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    The Brain
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    May 2018

    The Life & Times of Bobby Heenan: Match Made In Heaven, Match Made In Hell (Aug '91)

    Greetings, mizfan fans! And welcome to our biggest month yet since the retirement of Heenan the Manager. Itís time for Summerslam í91 at long last, but more important, thereís going to be something BIG for Heenan to do this month! What might that be? If you donít know already, itís time to find out!

    WWF August í91
    Ongoing Heenan Storylines

    The REAL Worldís Champion!

    The title!!!

    BH: What Iím holding here is the belt that belongs to the REAL worldís champion. Oh no, NOT Hulk Hogan. Presently the man who owns this belt is under contract to another organization, but in the near future he may be arriving in the WWF. And if so, it would be my honor and privilege to be the advisor of this man. Now, you want to compare this belt to the one worn by Hulk Hogan? That would be like comparing ice cream to horse manure. You want to compare the MAN, who wears this belt to Hulk Hogan? That would be like comparing ice cream to HORSE MANURE! You see, Hulk Hogan is the WWF Champion. The man who owns this belt is the REAL champion, RIC FLAIR!!
    Thatís right, August 10th marks the first ever appearance of the WCW Championship and first mention of Ric Flair on WWF Television! I know this angle may not have been executed perfectly, but Iím genuinely thrilled to see it begin here. Heenan doesnít wait long to continue with his latest and perhaps greatest find, pulling the belt out on commentary the next day on Wrestling Challenge!

    Love the big double take from Gorilla and Anvil

    Neidhart: What makes you think youíre qualified to give advice to Ric Flair?

    BH: Iím the Brain. I have credentials.
    Heenan doesnít miss a chance to mention the REAL worldís championship. He even invades the WWF Studio in the middle of an Alfred Hayes special report to parade the title around! In fact, at Summerslam he attempts to confront Hogan in his dressing room, though the results arenít exactly promising.

    Now thatís no way to treat the title!

    Itís not long before Heenanís attract the attention of an old Flair rival, Roddy Piper himself. Piper is part of the commentary team on Superstars at the time, and he talks a little about his past with Flair, putting him over as a great competitor but criticizing his ego and Heenanís big mouth.

    GM: Youíd better watch your comments towards the Rowdy one.

    BH: If he was your kid, would you wait for him to come home? He used to get his lunch wrapped in a roadmap!
    Towards the end of the month, Paul Bearer has Heenan on the Funeral Parlor, and heís got the WCW Championship in hand. The Brain brags that Hoganís title is a cheap imitation of the real thing, and Hogan is lunch meat next to the prime rib of Flair and his title. Heenan says a chump like Piper might be able to win the WWF title if he tried, but not the real world title. Piper is on commentary, and he decides to walk up to the set! Piper and Heenan at odds once again, it really never gets old. Piper says the only world title to him is the WWF title, and he says Flair is scared of him! Heenan says if Flair was here, Piper would get down and shine his belt. Piper says heíll shine it right now, and he spits on the belt and on Heenan too before throwing the title on the ground!! Great segment, and honestly I canít wait to see more of this Flair stuff. Right now it feels HOT, and itís perfect that Heenan is at the center of it. If only he had been able to wait a few more months before retiring!

    The real reason Vince wanted the title

    A Very Macho Bachelor Party

    BH: Savageís bachelor party is going to be wild!

    Neidhart: Like, a girl coming out of a cake!

    BH: Like two girls coming out of a cake!

    GM: I very much doubt that.

    BH: Hey, you donít know whatíll come out of the cake!
    One entire episode of Prime Time this month is dedicated to Randy Savageís bachelor party! I love Prime Time special episodes, and Iím sure you could guess this is no exception.

    Iíll just mention up front thereís a very silly subplot in this episodes where a bunch of ďescaped mental patientsĒ show up to the party dressed as famous figures (Napoleon, Lincoln, etc), but the wrestlers treat them normally. The punchline is at the end some men in white coats show up but they canít tell the crazy people apart from the wrestlers, so they join the party too. Itís not the best gag but itís worth a giggle and now Iíve gotten it out of the way to get to the meatier stuff!

    We start properly in the studio, sans audience. Okerlund, Mooney, and Hayes are there blowing up balloons and complaining Heenan blew off Savageís bachelor party prep after promising to take care of everything. Monsoon appears, dragging Heenan behind him! Heenan claims he was at the childrenís hospital, signing autographs all day. Very cool to have five guys who are basically the non-wrestling backbone of the WWF in this era (minus Vince and the now departed Ventura, of course). Great to see Monsoon and Heenan on Prime Time again too, of course.

    The Five Heads of Backstage WWF

    Koko B Ware and the Bushwhackers show up, and they have a huge sub sandwich with sardines all over it. Jameson shows up too, and Slick arrives later. One great subtle joke is that Slick and Okerlund are mysteriously friendly. Okerlund as a closet (or not so much) horndog is one of my favorite running gags. Savage has not yet arrived, but that doesnít stop Slick from sending out the message that itís not too late to break it off! Sherri shows up next. She calls Liz a ďtyrantĒ and hopes they will grow old and sick together! Another great touch, going off Sherriís history with Savage. Roddy Piper comes to the party too, and itís nostalgic to see him on Prime Time with Heenan as well. He brought beers, dubbed ďBudweaselĒ.

    Savage finally arrives!! He says getting hitched makes him scared to death and petrified at the same time. He pops balloons and bothers Heenan. Heenan brings on a belly dancer, and I choose to believe itís the same one he had as a guest on the Heenan Show. Heenan tries to tell Savage he can party like this every night if he only stays single! Savage enjoys it, but the wedding is still on.

    BH: Iíve got a present for you!

    Savage: Youíre leaving?

    BH: No!!
    Later in the show Heenan is reunited with his phone, which is another gag that never gets old. The belly dancer knocks the phone off the table, which somehow Heenan finally allows Hogan hotline game!

    The phone saga never ends!

    To one up Heenanís belly dancer, Piper brings what appears to be an actual stripper, who comes out of a cake. Everyone hoots and hollers for a surprisingly long time, and she seems to give Piper a coronary when she takes her jacket off. Implied nudity on a kidís show, hooray!

    Heenan is inhaling some helium and talking in a squeaky voice when he gets a call from security and has to leave the party. He goes down to the lobby and encountersÖ Jake Roberts! The Snake is angry that his name wasnít on the list for the party. Heenan swears he did put him on the list but Jake says Savage wasted his time. I had no idea they planted this seed for the Savage/Jake feud, thatís very cool! I also dig the implication that maybe Jake really wasnít invited because he makes the other babyfaces uncomfortable.

    Thatís all the major points from the episode, itís a very fun one and well worth taking your time to check out if you can find it! Sadly itís not on the Network but you may be able to pull it from the bowels of the internet if you search.

    While weíre on the subject Iíll go ahead and cover the wedding itself! Thereís not actually a whole lot to say about it except that they do a really, really good video package on Liz and Savage, with a lot of a classic clips, and the wedding surprisingly goes off without a hitch! At least during the broadcastÖ but thatís a story for next month.

    BH: I wonder what kind of blue light special K-Mart dress Elizabeth will have on?

    Piper: You listen here, buddy! Iím a happily married man, I got a beautiful wife, and if you mess up this wedding I will knock the snot out of you!

    Prime Time Shenanigans

    I was able to find one other episode of Prime Time from this month, and itís got some more fun stuff on it as you might expect!

    We open with Heenan pulling up in the parking lot, late for the show. He parks illegally, and leaves a sign saying ďdoctor on callĒ in the hopes that no one will mess with the car!

    BH: Nice suit!

    Mooney: Why thank you, Bobby.

    BH: When they let you out of San Quentin, they give you that and 25 bucks, huh?
    Sean Mooney is cohost once again. The Nasty Boys come on the show and spray-paint Jameson.

    Mooney: I wonder how Jameson is doing?

    BH: Probably in intensive care. But who cares?
    Neither Heenan and I can be sad for this bizarre manís fate!

    Mooney: Jameson was thankfully not hurt physically by the Nasty Boys attack.

    BH: How could you tell if he was?
    Greg Valentine also comes on and, for some reason, does some carpentry. Because heís the Hammer, I guess? He smashes a cantaloupe with a hammer to show what heíll do to IRS at Summerslam.

    Sid is also on, and heís the special guest for the Summerslam main event. The gimmick is nobody knows if heís a face or a heel. He gives a cold shoulder to both Heenan and Hayes, and mispronounces Mooneyís name, though knowing Sid that might just be an actual mistake.

    Mooney: And how about Sid Justice? Some friends you two turned out to be.

    BH: He didnít like Alfred, if he wasnít here heíd have buddied up to me in a minute.
    The cutest kid that ever lived does an amazing Hulk Hogan impression. I canít stress enough how adorable this was.

    Mooney: Whatís your name, son?

    Kid: Ernie Ray Sawyer the 3rd.

    BH: Thereís two more of you at home??

    Kid: NO!!

    BH: Ok, I was just asking!

    Mooney: Ernie, I understand you recently won a contest on our hotline.

    BH: Did you win any money?

    Kid: Yeah!!

    BH: Hey, maybe I could help you-

    Mooney: Donít you corrupt this young man!
    The Nasty Boys return at the end, irate that Sean Mooney had the furniture bolted down so they couldnít wreck the place.

    Mooney: You know, I took the liberty of alerting the staff here that the Nasty Boys were guests this week, and I daresay they may find the building Nasty-proof.

    BH: Ah, so you rushed off to snitch to security.
    They want to beat him up, but Jameson returns with Valentine in tow and the Nastyís retreat. Only on Prime Time, everybody!

    BH: We should erect a shrine or something for where Jameson used to be. Maybe a dumpster or something.

    Mooney: Heís not dead!

    BH: Eh, he might as well be.

    Elsewhere in the WWFÖ

    Trust Me

    Itís time for Jake Roberts to teach the Ultimate Warrior the ways of the dark side so he can battle the Undertaker! These are some of the best vignettes Iíve ever seen, so if you havenít had the pleasure please seek them out ASAP!

    First, we see Jake putting Warrior in the same coffin Undertaker trapped him in, saying he needs to learn to walk in Undertakerís world. Warrior is wary (which he communicates by grunting a lot) and Jake says he wonít make him do it, he wonít force him, but if he wants to know the dark side he has to do it. If youíre gonna get to heaven, you gotta go through hell, Jake says! Trust me, he says. He says the only way is not to fight it. Jake locks him in, and Warrior goes nuts! But Jake says itís the first piece of the puzzle, and Warrior eventually goes quiet. Jake wonders if the fear has crept out of him. He opens it back up and says Warrior has the look of the Undertaker in his eyes.

    The next week, we join Jake Roberts in a graveyard. He says the Warrior has done the hardest thing, which is to trust him. He reveals Warrior is digging up a grave, at his instruction. Warrior comes up with a skull. Jake tells the Warrior he has to be buried. Warrior declares before his gods that heíll trust Jake once again, and Jake buries him up to his neck. He leaves face to face with the skull, to return at dawnÖ

    Third week, final vignette. Jake asks the Warrior to trust him one more time, and charges him with entering a dark room where the final answer lies. Jake locks him in the room, just as Warrior realizes itís full of snakes top to bottom!!! Warrior actually kicks some snakes around. Jake says to stay calm and not harm the snakes, and go to the center of the room. Warrior does so and finds a small coffin with a cobra inside. The cobra bites his neck! Jake wonít let him out of the room as he feels the poison, and says thatís what happens to all good men. Jake looks at the camera and invites us to see how the devilís work is done, which is a particularly chilling moment. The music quietly and perfectly segues into the Undertakerís theme, as Warrior busts out of the room and finds himself lying at the feet of the Undertaker, along with Jake and Paul Bearer. Warrior reaches out desperately, and Jake says ďreach out for me? Iím a snake!Ē.

    GM: I canít get over it. I thought you could trust Jake Roberts, and the Warrior thought so too!

    BH: Well that was the Warriorís big mistake. He thought.
    An absolutely amazing angle, I loved every second of it. It never even gets a proper payoff, since Warrior will be booted out of the company immediately after Summerslam, but no matches between those two could have lived up to the hype so in a way Iím almost glad. What a stupendous angle.

    GM: I just canít get over this betrayal by Jake the Snake!

    BH: Iíve never seen you so upset. It didnít happen to you, after all!
    In addition to Monsoon selling the betrayal as well as he sold any angle in the whole series, plus Heenan gets to sound off, saying for years he told everybody not to trust Jake!

    BH: Whatíd I say all this time? You canít trust Jake Roberts!

    GM: Isnít that what you always say to me, that I should trust you?

    BH: Oh, well of course you can trust ME.

    Hitman Ascending

    BH: The thing about the Hitman is sometimes he doesnít really think. Weíre he from, anyway?

    VM: Calgary, Alberta, Canada.

    BH: I rest my case.

    VM: What does that have to do with not thinking?

    BH: Well heís only able to use 70% of his brain. He loses it in the exchange when he comes across the border.
    Barbarian vs. Bret Hart 8/18/91 WWF Prime Time

    This month Bret is gearing up for perhaps his biggest singles match to date, taking on Mr Perfect for the Intercontinental Championship at Summerslam, but first heís got other obstacles to overcome. Bret is clearly a singles star at this point and it shows both in the match and the crowd reaction. As a sign of changes to come in the WWF main event style, you get a lot of Bret using strategy and technique to overcome Barbís power advantage. Barb does a really good job too, even catching a dive attempt in a very cool sequence! Coach, Mr Perfectís new manager, comes out and starts writing on a clipboard.

    VM: A close up view of the Coach!

    BH: You know, itís not polite to eavesdrop.

    VM: I wasnít eavesdropping!

    BH: Oh, in that case, what was he saying?
    Vince makes a point to put over how Bret has become extra aggressive and hit a new level of his game, and Bret really gets that message across. Barb kicks Bret out of the ring, but when he tries to bring him back in Bret rolls him into a small package and gets the win! This was a pretty great match and if you donít know that Barbarian was underrated, hereís a match to prove it!

    Awesomeness Rating: ****Ĺ

    Meanwhile Mr Perfect has already suffered a pretty severe back injury, so heís building up his side of the match in different ways. For example we get treated to a segment with Heenan and Perfect together on Prime Time. Now thatís a paring I already miss! Heenan is in a tennis outfit, which reminds me of Cornette.

    Mooney: I think you won a Hulk Hogan t-shirt.

    BH: A what??

    Perfect: No, thatís ok, I need something for the bottom of the birdcage anyway.
    Perfect helps Heenan win the Hogan hotline game, then they bring out a tailor whoís going to make a suit for Perfect.

    Perfect: This is the greatest tailor in the world.

    BH: No, Liz is the best Taylor in the world.
    Nice way for Perfect to keep milking his gimmick and drawing heat while staying out of the ring to try to save his back for Summerslam.

    Neidhart: You know, Gorilla, sometimes being not perfect can be good too.

    BH: Well, you would know about being not perfect.
    But of course, before long the big day is here!

    Mr Perfect (w/Coach) vs. Bret Hart, WWF Intercontinental Championship 8/26/91 WWF Summerslam

    Piper: You know Perfect better than anyone, weasel, so whatís he thinking right now?

    BH: Heís thinking he doesnít have to beat Hitman, Hitman has to beat him! Heíll just wait for Hart to make a mistake, and itíll all be over!

    Piper: I see, so your usual strategy of run and hide!

    BH: More like run and keep your title!
    Iím not going to go over this too deeply, because if youíve seen it you already know itís an all time great match, and if you havenít I beg you to fire up the Network right now and check it out. Youíd certainly never know Perfect was dealing with a terrible back injury. Everything about this clicks perfectly, the technical wrestling, the bumping from Perfect, the tenacity of Bret, everything just perfect. Perfectís gear even gets ripped apart somehow, but he just keeps on coming. Bret famously wins his first singles title and is, at long last, basically set for life as a singles star, though more success would come down the line. Bret goes to hug his folks after the match, starting a long trend of his parents being present for his big matches.

    Piper: I think itíd be tough to wrestle a guy, knowing your mom and pop were here watching.

    BH: If your mom and pop were here, they wouldnít let anybody know you were there son!

    Piper: Iím gonna ignore that remark, Bobsie. Iím gonna let you live another 2 Ĺ hours.

    BH: I heard a rumor that your parents ran away from home, Piper.
    This is one of my favorite WWF matches ever and it gets better every time I watch it. But youíve got to wonder, if Heenan was still in Perfectís corner instead of the useless Coach, would he have still lost the title? Probably yes, since this would be Perfectís last match for over a year as he tried to recover from his injury. Still, hell of a way to go on a break.

    Awesomeness Rating: *****

    Itís Not For Me!

    I donít think itís possible to articulate how great the Virgil/DiBiase angle is when you watch through the whole thing. Itís a testament to DiBiase and the great booking in the WWF at this time that they elevated Virgil, who isnít a total dud but wouldnít have gotten far on his own, temporarily to the level where he feels like one of the biggest stars in the whole company. Virgil is set to go after Tedís self appointed Million Dollar Championship at Summerslam, but he too has a hurdle to jump over first.

    Smash vs. Virgil 8/18/91 WWF Prime Time

    I put him down as Smash because thatís who it is, but incredibly here heís wearing a mask and billed as ďmasked wrestlerĒ, a hired gun Ted bought to take on Virgil. Amazing that Demolition was one of the hottest things ever just a couple years back. Ted comes down to try to cost Virgil the match, but Virgil gets the win. Ok, I really only included this because of the Smash thing, I couldnít believe that when I saw it.

    Awesomeness Rating: **

    And now for the main attraction!

    Ted DiBiase (w/Sensational Sherri) vs. Virgil, WWF Million Dollar Championship 8/26/91 WWF Summerslam

    GM: Donít you think Rowdy Roddy Piper has taught Virgil a few things that will give him an advantage?

    BH: Sure, taught him how to iron that skirt just right.
    The structure and storytelling of this match is phenomenal, but Iíll just say up front itís Roddy Piperís commentary that elevates this match to an even higher level. Itís on the level of Heenan at the í92 Rumble, which is the biggest compliment I can possibly give a commentary performance. Piper lives and dies with everything Virgil does and the energy would be infectious even if the crowd wasnít already also going nuts for everything in this one. Itís genuinely amazing how the story elevates this to the level of greatness. Sherri blatantly interferes when Ted is on the ropes and it seems like itíll be a DQ, but the ref instead sends Sherri to the back and lets the match continue to an enormous pop. Ted regains the advantage and is beating Virgil into the crowd, and he stops to taunt Piper, saying ďThis is for you!Ē. I still get chills when I think about Piper, fists clenched, voice filled with pain and anger, screams back ďItís not for me! Itís for him!Ē. Ted goes to batter Virgilís head into an exposed turnbuckle, but Virgil turns it around and gets the shocking win. Awesome, awesome match. Seriously people, chills! This is one to watch!

    Awesomeness Rating: ****ĺ

    The War Is (Finally) Over

    I really think this is the year Hogan went insane. In one promo, he threatens to put a grenade in Slaughterís pants and claims Slaughter puts grenades in the popcorn boxes of children.

    Sergeant Slaughter (w/Iron Sheik & Adnan Al-Kassie) vs. Hulk Hogan, WWF Championship 8/18/91 WWF Prime Time

    I just donít like the matches these guys have. Slaughter is underrated but Hogan has become so formula, I know some folks think he was only ever this way but heís strikingly different than he was 4-5 years ago, or even more recently than that. Adnan throws salt or something in Hoganís eyes and he does this dumb thing where heís pretending to be blind but also pointing right at Slaughter. Is he trying to tattle on him? The heels triple team Hogan and the match is over by DQ.

    GM: Slaughter continues the attack after the bell!

    BH: You let Jake put the snake on people, Duggan can come after you with a 2x4, so fairís fair.
    Sid very slowly walks to the ring to make the save, because donít forget heís involved in this storyline as a guest referee who is very bad at articulating if heís a good guy or a bad guy.

    GM: Which way do you think Sid Justice is going to lean, Anvil?

    BH: Well, in my opinion-

    GM: Nobody wants your opinion!
    Awesomeness Rating: *

    Sergeant Slaughter, Iron Sheik, & Adnan Al-Kassie vs. Hulk Hogan & Ultimate Warrior 8/26/91 WWF Summerslam

    Speaking of Sid, this match features way, way too much focus on the referee, on top of the other problems it has. Slaughter tries to make it worthwhile with big bumping but the crowd isnít really into this, especially compared to the Savage/Liz wedding. Thereís one sequence where Sid forces Hogan out of the corner and then looks dumbfounded when Slaughter takes advantage. At least I think he was dumbfounded, that could just be his normal face. Piper on commentary gives us a brief ray of light as he talks about the history between Iron Sheik and Hogan in í83, god bless him.

    BH: I donít like the teamwork of Hogan and Warrior, the way theyíre isolating Slaughter.

    Piper: You donít like nothing.

    BH: I like myself!
    In the end, Warrior chases the other two out of the arena in his last moment in the company for quite some time, while Hogan BLANTANTLY CHEATS and throws powder in Slaughterís eyes. Hogan pins him while Sid does a ridiculous fast count to give Hogan the win.

    This was honestly garbage, Iím ready for Hogan to go away now. Hogan motions Sid back to the ring and Sid makes the dumbest expression on godís green earth. He just comes off like a complete idiot in all of this, I really canít stress that enough.

    Awesomeness Rating: ľ*

    Jailhouse Jacques

    GM: Bossman and the Mountie, one of them is going to jail for the night!

    BH: What do you think is worse, being in that room full of snakes or a New York City jail?

    GM: Please!

    BH: I mean, Iíve seen whatís outside in New York. Can you imagine whatís in?
    Big Bossman vs. Jacques Rougeau (Jimmy Hart) 8/26/91 WWF Summerslam

    In case you havenít picked up on it yet, this match has the stipulation that the loser has to spent the night in jail, which is either kind of stupid or completely awesome, and probably both. Plus youíve got two underrated wrestlers here who are great at getting the crowd hot. A recipe for success? I think so!

    As we get into the match we see more of Bossmanís god-like punches, truly one of the best punchers ever and not appreciated nearly enough for it. Mountie is damn good too for his part, and the fans are WAY into this match. People have really bought into the characters and the consequences of the match, over-the-top though it all maybe itís something purely fun. Bossman avoids the Mountieís foreign object of choice, the ďshock stickĒ, and hits what is basically the Alabama Slam to get the win! Through the night we see clips of Mountie being dragged off to jail, which are pretty fun for the most part, barring a little implied shenanigans from Jacquesí burly cell mate.

    Iíll just take this moment to say after a somewhat lame Wrestlemania, theyíre really rebounded with some strong and iconic stories in í91. Well, that stupid Hogan/Slaughter angle notwithstanding, anyway.

    BH: Big Bossman looks stupid.

    Neidhart: You look stupid!

    BH: I look stupid? You look ugly! I can fix stupid, but you canít fix ugly!
    Awesomeness Rating: ****Ĺ

    Legion of Champions

    Hawk & Animal vs. Brian Knobbs & Jerry Sags (w/Jimmy Hart), No DQ, WWF Tag Team Championships 8/26/91 WWF Summerslam

    BH: The surgeon general should put a warning on this Nasty Boys match, it could be hazardous to your health!

    Piper: They should put a warning on YOU.
    Thereís a common narrative that the Road Warriors were ďbad wrestlersĒ, and I guess thatís true, if you hate things that awesome. LOD is great fun, whether they are creaming a team of jobbers or smashing their way to the tag team championships, I pretty much always enjoy watching them. The Nasty Boys are a different story, but at least they can are game to brawl with Hawk and Animal and put on a better than average showing here. LOD actually hits the Doomsday Device on the big boys, and weíve got new tag team champions!!

    Awesomeness Rating: ***Ĺ

    The Dragon Bulldog Tornado

    Ricky Steamboat, Davey Boy Smith, & Kerry Von Erich vs. Tanaka, Kato, & Sato (w/Mr Fuji) 8/18/91 WWF Prime Time

    Iím not sure whatís weirder, this random collection of babyfaces that are thrown together for this short span or seeing all three member of the Orient Express together, I thought Sato was long, long gone. On paper this is a warm up for the faces but actually itís quite good in and of itself, Steamboat plays face in peril for a long time before hot tagging Bulldog, who does a pretty damn great house of fire run. He tags Steamboat back in to get the win with the Crossbody. Sorry Fuji!

    Awesomeness Rating: ****

    Ricky Steamboat, Davey Boy Smith, & Kerry Von Erich vs. Hercules, Paul Roma, & Warlord (w/Slick) 8/26/91 WWF Summerslam

    And hereís the match they were warming up for! I guess what remains of Slickís stable is more PPV worthy than what remains of Fujiís stable. This match is actually even more fun, I had a great time with it. One thing I noticed is Bulldog is really, really over, despite his lack of promo skills. In the end Steamboat pins Roma, which is a little surprising since the WWF hasnít really given a crap about him since he came back. Still, very fun match!

    Awesomeness Rating: ****ľ

    The Figure 4 against the W-4

    Greg Valentine vs. Irwin R Schyster 8/26/91 WWF Summerslam

    Piper: The Hammer never makes the same mistake twice!

    BH: Yeah, he always makes it at least 3 or 4 times.
    So this match isnít really important at all, but I am definitely including it still due to my extreme love of Greg Valentine, who is still a brilliant wrestler even as the WWF dims his spotlight. And you know what? I think this is actually a pretty good match! Granted, it doesnít get much heat with the crowd, but even so I thought there was some really good stuff in here, from Valentine in particular. But the future is about the former Mike Rotundo, it seems, and he gets the win with a small package.

    GM: Irwin R Schyster, matching up with Greg Valentine!

    BH: The Figure 4 against the W-4.
    Awesomeness Rating: ****

    Bushwhacker Andre

    VM: I always wondered, just how much money passed between you and Andre over the years?

    BH: Thatís awfully personal. You better check with Irwin R Schyster about that.
    Man, this month is just PACKED with notable stuff, be it epic, weird, or craptastic. As much as I love Andre, this one definitely lands in between the second and third option. I give credit to the WWF for desperately trying to think of ways to use Andre now that heís too beat up to wrestle at all anymore, but Iím not sure making him the manager of the Bushwhackers was the way to do it. Nevertheless, itís a notable little tidbit so Iím going to cover it, dammit!

    Earthquake & Typhoon (w/Jimmy Hart) vs. Butch & Luke (w/Andre the Giant) 8/26/91 WWF Summerslam

    GM: Hereís Andre!

    BH: I knew heíd be on crutches.

    GM: What, you think youíre a bit psychic?

    Neidhart: I think youíre a bit psycho.

    BH: Iím surprised you CAN think.
    Wow, this time last year Earthquake was the #1 threat to Hogan. Now heís doingÖ this. For some reason this match is just for the sake of the Bushwhackers making fools of the Disasters while Andre does nothing but stand around at ringside. Donít underestimate the aura of Andre, but even he canít really make this work. Heenan leaves partway through the match (lucky) to confront Hulk Hogan in his locker room, which weíve already seen the result of. Very bad match, please avoid like the plague.

    Piper: Tell me, Bobsie, what would your strategy be if you were managing the Bushwhackers?

    BH: If I was managing the Bushwhackers, I would commit suicide.
    Awesomeness Rating: ľ*

    Last But Not LeastÖ

    This might not mean a lot to you readers, but on 8/25 Bully Busick and Harvey Wippleman both make their debut on WWF Wrestling Challenge. Busick is a burly guy with an epic mustache, and sadly he wonít be around too long. Harvey Wippleman, on the other hand, will last for a very, very long time.

    Neidhart: This guy Busick has got a really unusual moustache.

    BH: You being an expert on bizarre facial hair!

    Miscellaneous Quotes

    Neidhart: Berzerker really did a number on this kid.

    BH: Well, could have been worse. Could have been me.
    BH: Gorilla, I need your help with tickets for Summerslam.

    GM: No way!

    BH: Could I just use your credit cards-

    GM: No!

    BH: Itís just I misplaced mine.
    GM: As a journalist, have you ever considered writing-

    BH: Oh yes, I already have a column!

    GM: Öand not speaking at all?

    BH: Oh, no. The public demands it.
    Neidhart: I get a funny feeling when Iím watching the Undertaker approach the ring.

    BH: My god, your beard is standing straight out!

    Neidhart: It is a little erect, yes.
    GM: Summerslam is sold out, so if you want to see it youíll have to order it, and Brain, donít try to use any of my cards!

    BH: I just misplaced mine, and I need to order for some elderly shut-ins.

    I canít believe I thought this series would get slower when Heenan retired from in ring action! Not only is he now more fully than ever covering the events of the WWF via commentary, and not only is the WWF more eventful now than maybe ever before, but also we have the REAL Worldís Champion coming in very, very soon! Heenan may be in the booth instead of at ringside, but in some ways heís a bigger part of the company than ever before. God, how I love this man!

    The origin of Santino Marellaís finisher?

    Thatís it for today, humanoids. Iíll be back soon with the next entry, until then donít let the ham-and-eggers get you down, and stay awesome!

  2. #2
    Awesome column man...this really takes me back. As this month is exactly when I started watching WWF.

    Aside from the main event, what a stacked summervslam card!

    I remember tbe first time I saw Hennig...He was scouting Bret during a match...Just his way of carrying himself captured my imagination right away. That title change seemed big at the time.

    Virgil and Million Dollar Man had a great story...Ive seen that match and man did Piper put the emotion to it. Big win for Virgil but he just didnt have what it took to follow through.

    I remember watching those Jake/Warrior vignettes. What awesome work. What a way to turn Jake. Im thinking Jake had some creative influence in his stuff around this time. Ive heard him say he wanted to do what Pat Patterson was doing.

    Jake had a great wrestling mind...from the earliest stuff Ive seen from him, he tried to make it matter.

    Thanks for this. I dont remember seeing or reading the transcript to Heenan's first promo that introduced the NWA title and that Flair was coming. This was years before the idea "controversy creates cash" and the WWF seemed more prioritized on the story of it than the shock value of it...not a bad thing.

    Great read. Love all these!

  3. #3
    The Brain
    Join Date
    May 2018
    Benny! Glad to have you on board, I thought this column would be right around the start of your fandom. What an amazing month to start with, right? Bret/Perfect, Virgil/Ted, all the Jake stuff... I believe you're spot on, Jake was meant to take Pat Patterson's position in creative in '92, and Vince going back on his work is a big reason he disappeared so suddenly. I'd love to see a world where Jake got a chance to book through the 90s of WWF. Can you imagine THAT New Generation? Thanks so much for the read and feed!

  4. #4
    Would fuckin' love to see Jake's stuff. He had such a way of bringing the emotion of a situation to life. He really lived on the edge of light and darkness, and that makes good wrestling stories!

  5. #5
    This was a great review of what was going on in WWE in the summer of 91. I actually enjoyed the Match Made In Hell.

    It's really odd that the entire Jake/Savage feud started because Savage didn't invite him to his bachelor party.

    Imagine how absurd it would be for a boxing match or a ufc fight to have a stipulation where the loser went to jail for the night.

  6. #6
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    May 2018
    This was such a transitionary time for WWF. So many odd angles and booking. So much significance in such a short time. Watching Hogan descend, Andre at the end of his time in the business. Mr. Perfect phasing out. Flair coming in. Warrior pulling diva status over his Summerslam pay, ultimately changing their main booking completely. So many variables changing in the equation. And the commentary was the glue keeping it all together imo. Without Heenan, Monsoon, and Piper, this period of time would have been so much more of a train wreck, but instead turned out okay, lol! A nod to the power announcers can have on an audiences entertainment.

    Imagine Heenan running that suicide line in 2019 WWE? Lol. Was a hilarious response to the Bushwhacker question though. I remember that Million Dollar Man vs Virgil feud being WHITE HOT at the time. We were all invested. We all watched Ted treat Virgil like a subhuman for so long, that when Virgil finally snapped fans just couldnt get enough of the unfolding backlash. I dont remember that match being great though, so much as emotionally driven. I may have to watch that again now.

    I have to say it is nice to see some Greg Valentine love. I always enjoyed him. He represents a generation of wrestler that were like last boy scouts in this time in WWF. Like Dino Bravo, and Ivan Putski.

    Fun trip down memory lane as usual. Every time I read these it makes me sad that commentary just does not compare to what it used to be. Though Corey Graves gives me some restored hope. Modern fans have no idea what they are missing! Though a lot of BH's "color" commentary wouldn't be approved for tv in 2019. It shows how much times have changed.

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