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Burn11nMyLight
03-20-2019, 10:26 PM
Burn1nMyLight Presents - WrestleMania Preview

What's up! I've cut my writing back a bit lately due to work and doing the radio show with TheImplications, and while I didn't feel like re-watching RAW to write a review, I did want to talk about the WrestleMania card(and a few notes about the shows). So I've picked out a few feuds/matches and vomited my brain all over this page. Hope you enjoy, let me know what you think!



Seth Rollins vs Brock Lesnar

The build to this feud was slow to start because of Brock's limited contract(and limited interest), Seth's injury, and the push of the women's title clusterfuck during every RAW and Smackdown for the last few months. Last week I thought Seth was completely outclassed on the mic by Paul Heyman(though to be fair, only like 2 guys in all of WWE aren't completely outclassed by the master of the mic). This week, Seth showed up in ass kicker mode and wrecked Drew McIntyre with a chair in the opening segment. Hit him literally 20 times, showing how dangerous and opportunistic that The Architect can be.

...and then followed that up with a loss to the OLDEST DISTRACTION IN THE BOOK, playing your music during someone else's match. Seriously, Seth? It's so out-of-character for that to work against Rollins, AND just lazy, uninspired writing for your Universal Championship match only 2 weeks out from WrestleMania. Then again, the entire feud has been lazy and uninspired, so what's one more book-by-numbers segment?

Seth is gonna need some LEGIT feuds after he wins the belt to build his momentum back, because the last 2 months have, in my opinion, drastically decreased his stock as a potential champion.

********************************************


Ronda/Charlotte/Becky

WWE took the best, most organic feud they had going and decimated it. Ronda Rousey, the unlikable former MMA superstar? Make her a generic babyface and let her give weird poetry-jam promos. Becky Lynch, 2019 Stone Cold? Injure her and have her get her ass kicked over and over and over.

Throw in some Charlotte for good measure.

I'm skipping a lot of the self-inflicted injuries WWE Creative has created since the Royal Rumble because I don't want to write all night, but the fact that WWE took something that had seemingly infinite momentum(your biggest mainstream star, your red-hot, naturally over star, and the desire for a women's main event at WM) and now it may not even BE the main event? Now it's maybe the 3rd most anticipated match on the card? WWE has blown a LOT of opportunities in my lifetime, and this is up there for the biggest fuckups they've ever had. I can't even write about it any more because it makes me so angry.


**********************************************


Baron Corbin vs Kurt Angle

LOVED seeing Gable vs Kurt before he retires, even if he is so limited at this point that Gable was basically suplexing himself. I really hope WWE breaks up Gable and Roode because they're both so talented individually, I just want to watch them wrestle for singles titles.

Some people very vocally hate that Corbin is getting the final match against Kurt Angle. And that's GREAT. That's the point. Corbin doesn't get XPAC heat, he gets "You're a bad guy we fucking hate, I hope Braun puts you in the garbage truck" heat, and hopefully beating Kurt and retiring him can be another feather in his villainous cap. WWE has too few hate-able heels.

***********************************************


The Miz vs Shane McMahon

Miz's promo on Smackdown was AWESOME! He delivered the live version of his Talking Smack promo opposite Daniel Bryan that really put him on the map as a top talent. "People warned me 'Watch yourself, Shane is a little different backstage. People warned me. ME, THE MIZ!" He proves, once again, that he is the ONLY person that actually realizes he's on a TV show. He's basically WWE's Deadpool.

Shane's promo last week also did a solid job of explaining why he would turn on Miz; people have always asked Shane what he could do for them and he got tired of it, Miz was just the last person he was willing to drag across the finish line. Also solid reasoning.

Do I really WANT to watch Shane wrestle in a 12+ match card on the biggest PPV of the year? Fuck no. But I do dig the feud, and as usual, The Miz is proving that he's one of the best in the business, making something great out of the garbage he's given.

"Shane McMahon, you deserve the one thing you've earned on your own; as ass whipping by me at WrestleMania." GREAT improv, what a beast.

************************************************


HHH vs Batista

If you listened to The Perfect Ten Radio Show with Imp and I last week, you heard me talk about how stupid I've found ALL of the segments promoting this feud have been. Batista jumps one of his mentors to get HHH's attention? Like some loser kid trying to get his inattentive dad's attention. HHH's response promo, telling Batista he gave a "Generic heel promo" and talking about his "Real friend Rick Fliehr" being hurt? You can't have TWO feuds breaking kayfabe, you can't even really have one if you run the company; you're telling everyone, basically, "My job is fake."

Then we get the "Face to face" between the two, and while HHH's line about the "Guardians of the indy scene" was hilarious, it was basically just Batista and HHH screaming the same shit at one another, over and over, for 5 minutes. It was boring and uninteresting.

But this week, with Batista reprising his role as Bond villain, and actually explaining his motives more in-depth? That was pretty damn good. Batista wants to end his career on his terms, and end HHH's, because HHH has always been a manipulative, backstabbing asshole. Batista shutting down Mitchell Cole's "HHH has always been great to me!" line was great, as were the GIFs of HHH harassing Cole throughout the years.

As above with Shane vs Miz, do I really WANT to see this match at WrestleMania on a card with 12+ matches already? Hell no. This would be a great main event for Summerslam or something. But at least they finally justified the feud existing, even if it doesn't deserve its spot on the card.

************************************************** *****


Kofi Kingston vs Daniel Bryan

WWE absolutely lucks into a red-hot feud. The most ironic thing about that is, if WrestleMania were in May instead of April, WWE would ABSOLUTELY fuck this up. But because it's only 2 weeks away, they really don't have the time to ruin it.

WWE has done a good job, admittedly, in building Kofi from the 3rd guy in a popular tag team into a legitimate threat to The New Daniel Bryan. So they get some respect for that.

Then again, The New Daniel Bryan, aka WWE's Best Heel, has taken a backseat during the entire Road To WrestleMania, and that is a serious travesty. Daniel Bryan has lost a lot of momentum, and not just because WWE has moved the spotlight to Kofi, but because he went from putting on awesome, 15 minute main events and hilarious, heat-magnet promos to...basically just existing while they try to build a B+ player into a threat.

One more point. In kayfabe, THIS FEUD MAKES NO SENSE! Think about it. Daniel Bryan is trying to avoid having a match at WrestleMania, the biggest show of the year. And the biggest paycheck. That's stupid. And Vince is putting Kofi in impossible situations, meaning 2 weeks from WrestleMania, he doesn't have an opponent for his #1 men's champion. What are you doing, Vince?

All of those things being said, this match is gonna be great, and the pop when Kofi wins the belt, at WrestleMania, is gonna rival the Eddie/Benoit dual crowning moments 15 years ago. I don't hate that it exists, just, like most things WWE does, I hate the execution.

************************************************** ******


Conclusion

I had to skip literally 10 WrestleMania matches because WM is a massive, all-day clusterfuck. WWE has stumbled into AJ Styles vs Randy Orton(my bet for best match of the night) and Kofi vs DB to bail out a whole bunch of mediocre matches and fucked up feuds, and that is a tragedy, because this could have been one of the best cards of all time. The women's match was on pace to set the world ablaze, and instead it's now a semi-extinguished camp fire. Asuka, possibly the best women's wrestler in the world, doesn't even merit a mention or participation on her own SHOW half the time. The Revival, the best tag team in the world, loses basically all of their matches, and again, not even mentioned in the upper card of the PPV.

I'm incredibly frustrated with the build to WrestleMania. Yeah, the matches are probably going to be great, because at least THAT has been consistent over the last few years. But I honestly don't watch WWE for great matches, I watch for STORIES. For CHARACTER. And in that regard, WWE keeps shooting itself in the foot, falling down, accidentally triggering the gun again, and shooting themselves in the abdomen, slowly, painfully bleeding out while we all ask, "WHY DIDN'T YOU HAVE THE SAFETY ON?"

As Jim Ross would say, "It's a damn shame."

mizfan
03-21-2019, 01:20 PM
Burn, my man, check your DMs!

Does Rollins even have a character, really? I know Plan would argue strenuously that he does, but Plan also wrote passionately about how Rollins is brilliant not to fight fire with fire against Brock mere days before Rollins came out and promised to fight fire with fire, so... I know some people love the guy to death but he seems like just a collection of nicknames to me sometimes.

I'll say this about the Becky and the Kofi stuff: apparently it's way, way more fun if you're not actually watching. ;) I really enjoyed hearing about these feuds when they were hot, and by not watching the TV product much I've basically avoided all the ways they've turned stupid! Yay?

As far as Corbin goes, I'd honestly rather Angle WAS wrestling X Pac in his last match. ;) but fair play to anyone who is digging (or hating) him in a more productive way. Frankly I think Angle should have been done years ago, watching the guy scares the crap out of me now.

Love that Miz love! Sad he never got a refreshed main event run when he was white hot. Glad he's actually doing well as a face though.

Preach about the HHH stuff, it sounds like complete wrestle-crap to me!

Fun column Burn, amazing you hardly even made a dent in the whole card. My respect goes out to anyone who has the stamina to watch the whole thing in one sitting this year, good grief!

TheLAW
03-21-2019, 01:47 PM
It's official! Burn is my spirit animal this month. In one column, you have summed up my fandom currently. I cant bring myself to even watch Raw/Smackdown and I pay for Hulu just for those two shows. They desparately need to remove their heads from their asses. Lowest interest since the New Generation/Lean Years, and they are going to make me sit through a work hours long WrestleMania... I can promise you this will not be pleasant for them or us.

Burn11nMyLight
03-23-2019, 12:45 PM
Sup!

@Mizfan It does basically seem like Rollins doesn't have a character anymore. But that's how WWE rolls, right? Heels get character, faces(other than SUPER weird characters) don't. Stone Cold was basically the only face who was allowed to be a badass, and he was still a tweener.

And I agree with Angle, it's just hard to watch him anymore. Just like when I hear people say they want Ric Flair or HBK; just let them go lol

@TheLaw I am a man of the people :) The people's disdain, anyway.

Gooner
03-26-2019, 07:50 AM
I think the fact that we can all find something we don't like about each match and its build says it all really. There's not one story that has hit it completely out of the park, each one has certain elements that detract from the story.

Nice coloumn man, will you be doing a Wrestlemania review too?

DynamiteBillington
03-26-2019, 09:43 AM
Been avoiding this until I'd posted my own version....seems we agree on a lot of things, hopefully the fact you got there first doesn't make it look like I stole anything!

I totally agree with your conclusion. Being frustrated with the build to WrestleMania appears to be becoming a new tradition. I suspect there's a whole satirical column right there for the right person.

SirSam
03-30-2019, 08:01 PM
You're not alone in your frustration Burn. This sounds a lot like my column last week, so many self inflicted creative injuries that could have been avoided. Even the hottest angle Kofi v Bryan has some weird quirks to it.

Good stuff man, I enjoy your writing style and how you put your voice into it. I think the difference between your piece and mine is like the difference between a layered and a marble cake. I tried to combine everything together into one piece and grouping by shared themes whereas you have gone with a more segmented approach (and tend to have done that with raw reviews too). It is a matter of preference but I would love to see you extend yourself and try to blend things a bit even just as an experiment.

Hope this doesn't come across as a knock because I did enjoy this but more a suggestion.