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  1. #1
    People either love me, hate me, or they don't care CanadianCrippler's Avatar
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    Count Your Blessings; I Got Mine.

    Ladies Love NXT

    Hey, HEY, hey how y’all doing today? ... Oh the silent treatment? Well, well fine! Screw you guys, I’m going home..... Haha naww, I love you guys. Alright so I felt this wasn’t worth categorizing as ‘Thy Tragic Kingdom’ because I have nothing ill to speak of today. I’ve been broadening my horizon by expanding deeper into independent professional wrestling and so far for the duration of May it’s been a tremendous experience doing so. I have a lot to brag about in my personal life although my humility forbids me from boasting to strangers, and besides that I’m not gonna post a link to Facebook to prove this shit, but for relevance sake I’ll tell you something that I’m both surprised as hell to see as much as I was happy to discover.


    My new girlfriend that I’ve been with these past two months has gotten comfortable enough with me to start staying over and just this past Saturday afternoon she woke up before me and decided to give professional wrestling a try since I’m too cheap to share my WiFi. By the time I had awakened she was teary eyed from the Bruno Sammartino documentary I downloaded. As she explained to me how her morning went and what she felt about pro wrestling, it was clear that the kayfabe breaking Andre the Giant HBO special and the WWE Network special had struck a chord with her. She thought the wrestling itself that was presented was atrocious however the actual people and there stories captivated her enough to ask me to show her a good match.


    Admittedly I haven’t downloaded or watched any WWE this month excluding NXT and WWE Network specials like Something Else to Wrestle and Camp WWE so that’s why I primarily am reviewing and recommending what I’ve chosen. I would’ve loved to show her a Sasha Banks (vs) Bayley match from Takeover many year’s ago or even Charlotte Flair (vs) Sasha Banks from any of there classic set of matches but my 1 terabyte external hard drive corrupted and I lost all my wrestling from 2014-2017. That being said, keeping her perspective in consideration I felt like she also enjoyed what most male wrestling fans detest when asked about fandom; the physique, the sweat and the thin as fiber tights and the spandex underwear.


    After maybe four or more hours of recreational toking, joking and watching pro wrestling, she fell for Velveteen Dream and NXT overall compared to everyone else I showed her in ROH, PWG, EVOLVE & Impact! I think if Ethan Carter had done or said more this month, I would be single as of this writing, but, fortunately for me I don’t consider fantasies “cheating.” Also I have only now just realized that my primal love for pro wrestling may have created an overwhelming difficulty for me to fully invest in WWE as I’m more so about the sport, athleticism and style where as she invested solely into the evolving conflict between Richochet and Patrick Clark. The actual story verbally told made her care more about the two than both of there matches this month. Obviously this isn’t a mind bending concept by any stretch of the imagination but actually a revelation to someone like me who doesn’t understand why Mr. Tito and Chad (the motherfuckin’ D.O.C.) Matthews rely so heavily on storylines and story telling to fulfil themselves.



    The Feud Between Velveteen Dream and Richochet


    After the events that had taken place at the Takeover: NOLA show we weren’t sure what paths any of the respective losers of the match would move forward to. Eventually Richochet made his way to the ring on May 9th to address the audience what his goals were. The Velveteen Dream ironically thought it was pretentious of Richochet to do so although Dream pretty much exclaimed the same thing just as pretentious as he thought his rival did. This lead to the generic “talk shit, get hit” portion of the segment which predictably didn’t happen but not because Velveteen changed his mind and walked away, no sir.


    Richochet out smarted Dream by not buying the fake out punch but instead stood his ground which threw Patrick Clark off his game as he dropped to the mat comically. In that moment where they locked eyes you can see Dream transcending from Goldust to a different kind of monster as he smiled sickeningly. For whatever unexplained reason we would witness Velveteen Dream (vs) Richochet the next week on NXT TV. Perhaps Bear or one of the main page columnists can review this match with justice as I can’t properly break down a match and express my feelings without intertwining them both and making no fucking sense in the process.


    I will say that for an ice breakers first encounter that this was very entertaining and initially I thought I was in for a half hour classic based on its positioning on the card. Despite what I know Richochet is capable of I didn’t have a problem suspending my disbelief enough that Velveteen Dream was near equal to him throughout the match. Every time Dream would do something reminiscent of Cruiserweight style or counter Ricochet’s moves, the young, smug son of 1995 would instantaneously taunt without the wherewithal to keep his focus on the match, resulting in Richochet rightfully kicking him in the bitch lips and getting the upper hand.


    Unfortunately Lars Sullivan decided to make an surprisingly unexpected interruption by destroying both men with his power without bias. I feel like since his only appearance post-Mania was that hardcore match victory against Killian Dane, I think Lars’ objective in NXT is to destroy all of his opponents in the aforementioned Takeover ladder match, beginning with Dane, currently in the middle of Richochet & Dream and eventually perhaps making his way to either Adam Cole or EC3 depending on if Cole and Carter exchange the North American Championship or if the gimmick and dynamics of character can translate/mesh together properly instead of feeling counterintuitive.


    Last weeks edition of NXT featured in kayfabe William Regal booking a (handicap.. Or is it handicapped? Umm let’s just call it) two on one tag match for lack of a better term with the rivals Dream and Richochet against Lars Sullivan. I debated on the title of this column as I felt originally the perfect word to describe this match was “REvengeance”. I’ll get to that later but for now I have to say this is the best version of the two on one match that I’ve ever seen in my life. I don’t think it went any longer than 10 minutes but my God, this match was a sleeper hit of the month that perfectly accentuated how Lars defeating two men makes him a bigger deal without diminishing the value of either opponents.


    It felt like neither Dream nor Richochet connected with each other until the bell rang as it’s in WWE’s nature to have a video package ready to display how two guys who hate each other try to make amends in the locker room in preparation for the upcoming match. This match showcased the chemistry Rich Chet and Clark have together in the moments where Dream would call Richochet over for a few double team spots on Sullivan. As Bruce Prichard would say “they both got there shit in” before the most subtle tag ever caught on camera happened. We both missed it twice before I caught it on the third rewind but you can see Dream tag out Richochet as he bounced off the ropes, after a quick bicycle kick Richochet got back out to the apron and tags Velveteen Dream’s leg at the last moment as Dream launched himself at the fallen Lars.


    You can clearly see the referee tell Patrick that the tag had been made just as he tries to put his opponents shoulders down. Richochet takes advantage and does an incredible 450 only to be betrayed and left left for dead. Somehow Lars looked like he was able to hang with an independent legend and a top prospect and still came out it looking like a believable threat instead of just “being pushed.”

    Now hear me out for a moment please. I believe the Lars Sullivan character is a narcissistic sociopath who feels the need to exact his retribution on his previous five opponents from the “5 star” ladder match. If Lars continues to show signs of Narcissistic Personality Disorder by dismantling his opposition out of title contendership than he may very well be a vengeful human being however, if he goes immediately for Adam Cole and his North American Championship for the next Takeover despite his stablemates; then this son of a bitch has problems upstairs. Now he’ll be seeking vengeance on Adam Cole for taking the Championship and seeking revenge on Cole for unleashing his indy wolves on Lars in defence from the delayed and overdue vengeance. Hence “REvengeance.” Yeah it’s a joke but that’s how I’m justifying his actions for now.


    Since the penny was discontinued from circulation, I hope you all enjoy my 5 cents... Fuck that sounded lame. I’m sorry. Have a glorious week everyone and count your blessings and be grateful that you’ve got a roof over your head, online colleagues, friends, food, a bed, Internet, sanity, a spouse, porno, Canadians, an infinite supply of professional wrestling and everything Lords of Pain. Peace.


    This column was formatted for devices, not computers. I have no idea what my columns look like outside of my tablet.
    Last edited by CanadianCrippler; 05-28-2018 at 01:49 PM.

  2. #2
    The Brain
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    Really enjoyed the story of your girlfriend finding something to love in wrestling, it's always fascinating to me when somebody who isn't a fan actually starts to get into it. Especially because it seems so rare that it actually happens! The NXT review stuff was solid too, wouldn't mind hearing more of your thoughts on NXT as it continues to roll forward. I like how much people are into Velveteen Dream, but based on my (admittedly limited) viewing, Lars Sullivan may be favorite recent discovery in NXT. I already knew guys like EC3 were great, but seeing Lars in the ladder match was a great way to start getting to know the guy for me. Lots of potential in NXT right now, as usual! Fun read, a few little errors in there again so keep proofing, but enjoy your stuff man.

  3. #3
    People either love me, hate me, or they don't care CanadianCrippler's Avatar
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    Thanks you sir, appreciate the support. I'm actually quite surprised you found enjoyment from the NXT review. I didn't think it would go well only breaking down a new feud and throwing a zany prediction in this mix for fantasy booking purposes but hell, at least someone enjoyed it. I enjoyed writing it. Also appreciate the notion, proofreading should be a thing I do more often, and consistently.

    And if doesn't classify as pro wrestling related I'll try to refrain from the personal blah blah stuff, but yeah it kind of funny how it all played out. I never told her I was into wrestling but on my PS3 I have folders full of 2018 wrestling that Ive downloaded, so she's bored, knows nothing about anything wrestling and decided to throw on the two documentaries I have instead of anything else.

    It made me think about her perspective that entire day, the wrestling was secondary because here's a woman that's barely 6 months older than me who's not even into sports catching the wrestling bug at 23, not by watching wrestling but by learning about wrestling on historical terms first, confirming everything is a work second and then watching the actual wrestling lastly to confirm interest. If she watched the wrestling first, I don't think I would’ve written this column today, I would've had to explain the difference between being obsessed over a hobby and being Dexter Morgan.

    Finally, the Velveteen Dream is the most convincing character outside of Lucha Underground I've seen since Bray Wyatt early 2014. The guy is young enough to still be a fan and takes the character seriously while also not presenting himself as a target in any way. He is very much a predator and his promo's come off as organic in my opinion.

  4. #4
    The Brain
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    Believe me mate, personal stuff is always welcome around here. Ideally it'll have at least some obscure connection to wrestling but we're a community, so never hesitate to throw all the personal stuff in you want!

  5. #5
    Really enjoyed this...especially the personal story. Last NXT take Over I watched was pretty damn good.

    Ricochet, Velveteen, EC3, and Lars..I just love how NXT has a way to make al the talent feel important. in a world with less jobber matches.


    Good read, man.

  6. #6
    People either love me, hate me, or they don't care CanadianCrippler's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Benjamin Button View Post
    Really enjoyed this...especially the personal story. Last NXT take Over I watched was pretty damn good.

    Ricochet, Velveteen, EC3, and Lars..I just love how NXT has a way to make al the talent feel important. in a world with less jobber matches.


    Good read, man.
    Thanks sir, I really appreciate it and I feel ya on the NXT remark. They're doing consistently great work with blending the developmental talent with the Indy darlings and truly feel like the ultimate independent federation by default. Hell they got me to care about Sami Zayn, CJ Parker, that Adam Rose impersonator who's name escapes me at the moment, Bull Dempsey and Raul Mendoza when they weren't the one's meant to receive shine. That alone proved to me at least that even when NXT isn't trying that hard, they're still better than Impact! on a good day.

  7. #7
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    Hey man, so I'm a week late on this but whatever. I liked the personal touch at the start before diving in to the actual bulk of the column on Ricochet/Dream, that was a good start, and then you blended it well into the rest of the story so good stuff. It did feel a little scattered in the beginning, but once you settled down into your rhythm on the feud side of things it found a good pace and focus and I enjoyed it.

    It needed a little tightening up on things here or there - I think you even misspelt 'Ricochet' at one point which made me do a doubletake - but the actual base of the column was tight and, to echo the Pritchard phrase you use, got it's shit in. It didn't feel overly flabby, didn't waste words too much, and ultimately streamlined into a nice little column.

    Just tighten up on that proof reading (I don't know whether some of that could be put down to writing it on phones, which I always find much harder to read on) - spelling and grammar could use a polish. I say it a lot around here, but the most helpful thing to me is to literally read my columns out loud to myself as a proof reading process. It's the only way I'll really pay attention to every word and pick up where I need to tweak punctuation around to improve flow. Not to be super critical, as I enjoyed the column!

  8. #8
    People either love me, hate me, or they don't care CanadianCrippler's Avatar
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    Hey man thanks for taking the time to read my work, and provide more constructive criticism/help to further development. Also I appreciate your display of sympathy to a non traditional writer. I truly do need to proofread with a fine cone (comb?) The smaller screen, touch screen keyboard, freezes and predictive text all hinder me but have forced me to really try harder at column writing.
    But really, there's no excuse. Ironically I'm dating a published children's book author and I haven't even considered using her as a ghost writer until this very moment.

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