Results 1 to 6 of 6
  1. #1
    HUGE Member TheLAW's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2018
    Posts
    213

    Sorry! It's TheLAW: The One that Cost $749.99

    What the fuck is a Humberto Del Rio? Why won't Ric Flair die? Why does Hulk Hogan have a job? Why hasn't Alexa Bliss answered any of my DM's? Why did someone do Hot Baley's Makeup with a shotgun? These are just a few of the things I find myself wondering as we come to yet another week of garbage ass professional wrestling by SJAEW and WWEhateourfans. That's right, my people, I have returned to remind you that everything that you pretend you like is actually a pile of extra ripe dog shit!

    The Fuck You List was a little harder to put together this week because adulting and jobs and shit, but by gawd, I made it before the end of the night and I have successfully completed my weekly rant requirement until I give this shit up and go back to drinking myself to death.

    Well fuck, they murdered The Fiend. The one and the only character that could have brought me back to professional wrestling and they not only killed him, but they did it after they made him the most stupidly strong/weak entity in history by having him kick out of everything and still need to be saved by a referee. It's fuckin over folks. Apparently, when these two meet again this week in a steel cage, Seth went over. This is an obvious result, but why in the fuck are you giving this match away. I don't care if it's a mother fucking Dark Main Event! HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW ABOUT CELLPHONES YOU DUMB MOTHERFUCKERS!!!??? He has now been overexposed and bested not once but twice by Rollins and will receive the same treatment somehow at Hadji's Blood Bath. Do you know what that means? It's off to SmackDown to get rebooted before they feed him to Roman Fucking Reigns the fucking stupid fucks! FUCK!

    New Law: Why are you doing this to me? Fucking seriously! Knock it the fuck off you raging cocksucker dick fart assholes!!!

    There is literally next to nothing to report on AEW for me this week. I saw two news stories on them all week. Cody gave free tickets to some dip shit with a shotty tattoo, and Jim Ross can't remember Jungle Boy's wrestling name. Fucking whoopie! This was the massive cultural shift we were told about? This is the phoenix that was going to rise from the ashes of WCW while being inclusive and making sure you knew it? Marks helping marks and relics breaking the fourth wall on accident. But it's ok because Jungle Jack Perry Frootie Loops Bunghole thinks it's A-OK. I hope his Dinosaur drops him on his stupid head.

    New LAW: Kayfabe was never a bad thing you stupid shits! Just because we know stuff doesn't make it worse. We know MMA is real and that shit blows donkey balls. JR, do your fucking homework or go the fuck home you cow! Leave it to the announcer who wears the mask because that makes just as much sense as dragging your dead ass through another two-hour wrestling show.

    Finn Balor has been demoted to NXT and people are actually excited about it! This was the first Red Vines Champion EVER and you guys are seriously ok with him going back to developmental. Don't try to tell me it's not developmental either. It fucking is. Tamina fucking Snuka is on the main roster and Finn Balor just got sent back to developmental and everyone cheered for it. The saddest part is that it won't move that rating needle by a fucking tick to compete with the shiny new toy in the Wednesday Night Tickle Fight and the ONLY person that is going to take the blame so far is Finn. Everyone else is untested.

    New LAW:
    Stupid Stupid Stupid Fucking Decision. Should have been Ziggler.

    The WWE FOX Twitter account has politely asked that you all stop the "What?" Chants because you're disrespectful little assholes and you should be ashamed of yourselves. That's a Hall Of Famer Damnit! You know for a FUCKING FACT that is a WWE run account and has nothing to do with the actual FOX company. WWE finally has a cover to make sure they can lash out at their fans and someone else can take the blame. If it is an actual FOX account, I only have one thing to say.

    New LAW: Hey, FOX... Get Fucked you Disney Blowing Simpson Fuckers! You're a means to an end and in no way have any control over what paying fans will do with their time. Miss me with that "disrespect" bullshit too. WWE has been insulting my intelligence since I was five years old. Payback's a bitch. Hey, WWE... We already hate your corporate sponsors so please don't create fake ones to bitch about the people that keep your fucking lights on!

    Last but not least, in their infinite wisdom, the WWE has made sure that The Undertaker will eventually be a posthumous Inductee to the Hall Of Fame with ridiculously long contracts and making sure that he will never retire. He will wrestle another match in 2020, then he will wrestle in 2021, and so on and so on until he dies in the ring at the hands of Rey Mysterio or one of his latest MMA "Family Members" in Saudi Arabia. But it's all gonna be ok, you guys! Because now we have this!

    front-plate-taker-title.jpg

    The Undertaker Legacy Championship! What a fuckin belt! This. This right here proves that WWE still remembers how to make good looking championship belts. They just choose not to because fuck us and fuck us harder for liking them. This actually brings me some hope for the future because maybe they will treat Taker with the respect he deserves... Wait... What? It can't be... SEVEN-HUNDRED- FORTY-FUCKING-COCK-SUCKING-DOLLARS-AND-NINETY-NINE-Cents!!! This, my friends, is how you keep the Undertaker happy when you screw him out of an SD Payday and keep that Saudi Gold out of his hands. There you have it. The Undertaker is just a greedy fuck too. $800 Dollars for Epoxy, Faux Leather, Chrome Plating, Velvet, and a Coffin Box. No Gold, No Diamonds, No actual Cow Skin. What a fucking joke. This one gets two New LAWS.

    New LAW (1): Nostalgia only reminds us how badly everything sucks today! What I wouldn't give for both of these companies to let the past be the past and actually build something for the future that doesn't completely fucking suck or that they don't ruin because of Cena/Rollins/Reigns.

    New LAW (2): It is time to kill The Deadman. The character is passed its sell-by date. He can't go in the ring anymore. He works less than Brock fucking Lesnar and now he's just stealing from people, or at the very least allowing the company to do it for him. Undertaker was my favorite professional wrestler of all time. I m going to quote him verbatim to end this diatribe of shit.


    "My biggest worry in life as far as wrestling is concerned is that I am in the ring, and some father who watched me for years takes his son and he goes, 'you know son, this is The Undertaker here. I wish you could have seen him when...' that means it is time for me to hang it up."

    Tune in next week and see if I can find a reason to give enough of a fuck to write another one.

    *UPDATE* Saw his Instagram today... Yeah... Undertaker is on fucking Instagram. Point Proven. But anyways his last post was just this belt. No caption or comment. Just a fucking money grab by another sell out has been. #thankyoutaker
    Last edited by TheLAW; 3 Weeks Ago at 04:18 AM.

  2. #2
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2018
    Posts
    355
    Bray Wyatt will never succeed in the WWE. They had a good thing going with The Fiend but over-exposure and having him fight for a World Title that the champion was ready to lose was a dumb move. I wouldn't be surprised if Wyatt is repackaged within a year.

    NXT is definitely in need of starpower but unfortunately Finn wasn't it. Poor guy. He is now under a shitload of pressure as the biggest name on the roster. But that ratings needle though...

    LOL at the "What" chants! I didn't even know they did that. Fans will hijack a show if they're bored so the onus is on WWE to keep th fans entertained. However, sometimes the people in the crowd just wants to be dicks for the sake being dicks.

    Yip, I agree, The Undertaker needs to go. One more match at Wrestlemania. Retirement match! And he should stay away for good.

  3. #3
    The Brain
    Join Date
    May 2018
    Posts
    3,203
    I'm all for demoting Ziggler! I would think they would have wanted to demote him off the face of the earth ever since that match where a ticking clock was far more over than he was.

    Anyone who buys that Undertaker belt should probably be eaten alive.

  4. #4
    LOP's part time glass ceiling DynamiteBillington's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2018
    Location
    TrowVegas
    Posts
    700
    "My biggest worry in life as far as wrestling is concerned is that I am in the ring, and some father who watched me for years takes his son and he goes, 'you know son, this is The Undertaker here. I wish you could have seen him when...' that means it is time for me to hang it up."
    I don't have kids. Never wanted them, never saw the point of having them. But aside from that, I'm the guy he's talking about here. I don't have a son to say it to, but I say it to myself every time he gets back in the ring.



    Quote Originally Posted by Don Franc View Post
    One more match at Wrestlemania. Retirement match!
    It may not have been the official stipulation, but he had that already with Reigns. And he had the perfect send off.
    If he'd come back the next year for the Cena match as Biker Taker to retire that gimmick as well I could have accepted it.
    Now?
    Fuck him. He has totally ruined his legacy.



    Quote Originally Posted by mizfan View Post
    Anyone who buys that Undertaker belt should probably be eaten alive.
    You know what? If that belt had been released to mark his retirement after the Reigns match, I'd probably have taken a punt on it as an investment. Now? His legacy is so fucked it's no wonder they made the belt out of fake leather.
    FACT or FICTION: The Battle for Authority
    PM me to get involved.

  5. #5
    LOP's part time glass ceiling DynamiteBillington's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2018
    Location
    TrowVegas
    Posts
    700
    And here's something else you can create a new law for:
    The AEW tag team seeding system. Noticed it a couple of weeks ago, they made the same mistake this week. Private Party are the 8th seed in the tournament, yet one of the other teams gets a bye in the first round so there's only 7 teams. Seriously, that means Private Party are less likely to win than a team that doesn't exist.
    They definitely need a new law to get that sorted.
    FACT or FICTION: The Battle for Authority
    PM me to get involved.

  6. #6
    HUGE Member TheLAW's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2018
    Posts
    213
    F2F: Sorry I've been a little behind, boys. Was one hell of a knockout drunk ass weekend!


    Don Franc:
    Bray Wyatt will never succeed in the WWE. They had a good thing going with The Fiend but over-exposure and having him fight for a World Title that the champion was ready to lose was a dumb move. I wouldn't be surprised if Wyatt is repackaged within a year.

    NXT is definitely in need of starpower but unfortunately Finn wasn't it. Poor guy. He is now under a shitload of pressure as the biggest name on the roster. But that ratings needle though...

    LOL at the "What" chants! I didn't even know they did that. Fans will hijack a show if they're bored so the onus is on WWE to keep th fans entertained. However, sometimes the people in the crowd just wants to be dicks for the sake being dicks.

    Yip, I agree, The Undertaker needs to go. One more match at Wrestlemania. Retirement match! And he should stay away for good.
    Looks like we agree on just about everything except for the Undertaker. He is without question my favorite wrestler in history, but if I have to see him wheeled out for another match that's the caliber of the Goldberg match, I might finally stop watching wrestling all together.

    mizfan:
    I'm all for demoting Ziggler! I would think they would have wanted to demote him off the face of the earth ever since that match where a ticking clock was far more over than he was.

    Anyone who buys that Undertaker belt should probably be eaten alive.
    Don't forget, Seth Freakin Stinkshow Rollins was in that match too! I think it's beyond fair to say that Ziggles was done dirty one too many times.

    If the belt was real leather, had diamonds in it, and wasn't filled out with fucking epoxy, I'd probably buy it in a heart beat. It looks incredible, but you can tell based on what its made out of that it cost them at the most 200 dollars to make it. I will never buy something that has that kind of price gouging margin on it that doesn't say Harley-Davidson.

    Dynamite:
    "My biggest worry in life as far as wrestling is concerned is that I am in the ring, and some father who watched me for years takes his son and he goes, 'you know son, this is The Undertaker here. I wish you could have seen him when...' that means it is time for me to hang it up."

    I don't have kids. Never wanted them, never saw the point of having them. But aside from that, I'm the guy he's talking about here. I don't have a son to say it to, but I say it to myself every time he gets back in the ring.
    Me 100% fuckin too!

    Also Dyno:
    And here's something else you can create a new law for:
    The AEW tag team seeding system. Noticed it a couple of weeks ago, they made the same mistake this week. Private Party are the 8th seed in the tournament, yet one of the other teams gets a bye in the first round so there's only 7 teams. Seriously, that means Private Party are less likely to win than a team that doesn't exist.
    They definitely need a new law to get that sorted.
    I haven't had the luxury of being able to pay attention to this tournament, but I think that any time there a bye week in professional wrestling someone is fucking up. Tournaments should always be one night events. I don't care if it's a five hour show. spreading tournaments out over weeks only makes the tournament aspect pointless because all of the participants have too much time to rest in between.

    Thanks for all the feed boys.

    I am going to try to squeeze one more of these out before the month is over. I am leaning towards Thursday morning.
    Last edited by TheLAW; 2 Weeks Ago at 06:47 PM.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •