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  1. #1
    Senior Member
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    May 2018

    Mizzie & The Spin's Total Non-Stop Wrestling Project #22- The Russo Era Begins

    Mizzie & The Spin’s Total Non-Stop Wrestling Project

    MF: Greeting, mizfan fans and Spinnerets! All our suffering so far has only been a prelude, because now the beast has shown its face. I’m not talking about Jarrett, Jarrett is a drop in the ocean of our sorrows, and that ocean is named Russo, and it will swallow our joy. And you get to watch Spinny and I go down!

    SM: No matter how bad the waves and current get, I will continue to hold onto my X Division life preserver. It will protect us, right Mizzie? Mizzie? Where are you going?

    MF: I’m going under! Everything is black! Glub glub!

    NWA/TNA #23
    Tennessee State Fairgrounds, Nashville, Tennessee
    November 27th, 2002

    The Briscoe Brothers (Jay & Mark Briscoe) vs. Divine Storm (Chris Divine & Quiet Storm, w/Trinity)

    Well, That's A Whole Lot Less Intimidating

    MF: Imagining a different timeline where TNA invested in the Briscoes is… weird. Though from what I hear, they probably would have been right at home beating up Bruce & Lenny. Trinity once again gets involved to do a cool move, though I swear she never did anything in WWE except look busty. The Briscoes do look good, clearly several steps ahead of most of the random teams TNA has been bringing in. Divine Storm wins with a really brutal looking piledriver variation. That packed a hell of a lot of good stuff into a short time and I actually loved this one. Maybe this won’t be so bad after all.

    SM: I didn't mind this one. It was a nice little average tag contest between a new building team and this weeks random appearance. The Briscoes were a fun surprise but it was obvious that they were pretty green and needed some serious work. Whether or not they have improved is probably a topic of debate. Divine Storm looked strong and came away with the win to keep building them to a potential tag team title shot.

    SM Rating: **¼
    MF Rating: ****¼

    And Now We’re In Hell

    Promo Transcript

    MF: Mike Tenay cuts an impassioned promo about how much Vince Russo sucks and specifically points out how he killed WCW. Clearly you people are aware of this, and yet here we are. Tenay is going to do an in ring interview with Jarrett, but Russo appears via Undertaker blackout. Why does Vince Russo teleport to the ring? It was a swerve, bro! Russo tells Tenay he should quit and he can replace him with a chimpanzee with more personality. Some idiots in the crowd chant for Russo, so they deserve everything they get. Russo “shoots” on Sean Waltman and proclaims himself the “anti-christ” of wrestling. He’s not wrong. He says the wrestling business is in the shitter. Whose fault do you think that is? Russo threatens to beat up some old men in the back, for some reason. This is really pathetic. Russo swears some more because he’s “edgy” and “shoots” on Jarrett’s “gimmick”, name dropping WWF along the way. Russo complains that Jarrett left WWF without telling him, I guess, and says Russo got heat for it? And says Jeff Jarrett… begged him to let him come back to the WWF? Does this timeline make any sense? This promo is rambling and painfully stupid. What is the point of this? Russo claims he got Jarrett back into WCW again and brags he “made” Jarrrett WCW champion, just in case you didn’t know that wrestling is FAKE. Russo shits on WCW and takes credit for naming TNA, and screams it means tits and ass. Russo continues to “shoot” and I think is trying to shit on Jarrett’s dad? Or something? This is indecipherable. Russo says that TNA sucks. I mean, it sure as hell sucks right now, you fuckwit. Russo promises a “drastic change” next week and demands Jarrett make the choice to join him by the end of the night. Christ, that was awful.

    SM: I was really hoping that reading your breakdown was going to allow me to better understand what happened during this promo. Instead, it left me with even more questions, but the understanding that we were in the same boat. Russo is truly a stain upon the wrestling business, and the fact that anyone can support his decisions and continue to employ him is incomprehensible. I think I need a drink after that.

    America’s Most Wanted (Chris Harris & James Storm) vs. The Hot Shots (Cassidy O’Reilly & Chase Stevens)

    Coming Soon? Please!

    MF: This match again?? The Hot Shots are such a forgettable team and I swear they’ve wrestled AMW 3 or 4 times in the past couple months. The match is fine I guess, but ends stupidly as James Mitchell and Belladonna come out to the stage and AMW slowly wanders over to them as they are counted out. Predictably, AMW grab Belladonna (who just awkwardly stands there waiting for it to happen) and start to beat her up until the Disciples run out for the save. The useless security team once again is beaten up.

    SM: AMW are the faces of this feud as well right? So that just reinforces that the only way to be a face in TNA is to beat up the nearest female. At this rate I expect to see Rich Swann show up as the top face next week (too soon?). The Hot Shots are an ok team but they are so out of place against the former champions that I feel they need to move on to another feud that may make them look better and help them grow. Personally, I'm just patiently awaiting for Chase Steven's other team to debut.

    SM Rating: *½
    MF Rating: **½

    Sexual Oranges

    The Internet Really Does Have A Picture For Everything

    MF: TNA is doing some kind of online auction and there are a lot of random little promos through the night, but mostly I’m ignoring them. I will mention this one though, because Goldilocks implies she’ll show her “oranges” to someone if they pay enough money. Putting everything else aside, why does wrestling have so many different ways to refer to breasts that I have never, ever heard anywhere else in the world? In a moment of bizarre juxtaposition she also talks to Dory Funk Jr, who says he has a vested interest in Jeff Jarrett. At least somebody does!

    SM: Hey now, you know very well that there are at least two other people who have an interest in Jarrett. Me and Nony support him to the fullest and you cannot convince us otherwise. As for the Goldilocks thing it would not surprise me if this was something you could actually pay for in TNA. I could honestly see Russo making Goldi do this for people who pay the right amount. Just fucked up.

    Curt Hennig & B.G. James vs. The Disciples of the New Church (Brian Lee & Slash), NWA Tag Team Championships

    Still Perfect

    MF: Sure, Hennig and Road Dogg deserve a title shot, right? Hennig is sadly on borrowed time but I’ll be damned if I still don’t enjoy what he can do in the ring. He’s quite a legend. The match is kind of plodding though, and after more than 10 minutes AMW comes out and causes a DQ. Like, what were you waiting for, guys?

    SM: I think this match could have been much better if they had gone five minutes and then ran the DQ finish. Then they could have went for a faster pace, which would limit the plodding offense used to pad out the time. Road Dogg continues to disappoint, while Perfect continues to make me appreciate all he has done, and all he is trying to do now. I miss that man being a part of the wrestling world.

    SM Rating: **
    MF Rating: **¼

    EZ Money vs. Alex Winters

    Seriously? They Just Create Random People Backstage Don't They?

    MF: EZ is fun to watch. I like that he’s got some personality as well. I don’t know if he’ll be around long but he sure seems like someone who could have succeeded in wrestling. Winters is nobody really but still they have a reasonably competitive match, which lets EZ show off more of what he can do. He gets the win in a solid match.

    SM: Hey look, it's another random created wrestler making his debut only to be forgotten about within a week or two. As for EZ, he is a good talent and could amount to something if he is ever actually given the chance to grow and face some bigger names. Honestly, the match was barely watchable for me, but maybe I'm just tired of all these rando matches each week.

    SM Rating: *
    MF Rating: ***

    GLAAD Would Like A Word...

    If You're Looking For Defamation, Look No Further

    MF: Goldilocks talks to Bruce, who claims he’s now Alan Funk and apparently is not an evil gay anymore. He says he was just comforting April and then his heart got involved. Goldi makes fun of him for apparently saying April turned him straight. Now that Russo is onscreen, this storyline might not be the stupidest thing on the show anymore. Maybe.

    SM: April has got some magic lady parts my friend. She made Goldi go lesbian, Bruce go straight, and X Pac disappear. That is some serious talent. I do not know how they got away with this shit, and in fact got cheered on my a lot of the audience. I mean, even Russo gets cheers from the audience. So I guess the standards are pretty low.

    Crimson Dragon vs. Sonny Siaki

    Here's Your Exit Door Siaki. I Hope It's Big Enough To Fit Your Ego Through It.

    MF: Siaki is proclaimed to be a breakout talent by commentary, which seems like wishful thinking. I’d rather watch Chris Hamrick, the veteran under the Dragon mask. But it doesn’t matter anyway because these two seem to have very little chemistry, plus Siaki just isn’t that interesting. Siaki wins and says if he doesn’t get better competition he doesn’t want to be here. Sounds fine to me, buddy!

    SM: Yes Please! Leave! Get Out! Don't Come Back! Siaki went through a very short time where I thought he was going to be something and now he is back to being a waste of time. Crimson Mask did the best he could with his no talent opponent, but there wasn't a chance of pulling off something watchable here.

    SM Rating: *½
    MF Rating: *¾

    The Sad Apple Pie From McDonald’s

    I Guess Everyone Wanted Some of April's Pie

    MF: Goldi talks to Brian Lawler’s unfaithful girlfriend April, who I cannot stress enough is just a terrible actress. April says Lawler keeps watching the tape of her in the shower with Bruce a few weeks ago but insists she was faithful to him. Goldi points out that nobody believes her and April asks if she’s jealous, based on their weird interaction last week. Goldi says she doesn’t need this bullshit and leaves, and I wish I could go with her.

    SM: Why does my precious Goldi need to be involved in this stupid storyline. She was the guiding light in a promotion of darkness but now her light is dim and my heart is breaking. Maybe April can go with Siaki when he decides to leave. We can only hope. She should probably take her weirdo boyfriend with her as well. Speaking of that freak...

    MF: Now here comes Brian Lawler into the arena, with something important to say. He gave his heart to a girl and was made a fool of. All day he only ate an apple pie from McDonalds. Yes, that’s where the title of the segment came from, and no I don’t know why he included this tidbit here. He promises to quit the wrestling business!! Suddenly I love this promo!!! He says April is a nymphomaniac and rightfully chides the crowd for thinking that’s cool. Then he leaves, but right away we see him groping Pricilla’s butt in the back. Hey, for a couple weeks we had a woman who wasn’t an evil betraying slut! Glad we fixed that situation right quick...

    SM: Oh good, another female being pulled down into the depths of degradation. This is the place where Russo believes all women belong, and he has made it his mission to put all of them in their place. The saddest part to me isn't that Russo does this, it is that the crowd cheers him on and supports the decisions being made. That is sincerely messed up.

    AJ Styles (w/Mortimer Plumtree) vs. Jerry Lynn, TNA X Division Championship

    I Feel Like We've Been Here Before

    MF: I feel like I’m in danger of burning out on this pairing, but they’re just so good together. Lynn gets busted open in this one, which always increases that gritty feeling. Plumtree keeps interfering with a foreign object, but in the end Lynn steals it and uses it to get the win. Another very good match between these two, though freshening things up isn’t the worst idea either. What the hell happened to Low Ki?

    SM: I'm pretty sure I could just copy and paste a review of one of their previous matches and it would still fit here. They consistently have good to great contests and provide a needed boost to any show that they appear on. However, no matter how good a pairing is, variety is always a benefit. I think it's time to bring in an influx of new X Division talents, instead of create-a-wrestler one show wonders.

    SM Rating: ****½
    MF Rating: ****½

    Ron Killings vs. Jeff Jarrett, NWA Championship

    I Guess This Shows Why Russo Likes Jarrett

    MF: Before the match we see a weirdly edited interview with Dory Funk Jr where he mostly praises random old guys like Gene Kiniski and Giant Baba. Then he says Russo should stay out of wrestling. I mean, he’s not wrong?

    SM: I'm not really sure how this fits in with the match we are about to watch, but I do agree with everything the senior Funker has to say. Especially the part about Russo needing to leave. Wait, I figured out why this is here. He is pointing out how Jarrett is on par with all these classic NWA competitors. That is a smart man.

    MF: Commentary proclaims several times that the first match between these two was the most exciting NWA Championship match they’ve had. That would be Low Ki vs. Killings actually. And, like, every single Shamrock defense? Once again, I’ll give these two credit for trying, but I still don’t think either of these guys are equipped to carry the other to a good match. They do another big table spot, this time off the little pipe towers by the entrance. The referee gives them leeway on using chairs and tables, but then decides to count them out. Glad he has his priorities straight. Bob Armstrong commands the match to be restarted anyway. The ref gets bumped in an unbelievably poorly contrived spot and oh boy, Russo appears with a guitar, which he gives to Jarrett. Jarrett refuses to use the guitar, even though he used chairs and tables earlier. Jarrett just keeps hitting the Stroke and Killings just keeps standing up so Jarrett can hit it again. Super weird and awkward. Jarrett finisher finally works properly and he wins. Sigh.

    SM: I don't hate this match as much as Mizfan seems to but I do feel it was a little too Attitude Era for me, with the overbooking and lack of focus. Killings and Jarrett fought through this and managed to pull off a rewatchable match amidst the chaos of the booking. I am convinced that this could have been a four star or more if Russo was not involved in every single decision being made in and out of the ring. I feel like we are in for dark days, but at least Jarrett will give us a great heel to route against.

    SM Rating: ***
    MF Rating: *½

    MF: After the match Russo demands an answer from Jarrett but the show ends before he can answer, as if I could give a shit for a shitty Russo cliffhanger.

    SM: Hey a cliffhanger, how creative. If you want to know how I feel about that you can find out next week.

    MF: So there were two good things on the show, which is probably generous to the short opening match, and everything else was either very forgettable or putridly stupid. So glad Russo is saving the show, aren’t you?

    SM: I think you have managed to find even more good than I did. The X Division contest was great, while some others were watchable at best. If this is the quality that Russo is bringing to TNA then the darkest days are probably ahead of us.

    MF: I’m in mortal terror of what next week is going to look like, centered even more heavily around Russo the onscreen character. This guy should be jettisoned off the planet, and if not please shoot me into space so I can avoid the next show! Say goodbye to the people and my sanity, Spinny!

    SM: Goodbye Mizzie's sanity and you good people. Until next time, keep spinning through life and always remember that all fruits are sexual objects.

  2. #2
    The Brain
    Join Date
    May 2018
    May your delusional love of Jeff Jarrett will carry you through all of life's trials, Spinny. I don't think it'll save us next week though...

  3. #3
    Senior Member
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    May 2018
    Nothing will safe us next week.

  4. #4
    Lamb of LOP anonymous's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2018
    186 miles from Sheepster
    I don’t want to do the Russo era ... remember it well. Why are you guys torturing yourselves with it?!

  5. #5
    The Brain
    Join Date
    May 2018
    We are cataloguing crimes against humanity for a future trial... but I would do a hundred years of a Jarrett era if it meant I didn't have to watch any damn Russo!

  6. #6
    Senior Member
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    Sep 2018
    Nice one with the X-Division life-saver. Without those good matches (which you guys have mostly rated highly), it sounds like 99% of the show would be unwatchable. Like I mentioned a few entries ago, TNA should have built its promotion around the X-Division. The fact that anyone could challenge for the title really made it cool. And now with Russo at the helm, it seems like everything is going to become a convoluted, overbooked, misogynistic mess of a show.

    That Russo promo pretty much summed everything up and if I was a fan of TNA at that time I wouldn't even want to watch TNA after that.

    Good luck!

  7. #7
    Beautiful Fandom Mystic's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2018
    Saw Russo's name. Took a deep breath and clicked. Scrolled down and the first words I saw was "Russo shoots."

    In continuing to scroll far and fast from that sentence, I saw so many names that I either didn't know had been in TNA or didn't know had been in TNA at the same time. What a whole mess of history, this company. Little bit of everything in the pot.

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