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  1. #1
    Mediocrity at it's finest kingzak13's Avatar
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    Kingzak Presents King of the RNG 6


    Words words words words words Words

    What’s up guys, Kingzak is back in action with another column. It’s a bit later than planned but it is time for another episode of King of the RNG. Today my column comes less from a want to write and enjoy wrestling, but more from a need to distract myself from the shit inside my head for a little while, so I am hoping we get some good matches today.

    Before we begin, I’ll explain the concept of the series for any first time watchers. Basically, I use a random number generator to find a random date, and then a random wrestling card, and then a randomized match from that card and we watch that. It’s a simple concept that would be helped so much if every wrestling match ever was available free online, so this take a bit of trial and error but we always get there in the end. So without further ado, let’s begin.




    Matches RNGed thus far


    Jeff Hardy vs Chris Jericho Raw Aug 26th 2002
    Test vs Shane McMahon SummerSlam Aug 22nd 1999
    Big Show vs Sabu SummerSlam Aug 20th 2006
    Judas Mesias vs Senshi (Taped December 11th 2007) Dec 27th 2007
    Mark Henry vs Evan Bourne ECW May 26th 2009
    Saturn vs Goldberg WCW Spring Stampede April 19th 1998
    Jushin Liger vs Brian Pillman WCW Nitro September 4th 1995
    Kanyon vs Tajiri Raw September 10th 2001
    Kaitlyn vs Layla SmackDown March 8th 2011
    Candice Michelle vs Maria vs Victoria vs Torrie Wilson Raw October 15th 2006



    Our first date is
    October 9th

    We have 48 cards to choose from, two of them are No Mercy and I am pulling for those.

    We have drawn card 47, and that is WWF Superstars of Wrestling Taping #214 from 1990. The card has four matches and we will be watching …

    Match 1
    Bob Bradley & Spike Jones vs The Bushwhackers


    Shockingly, this match doesn’t have an online video, I was sure the Bushwhackers Archive .org would have had that. (I don’t think that is a real site; don’t go there in case it is something dodgy)


    New card
    1
    Mon, Oct 9th 2017 WWE Main Event Taping


    Apparently they still make Main Event … I assumed it was discontinued when the draft happened. We have two matches on card.

    Heath Slater & Rhyno vs Curt Hawkins & Dash Wilder
    Tony Nese vs Akira Tozawa

    We have ended up with Match 1. Before I even look this up, have any of you guys actually watched either of these, or is this first time viewing for everyone

    Unfortunately, I can’t find this one either. Last shot at the date before we pick our next.

    Card 20
    Mon, Oct 9th 2006 HUSTLE PPV 20

    Match 2
    Chie vs YASSHI

    Shockingly, this match I have never heard of is not on the internet either. So it is time for a new date



    Our new date is …

    June 14th
    We have 38 cards here, and about half of them are tapings, and four of them are PPV’s from the big brands. Let’s see what we are looking for …

    Card 4
    Tue, Jun 14th 2016 TNA Impact! Taping

    Damn, one short of getting Money in the Bank (the literal show), only four matches on card.

    Match 3
    Eli Drake & Lashley vs Drew Galloway & Ethan Carter III

    Aside from Eli Drake, everyone in this is a former WWE star that has since made their way back to the E

    Unfortunately, it isn’t here. I am not having a lot of luck today. Today may be the first edition of the column where I solely make jokes about wrestling cards and learn about history and shit without watching anything.

    Card 35
    Sun, Jun 14th 1998 WCW The Great American Bash '98

    I’m excited, no idea what happens on this card but it is something I don’t think I have ever watched before, so that is good.

    We have a whooping ten matches to choose from, and we have drawn

    Match 5
    Eddy Guerrero vs Chavo Guerrero


    I wonder if Eddy Guerrero is related to Eddie Guerrero in any way[/SARCASM]
    I can find something from Bash at the Beach, but not Great American Bash. Are these the same show or am I genuinely not finding this one?

    Wait, I found one, it’s in two halves but I found the match. So let’s get ready to rumble,

    Part 1
    https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x7bg4t
    (I’ll put part 2s link when I get there)


    We begin with some guy spinning in celebration of winning the last match. He has the words Juice on his ass.

    Generic beach rock kicks in and Chavo Guerrero makes his way to the ring acting like a face and that just feels wrong to me.

    Latino Porno music starts and out comes Eddie, we can go back and forth on which brand was better or had better wrestling, but it is a fact that WWE music is better than WCW’s, everything sounds like generic music that could be used on anyone, no character to the music.

    One of the commentators says something pretty racist involving sombreros.

    From what I can gather, Chavo has gone insane or something going into this one, the commentary talk about how he wanted to fight Goldberg.

    The bell rings and Eddie backs away trying to bargain with Chavo, Chavo smacks him in the mouth. Eddie returns the favour and they square up. Eddie takes control and hits a few chops, Chavo turns it around into some chops of his own, Chavo with a really high back drop, Eddie takes Chavo down and lays into him with punches. One good thing about fighting family, there is always a level of viciousness to it that is inherently entertaining.

    The two brawl as the ref tries to separate them, Eddie returns to his corner on the refs orders and then back drops Chavo onto the turnbuckle, Eddie in control now, he sends Chavo to the corner and charges, Chavo sends him up and into the ring post and Eddie tumbles to the apron and I think he may have lost a little skin on the impact with the post, some of his shoulder is a different shade to the rest of him.

    Chavo smacks Eddie’s head against the turnbuckle a bunch and the fans chant along with it. Chavo drags him back and goes back to work on Eddie. Eddie tries to turn it around but gets a couple of hurricanranas for his effort. Chavo with a whip and Eddie rolls out the ring. He tries to leave but Chavo goes after him and brings him back in.

    Eddie with a knee to the head and then a belly to back suplex. Eddie taunts to boo’s, Eddie attacking the arm now. Chavo turns it into an arm drag and we get a quick athletic sequence between the two. Chavo back in control but Eddie sends him to the apron Chavo gains control and sends Eddie into the corner. Chavo up top, does a 360 flip but Eddie dodges, Chavo lands on his feet, heads straight to the other corner and moonsaults off it into Eddie. That was impressive.

    Only a two count for Chavo. Chavo with a rope choke, he charges but Eddie dodges and Chavo is out of the ring. Eddie sends Chavo into the steps rather slowly, and that is the end of part one.

    Half way review: this has been pretty okay so far, a bit slow at times but a lot of cool athletic moments too. If I had to say, this could be the best match we have watched so far, not much competition but still an honour.

    Part 2
    https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x7bg51

    We resume, Chavo just ate steps. Eddie rolls him back in and hits a brain buster suplex . Eddie taunts Chavo and Chavo grabs him by the throat and starts choking him the ref tries to count him out but separates the two anyway. The chase begins as Eddie runs away. Eddie hides behind the ref and uses him as a shield and then goes attacks the knee. Eddie locks in a figure four and Chavo keeps going both shoulders down. Eddie releases the hold and goes after the knee some more.

    Eddie locks in the Gory Special, Chavo eventually manages to roll out but Eddie takes him out with a dropkick. Eddie with a camel clutch, but lets him out. Eddie is really punishing Chavo here. Eddie takes a second to taunt the crowd, Eddie keeps up the attack and lift Chavo in an over the shoulder backbreaker and then tosses him. Scoop slam to Chavo, Eddie takes a quick breather and charges Chavo and is sent high out of the ring, that landing looked fairly ankle shattering.

    Chavo runs the ropes and takes out Eddie with a tope atomico. Chavo taunts and rolls Eddie back in, Chavo slams Eddie and the fans are chanting and I can’t hear all of what they are chanting, but I think it is “We Want Meth” … it probably isn’t but I like the idea that it is. Chavo with a springboard bulldog for a two count.

    Chavo with a scoop slam and taunts, he heads up top and Eddie pushes the ropes causing Chavo to fall on his knee. Eddie heads up top and goes for the frog splash but Chavo sits up to avoid it. Both men struggle to their feet and Chavo goes for a tornado DDT but guillotines him on the top rope instead and that actually looked really fucking painful.

    Chavo with a springboard DDT from the apron and covers

    1

    2

    3

    Winner: Chavo Guerrero

    Chavo celebrates as the ref talk up Chavo becoming a man here. We get a replay as Chavo continues to celebrate. The video ends.

    So, that was actually a pretty alright match, the problem I see is that I have a bit of a modern bias, a lot of that high flying stuff was unique but we get that every week nowadays, still that was actually quite the entertaining match, I am gonna say 3 stars.




    Well we have reached 1500 words and usually that is where I would start thinking about ending, but we need to watch another match, its two minimum for this column. So let’s fire up the RNG and find us a new match to watch.

    We have drawn
    November 30th
    We have 41 cards to choose from

    Card 16
    Tue, Nov 30th 2010 WWE Superstars Taping #2 Norfolk, Virginia

    There is one match on card … for fuck sake, I can’t randomise this shit. Let’s see if the match exists or not. We are looking for Tyler Reks vs Trent Beretta; shout out to you if you remember either of these people existed.

    I can’t find the match, I can find the ending, and I can find the rematch from a few months later, but not this match.

    We move onto card 20
    Mon, Nov 30th 2009 WWE Superstars Taping #2 Baltimore, Maryland

    Fuuuuuck. Superstars again.

    Oh and the card only has one match on it again, for fuck sake. We are looking for Evan Bourne & Primo vs Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase Jr.

    This one isn’t here either, onto card 3

    Match Card 5
    Wed, Nov 30th 2016 NXT TV Taping #225 Winter Park, Florida

    NXT!!!! They have three matches and I am really pulling for match 3.

    We got Match 3 everyone.

    Roderick Strong vs Tye Dillinger vs Andrade Almas vs Bobby Roode.

    I wish I could have found this one, unfortunately for us; it is onto another new date.


    January 31st

    Huh, two end of months in a row, what are the odds.
    We have 36 cards on offer, and I have drawn card 12

    Fri, Jan 31st 2014 TNA iMPACT! Taping #501 Manchester, England

    We have seven matches to choose from, and we have drawn ….

    Match 1
    Ethan Carter III vs Gunner
    Ladder match

    Okay, I am excited for this, ladders are always great.

    Unfortunately I can’t find it, only a tag team version of this match from the next episode … TNA, taking Teddy Long-ing a match to the next level

    Card 23
    Sun, Jan 31st 2010 WWE Royal Rumble '10 Atlanta, Georgia


    Hooray, WWE stuff that I remember, this is the last rumble I cared about, after this my interest in WWE dipped from being an avid viewer into a casual viewer.

    We have six matches to choose from, and we will be watching …

    Match 2
    MVP vs The Miz


    I’m kind of disappointed that we didn’t get the rumble, that would have been fun.

    The video has been located, so let’s take a look.
    https://www.dailymotion.com/video/xfbq9p


    We start with the end of the match introduction, and even though I know he is saying (Cham)pionship, I can’t not here it as pigeon. The Miz is out first, and the commentary is talking about how this is impromptu, The Miz is out to a pretty lacklustre reaction here, MVP is out next to a mild cheer and a polite clap. I miss the inflatable tunnel.

    The Miz is angry and MVP looks focused. Miz with a kick and tries to attack but MVP comes back quickly, Michael Cole mentions that The Miz has been commenting on MVP’s background and I very briefly think “I don’t remember The Miz doing any racist promos” before he mentions it being about MVP in prison.

    MVP in control with some knees and a suplex. The Miz with a big kick but gets back dropped comically, MVP in control as Miz tries to escape. Its weird hearing Michael Cole not fawning over The Miz. The match spills outside and MVP is still in control. The action rolls back in, Miz sends MVP into the announce table, and The Miz is in control.

    Miz with a couple stomps and a leg drop, Miz drives MVP into the corner and the ref backs him away. Miz with a big clothesline in the corner and then heads up top as fans chant for MVP. Big axehandle from Miz for a two. We get a rear choke; MVP slowly fights back up as fans rally for MVP. MVP is back up but The Miz with a knee, MVP manages to fight back and tosses the Miz, MVP with Triple H’s knee attack.

    MVP with the ballin elbow to a big reaction. MVP goes for the playmaker but Miz slides out only to be taken out with a big boot that is called a yakuza kick, only for a two count. The Miz rolls out and hotshot MVP on the ropes, he charges but MVP dodges and nails a shoulder block for a two count.

    Miz gets up in the corner and MVP charges for the broski boot, Miz dodges and goes for a skull crushing finale (I didn’t think he was using that yet) but MVP with a roll up for the biggest pop of his career. But only a two count, MVP with a series of pins and Miz rolls out. Miz rolls MVP up from the apron and gets the three count to a surprising pop.

    Winner: The Miz

    Miz taunts MVP but eats a playmaker for it, not surprising. The commentary argues about if that was legit or not. The music returns and Miz recovers with his title.

    That was a solid match, nothing particularly noticeable from a historic perspective but nothing terrible, just solid midcard wrestling. 2.5 stars from me.




    Well that is all we have time for, it’s been a few days since I started and wrestling has been cheering me up a little bit. Current wrestling is still shit but the past is pretty fun to look at every now and then. But right now it is time we step back into our time machine and return to the present, we have a PPV coming up and I have a reputation to uphold … I think I have a reputation anyway. So it is time for me to bid you all a fond farewell, I’ll be back in a few days’ time with the SummerSlam extravaganza, but until then, I hope you have enjoyed today’s column and I will see you next time.

    Zak's Note: Hi everyone, just a question for the viewers, I feel like this column is a bit of a mess from a style standpoint, if anyone has anything they would like to see changed as far as layout goes, do let me know.
    Last edited by kingzak13; 10-15-2018 at 04:24 PM.
    *Ghostly wailing*

  2. #2
    The Brain
    Join Date
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    I think I've said before that I like the idea of you finding random matches to watch, but I think simply discarding those you aren't able to find would be better than including them in the column. When you have a few matches successfully watched, maybe just write about those? I think that's something I would prefer, anyway.

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