yourself? Keep it up.

Phoenix: Little bit of tension brewing here in the commentator’s booth, but in the ring Bane has the upperhand once again after hitting Citizen with a back suplex. Bane has Citizen in a grounded headlock. Citizen is trying to find a way out of this hold.

Jensen: Joe better find a way out of this quick, because this is one of those fundamental moves that will eventually take a toll on the entire body.

Lillehammer: You don’t say?

Jensen: You know what, now I understand why people like Phoenix more than you.

Phoenix: I appreciate the sentiment, Sean. Citizen gets out of the hold and transitions into an armbar.

Lillehammer: Let me try to channel my inner Sean Jensen here. Bane better get out of that armbar otherwise he’s gonna get hurt and stuff.

Phoenix: Partner…

Jensen: Nah, it’s good. You know what they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

The ref asks Bane if he wants to quit, which gets a solid “NO!” in response. After a few moments in the hold, Bane finds a way to break out and rolls out of the ring.

Lillehammer: The man needs a breather. It happens to all of us.

Bane gets back into the ring just as Citizen nails a clothesline, knocking him down. Bane gets back up, and Citizen nails another. Bane gets back up once again, and ducks out of a third clothesline and hits a snap German suplex on Citizen.

Phoenix: Beautiful snap German suplex! COVER!

Ref: ONE! TW-

Phoenix: Joe Citizen kicks out at one and a half! Bane grabs Phoenix by the head and pulls him up on his feet.

Bane fires off a body shot, followed by a couple shots to the jaw.

Phoenix: Elbow cocked! Rolling elb-NO! CITIZEN ROLLED HIM UP!

Ref: ON-

Phoenix: Not even a one count! Citizen bounces off the ropes but runs right into a powerslam by Bane. Bane drops a knee onto Citizen’s forehead.

Lillehammer: I bet Citizen will think twice next time he leaves his opponent by himself.

Bane gets into top mount position and starts delivering shots to Citizen’s head.

Phoenix: After those closed fist shots, now Bane is getting warned by the ref. Bane turns around and- DDT! Bane is down! Citizen grabs his right arm and is going for a keylock, just working on that arm!

Jensen: This is a good strategy by Joe. Going after that arm and weakening it is going to make it hard for Bane to do a good portion of his moves. That Israeli’s Edge for example, is gonna be pretty hard to get all of if his arm is limp.

Phoenix: That’s true, but Citizen couldn’t get it all in as Bane fights his way out of the hold. Both men back on their feet. Bane whips Citizen in the corner and drives him with a hard clothesline in the corner. Bane perches Citizen on the top rope and sets up for a superplex. NO! Citizen pushes him off.

Jensen: Wow! This crowd is going bananas right now! Will Joe go for that devastating headbutt?

Lillehammer: Nope! Bane just crotched him!

Phoenix: Could he be thinking about the Israeli’s Edge?

Bane grabs Citizen by the back of the head and pulls him off of the turnbuckle a bit and then slams him face first into the mat.

Phoenix: I don’t know what that was, but it was definitely effective.

Bane steps on Citizen’s head and grinds his face into the mat to a LOUD chorus of boos from the audience. He then stomps on the back of Citizen’s head.

Phoenix: What a dirty move…

Lillehammer: Hey, sometimes, in the confines of that twenty by twenty ring, you gotta do what you gotta do to keep the other guy down.

Phoenix: But that doesn’t mean you should try to actually injure another man like that!

Lillehammer: It’s the law of the land here in the squared circle. Do what it takes to survive, and Bane is doing a great job of surviving right now.

Bane casually walks to the opposite corner and waits for a moment.

Phoenix: Bane setting up for the Final Kick…

Jensen: It’s over if he hits this.

Lillehammer: You don’t say?

Phoenix: Bane runs, FINAL- CITIZEN IS UP!!! CITIZEN HAS BANE ON HIS SHOULDERS!!! FISHERMAN’S DRIVER!!! COVER!!!

Ref: ONE! TWO!! THR-

Phoenix and Jensen: HE KICKED OUT!!!!

Lillehammer: Wow, he kicked out.

Phoenix: Joe Citizen just countered the Final Kick and almost walked away with a victory tonight ladies and gentlemen. What a match!

Jensen: Citizen isn’t letting Bane rest though, he’s going right after him.

Phoenix: Citizen drags Bane up by his feet. Fires him off the ropes, tilt-a-whirl sideslam.

Citizen climbs to the top rope and motions for Bane to get on his feet. Bane staggers, but stands up. Citizen leaps off the turnbuckle to hit a flying double axe handle but gets caught by Bane.

Phoenix: BANE CAUGHT CITIZEN IN MID AIR AND IS DELIVERING A RUSH OF HEADBUTTS!!!

Jensen: I think that third one split him open, Phoenix.

Phoenix: LIKE A PISTON, BANE IS JUST FEROCIOUSLY HEADBUTTING THE LIFE OUT OF CITIZEN!!!

Bane plants Citizen back on his feet and wobbles for a moment, before hitting a HARD spinning backfist, dropping Citizen whose face is a crimson mask.

Phoenix: I think he’s out, gentlemen.

Jensen: That was vicious.

Lillehammer: Hell, I even thought that was amazing.

Phoenix: Bane goes for the cover…

Ref: ONE! TWO!! THRE-

Phoenix: HOW DID HE KICK OUT AT TWO AND A HALF AFTER THAT BARRAGE OF HEADBUTTS, AND THAT BACKFIST!?!?

Jensen: Joe Citizen, man. He’s a warrior. But he’s definitely losing a ton of blood. I’m worried about his well being.

Lillehammer: I sure am not. Finish him, Bane!

Bane picks Citizen up, who just crumples to his feet as Bane chuckles. Bane rubs his hand on Citizen’s face and wipes his blood on his chest and then points to Jensen, who stands up.

Phoenix: Bane sending a message to Jensen.

Jensen: Oh yeah, Bane. Just wait until I get my hands on you.

Phoenix: Let’s not do anything crazy, Sean.

Jensen: No, I’m gonna let him finish this match. I’ll get my hands on him sooner or later.
Bane slowly picks up the still bleeding Citizen who fires an uppercut straight to Bane’s chin. Bane still has a hold of Citizen and slams his face back into the mat.

Phoenix: Bane is grinding his boot into Citizen’s wound!!!

Jensen: That’s just uncalled for.

Bane sets Citizen in a prone position and goes to the opposite corner to attempt the Final Kick as he runs, he begins to slow down as Citizen groggily stumbles through the ropes onto the apron.

Lillehammer: Lucky break for Citizen. Instead of taking it like a man, he sneaks out of the ring.

Jensen: Didn’t you say earlier to do whatever it takes to survive? Look at him, the lights are on but nobody's home but he’s relying on instinct!

Lillehammer: Yeah, well let’s just see how much instinct he has left.

Bane goes over to the apron but Citizen fires his shoulder into Bane’s gut, doubling him over. Citizen steps into the ring and nails Bane with a DDT.

Phoenix: SPIKED HIM!

Citizen crawls over on top of Bane.

Ref: ONE! TWO!! THR-

Phoenix: BANE KICKED OUT!!!

Jensen: This match, though. Holy crap.

Phoenix: Citizen, feeling the support of the crowd, using the ropes to stand up.

Jensen: He’s heading over to the turnbuckle, and this crowd is rooting hard for him!

Lillehammer: Bah, they’ll root for any schmuck.

Struggling with all his might, Citizen finally makes it to the top rope, but not before Bane gets to the same corner and hits another spinning backfist that disorients Citizen. Bane grabs Citizen’s head, setting up for the Israeli Edge. He then points over to Jensen.

Bane: THIS IS FOR YOU, JENSEN!!!

Before Bane could hit his finisher, Citizens frees himself and drives his foot into Bane’s face, knocking him down.

Phoenix: COULD IT BE!?!?

Citizen flies off the turnbuckle and hits the Disassociation on Bane.

Phoenix: DISASSOCIATION!!! HE HIT IT!!!

Jensen: Citizen drapes his arm on Bane!

Ref: ONE! TWO!! THREE!!!

Announcer: Here is your winner, JOE CIIITIZEEEN!

Joe Citizen: 3.95 APS + .9 Votes = 4.85 Total
Bane Uzzah: 3.96 APS + .7 Votes = 4.66 Total

Phoenix: HE DID IT! Both men fought hard but in the end, it is Joe Citizen who was able to fight through the pain and hit his devastating flying headbutt for the win!

Jensen: I’m floored. Even with all the blood loss, he was able to dig deep and walk away victorious. Good job, Joe. I’m a fan.

Lillehammer: It’s a fluke win. I can’t wait until you and Bane face off.

Jensen: I can’t wait until you’re forced to call that match. Should be fun.

Beaten down an exhausted, Citizen rolls out of the ring while Bane, angrily disappointed, stares downward at the mat. The sounds of a hand hitting a mic is heard. Bane looks up and over to the broadcast location, where Jensen sits confidently on top the front of the table, swinging his legs off the front.

Jensen: Tough loss. I was pulling for you. You and I, we need to settle this. So, I went to our esteemed management and it has been made official. At All-Stars, you and I will face off one on one where I will happily continue what Citizen started.

Phoenix: Match has been made official. Sean Jensen will go one on one with Bane Uzzah! A contest I for one can’t wait for.

Jensen stands up top the table. The camera pans from behind the table where Bane stands in the ring as Jensen stands in front of him, arms out wide.

Sheikh Amari was quick out of his seat to great Mourn Despana The Saudi Arabian’s weathered face smiles towards Mourn as he enters.

Amari: Welcome! It has been a while!

Mourn looks at the man and plasters on the fakest smile he can. So fake, Amari chuckles widely and puts his arm around the Rōnin.

Amari: I made a killing on All-Stars when Dubai hosted it. Brought a major wrestling Pay-Per-View to the Middle East.

Despana: I believe that through arts, real social and cultural change can happen.

Amari: Oh?

Despana: Look at Hollywood. Broadway. The work made by a starving artist attending a university. They all want their message heard.

Amari: And only those on top get to choose what’s heard.

Despana: Fair. I do have to admit a certain allure to that.

The Sheikh walks to the small conference table and pulls up a manila envelope.

Amari: This. I have in my hand a contract. It is an advertising deal. Once I close on this company, I will need my most honorable warrior to be the man behind an ad campaign for Saudi Oil.

The Desperado quizzically takes it from him.

Amari: I know plenty of Americans who are a part of our operation. You have a serious voice. One who would be good at reading information to investors and easing relations with our people. The anti-Saudi rhetoric has been diconsearning.

Despana: You want me to do public speaking for you?

Amari: Now. I know better than that. You’d record a presentation, in several languages, about the good qualities of my nation and our products.

Despana: You want me to be shill for Saudi Arabia?

Amari: You are a man who walked around with an Arab woman.

Despana: Did you think this through?

Amari: Of course. My siblings and I were impressed how you were able to persuade the LPW board so swiftly.

Mourn blinks.

Despana: Money talks.

Amari: Now. About this company. The women here would have to clean themselves up. We want a wholesome family environment.

Mourn raises an eyebrow.

Despana: In LPW?

Amari: Don’t wooorry. You, a man of honor, can understand that a man has to put his foot down and make sure that men are the ones who run society. Not these American harlots. This Country almost had a woman running it! Unconscionable! The one thing I need from you, other than that signature and your influential words. Tell me, would my money be invested well in purchasing this company?

Despana: Boy… no. Your money would be wasted buying this company.

Mourn’s stoic face briefly hinting at a smirk.

Amari: What?

Despana: Yeah. For instance, the #1 contender for the World Heavyweight Championship is liable to be pretty cross with any arrangement you would pitch.

Amari: Money not work on him?

Despana: Definitely not.

Amari: Who’s this #1 contender. Steve Storme? Sixx King? Morpheus?

Despana: Veteran wrestler Gabriel Jiménez.

Amari: Oh….

Mourn looks him up and down. His eyes then shift around the room.

Despana: Of all the things in the world you want me to do, you want me to lie about ethics and standards of an oil baron. From a country that treats women and those with “alternative” lifestyles like shit. Wrestling is an artform.

Mourn smiles widely.

Despana: One a man could use to make real change..

Amari’s face turns bright red.

Amari: OF ALL-

A grunt form Mourn causes the Saudi Prince to shriek.

Despana: Now. If you do not mind, my friend, I have a match to get ready for.

Mourn slowly walks backwards to the door. His gaze stays locked on Amari until the door is fully shut.

Macho Mourn
05-13-2018, 02:09 AM
We cut to backstage where in a corner two of LPWs most devious huddle in a corner.

Chris Austin: Let's get this over with before I remember what happened the last time I saw you.

Al: This is just business, Austin. I don't want to be doing this any more than you do.

Austin: I doubt that.

Anyway. You got it?

Al: What? Of course. You got what I asked for? Let me see it first. Then I'll show you the money.

Austin: Jesus fu-...

Austin looks around, then glares at Al. A faint "zip" sound emanates off screen and Austin motions for Al to look down.

All there. Got the tags, Beyonces ... Samoas. What you need?

Al: My Kingdom for a Tagalog.

Al exhales dramatically, his eyes nearly rolling in the back of his head. Ecstacy. Pure Girl Scout Cookie Ecstasy.

Al: Oh, my dear Christopher. I apologize for any perceived slight I may have lied upon you. Here is your bounty. I wish your Daughter and her troop all the best.

Austin takes a small wad of cash from Al and looking around dramatically, seemingly checking for any other passersby, shoves Al two boxes of Tagalongs Girl Scout Cookies.

Austin: Now scram. It better be all there, too.

Al: Thank you, my man. These will aid me greatly in this insufferable potential buyers meeting later.

Al shuffles along, stuffing the cookies in his leather duffle bag. Austin nods as he leaves, the camera focusing on the steely look of the US Champion.


Lillehammer: What the…

Phoenix: Look, at the end of the day, we’re all coworkers. LPW is more normal than you think.

"Warriors" by Freedom Call hits as Justus and Damien Blaze step out from behind the curtain holding their titles up above their heads to the cheers of the audience.

Announcer: The following Champions versus Champions match is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first weighing in at a combined 443 pounds, your current, reigning LPW Tag Team Champions JUSTUUUUSS and DAMIEN BLAAAAZZZZEE!!

Phoenix: And these two have quite the challenge here. No titles are on the line but there is certainly an element of pride as the tag team champions face against the unlikely duo of Mourn Despana and Golden.

Lillehammer: Sure their titles aren't on the line, but you can expect that these two are treating this as a title match especially with the caliber of Golden on the other side of the ring.

Phoenix: Justus and Blaze will have their work cut out for them, not only do they have the two opponents to worry about but they also have the teams of Osiris and Kazama along with Thornridge and Bronx undoubtedly scouting this match as well.

The two climb into the ring, standing side by side as they hold their titles high above their heads to the cheers of the fans around them when the bassline of "Calm Like A Bomb" by Rage Against The Machine hits to the louder cheers of the audience.

Phoenix: Mourn, as customary, is keeping the opponents waiting here and here he comes!

Announcer: And their opponents, first, hailing from Seattle, Washington, weighing in at 245 pounds, he is your current, reigning Western States Heritage Champion, MOURN DEEESSSPAAAANNNAAAA!!

Mourn finally walks out to the stage, strolling onto the ramp as he holds his title above his head and acknowledging the support from the audience around him before marching down to ringside at the pace of the beat.

Phoenix: I guess you could say this is quite a Professional entrance made by the number one contender here.

Lillehammer: There's no time for joking here Phoenix! I can assure you that Justus and Blaze wouldn't be laughing at it.

Mourn cautiously stays on the ring apron, leaning against the top rope as he stared at the tag team champions in the opposite corner as ”Wolves of Winter” by Biffy Clyro hits to the boos of the crowd in the arena.

Announcer: And his partner, by way of Galway, Ireland, weighing in at 214 pounds, he is your current, reigning World Heavyweight Champion, THIS... IS... GOOOLLLLLLLDEEEEEENNNNN!!

Golden saunters out to the stage, patting his championship over his shoulder as Mourn, Justus and Blaze all look over at him from the ring.

Phoenix: It's hard not to think that all three of those men in the ring would want a piece of the champion right now.

Lillehammer: He is the Gold Standard here in LPW and he has put everyone in the locker room on notice. Either step up or get out of his company.

Phoenix: Last time I checked, it wasn't his company to run.

Lillehammer: Last time I checked, he's the World Heavyweight Champion. He can do whatever he wants.

Golden steps into the ring, still with everyone staring at him as he held his title above his head. Mourn shaking his head as he entered the ring. The bell rings as the champions all hand their championships to the referee who has a hard time holding all the hardware as he passes it to the outside.

Lillehammer: Well it looks like we'll have Despana and Justus starting things off, oh wait...

Golden hops into the ring, pushing Despana back into the corner, insisting he start the match. Despana puts his hands up, mouthing something as he begrudgingly steps out of the ring to leave Justus and Golden to face off.

Phoenix: Correction, we have Golden and Justus starting things off.

Lillehammer: Like a true champion, wanting to take the lead like he always does.

Phoenix: Ugh... lock up between the two as Golden gets Justus in a side headlock, spinning around into a hammerlock...

Golden, obviously frustrated, slaps Justus disrespectfully to the back of his head, shaking his head.

Golden: GET ON MY LEVEL ALREADY!

Justus laughed a little at this as he locked eyes with him, taking Golden down to the mat, cinching in a side headlock as he reached his foot out for Blaze to tag, Blaze taking advantage and stomping on the held champion.

Lillehammer: Dirty double team tactics by the tag champions.

Phoenix: It's smart isn't it? Using the rules to your advantage?

Lillehammer: Be quiet you...

Blaze picked up the champion by his hair as Golden broke free and quickly made his way to the corner to slap, a non accepting, Despana on the chest, signifying a tag. Despana rolled his eyes before slowly entering the ring to face Blaze while Golden exited. The two locked up reaching a stalemate as they tried to push each other away.

Phoenix: Mourn charging in and gets caught with a drop toe hold here.

Lillehammer: Being a little to eager to impress is going to get you caught. Blaze has been a World Championship contender before so you cannot take him lightly.

Mourn frustrated gets back onto his feet as Justus makes the tag and quickly takes him down with a clothesline.

Phoenix: You can see that Justus and Blaze are operating more as a unit at this point. They are embarrassing Golden and Despana at the moment.

Lillehammer: Dirty tactics I tell you...

Phoenix: Another tag by the tag champs and a double vertical suplex on Despana. They are getting the damage in while they can.

Blaze stands over Mourn while playing to the crowd to a mixed reaction. Mourn slowly standing up and hitting a knife edge chop on Blaze, replied with a closed fist to Mourn's head.

Lillehammer: Goddamn this is brutal!

Phoenix: Back and forth action, Blaze on wobbly legs. Rolling Elbow attempt, Blaze ducks, Spinning Heel Kick to Blaze! Both men are down! Golden has his arm out for a tag which is surprising.

Lillehammer: They don't like each other, but they hate this situation more, they can settle their petty differences at the pay per view.

Mourn jumps to the corner, tagging in a waiting Golden.

Phoenix: Golden jumping in, running and taking out Justus in the corner with a European Uppercut.

Lillehammer: Smart move by the champ, preventing the tag.

Golden turns back around to focus on a weary Blaze, hitting a running European Uppercut and another.

Phoenix: Looks like the Heavyweight Champion has things in control now that it is one on one.

Lillehammer: As he should, he's the Champion everyone should be aiming for.

Phoenix: Painful Dragon Sleeper applied to Blaze now. This match could be over in a hurry.

Lillehammer: Just tap Blaze, save yourself for another day.

Justus jumps into the ring, hitting a kick to the back of Golden, getting him to release the hold. Justus pulled Blaze over to his corner before making the tag, allowing Justus to take advantage while Mourn argued with the referee.

Lillehammer: Cheaters the both of 'em. I told you that you can't trust clowns around here!

Phoenix: Again, tag team strategy at work. You can see that these two are a well oiled machine, Justus with stomps to the downed Golden.

Golden gets picked up and dropped with a scoop slam, Justus looking over to the corner checking on his partner. Mourn is shown pacing on the ring apron as Golden slowly crawled to the corner.

Phoenix: The pace has slowed down substantially, Golden gets picked up. A vicious Irish Whip to the tag team champions corner. Wearing down his back.

Lillehammer: He's just lulling him into a false sense of security.

Phoenix: TAG! Blaze is in and just hit a vicious dropkick to a seated Golden. Pinfall attempt...

1...

2...

Phoenix: Kickout by Golden! The tag team champions are in control here! Golden has not been able to make it to the corner as the tag champions have successfully isolated him from the corner where Mourn is waiting for a tag.

Lillehammer: He doesn't need any help, he's surviving just fine.

Phoenix: Surviving being the key word there.

Lillehammer: Like a true champion.

Justus gets tagged in while Blaze holds Golden in a front facelock, taking the opportunity to give a few shots to Golden's ribs.

Phoenix: They are making an example of the champion here. Sure, he might be the World Heavyweight Champion, but this is a tag team match with the best team here.

Lillehammer: Most teams would have given up already though.

Phoenix: Justus whipping Golden to the ropes before hitting Golden in the ribs with another vicious kick. Golden is favoring his ribs here.

Justus: YOU CALL YOURSELF CHAMP? GET ON OUR LEVEL ALREADY!

The crowd laughs as Justus tags Damien in. Damien whips Golden to the ropes lifting him up for a flapjack and Justus jumps up hitting a Codebreaker on the falling Golden.

Phoenix: And they are just getting more and more vicious here, and Mourn is livid on the apron. Pinfall attempt...

1...

2...

And another near pinfall for the tag champs!

Lillehammer: Most men would fail but Golden is trying to get over to the corner here.

Phoenix: Mourn stretching out for a tag. But Blaze is back up, lifting the downed Golden up with ONE ARM!! What a feat of strength! Oh wait...

Blaze goes for a one armed Powerbomb lifting Golden above his head for a moment before Golden frantically began to squirm in the grip, countering as he fell down to hit a falling reverse DDT, spiking Blaze to the mat.

Phoenix: Golden is writhing on the ground here, the attack on his ribs too much for him to capitalize on. Blaze looks like he is completely out here.

Lillehammer: Get to the corner Golden!

Golden crawls to the corner where Mourn is awaiting eagerly, taking the tag from Golden. Blaze is slow to get up, getting met with a couple of clotheslines from a fresh Mourn.

Phoenix: Justus rushing the ring and gets met with a huge back body drop.

Lillehammer: It's Mourn and Blaze alone in the ring.

Mourn looks out to the crowd as he pats his elbow, setting himself up in the corner as he sets his sights on Blaze.

Phoenix: He's setting up for it... BOOM! ROLLING ELBOW ON BLAZE!!

Mourn gets up, stumbling backwards to his corner where Golden tags himself in. Drawing the ire of Mourn who had the match firmly in hand.

Phoenix: We've seen this before! The Heavyweight Championship contenders now arguing with themselves. You could see this tension snap at any moment.

Lillehammer: Justus is back in the ring, dragging Blaze back to his corner while the two argue! TAG.

Justus jumps back into the ring again, now the legal man, as he hits a running dropkick both men to the corner, knocking Mourn out of the ring and Golden to the turnbuckles. He starts unloading on Golden with quick punches to the face and the ribs.

Phoenix: Justus here is almost a man possessed. Taking it to both men by himself!

Lillehammer: Golden can weather this, he's a champion!

Phoenix: They all are you idiot!

Justus hits a German Suplex on Golden before looking up to a slowly recovering Blaze. Mouthing 'Dead To Rites' of which Blaze nods, tagging himself in.

Phoenix: Wait... did I hear?

Lillehammer: Golden get out of there! It's not worth it!

Justus slowly made his way up to the top rope as Blaze was lifting Golden up, suddenly Mourn appears, rushing across the ring and pushing Justus off the top rope and send him crashing to the mat below. Mourn follows him out of the ring to continue attacking.

Phoenix: Golden is getting out of Blaze's grip once again, while the referee is trying to break up Justus and Despana. LOW BLOW BY GOLDEN!!

Lillehammer: It's all legal, the referee didn't see.

Phoenix: Roll up by Golden on Blaze!

1...

2...

3!!

DING DING

Announcer: Your winners, the team of the Western States Heritage Champion Mourn Despana, and the World Heavyweight Champion Golden!

Golden and Mourn Despana = 4.2 APS + 4.2 APS + 1.5 Votes = 9.9 Total
Justus and Damien Blaze: 4.0 APS + 3.6 APS + .1 votes = 7.7 Total

Golden slowly gets up from the canvas as the referee raised his hand up while Mourn rolls into the ring, punching Golden unsuspectingly in the face.

Lillehammer: That's no way to treat a champion!

Phoenix: What goes around comes around! Golden attacked Mourn after a match last week, they are going at it and the referee is calling out for extra help!

Golden and Mourn trade punches until Golden gets a little rocked, Mourn hitting a vicious Rolling Elbow to down the champion.

Lillehammer: THAT WAS UNCALLED FOR!

Phoenix: I guess you could say that the two are even now.

Lillehammer: Completely unprofessional conduct there by Mourn Despana! I knew that snake couldn't be trusted!!

Mourn looks down at Golden lying on the mat, taking his leave once his Western States Heritage Championship was presented to him and "Calm Like A Bomb" by Rage Against The Machine starts playing. The camera fades out on the Champion, Golden, wiping sweat from his eyes after having rolled over.

In walks Chris Paradise flanked be Enyo. He is met by a rigid man with a buzz cut who is sitting patiently at the small conference table. The man shoots him a wide smile once Paradise makes his way to his seat.

???: I am Sgt. Bennigan Frost. Pleasure to meet you good sir. Hope your accommodations were met by LPW for once.

Sgt. Frost stays seated as he extends his hand to Paradise. Chris ignores the outstretched hand of Frost and sits down, Enyo standing over the chair with a watchful eye.

Chris: if you must know yeah they were for once, but what I'd love to know is what this is all about. I had to break an appointment that I've been looking forward to all so I could sit here engaged in oh so thrilling conversation with a today.

Sgt. Frost laughs.

Frost: Yeah. Suits around here have their mind made up when it comes to the crippled and the insane. Press the insane into action, show “sympathy” for the crippled. Standard practice in their corporate world. If you must know, I’ve came in contact with some real heavy funds and threw my hat into the ring of owning this fair company. I asked to see you personally.

Chris: Well doesn't that make me feel all warm and fuzzy, so you dragged me away from my date- er appointment just so you can schmooze up to me so you can get an edge up on the corporate ladder, typical shiftless layabout behavior. Now get to the point, as I have much better things to do then debate upon the nonexistent sympathy I receive.

Frost: LPW is the height of competition, correct?

Chris: I wouldn't exactly call it that.

Frost: Well, I do. And I also see that those who oversee commissions and such. They see steroids, drugs, and prosthetics as hot topics. Wanting only those who were “born” good to play their precious games. Me? While I know steroids are a no-no, the other two hold no bearing to me. Especially the last part. Tell me Mr. Paradise, have you ever wondered what a world with the ability to use all of modern advances to not only fix lives, but extend careers?

Chris: Yeah it's called a pipe dream, what's next are you going to offer me a magic pill that'll fix my legs too? Because if so you should just lead with that so I can be more direct in my dismissal.

Frost: Okay. When I served, I learned a lot about what happens when injured. I found men who were keen to my direction They had lost loved ones, squad mates.. I let them into my work through the state department, I…. was able to retire. I found out that no matter what life throws at you, you can succeed. You also inspire me Paradise. I see big things for you. Huge. I just need to know if I was able to gain control after negotiations, you’d be willing to help chaperone a new era where those who have physical limitations are the future of modern athletics. Of course, through medicine and hardware.

Chris: Hahaha! So that's your angle, use me as a hobbling sponsorship. I'd like to bring something to your attention, if I don't trust Smitten or his cronies why in the world should I trust you?

Frost stands slowly. He produces a cane from underneath. He slowly takes the metal rod and waves it low, striking another metal surface.

Frost: Because if I can do this for only a few short years, you can do more since you have lived it all your life.

Chris: Don't remind me…

Frost: You mentioned you needed to do something. I don’t want to hold you. Listen, here’s my card. Call me. We can discuss more about what we can do together should I win the bid for LPW.

After Paradise slowly takes the card, Frost taps his cane to the ground and limps out of the room.

Enyo: What should we do Mister Paradise?

Chris: I don't know Enyo, all I know for certain is that I smell a rat…

Macho Mourn
05-13-2018, 02:11 AM
Caeser Osiris is warming up backstage in his dressing room. Mathew “Silver” Kazama walks in and puts his bag down.

Osiris: Hey! What do you think you’re doing?

Kazama: I’m getting ready for our match. What’s your problem?

Osiris: MY problem? I don’t have a problem, but you’re in MY dressing room.

Kazama: YOUR dressing room? Look Madonna, I hate to break it to you but since we’re forced to be a team now this is OUR dressing room.

Osiris: OUR room? That’s ridiculous. Am I being Punk’d?

Kazama: Punk’d hasn’t been on for like five years.

Osiris: Shut up. You probably requested this! You’re crazy!

Kazama: Why would I request this? The last thing I want is to be in the same room as you for longer than I have to be.

Osiris: You think I want this? You’re unbearable! You’re like some…what are those?

Kazama has started to unpack his suitcase, and has hung his ring gear up on a hook. His tights and boots are blue and silver.

Osiris: You’re not wearing those, are you?

Kazama: Yeah, I’m wearing them, that’s my ring gear!

Osiris: You idiot! We said Black and Gold, those are our colours!

Kazama: We DID NOT say Black and Gold, we said Silver and Blue, THOSE are our colours!

Osiris: This is the biggest night as a team, and you can’t even get the right ring gear! You know what? I don’t even care. Fine. Just stay on your side of the room, and I’ll stay on mine.

Kazama: Your side!?

Osiris: Yeah, you can have that side, and I’ll take this side. Don’t look at me. Don’t talk to me. Until our match, I don’t even want to know you exist, just like the rest of the world.

Kazama: Yeah good, call, hey just so you know, the washroom is on my side. Hope you can hold it.


Phoenix: Not a good look, partner.

Lillehammer: No, not at all. Let’s hope for their sake that punk Kazama figures it out by the Main Event.

Announcer: The following contest, scheduled for one fall, IS FOR THE LPW UNITED STATES CHAMPIONSHIP!

David Bowie’s "The Next Day" plays as the lights dim.

Lillehammer: Ooh. Mood lighting.

Announcer: Introducing first, the challenger From The United States of America. Weighing in at 225 lbs. OZZY CREEEERAAAAR!

Accompanied by soldiers of the Right Boot of Justice, is Ozzy Crerar bobbing his head to the beat of his theme. The crowd unanimously cheers him on as he smiles their direction.

Phoenix: Here is a man of action, Ozzy Crerar.

Lillehammer: He’s gone as far as hiring his own knockoff PERC army.

Phoenix: You know better than that. Ozzy is here tonight with one mission on hand. To win the United STates CHampionship here in Quebec.

Lillehammer: The absurdity of that last sentence doesn’t go unnoticed.

As quickly as they appeared, the soldiers accompanying Ozzy start to disappear back through the curtain.

Phoenix: This crowd firmly behind him. This is sure to be a barn burner.

Announcer: And his opponent.

"Karate Chop Instrumental" by Metro Boomin' puts a halt to the cheers as the now rabid crowd welcomes Christ Austin into the arena.

Announcer: Making his way down the aisle. From San Jose, California. Weighing in at 222 and one-half lbs. The current owner of the Mt Vesuvius torch and THE LPW UNITED STATES CHAMPION, CHRIS AUUUSTIIIN!

Austin defiantly raises the Mt Vesuvius Torch to the sky in spite of the hostile crowd.

Lillehammer: And here is me thinking the Canadiens had taste.

Phoenix: You mustn’t watch the NHL.

Lillehammer: The what?

Phoenix: Chris Austin, the talented and obsessive-

Lillehammer: Ahem. Calculated.

Phoenix: Champion. He’s held that title now for almost 2 years. Each time out here, he gets the job done. But his tactics are more than a little questionable.

Lillehammer: Listen to you. Maybe you should spend some time in Manitoba There you can learn how to say nice things about people.

Phoenix: Will you please… Austin’s facing Ozzy in a match that could easily establish Ozzy’s career should the upset take place.

Lillehammer: Are you kidding me? Austin’s prepared for anything Ozzy can throw his way.

Austin steps through the ropes, his cold stare trying to intimidate Ozzy who returns the clare with a smirk.

DING! DING!

Phoenix: Bell rings and this United States Championship match is under away. Ozzy testing the ropes.

Lillehammer: Probably sending signals to his SWAT team. Austin’s eyes haven’t left their focus from the snake.

Phoenix: This atmosphere is electric. Both men gauging their distance. Collar-elbow tie-up. Both men jostling for control. Ozzy slipping behind, BACK SUPLEX!

Lillehammer: What the…

Phoenix: Austin quick to his feet, albeit a wobbly. Ozzy measuring Lari-

Austin, knowing what’s coming ducks the lariat. Ozzy stops next to Austin and flips him over with a Gutwrench Suplex.

Lillehammer: Duck…

Phoenix: Beautiful Gutwrench. Cover... but Austin slithering outside to gather his wits.

Lillehammer: Ozzy once again not listening to the refs instructions.

Phoenix: Ozzy out after him. Open hand chops to the back of Austin. Austin retaliates with a back elbow. Austin now with a boot to Ozzy’s mid-section. Austin grabs Ozzy around the neck.

Lillehammer: Austin slams-

Phoenix: Blocked! Ozzy rams Austin’s head into the apron. And now into the barricade. And again into the barricade. Third time.

Lillehammer: That ref’s biased. Get in there!

Phoenix: Ozzy, Back- Austin spins around, RUNS OZZY SPINE FIRST INTO THE STEEL POST!

Lillehammer: Good! Oh, NOW the ref is upset.

Phoenix: The whiplash sent Ozzy’s head whipping into the unforgiving metal!

Lillehammer: That was a nasty counter and a good use of the environment, but it was also dirty and symptomatic of the type of individual Chris Austin is! He’ll take any moment and any opening and use it against you

Phoenix: Ref’s back in the ring after checking on Ozzy. Austin rolls in

Lillehammer: His eyes aren’t leaving our dear militant.

Phoenix: Ozzy up onto the apron at-

Ozzy pulls himself up to the corner of the apron. As he stands straight up, Austin comes barreling into him with a clothesline.

Lillehammer: OH! MY REAGAN!

Ozzys neck bends back awkwardly as the steel rope behind him stops his body from moving.

Phoenix: OH GOD!

Lillehammer: Ozzy’s done!

Phoenix: The human neck isn’t supposed to do that! Check him ref!

Lillehammer: He’s trying to check on Ozzy but Austin’s in the way!

Phoenix: Yanks him by the neck to the middle of the ring AUSTIN WITH A COVER! ONE! TWO!

As the arm comes down for three Ozzy shoots his arm upwards in defiance.

Phoenix: Ozzy with a clear arm up! This match is continuing!!

Lillehammer: He’s lucky to be moving, and even luckier to maybe have survived major injury.

Phoenix: He’s still in a bad place as Austin is on the hunt.

Lillehammer: That wasn’t even his best shot!

Phoenix: Austin, Pulls Ozzy up by the neck. Bends him over... Kaminokari Bomb! ONE! TWO! TH- NO! OZZY JUST OUT THE BACK DOOR!

Lillehammer: The snap of that powerbomb! That kick out bothered Austin just a smidge. I think He expected Ozzy to fold there.

Phoenix: Ozzy showing tremendous resolve here tonight Austin now talking some trash as he stomps Ozzy in the face. Austin Irish whips Ozzy to the corner-

Austin goes to follow in but Ozzy uses the ropes to leapfrog behind Austin that causes Austin to run chest first into the turnbuckle.

Phoenix: Impressive counter by Ozzy. Ozzy, THUNDEROUS BELLY TO BELLY! That should buy him a moment ts clear a few of those cobwebs.

Lillehammer: I see our friend Ozzy has found himself a moment of respite. Good for him.

Phoenix: We are live here in Quebec City, Quebec. US title on the line and Chris Austin is in a bout with an inspired Ozzy Crerar. Both men getting up, Ozzy With a heavy forearm shiver.to the heart of the champion. Ozzy, off the ropes, AUSTIN COUNTERS WITH AN ABSOLUTELY PERFECT DROPKICK!

Lillehammer: He put a stop to that uprising.

Phoenix: The Student of the Game digging his heel into the neck of Ozzy.

Lillehammer: Look at Mr Crerar. Being pressed into-

Phoenix: Ozzy's fighting up. Ausin to is now stomping the hand of Ozzy. Ozzy retaliates with a sharp headbutt to the midsection!

Lillehammer: That stunned Austin!

Phoenix: Ozzy again with a forearm to the chest of Austin! Ozzy with a head of steam! Off the ropes...

As Ozzy bounces off the ropes, Austin follows him in bouncing right behind him.

Lillehammer: RCA WITH A RUNNING CLOTHESLINE!

Phoenix: Austin giving it to a few of the fans at ringside.

Lillehammer: They're Canadians. They’ll apologize to Austin after the match.

Phoenix: He’s now mocking Ozzy who is writhing in pain on the ground. That neck of his has been compromised almost the whole match.

Lillehammer: He’s LPW’s contract killer. He’s the type of man to replace Chrome with Internet Explorer on your compute.

Phoenix: That’s a sick sick man.

Lillehammer: And boy is it fun to watch.

Austin circles around behind Ozzy. He starts tapping the mat with his toe.

Phoenix: He’s setting up for his Cold Skull running knee. He hits this, it could be lights out for Ozzy!

Lillehammer: His job is done here.

Phoenix: Austin off-

Ozzy is up in an instant and follows Austin off the ropes.

Lilliehammer: Ozzy-

Phoenix: Austin, FLEXICUTION! HE COUNTERED OZZY’S LARIAT ATTEMPT WITH… COVER! ONE! TWO! NOO! OZZY SOMEHOW OUT THE BACK DOOR!

Lillehammer: I…. I didn’t know Ozzy was this resilient. Austin is livid!

Phoenix: That was a close close pin fall attempt. Ozzy desperately needs to turn the tide before Austin finishes him off!

Lillehammer: Austin seems refocused.

Phoenix: Austin front facelo… He’s going for a Last Chancery… Ozzy to his knees…

As Austin prepares to flip over for the submission hold, Ozzy presses up with his shoulder. He drives with his legs and drives AUstin spine first into the corner.

Phoenix: OZZY WITH A DESPERATION COUNTER!

Lillehammer: Austin’s had the wind knocked out of him!

Phoenix: If there was a time, now would be it for Ozzy Crerar to get back into this match! Austin with a stiff right hand that backs up the challenger. And ano, Ozzy blocks, Ozzy firing back with right hands, Now they are trading, OZZY WITH A ROUNDHOUSE KICK THAT DROPS THE CHAMPION!

Lillehammer: Austin’s getting up quick!

Phoenix: Ozzy off… SPRINGBOARD CROSSBODY.. ONE! TWO! NO! AUSTIN STILL ALIVE!

Lillehammer: What in the world?

Phoenix: Ozzy up as quickly s he can, his neck still bothering him.

Lillehammer: Austin’s discombobulated.

Phoenix: Ozzy, SPRINGBOARD-

Austin sees Ozzy go for another springboard and steps forward to counter the crossbody. Ozzy instead does a moonsault.

Phoenix: MOONSAULT REVERSE DDT!

Lillehammer: KiCK OUT!

Phoenix: ONE! TWO TH... NOOO! THE ARM JUST UP IN TIME!

Lillehammer: I’ve never seen this from Ozzy. He’s… impressive tonight.

Phoenix: Indeed. That was the closest Austin’s been to losing that title. Now both men slowly rising to their feet.

Lillehammer: That move by ozzy had to agitate that neck of his.

Phoenix: Ozzy with a knee lift to Austin! And another! A third! Gut wrench, OZZY GOING FOR HIS OH SHIT BACKBREAKER, Austin flips out! Austin off the ropes, COLD SKULL-

Lillehammer: DODGED!

Phoenix: Ozzy with a waist lock! GERMAN-

Lillehammer: BLOCKED!

Phoenix: Austin spins behind Ozzy-

As Austin spins around he grabs one of Ozzy’s arms into a hammerlock. Before Ozzy realizes what’s next, Austin grabs the other arm into a second hammerlock.

Lillehammer: What the?

Phoenix: JAPANESE OCEAN SUPLEX! BRIDGE! ONE! TWO! TWO COUNT! SOMEHOW OZZY CRERAR IS STILL IN THIS MATCH!

Lillehammer: Yes, but that seems to have done major damage.

Phoenix: Indeed. Austin using the ropes to pull himself up. Ozzy crawling to the opposite side… Austin… COLD SKULL KNEE! Ozzy’s on dream street!

Lillehammer: THIS IS IT!

Phoenix: Austin going for From Hell! Austin with the pump handle, LIFTS, OZZY SPINS FREE! DDT… WAIT, OH SHIT BACKBREAKER… AUSTIN SPINS-

As Austin spins free of the move, he wraps his arm around Ozzy’s head for a dragon sleeper.

Lillehammer: 1888! HE’S GOT OZZY IN THE 1888

Phoenix: Dear goodness, the torque on the neck! BODY SCISSORS… OZZY TO THE MAT… HE TAPS! AUSTIN RETAINS!

"Karate Chop Instrumental" by Metro Boomin' is serenaded with boos as Austin reluctantly releases Ozzy from the hold.

Announcer: Winner of this match and STILL your LPW United States Champion, R.C.A. CHRIS AUUUSTIN!

Chris Austin: 4.3 APS + 1.2 Votes = 5.5 Total
Ozzy Crerar: 4.0 APS + .4 Votes = 4.4 Total

When presented the championship, Austin yanks the hardware from the ref.

Phoenix: Chris Austin won a match where he faced an opponent that was adapting to the pace of the match. Once that clothesline against the steel cable happened, it became a near impossible task for Ozzy. One he almost pulled off.

Lillehammer: While the mediocre Ozzy had a brief moment of greatness, I wouldn’t go that far.

Phoenix: You must have watched a different match than the rest of the world. Are you suggesting Austin struggled with someone mediocre?

Lillehammer: No. Wait, yes… wait… uhh… Okay… Ozzy’s good… I hate you.

Phoenix: An impressive outing for US Champion Chris Austin here tonight. He’s been on a warpath and it is hard to think of anyone positioned to take his championship from him.

Austin smirks towards the recovering Ozzy while taking a moment to admire his handy work as the scene fades.


Christian G Smitten sits in his office reading documents near the ficus tree. A rapping at the door interrupts his reading.

KNOCK KNOCK!

Smitten: ENTER!

A short silhouetted person walks in. They swiftly turn down the lights in the room before strolling to Smitten. When in range, Smittens eyes shoot wide. The individual reaches out with their gloved hand and presents the former Lawyer with an envelope.

Smitten: What is this?

The person mechanically produces, handle first, a letter opener. Smitten takes it nervously and cuts open the letter. His fingers grasp the contents held within and pulls out a page and a wod of large bills. The person responds to Smitten’s shock with a mechanically altered voice-

????: You understand your next move.

The person extends their hand. Smitten slowly hands the letter opener back to them and the silhouette is gone as quickly as he... Or she... came

Macho Mourn
05-13-2018, 02:15 AM
Damien Blaze and Justus are shown sitting in the locker room, Blaze with an ice pack to his head and Justus looking despondent after their hard faught loss against Mourn Despana and Golden earlier that night.

Blaze: We had them. We isolated Golden.

Justus: They were on the same page for just long enough... what do you want?

Blaze and Justus look up to see Bronx and Steven Thornridge walk into the room, looking rather focused as they look down at them with their hands behind their backs.

Bronx: Don't worry, we aren't here to cause trouble.

Thornridge: Look, you guys had a tough draw against Mourn and Golden tonight. Forget about them, you both know that they would tear each other limb from limb if they were to ever challenge you guys again. But you guys are STILL the Tag Team Champions!

Bronx: You two are the World Champions of all tag teams here in LPW!

Thornridge: That's right! There is no secondary tag team title, you guys are it! The pinnacle! The sunrise over the tequila so to speak!

Blaze and Justus look at each other while Bronx and Thornridge flash wide, cheesy grins at them.

Justus: Look, do you want a title shot or something? We are a bit rattled after our match.

Thornridge: No, no, no.

Bronx: Of course not brother.

Thornridge: We gotta earn that privilege.

Bronx: We got to beat the formidable team of Matthew Kazama and Ceasar Osiris tonight earn the right to party with you guys at All Stars!

Thornridge: Earning our pay the Professional way.

Bronx: We just wanted to cheer you guys up with a little peace offering.

Blaze: A what?

Thornridge and Bronx brought their hands out in front of them, giving Justus and Blaze a freshly made hotdog each. They looked up quizzically at the Professionals, Thornridge and Bronx smiling warmly back.

Thornridge: If we win tonight...

Bronx: ...which we totally will...

Thornridge: ...we want the best out of LPW's resident clown and vampire at All-Stars.

Bronx: We want the best out of the best tag team in the LPW Universe!

Thornridge: Because we are Professionals.

Bronx: And we always get the job done.

Thornridge and Bronx walk away, leaving Justus and Blaze dumbfounded. They shook their heads as they looked down at their respective hotdogs, bringing them up to smell them.

Justus: Mine smells... funny...

Blaze: Ugh. This one is loaded with garlic...

Justus and Blaze suddenly looked at each other with wide eyes before throwing the hotdogs away.

Blaze: Did these fuckers just try and kill us?


Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen this next match is scheduled for one fall…

Black by The Enigma TNG hits and the darkened arena pulses with white strobe lights that flare in sync with the music. A focused David Gideon Smith appears, walking to the ring with purpose.

Phoenix: Here he comes… The Hardcore Champion…

Announcer: Coming to the ring first… from Omaha, Nebraska… weighing 245 Pounds… He is the Hardcore Champion… DAVID GIDEON SMITH!!!

Lillehammer: This man has been an absolute juggernaut since his arrival, BP. But today he meets his match.

Phoenix: Certainly, it’ll be his biggest challenge to date.

The music stops. DGS’ attention turns towards the ramp. The crowd buzzes with anticipation. ”Stabbing the Drama” by Soilwork begins to blast through the arena, popping the eardrums of all those in attendence at once as none other than Obsidian steps onto the ramp, the Staff of Serpentus raised firmly above his head.

Lillehammer: THERE HE IS, BP! The man! The myth! The Monster!

Phoenix: He certainly has been on a warpath since his debut, Bobby, but has perhaps lost a bit of steam recently?

Lillehammer: It’s the calm before the storm, my friend. He’s about to take this company over lock, stock, and barrel.

Obsidian rolls into the ring. The two men never break eye contact. The crowd is hyped, no matter what they feel about the moral compass of either man.

Phoenix: Big fight feel to this one, Partner.

Lillehammer: Can not disagree there. The crowd is on pins and needles. And that big fight feel is certainly aided by the fact that these two Gentleman are rather… large.

Phoenix: Won’t say it’s an immovable force meets an irresistible object for copyright reasons but certainly… these are two are on a collision course where pain will reign.

Lillehammer: Certainly… I’d say there’s nothing “irresistible” about Obsidian…

DING DING DING

Phoenix: Certainly, however, there is something irresistible about the Cabal of which he’s a solider for. DGS hops from foot to foot, settling himself in. Obsidian stands strong, trunks firmly planted to the mat as he watched his opponent curiously.

Lillehammer: Very interested in seeing who attacks first…

Obsidian: BOW TO THE CABAL

Phoenix: Obsidian offering David an opportunity for penance. For some reason, I don’t think he’ll obli-

David, dropping his head, slowly lowers to one knee.

Lillehammer: WRONG!

Phoenix: I can’t believe what I’m seeing! David Gideon Smith is joining the Ca-BALLS!

With his opponent over him, David brings a forearm to Obsidian’s… sacred jewels. The man-beast exhales loudly, screams, and doubles over. The referee admonishes David, but makes the decision to keep the match going.

Lillehammer: Unreal! David should be DQ’d and suspended!

Phoenix: A judgment call by the Official will keep this match alive, but he’s going to give Obsidian a chance to recover.

Lillehammer: I’m happy the audience had a good laugh at that, but I’m disgusted. That isn’t in the spirit of this competition. It’s disgrace and utterly shameful and I’m pleased that the Official here is strongly admonishing Mr. Smith for his actio-OHHH!

Phoenix: It looks like Obsidian’s recovered! He bum-rushes both the referee and Smith, laying into his opponent with forearm strikes. David slumps into the corner, the Offical has fallen to the outside. Obsidian showing no mercy, he continues to lay into David with those elbows and knees, who is losing the will to cover his head, with a muay thai clinch.

Obsidian: BOW TO SERPENTUS! BOW TO THE CABAL

Lillehammer: David Gideon Smith is about to get a lesson in humility. A lesson in why, if you shoot at a monster, you best not miss.

DGS is fully slumped now, his head leaning against the bottom rope. Obsidian roars back and the crowd rain down boos at a man who recently was on the receiving end of a cheap shot, such is their demise for the Leader of the Cabal.

Phoenix: Obsidian, noticing the Official is on dream street on the outside, rolls out of the ring and grabs a steel chair. Business is about to pick up…

The crowd “Ooooohs” at the introduction of the foreign object. Obsidian sets the chair up in the middle of the ring.

Phoenix: Obsidian lifts David out of the corner...

Lillehammer: Peels him off the turnbuckle is more accurate.

Phoenix: ...and, oh no, oh no no no, I think he’s going to try and end this early with Obsidian Tide, that Triple Powerbomb! He lifts David up!

Every soul in attendance simultaneously stands in unison. The nervous energy of the arena drowns the moment, as Smith’s lifeless body is lifted.

Lillehammer: OBSIDIAN… SMASSSHHH-SHIIIII

Phoenix: DGS comes alive! He levels Obsidian with a couple punches, the big-man staggers, David readies himself and… Obsidian recalibrates his hold! David tries to wiggle free but the bigger man has him steady. David punches the vice-like grip of Obsidian! Smith gets a leg free from the grip! He rotates around!

Lillehammer: Biggest damn Spider Monkey I’ve ever seen!

Phoenix: David in Electric Chair position!

Lillehammer: The referee is stirring! He’s almost up!

Phoenix: David drops! Feet on the mat, he gets a grip around Obsidian’s massive waist on GERMAN SU-NO! Obsidian is able to anchor himself! It would be an impressive feat if David could do this! He goes for it again!

Lillehammer: And again he can’t!

The Official is pulling himself up by the apron now. Steadying himself as he shakes off the cob webs.

Phoenix: David pushes off Obsidian, who stops his momentum by grabbing ahold of the steel chair, still set up in the middle of the ring. Obsidian grabs the chair and turns!

Lillehammer: But the official is right there!

Phoenix: Obsidian cocks back! DGS drops to the mat sa if he’s been sniped! The referee’s head cocks up! He rolls in the ring and surveys the scene! He JUST missed seeing the events!

Lillehammer: Listen to this crowd!

Audience: LET. THEM. FIGHT. LET. THEM. FIGHT. LET. THEM. FIGHT.

Referee: DID YOU HIT HIM?

Lillehammer: This zebra getting a little big for his britches.

Referee: DID YOU HIT HIM?! TELL THE TRUTH!

Obsidian throws the chair up the ramp. It crashes with a clammering thud.

Phoenix: I think… I think the Official is going to give Obsidian the benefit of the doubt. David caught a break earlier, and now that’s been re-paid.

Lillehammer: What are you talking about, “a break”? Obsidian didn’t do anything!

Phoenix: But it certainly looked like he d-OOOH! David back to his feet and charges Obsidian with a running shoulder block into the gut of his opponent. Obsidian stumbles back! Bounces off the ropes! Goes for a lariat! David ducks under! Both men turn towards one another and ROUNDHOUSE KICK! David nails Obsidian, who drops to a knee!

Lillehammer: That possum playing little sh-

Phoenix: David bounces himself off the ropes and EDGE LOGIC! That Bicycle Knee lands flush on the jaw of Obsidian!

Lillehammer: But Smith knows it isn’t enough! He catches an arm of Obsidian and JESUS! While pulling the arm straight back, he sends open palmed strikes to where the upper arm and shoulder connect.

Phoenix: He catches an arm of Obsidian and JESUS! While pulling the arm straight back, he sends open palmed strikes to where the upper arm and shoulder connect.

Lillehammer: Obsidian SCREAMS a vicious roar.

Phoenix: And DGS goes to lock in the Omoplata Scissored armbar. He rotates the arm back and… SENDS A SERIES OF KICKS TO THE BACK OF OBSIDIANS SKULL!!!

Lillehammer: Break the hold damnit!

Phoenix: Obsidian rolls over onto DGS! David’s shoulders hit the mat, Obsidian on his back on top of David. It’s a pin! One… two… DAVID GIDEON SMITH BRIDGES UP!

Lillehammer: Obsidian weighs over 300 pounds!

DGS lets out a loud huff. Obsidian slinks his arm away from David and rises. David drops to the mat, rolls around, and gets up quickly.

Phoenix: And both men up! David charges, Obsidian goes for a clothesline! Smith under, off the ropes, Obsidian catches him! Belly-Belly Suplex! David crashes to the mat, but rises immediately!

Lillehammer: He’ll stay down if he knows what’s good for him!

Phoenix: Obsidian, smartly, waits for the attack. A wild punch by Smith! Obsidian duck's back, the momentum turns DGS around, Obsidian grabs ahold… RELEASE GERMAN SUPLEX!!!

Lillehammer: David crashes! Rolls over twice and is up! The tenacity!

Phoenix: He charges! BIG GOD DAMN BOOT FROM OBSIDIAN!!!! MY GOD!! A PIN!

ONE! TWO! TH-NO!

Lillehammer: David kicks out! But close!

Phoenix: An incredible sequence of tenacity from David Gideon Smith, but an even better chain of attacks by Obsidian who almost picked up the victory there and then.

Obsidian gets to a knee and scowls back at Smith, whose arms cover his face, wiping sweat and hair away from his eyesight. Obsidian gets to his feet as Smith rolls over to a knee.

Phoenix: Obsidian yelps at this capacity crowd and focuses back on David. Gut-wrench grip now, locking those ham-hocks around the mid-section of the opponent. Obsidian… THE POWER!!!!! Lifts David up into PowerBomb Position and…. BUCKLE BOMB!

Lillehammer: OH. MY. REAGAN!

Phoenix: Obsidian goes for the pin!

One… Two… KICKOUT!

Lillehammer: He won’t give up, will he?

Phoenix: DGS is a hell of a competitor. It’s going to take an extraordinary effort from Obsidian to put him away.

Lillehammer: And it looks like that’s exactly what the Leader of the Cabal is set out to do. He lifts a crumpled Smith from the mat and pushes him into the corner.

Phoenix: Forearm smash by Obsidian! DGS tries to cover but Obsidian overpowers him. Right punch to the chest, left punch to the abdomen! Elbow smash to the back of the neck of a bent over DGS! Obsidian winds up… Headbutt!

Lillehammer: The end is nigh. You can smell it.

Phoenix: Obsidian lifts up a barely conscious Smith. Superplex on deck here! Obsidian steps up to the second turnbuckle. My God. He’s gonna break that man in ha-WAIT! DGS COMES ALIVE!

Lillehammer: What? HOW!?

Phoenix: David slips is legs over the top rope and under Obsidian! He’s got the big man in… No! He has him in Power Bomb Position!!!

Lillehammer: OH MY… REAGAN!

Phoenix: He lifts! SITOUT POWERBOMB!

ONE… TWO… KICKOOOOUT!

Lillehammer: What did we just see?!

Phoenix: An absolute show of brute strength. That’s what we saw! Both men on the canvas, panting and exhausted. We’ve never seen Obsidian take a bump like that, but I also can’t imagine what that took out of DGS.

The referee looks at the scene and begins his count. One! Two! The crowds fever pitch comes to a crescendo and then decreases as the count continues…

Three!

Phoenix: Would be a real shame for this match to end this way.

Lillehammer: This is America. Tie’s can’t happen.

Four!

Phoenix: So why is the referee counting?
Five!

Lillehammer: It’s only a formality.

Six!:

The audience begins to stir, cheer, jeer, and exclaim in excitement. Neither men move, both of their stomachs quickly inhaling, exhaling air. Exhausted.

Seven!

The Official looks around, confused and apprehensive to continue his count.

E-e-eight!

Phoenix: Neither men have moved. You re-thinking your “formality” comment?

Lillehammer: Not… uh.. Not at all.

Nine!

Both men are yet to move. The Official puts his hands on his head. The crowd is annoyed, stirring, and on the verge of a mutiny.

Lillehammer: Billions of dollar backstage, two of LPWs best and brighest in the ring, and this referee is about to make himself the star of the night!

Phoenix: I actually think he’s having second doubts. The count is to ten now, but he hasn’t called it! Looks like he’s going to use his discretion again.

The Official checks on both Obsidian and DGS. He asks them if they’re ok. He gets back up. He looks towards the ramp, to the hard cam for guidance, he puts a finger on his ear, and he restarts his count.

ONE!

Lillehammer: Unreal!

Phoenix: So you don’t want him to do the double count out… and now you’re mad because…?

Lillehammer: Because! You can’t just make rules up as you go!

Phoenix: I, for one, love that we here in LPW give our fans what they want by empowering our Officiating Crew to make on-the-fly judgement calls that benefit not only the LPW Faithful, but a sense of competition within the locker room and wrestling community as a whole!

Lillehammer: Check’s in the mail, huh partner?

Phoenix: I have NO idea what you’re talking about. Oh! Obsidian is to a knee. DGS beginning to stir. Obsidian goes to pull Smith up by the hair… SMALL PACKAGE! DGS ROLLS OBSIDIAN UP! ONE! TWO! THRE-NO!!!!

Lillehammer: BIG MAN KICK OUT

Phoenix: Both men hop back up! DGS with a standing dropkick! Obsidian rocks back. Bounces off the ropes! Smith runs towards him. OBSIDIAN LIFTS DGS! ROLLING FIREMAN'S CARRY SLAM!

Lillehamner: And you can hear the wind rushing out of Smith’s lunges.

Phoenix: Obsidian refuses to go for the pin. Instead, he stalks his prey. Smith rolling to his side. Rising slowly.

Lillehammer: THE END… IS NIGH!

Phoenix: Smith rolls over to the ropes. He uses the second ring rope to steady himself. To raise himself. Obsidian continues to stalk. David gets to his feet. Obsidian charges… DAVID ROLLS TO THE OUTSIDE!

Lillehammer: Obsidian is IRATE! He damn near pools his hair out!

One!

Phoenix: But instead, he chases David to the outside. Smith stumbles around outside. Obsidian standing straight up, strong. He walks over to David and OH! Strong right hand by David catches Obsidian flush!

Three!

The DEEPNET Champion strikes back with a left elbow of his own! Right hand by DGS! Another! Another! HE GRABS OBSIDIAN! SETTING HIM UP FOR THE THROUGH DARKENED GLASS

Lillehammer: A Scrapbuster on the outside would be devastating!

Five!

Phoenix: DGS has him in Rock-Bottom Position! Obsidian sends an elbow to the back of DGS’ head. But the Hardcore Champion is able to keep his grip. Another elbow! Another! DGS gets woozy! He goes to lift… but he can’t! DGS breaks his grip! Both men push off of each other, turning a 180 as they do!

Lillehammer: Close call there! Back to 50/50!

Seven!

Phoenix: Both men pick up their momentum. Obsidian gets a running start, Gideon Smith begins a rotation…

Phoenix and Lillehammer: THE LAST WORD!!!!!!

Eight!

The crowd is on their feet. The whole stadium is raucous and rolling. Both men crash to the mat with a sickening thud.

Phoenix: Both men collapse in a heap! Separate from one another. The Official is adamant this time. He can’t allow one more to go, it would be egregious.

Nine!

The realization of how the match will end sinks over the entire arena. It’s a fitting ending to a hell of a battle. And the crowd shower both men in a chant:

“HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!”

TEN!

Obsidian: 4.15 APS + .8 Votes = 4.85 Total
David Gideon Smith: 4.15 APS + .8 Votes = 4.85 Total

Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen… due to a double count out… this match… is a tie.

Phoenix: An unbelievable ending to an unbelievable match!

Lillehammer: Unbelievable is right! A tie! A FREAKIN’ tie!?

Phoenix: The referee tried his best to keep this match going. These two men gave it their all tonight, and at their best, they found themselves matched up against an opponent with exact equal talent. One of the best matches I have ever seen.

Lillehammer: You would think that! These two should get back in that damn ring and give these people what they came here for!

Phoenix: And what’s that? What did they come here for?

Lillehammer: For a clear winner and a clear GEE-DEE WINNER!

Phoenix: Tonight, partner, both of these men are winners. Such is the talent level here in LPW!

Lillehammer: Ugh. You make me sick. We’ll be back.


The camera pans back into the locker room of Mathew “Silver” Kazama and Ceaser Osiris. Halfway down the line is a crooked line, made of pieces of red electrical tape that divides the room down the middle.

Osiris: Come on man.

Kazama: Sorry, should have thought about it before you drew the lines.

Osiris: Kazama, I’ve gotta piss!

Kazama: Ok ok. I’m not cruel.

Osiris: Thank you! No really, thank y-

Kazama extends his hand, and hands Osiris an empty Gatorade bottle.

Kazama: Here you go, buddy.

Osiris: what is this supposed to be?

Osiris smacks the Gatorade bottle out of Kazama’s hand.

Osiris: You think you’re funny? We’ve got a match tonight! We’re in the main event! If we win this match, we get a shot at the tag team championships! Are you through playing around? Is this a game to you!? I’m sick of this. A few months ago, I pinned Drew Michaels. I captained an Altered Reality Team. But I STILL get treated like a joke. I’m through with this shit, and you should be too. I’m not here for fun and games, and I’m sorry if sometimes that makes me hard to deal with, but I want this, badly, and if I have to get along with you to do it, then so be it.

Kazama: Wow…that’s…You know what man, I want this too. I want to win the titles too.

A smile crosses Osiris’ face.

Osiris: Yeah?

Kazama: Yeah. Only I never wanted this to be with you. I wanted this to be with my protégé, Gavin O’Connor. The man YOU put on the injured list. But I’m through playing games too, because the fact is, since I can’t win these belts with O’Connor, the next best thing is torturing you on the road, day in and day out.

The smile on Osiris’ face quickly fades.

Kazama: Come on buddy, we’ve got a match to win!

Macho Mourn
05-13-2018, 02:23 AM
Jonathan Crotchman, complete with his plastic customary fake smile, stands in front of a wall of monitors each showing matches from different superstars of LPW.

Crotchman: Welcome to our the LPW Events Center for March 2017 and this is a special report. A winter wind has pushed across the west and we are soon going to be whisked away onto a journey to LPW’s upcoming Pay-Per-View, All-Stars! As hinted at LPW.com, we have been keeping silent on the location top secret. Soon, we will be prepared to show you where The Hardcore Championship David Gideon Smith will defend his title against our masked veteran grappler, Joe Citizen.

The interviewer points to the screen where it shows the tail end of Citizen’s qualifying match where DGS holds up the title at him.

Crotchman: David Gideon Smith wrestled a barn burner against Obsidian moments ago and we expect the same at All-Stars. After Citizen’s win earlier tonight, he seems to be firing at all cylinders heading into the PPV. He’s been around off and on for years and this will be his first opportunity at LPW Gold. Will he have what it takes to take out the maniacal David Gideon Smith or will the battle tested champion show him what it’s like to be…. Hardcore.

He then turns to a slowed down image of Golden and Mourn standing in the ring from .26.1 in New Orleans.

Crotchman: What can be said? These two have been at the boiling point for years. Golden, the World Heavyweight Champion. A man who stands at the height of his career looking to place his name among the immortals. A handsome master grappler with supreme athleticism who stands tall as champion. His opponent will be his old nemesis, the industrious rising star in Western States Heritage Champion, Mourn Despana. The Hard hitting fighter from the Northwest will be heading into this match with a chip on his shoulder and the actions earlier tonight show he’s prepared for a war. The massive main event has all the makings of an instant classic.

He points next to duel screens that show the teams that are finishing up their preparations for the #1 contender's tag match.

Crotchman: On the left, Caeser Osiris and Matthew ‘Silver’ Kazama. Two men put together by management who have their sights at being champions for the first time. They are a budding unit with seemingly unlimited potential. The right, The Professionals of Bronx and Steven Thornridge, These professionals, both former tag team champions, aim to prove that their first taste of gold wasn’t a mirage. Both teams have different reasons to prove themselves here tonight. Both looking for that one moment ahead where they get to face Damien Blaze and Justus for the tag team gold. While Justus and Blaze have had some pitfalls, one has to think that the outcome tonight will once again light a fire under them and will be on the same page for All-Stars. And Just like these men, other competitors will have opportunities to gain entry into a title match as well.

Crotchman points to a monitor that is showing the announcers preparing for the next match.

Crotchman: Earlier this evening at the broadcast booth, we had an announcement made by Sean Jensen that has since been confirmed! Sean Jensen will go one on one with the Bane Uzzah. They’ve been getting in each other’s business for the whole cycle. This is where we will find out who stands tall.

He points to a succession of monitors.

Crotchman: Will it be the massive Obsidian defending the young DEEPNET championship in hopes to prove that the fledgling division is on the right track. Or, the United States Championship that belongs to the devious and resilient Chris Austin? Or possibly they could be vying for the International Heavyweight Championship that is held by the conniving hands of one Al.

He turns fully to the camera.

Crotchman: All of these things will be answered at 26.4. But, wait. I bet you are asking me “But Jonathan, what about where All-Stars is taking place?” Well, I am happy to inform you all of the location. PHOENIX, ARIZONA AND CHASE FIELD!



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Crotchman: Be there for All-Stars 2017! LIVE ON PPV AND THE LPW NETWORK! If you don’t have the LPW Network, head to LPW.com for details on our special payment options. Now, back to ringside for the main event of the evening, Blazing?


Phoenix: Thank you Crotchman. Phoenix, Arizona! Amazing! Cannot wait for All-Stars!

Lillehammer: As much as I want to speak ill of the choice of venue, we could be heading to Zimbabwe, so I’ll keep my mouth silent.

Phoenix: Anyways… Back when we started these supershows, we began down a road where the tag division and tag wrestling as a whole would return to the forefront of LPW. Tonights main event is the result of that new initiative.

Lillehammer: LPW’s had many tag teams of the past who used moments like this to show how great the are. Most recently, Sixx Karat Gold used their tag success as a catapult into the main event where they have both won the world championship. Tonight we find out who will earn their right to be devoured alive by two angry tag champs.

DING! DING!

Announcer: The following tag team contest, scheduled for one fall, is for the number one contendership to the LPW Tag Team Championship!

“Guerilla Radio” by Rage Against the Machine brings the crowd into a frenzy. In tune to the transition of the iconic intro, Bronx and Steven Thornridge job out from the back. They both raise their arms, Thornridge with more ferocity, in pumping up the crowd.

Announcer: First, at a total combined weight of 438 lbs. STEVEN THORNRIDGE & BRONX, THE PROFESSSIONALLLS!

Phoenix: These two men are up for a unique opportunity tonight should they have the ability to knock off Kazama and Osiris.

Lillehammer: These to jokes are slapping hands with the fans and acting like we are here for a party tonight. I can see why someone could become a drunk now.

Phoenix: You? You understand what it is like to let loose?

Lillehammer: No. I just want to forget this.

Announcer: And their opponents.

The long intro to Skillet’s "Not Gonna Die" builds anticipation from the crowd.

Phoenix: This operatic song will soon be welcoming out Matthew “Silver” Kazama. One of LPW’s newest talent to come to LPW. He’s shown incredible resolve and the vet looks to help his team become the number one contenders for the tag titles.

Lillehammer: Cover your ears viewers at home. Generic biddle incoming.

Once the song picks up, Matthew “silver” Kazama walks out to a generally favorable response. Once he’s about to walk to the ring, his music stops abruptly. He turns up stage as "Never Learn Not to Love" by The Beach Boys blasts the arena. Boos rain down as Caeser Osiris slowly walks out.

Announcer: And their opponents. First, from Gasport, New York, USA. Weighing in at 225 lbs. CEASAR OSIIIIRISSSS!

Crowd boos louder.

Announcer: And his tag team partner. From New Orleans, Louisiana. Weighing at 215 lbs. MATTHEW “SIIILVER” KAZAAAAMAAAA!

The crowd immediately cheers Kazama.

Lillehammer: This crowd has some mental illness tonight. Can’t make their minds up for anything.

Phoenix: This thrown together tag team has made it their goal to walk out of All Stars as the next LPW tag team champions. They must make it through The Professionals first.

Lillehammer: Ask Thornridge for a hot dog. When his back is turned, blamo.

Phoenix: You’d think it would take more to stop their opponents.

Lillehammer: True. But doesn’t hurt to try. They don’t need it, as they are superior to Mourn’s slackjawed infants.

Phoenix: Both teams in their separate corners.

DING! DING!

Phoenix: Match is under away. Osiris and Thornridge to start.

Lillehammer: Osiris about to teach him how they handle things down in Harlem.

Phoenix: Osiris is from Gasport with is-

Lillehammer: Which is suburb of Harlem.

Awkward silence from the booth as Osiris bad mouths Thornridge who smirks in return and slaps to get the crowd energized.

Phoenix: The crowd anticipating this lock up like I am anticipating complaints tomorrow morning about certain comments. Collar... and Osiris steps aside just as Thornridge was about to tie up with him.

Lillehammer: Osiris is one smooth customer.

Osiris smirks Thornridge’s direction that is met ink kind with a smile from TAC.

Lillehammer: See? Osiris is here to have fun too. Maybe I was too-

When the two men go into lock up a second time, Osiris reaches at Thornridge’s face and rakes at the Aussie’s eyes.

Phoenix: Already? Breaking the rules in the first action of the match.

Lillehammer: This crowd…

Phoenix: The boos are loud as Thornridge is on one knee. Osiris with a scoop, and a slam. NOW DIGGING HIS TOE INTO THE EYE OF THORNRIDGE. COME ON REF!

Lillehammer: Getting worked up over a toe to the eye. You must have been triggered earlier tonight.

The ref counts to four before Osiris pulls his boot away, only for him to do it again.

Phoenix: Yeah? The ref has counted to four, twice.

Lillehammer: He has to five.

Phoenix: Osiris pulling up Thornridge. Sidewalk slam. Osiris now with the tag to Kazama. Double team.

Osiris holds thornridge so Kazama boots Thorny in the abdomen.

Lillehammer: Vicious boot to that fool.

Osiris asks to be tagged back in.

Phoenix: Now with frequent tags. Osiris now putting the boots to Thornridge. Osiris, pulls Thornridge up. Irish whip.. THORNRIDGE EXPLODES INTO OSIRIS WITH A FLYING FOREARM!

Lillehammer: Whoa.

Phoenix: Thornridge tags in Bronx and here comes the former Young Lions Cup winner.

Lillehammer: He’s the ringer in this team. The only one with coherent thoughts..

Phoenix: Double team coming, double body slam on Osiris, double elbow drop! Bronx and Thorny been putting the the work as a team. Cover!, but Osiris out quickly.

Bronx quickle applies a top wristlock.

Lillehammer: I have to wonder it Kazama will live up to his partner’s expectations.

Phoenix: Osiris certainly is a demanding individual. Osiris fighting to his feet. Osiris with the reversal. Now into a standing armbar. Elbow to the shoulder, a twist and Bronx flips to the mat. Osiris holds firm with that armbar.

Lillehammer: Very sound work here by Osiris. You have to admit, he’s pretty darn talented.

Phoenix: Oh. No doubt. He almost became US champ. But when you see his tactics, you realize he’s not the type of guy you should praise.

Lillehammer: Well aren’t you the biased type.

Phoenix: Bronx fighting to his feet. Osiris with a wristlock, roll through by bronx,

Bronx snapnares Osiris before headong towards the ropes.

Phoenix: Bronx off the ropes. Ducks an Osiris clothesline.

Osiris himself heads off the ropes. When he does, he comes into range of Kazama. On the other side, Bronx comes into range of Thornridge.

Lillehammer: Blind tags!

Bronx ducks another clothesline attempt by Osiris and buries a shoulder in Kazama that crashes the man down to the floor outside.

Phoenix: Thronridge with a thunderous clothesline to Osiris!

Bronx starts clapping.

Lillehammer: What’s this nutjob Bronx doing.

Phoenix: Bronx with a head of steam, SUICIDE PLANCHA BY BRONX!

Lillehammer: Kazama just got creamed.

Phoenix: Bronx rolling Kazama back in. Bronx, slingshot senton!

Lillehammer: He’s on a mission here tonight!

Just as Bronx returns to his feet, Osiris runs through him from behind with a clothesline.

Phoenix: AND SO IS OSIRIS!

Lillehammer: This ref is losing control quick of this match.

Phoenix: Yes, but Thornridge’s the legal man on the other side. Thornridge hoisting him up. PENDULUM BACKBREAKER!

Lillehammer: Looks like things are to a crawl as Thornridge is now looking to apply a guillotine...

Phoenix: THORNRIDGE WITH A BEAUTIFUL DDT! Tag. And now both members of the professionals are in the ring.

Bronx pulls up Kazama to his feet. Then both him Thornridge bounce off opposite ropes and meet in the middle with a double crossbody to the front and back of Kazama making an ‘X’ in the process.

Phoenix: Double team coming... GOODNESS!

Lillehammer: That was a train wreck!

Phoenix: Bronx with the cover. ONE! TWO! NO! Kazama out the back door.

Lillehammer: Osiris almost had to come to break it up.

Phoenix: Bronx now with right hands to the rising Kazama. Bronx, Inverted Atomic drop! Front chancery, Bronx, TORNADO DDT! Bronx back up, STANDING MOONSAULT! ONE! TWO! TH- NO! Kazama and Osiris are still in this match!

Lillehammer: Osiris conserving energy.

Phoenix: He’s gonna need it. Bronx tags in Thornridge. Thornridge climbing up to the top rope! AND! MISSES THE BUTTERFLY EFFECT ELBOW DROP! IF THERE WAS A TIME, NOW WOULD BE IT FOR KAZAMA TO MAKE THE TAG!

Kazama crawls slowly towards the corner. As he looks up to his partner, Osiris makes a wide smile and extends his hand. As Kazama gets his feet under him, to lunge for the tag. Osiris swiftly steps back from the apron and drops to the floor below.

Phoenix: Tag- WAIT!

Lillehammer: Seriously?

Phoenix: OSIRIS IS WALKING OUT?

Lillehammer: Did you see what was going on? He’d have to fight two on one. He’s simply looking out for his best interests.

Phoenix: That’s dirty. He’s doing nothing to help his case to the fans. Kazama stood behind him. And this is he repays him?

In the background, Thornridge politely tags Bronx in.

Lillehammer: Bronx slowly in the ring. He doesn’t seem to know what to do.

Phoenix: Indeed. It’s two on one now. Kazama turns around. Shrugs. KAZAMA RUNS IN WITH A BEAUTIFUL DROPKICK!

Lillehammer: Bronx let his guard down!

Phoenix: Kazama keeping the pace up, off the ropes, BRONX PLANTS HIM WITH A HURRICANRANA!

Lillehammer: HE SPIKED HIM!

Phoenix: Bronx playing it up to the crowd. He points to Thornridge.

Lillehammer: What are these frat boys gonna do now?

Phoenix: Thornridge is climbing the turnbuckle. Bronx, TILT-A-WHIRL BACKBREAKER! Holds Kazama on his knee… THORNRIDGE COMES OFF WITH A DIVING ELBOW DROP! BRONX HOLDS ONTO THE BODY, BOW AND ARROW STRETCH BY BRONX!

Lillehammer: A TALE OF THE BUTTERFLY!

Phoenix: Kazama’s tapping!

DING DING!

Announcer: The winners of this match and the NEW number one contenders to the LPW Tag Team championship. THE PROFESSSIONALS! BROOONX AND STEVEN THOOORNRIDGE!

Steven Thornridge and Bronx: 3.98 APS + 4.0 APS + 1.3 Votes = 9.28 Total
Caesar Osiris and Silver Kazama: 3.9 APS + 0 APS + .2 Votes = 4.1 Total

“Guerrilla Radio” by Rage Against the Machine brings cheers from the crowd as Throny jumps into Bronx’s arms. After briefly celebrating their win the Professionals look up the ramp and Osiris who has a devilish smirk on his face.

Phoenix: They decimated Kazama thanks to Osiris who could have turned around the complexity of this match. Instead, he left Kazama to rot.

Lillehammer: These fools are not worthy of the time of Osiris. Especially Kazama. He looked outclassed tonight.

Phoenix: Outclassed? Every time Osiris could have helped him, he didn’t.

Lillehammer: There was a clothesline.

Phoenix: Okay… He hit a guy when he wasn’t looking. Who wasn’t the legal man.

Lillehammer: I think you are being too hard on dear ole’ Caeser.

Phoenix: Nevertheless, The Professionals earned the victory tonight over their opponents. And Osiris proved once again he shouldn’t be trusted. For Robert Lillehammer, this is Blazing Phoenix. We have new Number One Contenders to the tag champs, and one very very angry Kaza-Uhhh

Lillehammer: We uh… We have something going on backstage…

Phoenix: There’s a situation developing backstage. We go there now live!


We cut backstage to wobbly, unsteady cam. A figure with a microphone in hand runs in front, but because of the chaos we can’t quite make out who it is. The figure, and camera, push open a door. Screaming, shouting, and fight sounds can be made out. The running figure turns. It’s Rose Florecer.

Rose: I’m coming to you live where backstage a meeting between LPW International Heavyweight Champion Al and prospective LPW Owners has been interrupted by Bobino!

The camera pans towards the actions. Bobino has Al leaned against a mahogony end table with a jug of water a collection of cups on it. He’s rabidly laying fists into the bloodied face of Al.

Bobino: YOU SON OF A BITCH!

The clad-suited owners of LPW all strewn all over the place, many having flipped their chairs and hit the deck in fear. The scene is pure chaos. Bobino screams at Al, whose grey suit is blood stained and ripped open. Al’s hand reaches for a glass.

Rose: HEY, COME ON! BREAK IT UP! LEAVE IT FOR THE RIN-

Just then, Al brings a glass cup over the skull of Bobino. The former Hardcore Champion falls backwards. Al uses the opening to lay a couple forearm shots into Bobino, who absorbs them and falls backwards onto the large dark-wood executive table.

???: SECURITY! SOMEONE!

Al pushes chairs out of the way to get to Bobino. As he gets over to him, Bobino sends a knee to the gut of the Champion. Al leans over. Bobino goes to lift him…

Phoenix: Oh my God. Oh my God. Bobino going for the Fire Thunder Driver on top of the table. No… no!

Al is able to wiggle free from Bobino’s lift. Glass shards are still stuck in the Master of Darwinism’s head. Al takes advantage by facepalming Bobino into the table again.

Phoenix: Al lifts Bobino… #1 STUNNA AGAINST A SWIVEL CHAIR! Bobino stammers back… steadies himself and…GRABS A VASE OF LOVELY WILDFLOWERS AND OHHHHH! CRACKS IT OVER THE HEAD OF THE CHAMPION!

Lillehammer: HOW ROMANTIC!

Rose: NO!!!

Both men fall with a thud. The energy and chaos fades as they lose consciousness. The quietness is almost eerie. Behind them, a door cracks open ever so gently. The darkness within fades as light rushes in. From inside the closet steps out LPW United States Champion Chris Austin, in attack position and holding a Riot Baton. He stands over their bodies.

Austin: Well…

He fastens the baton back to his waist belt. Smirks. Rubs his hands together.

Austin: That problem fixed itself.

FADE TO BLACK


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