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  1. #1
    Senior Member
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    May 2018

    Mizzie & The Spin's Total Non-Stop Wrestling Project #21- Long Live The King!

    Mizzie & The Spin’s Total Non-Stop Wrestling Project

    MF: Greetings, mizfan fans and Spinnerets! And welcome again to this showcase of human misery and suffering. Specifically our misery and suffering. You bunch of sickos! Do they enjoy seeing us in pain, Spinny??

    SM: At this point, based on the comments I've read, I would say some of these folks are a sadistic as Russo himself, or at least as crazy as we are. They love and laugh at our pain my friend.

    MF: The joke’s on you, because after you read this, you’ll have suffered too! You can’t escape now, it’s too late!

    NWA/TNA #22
    Tennessee State Fairgrounds, Nashville, Tennessee
    November 20th, 2002

    I’m Passionate, You’re Passionate, We’re All Passionate

    Toys Do No Lie! Jarrett is a Legend!

    MF: The show opens and quickly segues to another one of Mike Tenay’s patented soft-talking sit down interviews, with the probably soon to be former champ Ron “The Truth” Killings. Killings dismisses thoughts of the mysterious Mr Wrestling III, which seems like a tactical error but what do I know? He’s thinking about Jeff Jarrett, which makes one of us. Killings praises Jarrett’s passion but claims he is passionate about being champion too, because it justifies how much he struggled to make it to this point. All Jarrett had to struggle against was his own mediocrity. Killings didn’t say that, but he should have. Sorry Nony, sorry Spin!

    SM: Two of us, Mizzie. I'm also thinking about Jarrett and how he needs to win the title soon and bring some stability with him. Really now Mizfan? Jarrett struggled against fans who refused to see his talent, friendships with bad influences, and working for a man who refused to push someone who wasn't jacked up or sleeping with his daughter. Also, is a man who cheered Miz during the early 10s really going to judge Jarrett for mediocrity? Haha. Kidding. Maybe.

    Sonny Siaki & EZ Money vs. Divine Storm (Chris Divine & Quiet Storm, w/Trinity)

    So This is What A Divine Storm Looks Like

    MF: TNA has a real habit of bringing in random new people all the time, and you never know if you’re going to see them again or not. It’s actually kind of fun, but it does make it hard to know if it’s worth paying attention to some of these wrestlers. The team of Divine Storm is accompanied by a valet named Trinity, I believe the same one who showed up with Kevin Thorn in WWE ECW later on. She does a moonsault off the top to the floor, which is admittedly impressive! But the push is still very much behind Sonny Siaki and Tenay’s BFF EZ Money, and they get the win in a decent match.

    SM: I cannot speak for Divine Storm's longevity with the company, but as for Trinity she is here for the foreseeable future unless I'm remembering a fever dream instead of old TNA episodes. They are pretty much the same thing anyways. Match is fine but nothing to write home about. I enjoyed the new team, and EZ Money continues to impress me. Siaki is still being pushed to the moon, which I just cannot justify.

    SM Rating: *½
    MF Rating: **¾

    Malice (w/James Mitchell & Belladonna) vs. Kory Williams

    Now This Is A Five Star Squash

    MF: James Mitchell proclaims before the match that having the tag titles isn’t enough for the New Church, he wants the world title as well. Malice is wearing a vest that says “I Hate You”, which is at least a very clear statement. Quick squash to win, but damn you Spinny, I’m rating it as the spirit moves me!

    SM: And I'll give this review the same amount of time as the match. There, done.

    SM Rating: ¼*
    MF Rating: *¾

    The SATs (Joel & Jose Maximo) vs. The Harris Twins (Don & Ron Harris)

    Actual Evidence of the Harris Brothers Final Exam Grade

    MF: Ughhhhhhhhh. I’m going to put off talking about the stupid Harris Twins a little longer to ask this pertinent question: who is Athena and why are there a ton of signs for her every single week? It’s, like, the most common sign I see. Ok, in fairness this match is probably the hardest I’ve ever seen either Harris work, so I’ll give them a little bit of credit. One ok match doesn’t make up for so many months of suck, and of course the Twins win again, but it certainly could have been a lot worse.

    SM: Oh no, poor Mizzie has watched so much TNA that he is actually beginning to think that the Harris Brothers are bordering on ok wrestlers. If we don't return for a long time it's because we have entered Mizfan in rehab. I won't let the Harris Brothers get you buddy. As for the SATs, they tried their best and I will give them all the credit in the world for pulling something out of the DOA boys that was only slightly cringeworthy.

    SM Rating: *¼
    MF Rating: **½

    Live Footage From Inside A Dumpster Fire

    Move Along. Nothing to See Here

    MF: Goldilocks interviews April, who if you forgot (lucky if you did) is Brian Lawler’s cuckolding girlfriend. April, with the acting ability of a 10 year old, denies she was in the shower last week with Bruce and it was all a camera trick, or something. Bruce appears and agrees it was a trick. Bruce’s partner Lenny appears and, with April-esque promo skills, accuses Bruce of being a “wannabe homo” and says he should be Miss TNA now. Brian Lawler appears and attacks Bruce. If everyone in that segment except Goldilocks was erased from TNA, the overall quality would jump immensely.

    SM: I'm sorry folks but I just can't seem to write anything about this segment. Each time I try to think about it, I go into a state of shock and have to spend 30 minutes in the corner holding a teddy bear to my chest and screaming "Save Me Goldi". I just cannot explain why that is happening. Maybe we should just move on?

    B.G. James vs. Lenny

    In Honor of King Zak, Here Is A Puppy

    MF: Good lord, must we endure a Lenny singles run?? Not even Russo’s TNA could hate me that much. God, and he’s paired against Road Dogg at his career low. This went from ha-ha horrible to fuck-everyone-involved horrible real fast, as Dogg starts to scream he will now beat the hell out of a f*ggot, to a big cheer no less. Holy fucking hell. Lenny’s main offense is rubbing his dick on Dogg’s butt. If I had to choose between this Lenny/Bruce thing and the guys wrestling as penises, I say bring on the Johnsons. Bruce appears and beats up Lenny, while Dogg makes ridiculous catfight gestures. Unbelievably, the match and my suffering continues, and Brian Lawler once again appears to attack Bruce. Dogg just randomly wins in the middle of everything. April comes down and… what… Goldilocks comes down and… kisses her… and they… walk up the ramp holding hands… how did I not see the evil lesbian turn coming? That’s like Russo’s #1 go to. Of course they need to ruin Goldilocks too, who up to this point has been great at pointing out how stupid this shit is and keeping me sane. This was absolutely wretched, up there with the Dupp Cupp and the masterbating midget in a trash can.

    SM: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! My beloved Goldi has been paid with Saudi blood money no doubt. She has entered the dark side of TNA, where Russo forces everyone to give him foot massages while he watches women being yelled at on repeat all day. Without Goldi fighting for our sanity, how can we ever hope to survive the rest of this series. Excuse me, I need to go back to my corner and reflect on my life choices.

    SM Rating: I Want A Refund and I Didn't Even Pay
    MF Rating: Someone should have been prosecuted for this

    AJ Styles (w/Mortimer Plumtree) vs. Jorge Estrada (w/Priscilla) vs. Crimson Dragon

    This Dude Got Some Serious Power

    MF: Dragon is in fact Chris Hamrick in a mask, whom you may have seen gifs of doing his signature bump out of the ring. Tenay is absolutely obsessed about who is under the mask, so I don’t know if something will come of that or not. Hamrick does quite well here, actually. Cool finish as AJ hits the Styles Clash on Crimson off the ropes down onto Jorge. Not up to the standard of the best X Division stuff but it was pretty fun.

    SM: The best thing about the X division is that even the less stellar matches are still head and tails above most of the other stuff on the card. Styles continues to be leaps and bounds ahead of others his age, while Estrada attempts to prove he is better in the ring than the Elvis gimmick would suggest. Dragon was a fun addition here, and while he didn't make things better, he also didn't bring them down a level, so that's all I can ask for with these seemingly part time performers.

    SM Rating: ***½
    MF Rating: ***¾

    America’s Most Wanted (Chris Harris & James Storm) vs. Disciples of the New Church (Brian Lee & Slash, w/James Mitchell & Belladonna), NWA Tag Team Championships

    #1 on America's Most Wanted List

    MF: AMW is backstage, and they yell at Goldilocks that they have no plan except beat up James Mitchell. James Storm says he’ll break Belladonna’s neck if she gets involved. A Russo double-shot, scream at one woman that you’re going to try to murder another woman. The match is another chaotic start, as they brawl wildly around ringside, but they’re good at it so I can’t exactly blame them. They have another good match but Chris Harris is DQ’d when he uses the New Church’s spike. Belladonna does get involved and James Storm indeed beats the shit out of her, of course. AMW also beats up the ref for some reason. They try to beat up Mitchell but security appears, so AMW beats them all up too. If this ends with AMW taking back the titles in a bloodbath of a match, I’ll actually be very pleased. I’m not holding my breath, it’ll probably end with AMW fighting Belladonna in a handicap match.

    SM: Stop giving Russo ideas Mizzie. I don't care that this happened years ago. Do not underestimate the power of Russo's woman hatred. He will invent a time machine and go back to make that match happen. While I sit in fear of that happening I'll review this match. AMW are still the heartbeat of the Tag division, but it is great to see another team finally pushed to their level, and not being outperformed week in and week out. I really hope that this all leads to a big feud ending match, but with Russo it will probably just be randomly dropped in favor of a Harris Brothers push. Oh no, now I gave him an idea.

    SM Rating: **¾
    MF Rating: ***¾

    Jerry Lynn vs. Amazing Red, TNA X Division Championship

    Long Live The X Division

    MF: Tenay does another sit down interview with Red before the match. Red mumbles that he likes to come up with new moves. Red seems super uncomfortable doing a promo. He does say he was inspired by Hulk Hogan!! Maybe just liked one of his two colors? Yeah, never, ever give Amazing Red a microphone ever again. Goldi talks to Lynn as well, and he kind of blandly says he’s looking forward to the match. TNA really has trouble finding guys who are both good on the mic AND in the ring.

    SM: Yea…. That was pretty bad. As great as these men are in the ring, they are equally as bad on the mic. Personally, I will sacrifice talking for the ability to actually wrestle and tell me a story, but it would sure be nice to have a couple X division wrestlers that could do both.

    MF: The match itself is pretty great as expected, Red is really something in his athletic ability and Lynn is great at stringing these matches together with some story elements. It’s usually just that he’s the veteran who is a bit more wiley than his reckless young opponent, but that’s something to hang your hat on at least.

    SM: Hey, at least it is more of a story then I flip, you flip, we both flip, woohoo! That seems to be the "story" of the majority of these indy style matches today, and back then. I love the athleticism, and I want to see the flippy flops, but you need to add in a story to suck me in and get me on the edge of my seat. Happy that Lynn sees the importance of this and continues to impart his wisdom on these younger guys.

    SM Rating: ****¼
    MF Rating: ****¼

    Ron Killings vs. Jeff Jarrett, NWA Championship

    Another Jarrett Picture Just for Mizfan

    MF: I actually have no idea if either of these guys are faces or heels at this point. Both have basically been assholes but leading up to this match became weirdly respectful. Therefore, I have absolutely no reason to root for either one. And that’s why faces and heels, or at least well defined characters, are important. The match plods along for a while and then perks up a little bit when Jarrett gets busted open. They fight into the crowd and Killings jumps off a railing to put Jarrett through a table in a decently cool moment. Mr Wrestling III appears during a ref bump and, for some reason, pretends he will hit Jarrett before hitting Killings with a guitar. That kind of tease works better when the audience has any fucking clue about your motivation, idiot. Oh, and then Jarrett wins. It had some moments but considering who was involved, this was never going to be a good or interesting match. The Triple H of TNA is now in place. And Mr Wrestling reveals himself to be… wait for it… fucking Vince Russo. Mike Tenay screams “oh shit!” and so do I, but where he tries to convey surprise I can only give voice to my endless horror. This company has only just begun to suck.

    SM: Ok, first let me say that I am rating this match based on the things that occurred before the three count. I will not be taking into account anything that happened after the match was over. If I did this would be a negative five star match just for subjecting us to a future with Russo on camera, and trust me I've watched ahead and it is not pretty. As for the match, I feel like that went out there and tried to put on the best match they could amidst the chaos. Both men put their bodies on the line and told of story. It may have been a simple one, but at least it was something. The ending knocks it back a notch for me, since I would have preferred a clean win, but if this leads to Jarrett finally choosing to be a clear cut heel then I am ok with it. As for Truth, you tried bud, but the company never seemed committed to actually pushing you as champion.

    SM Rating: ***½
    MF Rating: *¾

    MF: Well Spinman, the more I think about this episode the more I think all there is to be said is fuck TNA and fuck Russo! The worst aspects of the company really came out in this episode, and the good stuff didn’t make much of an impression in the face of the staggeringly low points. And now I can’t even have the slightest hope it’ll get better in the near future, because I’m going to have to listen to Russo’s horrible voice on the next episode!

    SM: Every good thing that I saw in this episode, and I saw a little more good than you, is negated by the knowledge that next week we begin a section of the journey where we will have to see and listen to the smarmy jackass multiple times during each show. What are you going to do know Mizfan?

    MF: With Russo shoving himself in front of the camera, all I can do is curl up in the corner and have violent flashbacks to the death of WCW. Watch me rock and cry on the next edition, coming soon! Say goodbye, Spinny!

    SM: Goodbye Spinny. I mean goodbye people. Until next time, keep spinning through life and never subject yourself to a Russo promotion like we have done. Please.

  2. #2
    The Brain
    Join Date
    May 2018
    Did you… did you compare the Miz to Jeff Jarrett?? If you weren’t such a nice guy, we wouldn’t be friends anymore!

    Of COURSE there’s a weird sexy JRPG thing for the phrase Divine Storm. Should have known.

    “I Want A Refund and I Didn't Even Pay” is just about perfect for the worst of the shit on this episode!

    God save us from this Russo hell of our own making!

    Great work turning this into something presentable as always Spin, wouldn’t do this without you.

  3. #3
    Lamb of LOP anonymous's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2018
    186 miles from Sheepster
    Jeff Jarrett is so much better than the Miz. A better heel, a better face, a more realistic wrestler and just better in every way. He’s wonderful and deserves the title.

    WWE has finally decided to treat Miz like a jobber. I don’t agree with it but don’t think he could touch the brilliance and emotional value and investment of Jeff Jarrett.

  4. #4
    The Brain
    Join Date
    May 2018
    It's you and Russo against the world, Nony! Love ya bud, thanks for reading.

  5. #5
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2018
    Bringing in random teams/wrestlers can serve to freshen things up but if TNA know that they will be keeping them around for more than a match then perhaps a video package would do the trick.

    This Lawler/April story is getting worse and worse each week. I'm so glad I only have to read this and not watch! Even Goldiocks got dragged into this. Oh God, what more can they do to ruin Goldi.

    It was only a matter of time before Jarrett became champion according to my knowledge of TNA. Now I'm looking forward to seeing how he HHH'd the roster as champion. Heard alot of great things about that...

    Another great entry!

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