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  1. #1
    The Brain
    Join Date
    May 2018

    The Life & Times of Bobby Heenan: Garden Party (Feb '90)

    Greetings, mizfan fans! And welcome back to this award winning thing called the Life & Times of Bobby Heenan. Great man that he is, we gather here to honor the greatness of his career and see what kind of forgotten history we can dig up. Weíre hot on the trail of Wrestlemania VI, but before that weíve got the whole month of February to tackle! Letís see what the month has to offer, shall we?

    WWF, February Ď90
    Ongoing Heenan Storylines

    Letís All Gather At The Garden

    The big set piece of February, at least for me, was being able to find not only an entire Madison Square Garden card, but also to have Bobby Heenan and Gorilla Monsoon calling the action, along with Hillbilly Jim, of all people. Whoíd have thunk it?

    BH: Tell you what, Hillbilly, Iíll shake your hand if you wash it first.

    GM: Please!

    BH: Well, I donít know where itís been!
    Letís check out the card for a slice of what was going in the whole WWF at the time!

    BH: Do they have models and fashion shows in Mudlick?

    GM: Oh, Iím sure they do.

    BH: Of course, itís such a metropolis of fashion.
    Tito Santana vs. Buddy Rose 2/19/90 WWF MSG

    GM: Rose, going up top!

    BH: This is the end. Theyíre gonna have to pick up Tito with a blotter.
    We start off the show with former short-lived Heenan Family member Buddy Rose making an appearance! Iím really happy to see the guy, he was a big star in the northwest and his name should be a lot more well-known these days. At this point in his career he is very, very fat, but heís also owning his size and using it for his shtick. He still moves like a Dusty Rhodes or late career Adrian Adonis too, so more power to him. He even has a shirt that says ďI worked hard for this bodyĒ, which is pretty funny. Rose gets in his share of offense but what really puts this match on the next level is his comedy spots. At one point he gets caught up in the ropes, Andre style, and when he gets undone he takes a hilarious bump to the floor. He also crashes himself upside down into the corner, almost Heenan style. Shame the Rose/Heenan partnership didnít go on longer back in the day, could have been a really good time. Tito wins a very, very fun match with the flying forearm.

    BH: Tito might be in as good a shape as Rude, but thereís one thing heís missing.

    GM: Let me guess, you?

    BH: Hey, you noticed that too?
    Awesomeness Rating: ****ľ

    Ronnie Garvin vs. Earthquake 2/19/90 WWF MSG

    BH: Did you see Garvinís towel said ďRGĒ?

    GM: Yes, I did.

    BH: From the Royal Garden hotel in Des Moines. He lifts them all the time.
    I donít give Garvin much of a chance here, but I canít deny itís cool as hell to see him throwing those hard-as-stone looking punches at the enormous Earthquake.

    BH: Would you say Earthquake is prettier than most of the girls from Mudlick?

    GM: Would you stop?

    BH: Thatís just what I heard.
    Earthquake is fun on his own, a bit underrated in his own right, but to me Garvin is carrying this match, heís another great talent who doesnít get enough conversation.

    GM: Garvinís gonna have trouble getting Earthquake off his feet.

    BH: I you want this man off his feet, you better call Triple A.
    Garvin throws everything heís got at Earthquake and staggers him a few times, but the uphill battle looks like itís going to be too much.

    HBJ: If this guy Earthquake gets some more wins over his belt, are you gonna try to ease your way in and manage him?

    BH: Iím sorry, I donít discuss business with people who donít deserve to hear my business.
    Sure enough, after a tough fight itís Quake who gets the decisive win, crushing Garvin to the mat.

    GM: This ref has got to stop Earthquake, the match is over!

    BH: Nah, heís just enjoying his work.
    After the match Earthquake keeps on attacking Garvin, who sells it like he has internal injuries or something. Theyíre really going out of their way to show Earthquake as a major threat.

    GM: Here comes a medic for Ronnie Garvin.

    BH: Should have brought a squeegee instead.

    HBJ: I canít agree with that, Bobby Heenan.

    BH: I think thatís actually a psychiatrist, telling Garvin his best bet is to quit professional wrestling.
    Awesomeness Rating: ***ĺ

    Rick Martel vs. Terry Taylor 2/19/90 WWF MSG

    HBJ: This Red Rooster used to be with you, right Heenan?

    BH: Well, he just couldnít take direction. Heís a limited athlete, so I dumped him.

    GM: Oh, you dumped him? Not how I remember it.

    BH: Well, he knew I was about to dump him.
    Martel sprays his perfume around and insults the fans, and makes fun of Taylorís weird rooster walk, which is like shooting fish in a barrel but easier.

    GM: It was Gorgeous George, many years ago, who first sprayed the ring like Martel is doing now.

    BH: They arenít spraying, theyíre purifying it.
    Let me be clear, I enjoy the Model. Itís fun, and Martel is still really talented. But Iíll say it again, this man was born to be a face, and I miss the incredible fire heíd bring to that role.

    GM: Does he really have cologne in that sprayer? He could have some kind of pesticide in there!

    BH: Oh no, I donít think heíd lie about something like that.
    These two work an interesting match where Taylor is working over Martelís arm a lot, then switches to his leg halfway through. Martel does some nice selling and it gives the match a unique psychology.

    HBJ: I was talking to Red Rooster, and he said being in the Heenan Family was a bit like being in the Addams Family. You ever watch that show?

    BH: I donít have time to watch shows, Iím too busy doing business.
    The match goes quite long too, but never drags. Taylor is much better used as a solid in ring hand than this stupid Rooster stuff, though I donít blame them for trying to give him a little bit of flavor.

    GM: Rooster, taking damage in the kidney area.

    BH: I believe thatís actually the gizzard area.

    GM: Would you stop?

    BH: Well he is a rooster!
    In the end Martel gets the win with the Boston Crab. One of the better Taylor singles matches Iíve ever seen, for sure.

    BH: Do you know how many magazines ask Martel to be on their cover every month?

    GM: I havenít seen him on one cover.

    BH: Well, heís being choosey.
    Awesomeness Rating: ****

    Mr Perfect & The Genius vs. Hulk Hogan & Brutus Beefcake 2/19/90 WWF MSG

    BH: Did Genius hit him with something? I didnít see on my monitor.

    HBJ: Maybe if you put down your money, you could see whatís happening!

    BH: Maybe if you comb that beard out of your face, YOU can see whatís happening!
    I take this as proof positive that Beefcake is equivalent to a low level manager. Also, how good is it to see Lanny Poffo?? I enjoyed his work as a jobber to the stars and was also rooting for him to get a little push, but it never really happened. If heíd been around 10 years later heíd have been Light Heavyweight Champion for sure. Instead now heís ďThe GeniusĒ, the heel manager of Mr Perfect in the midst of the Hogan feud. Beefcake is firmly attached to Hoganís coat tails, even going so far as to wear his gear. Ugh, Beefcake. On the plus side, Perfectís bumping is godlike, as usual, and most of the best stuff in the match comes from him. Genius keeps trying to cheat, and Hogan nearly chases him out of the arena! Eventually Hogan pins Genius with the leg drop. That was made almost entirely by great bumping on the heel side, though Hogan was alright feeding big offense. Beefcake was just kind of there, but still the match was actually good overall.

    BH: You know, maybe this ref canít count to three. We never thought of that! Maybe he should count to two twice.

    GM: Well that would be four.

    BH: Yeah but he donít know, he donít even know what three is!
    Awesomeness Rating: ***Ĺ

    Bad News Brown vs. Jim Brunzell 2/19/90 WWF MSG

    BH: Oh sure, heís a great outdoorsman.

    GM: Brunzell?

    BH: No, Bad News. He told me he likes to go to Central Park and hunt.
    Wow, havenít seen Brunzell much since the Killer Bees finally died off in í88. Think he left to work in Japan for a while, though it canít have come to much. Brunzellís still pretty solid, he was always far better than Blair and Iím glad to see him again. He peaked with Greg Gagne in the High Flyers, but oh well. Heís still got a great dropkick!! He almost wins with it too, but Brown gets his foot on the ropes. Brown nails him with the enziguiri to get the win.

    GM: I heard you sent a note to Bad News asking to be his manager, and he sent it back ripped to shreds!

    BH: I donít think he did that. It was probably one of the security guards, you canít trust them.
    Awesomeness Rating: ***ľ

    Dusty Rhodes (w/Sapphire) vs. Akeem (w/Slick) 2/19/90 WWF MSG

    BH: You know, Dusty Rhodes and Sapphire should start their own dance show.

    GM: Oh, like American Bandstand?

    BH: Sure, they could call it Swinestand. Or Oink Fever.
    I didnít really think of it at the time, but itís funny to see so many Dusty jokes in one setting. Dustyís got the polka dots and Sapphire, which were both put with him as a bit of a joke, and then Akeem himself is obviously a Dusty joke with the way he moves and his Dream nickname. But, itís Dusty, so the crowd is absolutely along for the ride. Sapphire isnít worth a whole lot but even she gets a pop by knocking Slick out of the ring before the match! Akeem and Dusty are silly together but they seem like they are having a real blast, and so is the crowd. They probably could have had a straight up dance off and the crowd would have popped like mad. Thatís what happens when youíre as charismatic as Dusty! Akeem grabs Sapphire late in the match and she has a great reaction, so maybe she was worth more than I gave her credit for. Slick tries to attack Dusty in an over the top way but hits Akeem by mistake. Akeem has had enough, and Dusty wins by countout before scaring Slick into scurrying to the back after his man. Not much of a match, honestly, but still very fun.

    BH: For years, Iíve always thought there was something in Dusty Rhodesí elbow pad.

    HBJ: Yeah, a big olí elbow.
    Awesomeness Rating: ***

    Barbarian, Mr Fuji, & Warlord vs. Shawn Michaels, Marty Jannetty, & Jim Duggan 2/19/90 WWF MSG

    GM: The Rockers are gonna have to rely on their speed and agility in this one.

    BH: They sure canít rely on Duggan.

    GM: Well Duggan is going to supply the power of the team.

    BH: Heís going to supply the waste of time.
    The babyfaces rush the ring and jump the heels to throw them out of the ring before the match. Nothing like a little babyface privilege to let you pull dick moves like that with no consequence! Speaking of, Duggan is as annoying as ever. Quite a revelation, Iím sure.

    HBJ: I know you wouldnít say these bad things to Dugganís face.

    BH: How can I say it to his face, he can never look me in the eyes!
    Michaels plays the face in peril, and itís surreal to see Mr Fuji laying a big beating down on him. HAHA, there is a fan literally crying as Shawn gets beaten up!! I did laugh at that, but itís sort of endearing to see a fan get that into a match. Duggan hot tags in and makes the Powers of Pain look like an absolute joke, which really annoys me. It seems like Fuji may try to use the salt trick, but before he gets the chance Duggan hits him with a 2x4 behind the refís back for the victory, because Jim Duggan is the biggest god damned cheater on planet earth. I would have liked this a lot better if it was someone besides Duggan, but still itís a solid match that the crowd was into.

    BH: Jim Duggan, the pride of Glen Falls.

    GM: Thatís right.

    BH: 9 people in that town, and heís what theyíre proud of.
    Awesomeness Rating: ***

    For some reason that match was the main event, though it hardly seems big enough to close out the show.

    GM: Youíve been saying some derogatory things about Hillbilly Jim tonight.

    BH: No, Iíve just been telling him what other people have said to me about him, about being illiterate, and stupid, and dumb. I would never say things like that, myself.
    In one final bit of comedy, as the credits roll we hear Monsoon having Heenan removed from the booth forcibly by security when he makes a pest of himself one time too many!

    HBJ: My granpappy give me a horse shoe as a good luck charm, you know, and Iíve never used it for anything but its intended purpose.

    BH: He gave it to you. Use proper English when speaking to me.

    HBJ: Oh, whatever.

    BH: If he really liked you, whyíd he only give you one? Whatíd he do with the other three?

    GM: I need a couple of security guards out hereÖ

    Random Rudeness

    Rick Rude (w/Bobby Heenan) vs. Brutus Beefcake 2/17/90 WWF Superstars

    Jawing with the fans.

    Rude has kind of been floating around without a feud since the Piper stuff ended, which is weird considering how big a deal they usually present him to be. Here heís randomly paired against Beefcake, which isÖ not promising, at least in terms of match quality. Rude tries to do his usual pre-match shtick, but Beefcake cuts him off. At commentary, Vince tries to pitch that Beefcake is hotter than Rude. This is whatís known as a ďbald-faced lieĒ. To demonstrate this, they do a pose down. Beefcake looksÖ doughy, as usual, whereas Rick Rude is the actual embodiment of sexiness. They finally start wrestling and exchange a couple punches, and then do a weird spot where the referee stops Beefcake from attacking for no clear reason. Then Mr Perfect and the Genius come in and beat Beefcake up for the DQ. Beefcake chases them out with his giant scissors afterwards. I honestly have no idea why they even ran this match, it was pointless and stupid and bad. At best youíd have to call it a bait-and-switch, unless all you wanted was to see Beefcake flex his doughy midsection.

    Awesomeness Rating: ľ*

    Ronnie Garvin vs. Rick Rude (w/Bobby Heenan) 2/26/90 WWF Prime Time

    More completely random matches for Rude, but at least this one has a solid chance of being good. Heenan shakes Garvinís hand before the match andÖ wow, yeah, just a normal handshake, no shenanigans at all. Not sure if Heenan had a deep respect for Garvin or what.

    Just a clean, respectful handshake. For some reason. No, really.

    As I hoped this is indeed a good match, Garvin handles the bulk of the actual wrestling but Rude adds value doing some fun selling and character stuff. Heenan makes his presence felt by pushing Garvinís foot off the rope at the end, allowing Rude to get that three count. I guess respect only goes so far! Garvin punches Rude out of the ring after the match for good measure. I look forward to Rude actually having a storyline again, heís the kind of character that really needs one to be interesting.

    Awesomeness Rating: ***Ĺ

    My Tag Partner Canít Wrestle, But That Wonít Stop Us!

    Haku (w/Bobby Heenan) vs. Smash 2/26/90 WWF Prime Time

    So weíre obviously going to put off the Demolition return match as long as possible, to give Andre time to rest, but that just means more ring time for Haku! Which is honestly the best thing about this whole situation. Here he matches up against the lesser Demo, Iíd have loved to see him throw down with Ax instead, but ah well. They work a very even match, I enjoy watching Haku open up on people but he doesnít get to really brutalize a guy like Smash of course. I had hopes for this one but it never seems to get out of second gear, and we get a weird finish where Smash reverses a normal crossbody very weakly but still gets the 3 count. I still say Haku/Ax would have been way better.

    Awesomeness Rating: **Ĺ

    Think of the Children!

    This is practically a throwaway joke at this point, but I still wanted to at least mention it. Over the course of the month Heenan is, as usual, trying to scam a bunch of Wrestlemania tickets any way he can. At one point heís on the phone with the Prime Time operator, Conchetta, with a story that she should let Jack Tunney know he needs ĎMania tickets for ďneedy orphansĒ. Youíve just got to love the Brain!

    Miscellaneous Quotes

    GM: I understand Prime Time is going on the road soon, and youíre not going!

    BH: Good, every time I go on the road with you I get blown through a window or off a roof.
    BH: Have you ever been to Scotland?

    GM: Yes, many times.

    BH: Terrible place. Iíve never been, but it seems like the worst place in the world to go.

    GM: Youíre not good with travel, I heard you went through the Lincoln tunnel and thought it was the end of the world.

    BH: Hey, when you get to the other side of that tunnel, it kind of looks like the end of the world!
    BH: You know, I was talking to a friend of mine-

    GM: Thatís a lie. You donít have friends.

    BH: Yes I do- well, I wouldnít exactly call him a friend.
    BH: As my good friend Yogi Bear used to say, itís not over til itís over.

    HBJ: Yogi who?

    BH: Baseball player.

    GM: Yogi Berra!
    GM: Iíve never seen a 3 count from this position, the referee is wasting his time counting.

    BH: This referee is wasting his time being a referee!
    Another month down! Thank god for that MSG show, or I might not have had much to write about this month. The WWE Network Prime Time upload stops in í89 so Iím stuck scrounging the internet for episodes, and with Heenan still absent from Challenge his presence is surprisingly low in the WWF at this point. Heís still a key player though, between managing the tag team championships and keeping Rick Rude ready to break through into a big story again at any moment. Wrestlemania season is always interesting, and this year will be no exception! April 1st is the date, so next month will take us right up to the very eve of the big event. Lots to do before then, so hope youíll join me again when we get there!

    Thatís it for today, humanoids. Iíll be back soon with the next entry, until then donít let the ham-and-eggers get you down, and stay awesome!

  2. #2
    Good Sunday reading! Earthquake really was the big bad up till about Summer Slam that yr. Maybe that summer Slam would do a lot to hurt Warrior as he was stuck with Rude while Hogan was coming back to fight the monster who crushed his ribs...See Hogan's ability to get sympathy is just one thing that seperated him from the likes of Warrior.

    Weird seeing what an afterthought Taylor and Heenans relationship is up to this point.

    I've seen some Buddy Rose here. I do like it myself if nothing else but for nastalgia and the fact he made it work...but kinda a raw deal over all for the Playboy. Lot of self-demeaning gimmicks being bestowed around this time.

    Good banter with Bobby and Hillbilly as usual

    The mention of Gorgeous George by Monsoon I thought was refreshing. Difference between George and Model, is George had range...George's perfume, the Georgy pins, the hair, the flamboyance, the gay stuff...he was broad whearas the model was narrow.

    Shout out to my man, Mr Fuji!

    Good read...Funny Warrior would take the top spot on April Fool's day!
    Last edited by Benjamin Button; 06-03-2018 at 05:04 PM.

  3. #3
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    May 2018
    Eh, Earthquake still sucks to me. His flabby armed flex still bothers me to this day.

    Speaking of flexing, that poseoff sounds terrible. Who do you find to be worse, Beefcake or Duggan? It's weird because both guys were absolutely dreadful, but both guys got massive reactions at times in that era. Just goes to show how poor the judgement of the fans was at the time.

    I know that you tell me face Martel was the shit, and I promise at some point I'll give it a go, but I just absolutely loved The Model. That said, I also loved The Narcissist Lex Luger, so maybe my entertainment radar is a tad bit off. But I think The Narcissist is the best thing Luger has ever done, and really the only time in my life I actually enjoyed him. He was so smug doing it, and that is part of what made The Model work for me. Both guys clearly bought into what they were doing.

    Until you mentioned it, I NEVER saw the connection between Dusty and Akeem. I don't know if that was intentional, but in retrospect with all the shit Dusty got in WWF, it would make sense that they'd create a character to mock him before he ever arrived. What a great observation. There's so much to dive into in this series, but little observations like that are always welcome.

    Great stuff my friend!

  4. #4
    The Brain
    Join Date
    May 2018
    Feed for the feeders!

    Benny Butts! I like your analysis of Quake/Hogan vs. Rude/Warrior, and the fact that Hogan had yet another trump card on Warrior… there’s no doubt Hogan took steps so WWF would have to come back to him, but in many ways Warrior was never going to be able to sustain like Hulkamania did. Glad someone else knows of Buddy Rose! And yeah, WWF is getting… interesting with the gimmicks they are handing out. Oh, the Model. They took one of their best fired up faces and made him a narrow Gorgeous George, perfect word for it. The significance of Wrestlemania’s date stood out to me as well! Thanks for reading, love the feed as always!

    Rayman! Haha, it’s true that Earthquake lacks the muscular definition of some other big men of the period. At least he wasn’t caught in the steroid scandal, I guess?

    Let me just make this clear. Beefcake sucks, but I would do a Life & Times series for him twice over before I covered Duggan’s career once. Maybe that’s unfair, as I have long heard he was actually good in Mid South for a while, but there it is. Beefcake will predictably turn in a 1 star match if left to his own devices, and paired with someone good like Valentine as a partner he can be carried to something genuinely good. Duggan will actively tank any match he’s in, and his matches are complete DUDs to me. I won’t say this often, but Beefcake is the more tolerable of the two. Plus, soon Beefcake will have the decency to break his face and stop bothering me!

    You make me want to recommend better Luger matches/angles until I’m blue in the face, haha, but I’ll leave that to the side for now. I’ll just say I’ve got nothing against loving the Model, I do have a soft spot for the gimmick. But once you get a look at his babyface work, you may find it hard to go back!

    It’s funny but the Akeem/Dusty thing didn’t occur to me for a while either, until I saw a gif of them dancing almost exactly the same way. After that the comparisons became way too obvious, the nickname, the bodytype, the way he moves and acts even. I’ll say at least Akeem was fun, so as jokes on Dusty went it’s probably one of the better ones.

    Thanks for the read and great feed, all! Hoping to get one more part out later today, then take a little break from the series. Not long, maybe just a week or two! Stay tuned!

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