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  1. #1
    The Brain
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    Dead or Alive 2019: Final Battle

    The office chair scratches against the hard rock floor as I slump into it. The control panel flickers in the firelight, gleaming incongruously in these surroundings.

    Or is it a wall of cave paintings standing alone in a stainless steel laboratory?

    It doesn’t matter.

    Strange science or mystic lore, either way it must feed to survive.

    And the final feast is about to begin.

    The work is never over…





    Final Round: ANDRADE & ZELINA VEGA vs. RUSEV & LANA vs. THE MIZ & MARYSE

    vs. vs.

    Written by mizfan



    Zelina shrieked as she plunged the spear into Brock Lesnar’s back. The Beast roared, muscles rippling around the wound, and he twists and turns in a frenzy. Blood and sweat fly in every direction, staining the already sopping jungle, but Zelina refuses to be dislodged, and twists the spear deeper. Brock launches himself backwards towards a tree but Zelina flips forward, severing Brock’s looming trapezius muscle. One arm hanging useless, Brock hesitates. His small pig eyes dart back and forth, deciding his next move.

    “Come, Andrade! Join the fun!” Zelina cried, licking the blood off her weapon. Andrade looked blankly at the horizon, but Zelina didn’t seem to be perturbed.

    Brock’s indecision broke, and he bounded into the brush. Zelina cackled, then stilled, eyeing Brock’s departing form with incredible intensity. In one swift, violent motion, she launched the spear. Andrade watched for a moment as it arched through the air.

    Zelina screamed in triumph as the wet noise of meat splitting returned to the clearing. Through the thick foliage Zelina watched Brock, impaled through the throat, stumbling, falling, and finally laying still. Running on all fours, Zelina clambered onto the back of the beast and began to dance on the body, reveling in blood lust.

    Andrade’s blank features took on a hint of sadness and confusion. He watched Zelina dance on nothing with the same incomprehension that had dominated his days since he realized they had both left the land of sanity. It only made it worse to know he was the only one that realized it.

    But perhaps Zelina was wiser than he. She was certainly happier in this moment. Brock Lesnar never existed, so why not kill him on an Island where madness reigned supreme? He wondered if the others they had killed were real or not.

    Lately, Andrade wondered if he were real himself.

    *****

    “Jesus Mike, that chick has lost it worse than most who come here.”

    “The guy isn’t doing too hot either, Johnny. I haven’t seen him move all day.”

    “Too bad they weren’t smart enough to bring a food truck full of tacos and burritos! Speaking of which, pass me one will ya?”

    “Sorry, we’re rationing them to keep Charlie happy until we’re ready to go.”

    “That baby can’t hog my enchiladas!”

    “Don’t get between a mother and her demon baby’s Mexican food, Johnny. If you’re bored go watch more of those weird Mike Pence tapes we found, I’ve got to finish this before they come looking for us…”

    *****

    The gun rattled in Lana’s trembling hand, creating faint echoes in the depth of the cave behind them. Her desperate eyes stared at Rusev, silhouetted at the mouth of the cave, the light blindingly bright around him.

    The heat of the day bakes in, but they hardly feel it. Hard to feel the heat in hell.

    Not that they didn’t feel anymore. Both Rusev and Lana would have gladly welcomed numbness, but the Island kept their nerves pristine, to be tortured with needle sharp clarity by each new horror.

    Tears streaming down her face, Lana puts the gun to her temple. Rusev looks on, sorrow on his face.

    Lana screams and pulls the trigger.

    Blood cakes the cave wall. Rusev blinks as a bit of the spray hits him. He loves her so.

    A silent moment passes, and Lana rises to her feet. The blood drips down the wall but there isn’t a mark on the Russian beauty.

    Rusev and Lana would have welcomed death as well, but it would not come. The cycle continues, always ending the same.

    The only possible path remaining, the only hope of salvation, was victory. The alternative was an eternity of living and dying in inchoate madness, endless iterations of carnage and murder.

    Zelina’s shrieks echo faintly up to their vantage point. Rusev held his arms out to his bride.

    “My love…”

    Lana stumbled forward into his arms and wept into his broad chest. Rusev’s heart broke for the thousandth time.

    “No more choices. No more pathways. No more life and death.”

    Lana was silent.

    “We will have one or the other. Life… or death. I swear it.”

    Lana still doesn’t speak, but she held her husband tighter. Rusev squeezed her close.

    In some cycles they are angry, in some they make love. In some they are gripped by bloodlust, and in some they despair.

    But always, always they are weary.

    After some time they released each other, grabbing what weapons they could, and moving to what may be their final battle at last.

    Life, or death. To move between them no more.

    *****

    Zelina had moved on from her victory dance. With the same spear she had killed a wild pig and was eating it raw. This time it was actually there, but Andrade wished it wasn’t. Zelina tried to feed him, but he couldn’t bring himself to eat. Watching her grin through the blood in her teeth made him sick.

    As the Bulgarian Brute and his bride entered the clearing, they saw the matted ruin that was once Zelina pushing a bloody hunk of meat into Andrade’s mouth. Zelina smelled them before she saw them, bolting upright like some kind of wild dog, but Lana has already shouldered a rocket launcher.

    “Lana CRUSH,” the Russian beauty sneered as she fired at the easy prey.

    The missile roared through the air. Things seemed to be moving in slow motion to Andrade. He watched Zelina vault off her spear directly at the projectile, as if to face it down by sheer will, only to lightly push off the top of it and disappear into the trail of smoke billowing out behind. It occurred to Andrade that he might not want to be there when the missile hit, but then it occurred to him that he probably wasn’t there anyway, so what did it matter?

    Then the world blew apart.

    The echoes of the tremendous boom began to fade as fire and smoke whipped around Rusev and Lana. They surveyed the blossoming cloud that used to be their opponents and listened with grim satisfaction for the familiar crackle of the speaker. As the seconds ticked by in silence, the pair begin to peer intently into the mangled wreckage of the tree line. Their alarm mounted as they hear the ululating cries of Zelina, but they could not find the source.

    At the second to last moment Rusev looked up. At the last moment he shoved Lana aside with all his might before the spear sunk deeply into his shoulder. Rusev cried out in shock and rage as Zelina, balnced on his shoulders, cackled and began to reign down kicks as she twisted the spear deeper, separating muscle from bone with a sickening pop. Lana pulled out a revolver and fired wildly at Zelina, but she flips off of Rusev, leaving the spear imbedded in her opponent. Zelina sprang towards Lana and kicked the pistol out of her hand, and started to beat her to a pulp with her bare hands. Lana fumbled for her knife but Zelina snatched it off her and plunged it into her thigh. Lana screams as Rusev rushed in, and Zelina side stepped him easily, sending him sprawling into Lana while neatly picks the heavy shotgun off his back.

    Zelina leapt back as Rusev and Lana struggled to their feet. She lands neatly on a boulder a few yards away and covers them with the rifle. They had thought they were ready for anything, but the power of a woman who has become an embodiment of the Island’s lust for violence is too much. Or perhaps they’ve lost their will to fight with tooth and claw after so many battles.

    Either way, the Bulgarian and the Russian stood helpless as Zelina licked the long barrel of the gun with a mad twinkle in her eyes. It seems there’s no escape from repeating this cycle after all…

    *****

    “Um, Mike, this chick is kicking everybody’s ass. Should we do something?”

    “We should shut up Johnny, so we don’t wake Charlie or the missus before it’s time.”

    “Isn’t that thing ready yet?”

    “Actually yeah, just needs a jolt to get it going. You still got some of the Gauntlet energy hanging around?”

    “Hell yes I do!”

    “God dammit Johnny, don’t air guitar! Shit, now the baby’s crying.”

    “Oh shit, sorry man.”

    “It’s time to get going anyway. Light it up!”

    *****

    Andrade opened his eyes but didn’t know it, as the darkness of the subterranean pit was absolute. He reached out blindly in the dark. The muffled sounds of battle came down from the ceiling as the dirt and rocks shift around him. He hears Zelina’s laughter, but it feels no more real than the sudden slice of silver light that opens up in the wall beside him. Andrade blinked into the gap, then looked at his surroundings. The light revealed the wall of the cave expanding in every direction, farther than he can see. How could he have fallen so far and survived…?

    But the thought is driven from his mind as he sees that the wall is covered, ever inch, in pictures, etched into the rock itself.

    Thousands of battles, perhaps millions, playing out in the past, the present, the future, repeating, replaying, blood flowing without end. An eternal sacrifice.

    As the images overwhelm him, Andrade begins to laugh. He looks into the silver crack in the wall and sees a shirtless man in blue jeans and dark sunglasses, nonchalantly scratching his head. The silver light drills into Andrade’s mind and he hears something enormous skittering in the darkness behind him, but he can’t look away.

    “This place… kinda sucks,” the man mumbles, looking at nothing in particular on the floor. “We should go…” He extends his hand to Andrade, still not bothering to look at him.

    Andrade’s last mental fiber snaps as he bursts out laughing again and takes the stranger’s hand. As he steps into the crack the cave goes dark, and after the crack swallows him up the only sound is the faint echo…

    “EYE’LL GIT YOU, COLT IKEN!”

    *****

    Zelina was taking aim at the star crossed lovers just as the Island speaker system burst to life.

    Andrade has been…

    Zelina’s manic frenzy transformed into a confused fury as she heard her partner’s name across the speaker system. Then, as the announcement pauses for the first time in history, a tense silence reigns.

    Hm… that can’t be right…

    The speakers crackle but no explanation is forthcoming. Zelina traded a confused look with Rusev and Lana.

    Then Zelina is shredded into a thousand pieces by the enormous propeller of an odd-looking plane, which suddenly roared through the clearing.

    Zelina Vega has been killed! Zelina and Andrade have been eliminated!

    Rusev thought he heard relief in the voice of the mysterious announcer, who had been spared explaining the fate of Andrade. But maybe it was just the pain talking, as he tore the spear out of his shoulder with a groan. Lana didn’t spare a thought for it as she viewed the newest threat to crash into their hellish existence.

    The ”plane” was, in fact, the Miz & Morrison food truck, reconfigured into a flying vehicle of mass destruction. Every inch bristled with weapons and armor, as well as advertisements for Americanized versions of Hispanic dishes. The flying wagon of war set down, and the door slid open to reveal a grinning Miz and Morrison.

    “Prepare for trouble!” the Miz cried.

    “And make it double!” Morrison jumped in.

    “We’re not Team fucking Rocket, Johnny.”

    “To unite all people’s within our nation!”

    “Stop.”

    “You started it.”

    “Stop. Your. Mouth.”

    “Fine, but I’m gonna do air guitar.”

    “Great, you do that. Can I do the speech? You got any tangents about 90s cartoons you want to throw in first?”

    “Nah, I’m good.”

    “Awesome. Now- Oh shit!!“

    The shriek of a missile being fired interrupted their banter. Lana had reloaded.

    The ensuing fireball seemed more than enough to kill them. A metal panel, airbrushed with the words “The Dirt Jet”, crashed beside them, the paint bubbling from the heat of the explosion. But when the dust cleared, what they saw was a giant leathery wing, hardly singed by the fires. It swept aside, sending miniature tornadoes of smoke billowing in every direction, and the family Mizanin was revealed.

    Miz and Morrison were coughing in the smoke, but the true sight to see was Maryse and her “son”, Charlie.

    Charlie had grown.

    Maryse lay pale, hardly conscious, as the demon spawn was still connected to her body by a fleshy, pulsing tube. Mother’s blood pumped into the purple creature, part bat, part lizard, all Charlie Mizanin. Its eyes glowed red in its elongated, and it screamed in their direction.

    “Yeah!” cried Miz as he recovered his breath. “We’ve got an awesome demon kid, and it’s gonna swallow your souls!”

    Rusev sagged as he stood, woozy from the blood loss. How could they hope to defeat this demonic creature? But hope, dangerous hope, stirred in his chest as he saw Lana reach into one of her pouches. She removed a small metal sphere with a crucifix protracting out of it. With a nearly feral grin, she hurled it at the family with all her might.

    “Holy-“ Miz began, and he was right. Divine light blew out of the sphere as it expanded, passing Miz and Morrison without effect but crashing into Charlie with devastating effect. Before Rusev and Lana’s eyes, the demon spawn began to shrink. It seemed to be folding in on itself, and Rusev watched with horror as it become clear the creature was being drawn back into his mother, banished by the holy symbol.

    “Charlie! No! Johnny, help!” Miz looked at his old partner in a panic.

    “Um, yeah, this ain’t my family, so… good luck buddy!” Johnny clapped Miz on the back, then put his fingers in his mouth and whistled. The piercing sound rang out above the Charlie’s shrieks, and suddenly a masked man appeared, covered in shining multi-colored lights.

    “Aerostar, I’m calling in a favor. Let’s get out of here!”

    “Este es tu último favor, no voy a venir por ti otra vez, Mundo,” Aerostar said, opening a portal and stepping through with Johnny in tow.

    Miz looked back and forth between his wife and thrashing child and the rapidly closing portal. True to his nature, his will broke and he dove for the possible escape, crying out “wait for me!”

    Charlie roared in rage as its father tried to abandon the family, and reached out a claw to grasp the ankle of the Miz. Miz screamed as he was dragged away from the portal, watching it blink out of existence just inches away from his grasp.

    Miz kicked and fought, but it was no use. Rusev and Lana watched with sick fascination and first Charlie and then the Miz were dragged back up into Maryse, into a much discussed place both had been before. A thousand cycles of carnage had not prepared either of them for the sight of Miz’s desperate face as it was swallowed up into his lover’s body.

    A wet crunch signaled that the ordeal was over, and Maryse lapsed into what appeared to be a true sleep. What would happen when she awoke is a story for another day.

    The Miz has been killed! Miz & Maryse have been eliminated!

    Lana screamed with joy and leapt into Rusev’s arm, oblivious to the knife wound in her leg. He held her as well as he could with one arm too injured to move, and together they cried together. This time it was tears of joy. They had finally won…

    WINNERS OF DOA 2019: …

    Minutes passed, and nothing happened. Rusev and Lana, beaten down, torn apart, shattered in so many ways yet still holding themselves together, looked around at the smoldering battlefield, their joy draining into blank resignation. If winning couldn’t change their fate, could anything?

    “Well, hello again!” Rusev and Lana whirled around. Where moments ago had been nothing stood a 5 foot midget, every inch the city gent, sharp and stylish and sophisticated, standing with one foot rested on a piece of Zelina’s severed head. His perfect green suit was expertly cut, and he tipped his bowler hat at them with charm.

    “We’ve done… everything. Everything! What more could you want of us?” Rusev roared.

    “Send us home, you little bastard!” Lana pleaded.

    The little man chuckled, showing off rows and rows of sharp hooked needles. They to extend all the way down his throat. “But you can go home, my dears. One thing first; new management needs something… special to cap off the tournament this year. A special sacrifice to bring things to a… satisfying end.”

    Rusev dropped to his knees. “What could we possibly sacrifice that we have not already lost? This Island has taken everything from us.”

    “Not everything,” the dwarf replied, beaming.

    “What? Would could possibly be left to give?”

    “Isn’t it obvious?” The hooked smile never wavered. “One of you has to kill the other.”

    Even the burning wreckage on the battlefield seemed to grow quiet.

    Rusev inhaled, ready to lunge at the little man. “Never, NEVER, a life without each other is-“

    The next words were lost in a rush of blood as the knife penetrated through the back of Rusev’s thick neck and poked through the front of his throat, splitting his trachea. Lana, her hands bloody, her eyes glassy, stumbled back and fell to the ground.

    With great effort, Rusev turned around to look at his love. He grasped feebly at the jutting blade, but only succeeded in cutting his fingers on the sharp edge.

    Lana and Rusev’s eyes met for the last time.

    “My… love…” Rusev gurgled. He fell to the ground, and tried to speak again.

    A curse? Forgiveness? A random thought flitting through a brain deprived of blood? Lana would ask herself this many times during the long nights alone, but she would never know.

    WINNER OF DOA 2019: LANA







    With this final sacrifice of bottomless cruelty, true love betrayed and spilled out on the sand, The Island truly becomes mine.

    I can feel it thrumming underneath me, fully awake and alive.

    It has many dark gods, and many more will come.

    But I know a thing about serving dark gods… and plotting against them, if needed.

    All I have ever needed is a playground for my love of violence.

    I came here once before, but this time I’m ruling the roost.

    I was dead once before, but this time life and death lie in my hands.

    And now that I’m here, I may never come back.

    Welcome to my Island.

    Welcome to my Temple.


    DARIO CUETO: NEW MANAGER AND PROPRIETOR, DOA ISLAND 2019

  2. #2
    Cero Miedo Mystic's Avatar
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    Line of the column: “God dammit Johnny, don’t air guitar! Shit, now the baby’s crying.”

    ^ So nice.

    99% of WWE I don't watch and don't care. One thing that hurts, and I'm not even miz fan, is not seeing the career of one of the GOATS of the last two decades, in Mike.

  3. #3
    Man, this was really great. I saw it about survival, about trying to hold on to sanity, about relationships and monogamy. How the environment, the worst kind affect relationships. That Miz wife has a hell of a vagina. Good tug of war between her hellish portal and the one of escape....


    But best of all glad to see my man, Dario. Very well written; very enjoyable

  4. #4
    Why, Lana, why?

    *heart ripped open*

  5. #5
    Member #25 SirSam's Avatar
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    Great ending man. Fantastic twist that just when you think they've finally got out they have to pay yet another price.

    You can leave the island but the island never leaves you.

  6. #6
    Mediocrity at it's finest kingzak13's Avatar
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    Damn, rest in peace Rusev. At least he knows that the woman he loves is free, i'm sure he would have volunteered for it even if Lana hadn't killed him.

    This was fantastic as always, DOA has been amazing this year, so many twists and turns.

  7. #7
    It's always a true love when it's gurgled through blood. Fantastic ride!

  8. #8
    Junior Member
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    I wasn't really a fan of this. I'm more into sports journalism columns. Although this is good writing.

  9. #9
    Senior Member
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    This was eerily beautiful. The plot twist at the end was really well done. This was twisted bliss mixed with sadness, love and mental instability. This year's DOA set the tone nicely for net year whay with Maryse possibly awakening, perhaps Lana running rampant on the island and those mysterious caves.

    This year was absolutely fantastic. Great job!

  10. #10
    The Brain
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    Some final feedback on a final battle!

    Mystic – I too feel the pain of missing out on some of the great talents of today for just that reason. Maybe someday we’ll be wise enough to do a series taking only the best and leaving the rest.

    Benny – I was going for all that and more! Appreciate the kinds words very much.

    JWG – I think it was the only way. Is her story over? Time will tell. Thank you for all you’ve done for one of the greatest pairings in DOA history.

    Samwell – The Island is quite the bastard, isn’t it? Thanks for the read and contributions!

    Zakington – That’s the saddest part, isn’t it? Maybe he would have. Thanks for the kind words!

    Prof – You really need to take part in this next year, I’d love to see what you come up with!

    Ripper – I figured this wouldn’t be for you, but I still appreciate the comment. Thanks for the compliment on the writing!

    Donny – Thanks so much for the kind words, I always try to leave some seeds that may grow in the future.

    Thanks so much to all who read and even more to those who wrote, and especially to Rob S for birthing this series and coming out of semi-retirement to help keep the legacy alive.

    Tournament Participants

    Vampiro
    Status: Deceased
    Fate: Heart attack

    Pentagon Jr
    Status: Alive
    Fate: Free to leave DOA Island

    Gedo
    Status: Deceased
    Fate: Killed by Charlie Mizanin, throat ripped out

    Jay White
    Status: Deceased
    Fate: Killed by Charlie Mizanin, throat ripped out

    Texano
    Status: Deceased
    Fate: Killed by Ortiz, gunshot

    Famous B
    Status: Deceased
    Fate: Killed by Ortiz, gunshot

    Mike Kanellis
    Status: Deceased
    Fate: Killed by Lana, grenade explosion

    Maria Kanellis
    Status: Deceased
    Fate: Killed by Lana, grenade explosion

    Paul Heyman
    Status: Deceased
    Fate: Stroke

    Brock Lesnar
    Status: Unclear
    Fate: Unknown

    Akam
    Status: Alive
    Fate: Free to go

    Rezar
    Status: Deceased
    Fate: Killed by Zelina Vega, burned to death

    Drake Maverick
    Status: Alive
    Fate: Free to go

    Lio Rush
    Status: Unknown
    Fate: Face burned by Zelina Vega, unresponsive at end of battle

    Bobby Lashley
    Status: Deceased
    Fate: Killed by Zelina Vega, throat cut

    R Truth
    Status: Deceased (86% Certainty)
    Fate: Multiple

    Carmella
    Status: Deceased (86% Certainty)
    Fate: Multiple

    Konnan
    Status: Deceased
    Fate: Killed by the Miz, poisoned

    Ortiz
    Status: Deceased
    Fate: Killed by the Miz, poisoned

    Santana
    Status: Deceased
    Fate: Killed by the Miz, poisoned

    Zelina Vega
    Status: Deceased
    Fate: Killed by the Miz, chopped apart by The Dirt Jet

    Andrade
    Status: Alive
    Fate: Unknown, disappeared into the Cultiverse**

    **All Cultiverse deaths disregarded due to the Multiverse Uncertainty Principle

    The Miz
    Status: Deceased
    Fate: Killed by Charlie Mizanin, crushed into Maryse’s vagina

    Maryse
    Status: Alive
    Fate: Unknown

    Rusev
    Status: Deceased
    Fate: Killed by Lana, stabbed through the throat

    Lana
    Status: Alive
    Fate: Winner of DOA 2019



    Collateral Damage

    Finn Balor
    Status: Deceased
    Fate: Killed by Carmella or Rusev, holy symbol or bazooka

    Hornswoggle
    Status: Alive
    Fate: In service of DOA Island

    You, the DOA Player (Secret JWG Ending)
    Status: Alive
    Fate: Somewhere on DOA Island

    Johnny Mundo
    Status: Alive
    Fate: Escaped from DOA Island

    Aerostar
    Status: Alive
    Fate: Escaped from DOA Island

    Charlie Mizanin
    Status: Unknown
    Fate: Banished to return to his former existence

    Dario Cueto
    Status: Alive
    Fate: New Manager and Proprietor of DOA Island


    DOA WILL RETURN IN 2020!

  11. #11
    Senior Member
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    OMG, I loved this. I'm so glad that the Lana/Rusev story continued, but unfortunately I think at this point it has come to such a sad end. Nice job taking the reigns Mizzie, but is this year's story really over??? Hmmmmm

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