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  1. #1
    Senior Member
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    May 2018

    Mizzie & The Spin's Total Non-Stop Wrestling Project #20- So Much Crap, So Little Time

    Mizzie & The Spin’s Total Non-Stop Wrestling Project

    MF: Greeting, mizfan fans and Spinnerets! And welcome aboard the train we can’t stop because the wheels fell off and we’re plummeting off the world’s highest cliff. That’s right, it’s the impending doom that Spin and I share, the TNA project!

    SM: We still have a while to go before we hit the rocks and burn up in a fiery explosion. I have only one question for you? Where to next since we can't change our fate.

    MF: Next stop on this line, some more stupid Russo crap! But we can’t stop, so let’s just crash right into it!

    NWA/TNA #21
    Tennessee State Fairgrounds, Nashville, Tennessee
    November 13th, 2002

    Nerds Are Supposed To Be Smart

    Gotta Love Nerds!

    MF: AJ Styles comes to the ring to start the show, with Mortimer Plumtree in tow. Let me just take a moment to say that Plumtree is a mediocre manager and doesn’t really do anything for me. Plumtree reveals AJ has a rematch for the X Division title written into his contract, which supersedes Kid Kash’s #1 contender spot. Jerry Lynn comes out to the stage and calls him a nerd, which I guess is the mandated insult for Plumtree. Lynn isn’t much of a promo but he gets across that he got the match turned into a three way dance, and points out Kash will be out to get Styles for trying to screw him. Not sure any of these guys desperately need a mic in their hand (Plumtree included), but it got us from A to B.

    SM: Oh look, we are back to interviews starting the show instead of action. If they want to start the show off this way that's fine, but for the love of god give the mic to someone more competent who doesn't seem like a Kardashian caught in the headlights. It is a damn good thing that these men are good wrestlers (Plumtree excluded) because when they talk I find myself awaiting the slasher of this B Horror Movie to finally appear.

    Tony Mamaluke vs. EZ Money

    The Simpsons Predicted This Debut

    MF: Tenay being an enormous mark for EZ Money was not something I anticipated. This is a short but good X Division match to showcase Money, but once again Mamaluke is the guy I’m drawn to. Why didn’t this poor guy get more to do? He takes the single wildest monkey flip bump I’ve ever seen in this one. Money wins with a kind of inside out suplex.

    SM: I really feel that if ECW had continued into the 2000s we would know of Mamaluke in the same way we do RVD, Rhyno, Lynn, etc. He would have had the time to grow and shine before being brought into one of the bigger promotions. Instead he languished around the indies at a time when that wasn't something people could view easily. As for EZ Money he was impressive but not on the level of Mamaluke. A good, if uninspired, X-Division contest to start us off.

    SM Rating: **½
    MF Rating: ***½

    Sonny Siaki vs. Chris Vaughn

    The Only Vaughn That Matters

    MF: Vaughn is a jobber and Siaki squashes him, and does a reasonably good job of it too. I have mixed feelings at best about Siaki, but I am unabashedly a big fan of squash matches.

    SM: I have a rule that I will not rate squash matches above a single star. While they are fantastic story builders, they are barely matches and I have to grade them accordingly. As a segment I enjoyed this and it helps build Siaki for bigger things.

    SM Rating: ½*
    MF Rating: **½

    Tits and Ass

    I Always Appreciate Some T & A

    MF: Goldi is once again forced, possibly at gunpoint, to interview Brian Lawler. We are interrupted by the sounds of fucking from nearby. Lawler bursts into the bathroom to confront a naked April with soap covering her breasts. She somehow doesn’t notice the camera for, like, a whole minute. She makes Lawler leave and we see Bruce hiding in the shower. Does April have the all time record for highest ratio of cringeworthy angles compared to her short time in the business?

    SM: Wait, I thought the entire reason that Bruce was a heel was because he was gay. Isn't that what TNA has been force feeding us? So if he is now sleeping with April during porn shoots, does that make him the top face of the company? I'm so confused and I don't think anything they book is going to help with figuring this out.

    Malice (w/James Mitchell & Belladonna) vs. Kaos

    Poor Guy Can't Even Spell His Name Right

    MF: Before the match, James Mitchell comes out and says his group is not about sports entertainment or traditional wrestling, they’re just about evil. Belladonna, a random hot lady, is now part of the group, and much more excitingly Malice is back!! I don’t care, I like Malice. Kaos is another jobber, which I don’t mind at all. Malice wins with a top rope knee drop to the chest.

    SM: I knew immediately that you would be excited about the return of Malice. I don't love him as much as you but I am happy to have him back and I think he adds the big man character they need to replace the constant barrage of Harris Brother segments. This is once again a squash, but it serves its purpose of making Malice look like a beast.

    SM Rating: ¾*
    MF Rating: **¼

    Jorge Estrada (w/Priscilla) vs. Brian Lawler (w/April)

    Make It Stop!!!

    MF: Brian Lawler thinks the crowd is laughing at him and wonders if there was something on the video earlier that he misses. They do a weird bit where Lawler gets April’s purse around his neck somehow and just wears it for a while. Weird. Of course Priscilla and April “catfight”. Lawler wins a short, boring, bad match.

    SM: It was watchable but completely unneeded, like most of the Lawler crap has been. At this point I'm just tired of seeing his soap opera bullshit and I want him gone. Take Russo with him too. Unless this happens we will once again be watching to see who April sleeps with next. Riveting.

    SM Rating: *
    MF Rating: ¼*

    The NWA Tournament Limps To An End

    NWA Just Needed A Little Powerrr

    MF: Jarrett is backstage and reveals Sean Waltman won’t be here tonight, and he is going straight to the finals. I assume Waltman’s personal problems popped up again, which is a damn shame because he was actually looking very good. Maybe his part in the putrid April angle will be dropped though, so that’s a silver lining. Skipping ahead slightly for the sake of formatting, we also see Road Dogg backstage and he says he and Jarrett will give the fans what they came for. A bad match? Jarrett shows up and wish Dogg luck, and then of course sucker punches him, because Jarrett always gets the upper hand, now and forever.

    SM: In this instance I fully support Jarrett getting the upper hand since Road Dogg doesn't seem to have the ability to walk, let alone wrestle. I am sad to see Waltman go, but at least he doesn't have to be part of the craptastic Lawler feud anymore. I'm sure they will just replace him with the next talented, yet wasted, ex-WWE talent they sign.

    Jimmy Yang vs. Amazing Red

    This Week on Unsung Heroes of Wrestling

    MF: Yang has forsaken the Elvis gimmick, which is just as well. Pleased to see him back. I’m not one for describing spots but suffice to say these two do some really cool stuff that I enjoyed a whole lot. I can’t claim there was a lot of story, but at least I got the sense both guys were trying to get the victory, which goes pretty far with me. Amazing Red wins a very fun, competitive match.

    SM: Right now I'm just happy to see two men who actually look worthy of a spot on a major promotion. After Lawler and Road Dogg I needed a great athletic contest to get the blood pumping again. Red is still one of my all time TNA favorites, and Yang is an example of how badly WWE can waste smaller talents. They didn't tell much of a story, but they showed urgency, desire, and skills. Happy to have this match and would be glad to see them fight again.

    SM Rating: ****¼
    MF Rating: ****¼

    The SATs (Joel & Jose Maximo) vs. The Rainbow Express (Lenny & Bruce)

    If I Keep Repeating It Will Come True

    MF: Ugh, I can’t believe they doubled down by bringing Lenny back. At least he and Bruce are doing far less “evil gay” shtick in the match itself. The Maximos win a not at all good but not horrible match, which I consider a miracle when dealing with this gimmick.

    SM: Of course they are doing less of the gay shtick. Did you not notice how April turned Bruce straight earlier? I mean that's obviously a thing in TNA. The match was far from the worst thing I've seen but that's not saying much in this promotion. They do have some talent here but the match is saddled with a bad gimmick on one of the teams.

    SM Rating: **
    MF Rating: *½

    The Hot Shots (Cassidy O’Reilly & Chase Stevens) vs. Don & Ron Harris

    My Thoughts Exactly NPH

    MF: Before the match, Goldilocks finally talks to someone who isn’t horribly unpleasant, it’s NWA Commissioner (or whatever) Bullet Bob Armstrong. Bob clarifies he fired Don Harris from security but he can still work as a wrestler, which is just the worst decision, Bob. Bob says the company is open to all wrestlers with talent, which doesn’t explain why the Harris Twins are here at all.

    SM: Open to all wrestlers with talent, all wrestlers with no talent, and all bums that accidentally wander in off the streets looking for a warm meal. I think that will nicely explain the Harris Brothers problem.

    MF: We got the match, and I guess all that stupid crap where the Harris bros were mad at each other is just forgotten about now. Fine, it was stupid anyway. I guess we’re just not talking about that. God, the Harris brothers really blow. Of course, they win.

    SM: This was horrendous. The Harris Brothers are a waste of space with zero good qualities. I'm just scared of where this is leading now. In my future I see the Harris Brothers as tag team champions and it makes me want to cry.

    SM Rating: ½*
    MF Rating: *

    B.G. James vs. Jeff Jarrett - NWA #1 Contendership Final

    Nothing To See Hear

    MF: Road Dogg comes out and calls himself a friggin’ idiot, and he’s not wrong. He calls out Jarrett, who comes to the stage and says they’ll wrestle next week. Road Dogg says Jarrett’s dad is a pussy and insults his mom, which makes Jarrett run down and get into a brawl. Bullet Bob Armstrong appears with a referee, and suddenly this is the finals of the tournament. They brawl around the arena and use lots of weapons, even though, nobody said anything about no DQ. Jarrett wins a pretty meh watch with a Stroke onto a chair. The sad thing is Jarrett was probably the better option of the two.

    SM: Jarrett was definitely the better option of the two. If he had some other talents in the main event then Jarrett would be able to show off some of his story telling talent. Sadly, the promotion is weighed down with dead weight in the main event. People like Lawler and Road Dogg who have no business in the title picture. The match sucked, which fits the entire trajectory of the tournament.

    SM Rating: *½
    MF Rating: *½

    America’s Most Wanted (Chris Harris & James Storm) vs. Disciples of New Church (Brian Lee & Slash), NWA Tag Team Championships

    Winners And New Champions!

    MF: AMW comes out of the crowd and starts the match in a brawl. Lotta TNA matches seem to start that way. Slash starts bleeding a bucket again, bless him. Convincing nearfall when Slash hit Storm with the title belt. GOD so dramatic, Storm blocks an attempt stab with the spike! Awwww, but disappointingly AMW’s undefeated streak is blown here, as shenanigans get New Church the win and the titles. It was pretty dramatic so I’ll give them some credit, but felt like AMW had more in the tank for their first title run.

    SM: The whole story these two teams are pulling off is fantastic, but I do think that they could have built things up more before doing the title change and taking the undefeated streak from AMW. This was brutal in all the best ways with Slash stealing the show once again. Jesus that man is willing to bleed buckets to build the tension and the drama of the story. Got to appreciate and respect that.

    SM Rating: ***½
    MF Rating: ***½

    AJ Styles (w/Mortimer Plumtree) vs. Jerry Lynn vs. Kid Kash, TNA X Division Championship

    Kash Has A Message For Russo

    MF: Pleased Kash got this spot. All these men can do loads of cool things, and they do! Similar in style to what you would expect from the X Division, again I won’t try to go spot by spot but these guys definitely come out to impress here, and with me they succeed. Lynn pins Kash with the piledriver to regain the title once again, after AJ is dropped onto Plumtree like an anvil.

    SM: We have been pretty spot on throughout this show, besides the squash match ratings. That will continue here as I found this to be nearly perfect. All three men showed off their immense talents and no one looked outmatched. I was really cheering for Kash in this one, but I'm ok with creating some stability atop the division.

    SM Rating: ****½
    MF Rating: ****½

    God, Another Segment???

    This Is The Show That Never Ends

    MF: They really packed this show to the gills, didn’t they? Last and possibly least, Jarrett comes out with a mic with words for Ron Killings. He says Killings is the first black NWA champion and he worked hard to achieve that. Jarrett complains he’s been screwed for months but now his time has come. Jarrett name drops past NWA champions, including Sting. He, of course, talks about being in WWF. Next week he’ll become champion. Meh, I say!

    SM: Chances are Jarrett is correct in his statement. Killings hasn't exactly been booked to light the ring on fire during his reign. A change may be in order to freshen things up a bit. The hopeful thing would be a new booker, but I'll take giving a new champion a try. We shall find out starting next week.

    MF: Well that brings us quickly to the end of another hectic episode, Spinny, and as usual the good things are a bit overwhelmed by some of the more obvious crap.

    SM: Once again the X-Division and the Tag champs steal the show. Unfortunately everything else was pure crap and I feel like we are going deeper into the depths of despair.

    MF: It’s all par for the course, I suppose! Now excuse me as I strap in my seatbelt for the inevitable crash on this crazy ride. Say goodbye to the people, Spinny!

    SM: Goodbye people! Until next time, keep spinning through life and be careful of becoming April's next conquest.

  2. #2
    The Brain
    Join Date
    May 2018
    I died at the line about Bruce now being the top face of the promotion. Love your half and the pictures as always, Spin man.

  3. #3
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2018
    Normally I comment on what happened on the show but this time around I want to comment on the X-Division as a whole. I think the X-Division should have been TNA's selling point. A division where it did not matter what size you were and continusoulsy had fresh, exciting matches is what should have been the foundation for TNA. I don't even think they needed a World Title if they were to just focus on the X-Division. Just tag titles would do. Imagine all focus on the X-Division, mixed with tag team wrestling and none of the stupid,"edgy" shit TNA were trying to do and logical, sensible booking. TNA could have been very unique in it's early days and a great watch. Too bad for them they were in the fallout from the Attitude Era and Russo was still living in the past.

    Another awesome column guys!

  4. #4
    Lamb of LOP anonymous's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2018
    186 miles from Sheepster
    I love these columns so much. I love you guys so much. Most of all, I love Jeff Jarrett and feel this show needed more of him.

  5. #5
    The Brain
    Join Date
    May 2018
    Donnie, I'm split on whether focusing even more on the X Division would have helped TNA in this era. On the one hand it feels like yes, because it's something that really put them apart from the WWE and looking back now it's clearly the only thing that's really stood the test of time. On the other hand, as good as these X Division matches are, nobody involved is too good on the mic or has a big personality like you'd expect from a top star. So it might have only succeeded in making them into Ring of Honor, which only gets you so far. The other factor is I'm not sure the weekly PPV thing could have possibly succeeded no matter what they did, it's just a bad business model! But anything that spares me from the worst of this crap would have been welcome, so I'm inclined to agree with you overall!

    Nony, love you too! You're gonna love the next column!

  6. #6
    Senior Member
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    May 2018
    These are fun columns. I vaguely remembered TNA being this bad, and it is amusing to see it all revisited. I will say though, there should be some light at the end of the tunnel, as I remember 04 being pretty damn solid for them!

    Keep these coming if you can survive till then! Great job Miz and Spin

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