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  1. #1
    The Brain
    Join Date
    May 2018

    The Life & Times of Bobby Heenan: The Perfect Recovery (May '90)

    Welcome back, mizfan fans! Weíre on a roll once again with the Heenan Series, so letís keep the momentum going! Wrestlemania VI saw victories for both Rick Rude and the Barbarian, but it was overall a bitter loss for the Family, as Heenan split with his long running heavy hitter Andre the Giant right after losing the Tag Team Championships. How will the Brain rebound from this disappointing? You know the weasel has a trick up his sleeve, so letís get right to it!

    WWF, May Ď90
    Ongoing Heenan Storylines

    The Perfect Recovery

    Mr Perfect vs. Tito Santana, WWF Intercontinental Championship 5/19/90 WWF Superstars

    This is the final match in the tournament for the vacant Intercontinental Championship. The tournament itself was kind of a mess, it was supposed to have sixteen entrants but it only had eight, and of the four quarterfinals two were no contests, so this became the final by default. Fortunately itís two talented guys going at it. But where does Heenan fit in?

    As expected, these guys go all out for the prestigious championship. Both have some great offense to dole out, and when you add in Mr Perfect bumping like his life depended on it, this starts to feel like something special. Tito shows huge fire and gets fed up with Perfect skirting the rules, so he starts busting his leg on the ringpost! He kicks him all over the ring and Perfect takes some awesome bumps, head over heels no less. It seems like Mr Perfect may be heading for a rare loss when suddenly, Heenan runs out!

    The Critical Moment!

    He distracts Tito, and Perfect snaps a small package on him to win the title!! That was such great fun, loved the match. Huge heat for all of this. After the match, Perfect finally announces Heenan as his new manager. Iíve been waiting for this day pretty much since the series started, I love Mr Perfect and Heenan is a great fit for him. This pairing should have happened at least a year earlier, quite frankly!

    Awesomeness Rating: ****ĺ

    Mr Perfect (w/Bobby Heenan) vs. Hercules, WWF Intercontinental Championship 5/27/90 WWF Maple Leaf

    GM: Iíd say those verbal confrontations Mr Perfect uses are a big waste of time.

    BH: Are you a manager?

    GM: No.

    BH: Then your opinion means nothing to me.
    Heenan wastes no time in backing up his man, and here against a former Family member no less! Heenan comes out before the match and trolls the crowd a bit about the local sports team, and then brings out Perfect to major boos. As you might expect, the power of Herc matches well with Perfectís bumping abilities, which he shows off to the fullest extent. There is some great back and forth in this one, with both guys trying to play to their strengths as Herc tries to slug it out and Perfect uses a more well-rounded approach to get ahead. Also a fun bit where Herc chases Heenan through the ring! That always pops the crowd big time and is a great transition spot for the heel to get back on top. Perfect does indeed take the advantage and gets the win with a Perfect-Plex. Another very fun bout, I expect weíll see a whole lot more from Mr Perfect over the next year!

    Awesomeness Rating: ****ľ

    See Rude Run

    Run, Rude, Run!

    Rick Rude is not wrestling on TV at the moment, but he is training hard to take on the Ultimate Warrior. He runs on the beach and does workouts with Heenan, and brags that heís the only man who ever beat the Warrior for a title. Can he do it again? And how the heck does this feud reach all the way to Summerslam?? These are great videos for sure, but the title match seems ages away.

    The Warrior faces on the gloves are a great touch.

    Resident Family Tough Guy

    Haku (w/Bobby Heenan) vs. Ronnie Garvin 5/14/90 WWF Tough Guys

    Found this in the Home Video section on the Network. Itís from a tape called ďWWF Tough GuysĒ and man, they really named it right for this match alone. These guys just walloped the crap out of each other in this one. Hakuís reputation as being tough as nails is well established, and Garvin is one of the heaviest hitters Iíve seen in this whole series. Fists and chops galore, right up my alley. They end up fighting to the floor and simply pound on each other until they are counted out. Yes, yes, and more yes!

    Awesomeness Rating: ****ľ

    Remember the Barbarian?

    GM: I think you got the short end of the stick when you purchased the Barbarian instead of the Warlord.

    BH: Ha! Remind me to never let you go out and buy anything for me!

    GM: Oh, you wonít have to remind meÖ
    Barbarian (w/Bobby Heenan) vs. Jim Powers 5/28/90 WWF Prime Time

    This is just a reminder that the Barbarian is in the Family, and despite being pretty fun in the ring he doesnít get much to do. He does get to have a very solid match with Jim Powers on Prime Time, if youíre excited about that sort of thing.

    Awesomeness Rating: ***

    GM: Where did the Barbarian get that new outfit, with the furs? Salvation army?

    BH: No, he went hunting. He just stands in a field and anything walks byÖ

    GM: He kills it?

    BH: Oh no, he just rips the fur off it and lets it go.

    Elsewhere in the WWFÖ

    Rowdy Fashion

    BH: Just put two drops of arrogance on your arm, and you wonít be able to keep the ladies off you.

    GM: Ladies of what species, tarantula??
    Rick Martel vs. Roddy Piper 5/13/90 WWF Challenge

    Battle of the Portland Wrestling alumni! As you might know by now, I really enjoy both these guys, so itís no surprise I found this match super fun. Piper is as wild as ever and Martel prefers to use dirty tactics if he can, but Piper knows all the tricks so itís hard to get one over on him!

    GM: I saw some nice earrings in the locker room.

    BH: They were Piperís, they go with the skirt.

    GM: They were not!

    BH: I bet they were. Were they plaid?
    In the end, Martel tries to use the Arrogance spray to blind Piper, but the Rowdy one is once again ready and blocks it with a chair! He also clobbers Martel with it, and since the referee saw the whole thing, he decides to throw it all out with a double DQ. This was one of the Intercontinental tournament brackets that dead ended as soon as it began, which is kind of lame, but the match itself was really fun.

    BH: You know, Piper has never cleaned that skirt.

    GM: Itís a kilt!

    BH: Fine, call it a kilt, but the point is the stench was no bad that Martel had no choice but to use that fragrance to defend himself!
    Awesomeness Rating: ****ľ

    Whatís Hulk Hogan Doing? Who Cares?

    So, what does Hulk Hogan do when heís not champion? The answer is weird, weird stuff. He befriends the debuting Tugboat, whom you may remember as the future Shockmaster, and adopts this weird attitude where he says he knew Tugboat since he was a child and looked out for him all his life. He even, and I cannot stress enough how stupid this is, starts to peek out the entrance curtain during Tugboatís matches, making stupid faces like heís worried or proud or constipated or something, who the hell knows? Itís very strange and off-putting.

    GM: Look at Hogan, looking on at his friend Tugboat from the curtain!

    BH: Heís just ashamed to come out.

    GM: Now Hoganís coming down to ringside!

    BH: Yet again, trying to hog the spotlight.

    GM: Will you stop?

    BH: I know why Hogan hangs out with him, so he can be the smart one in the group!
    Maybe in response to this weirdness, this is also the month that Earthquake decides to make Hogan his permanent seat cushion, hitting him repeatedly with the Earthquake Splash on the Brother Love Show until Hogan had to be carted out on a stretcher.

    GM: They just carried the Hulkster out on a stretcher!!

    BH: So what? He had it coming.

    GM: He tried to cripple the man!

    BH: Yup.

    GM: You condone this?

    BH: Hoganís pushed around people all his life, now heís just getting a taste of it.
    Of course, the babyfaces of the WWF are in an uproar about this. There will be much more on this in the coming months, so stay tunedÖ

    BH: Gorillaís on the phone, of course, leaving me to do this by myself.

    GM: Find out about Hoganís condition right now and call me as soon as you hear anything!

    BH: Thatís a fine way to talk to your wife.
    Miscellaneous Quotes

    BH: You know, Bret Hart always gives those glasses away to some little humanoid. Why doesnít he give them to Neidhart for a change? Iíll tell you, because he doesnít even want them.
    GM: Itís motherís day and weíre here in Texas this week, home of the Alamo! Iím joined by Bobby ďThe Armadillo BrainĒ Heenan!

    BH: Very funny! Well you can forget the Alamo and you can forget motherís day, if she canít get me enough gifts for Christmas then she can do without!
    GM: Didnít go see the Alamo, did you?

    BH: Why would I want to see some dumb old building?

    GM: History!

    BH: Pal, I MAKE history.
    BH: Brother Love is gonna have on his show Dusty Rhodes and, uh, Sassafras.

    GM: Sapphire, I told you that last week!

    BH: Sheís not important enough for me to remember.
    BH: Everybody has got a price, Monsoon.

    GM: But not everyone can be bought with money.

    BH: What then? Bananas?? Peanut butter pie???
    GM: Next week, weíll be seeing the Red Rooster, your former Family member!

    BH: Donít give me any credit, I donít want to have any responsibility for that semi-talented, illiterate human being.
    BH: Do you know what these Bushwhackers were doing before the match?

    GM: No, what?

    BH: They were around the back of the arena, grazing.
    GM: The Bushwhackers like the simple things in life.

    BH: Yeah, each other.
    GM: What was that little move Akeem did in between attacks?

    BH: That was charisma.
    BH: When you donít see me, it means Iím somewhere negotiating and making deals.

    GM: Youíre on the golf course, you mean.

    BH: No, thatís Tunneyís office.
    GM: Familiarity breeds contempt, you know.

    BH: Sure, and do unto others, from behind, with a board, if you get the chance.
    GM: You know, Ultimate Warrior is not a moron.

    BH: Youíre right, heís an imbecile.
    BH: Maybe this will cheer you up, itís Brutus Beefcakeís new action toy.

    GM: Itís an action figure.

    BH: Oh excuse me, itís not a toy! You can cook with it, you can romance it, but itís definitely not a toy!

    A Brain At Work

    That wraps up another month for Heenan and his Family! Itís been a quick turnaround since Wrestlemania VI, with championship gold returning to the Family in practically no time at all, complete with a new shining star in Mr Perfect. Rick Rude is in line for a WWF Championship match in the near(ish) future, and while Barbarian and Haku arenít doing too much of note right now, they remain a threat to anyone who might get in their way. Heenan has also seemingly reunited with Gorilla Monsoon on Wrestling Challenge, which is so much the better for the show, and once again between Challenge and Prime Time Heenan is nearly omnipresent in the WWF, as he should be. The summer is just about to start heating up, so stay tuned for June of 1990 coming soon!

    Thatís it for today, humanoids. Iíll be back soon with the next entry, until then donít let the ham-and-eggers get you down, and stay awesome!

  2. #2
    Man, they were building for Summer Slam in May. Both Rude/Warrior and Hogan/Earthquake were starting to build. When you see the effort put into Warrior/Rude it shows what a failure Warrior was. Those guys go back to Texas together. They're like one of those feuds that go across promotions; except theirs mostly sucked.

    I heard Bruce Prichard once say Vince was high on putting Tug Boat in the Sgt. Slaughter role. Reading what you have here, it sounds about right. Sounds like Hogan was building for sympathy for when Boat would betray him. Might just be building a way for Earthquake to get at Hogan , though, picking on the little boy he protected. However with Hogan stalking him in such a way, I suspect foul play in their man-boy friendship. Wonder how he got the name tug? No wonder Tugboat ends up siding with Earthquake.

    I've always known this IC torunament existed and always known Perfect won it, but never did I know the details. I suppose now I know it's because it sucked.

    Still some cool in between stuff here, man. Lot of stuff I never knew. Funny quipping with Monsoon and Bobby Heenan.

    Cool read.
    Last edited by Benjamin Button; 1 Day Ago at 04:47 AM.

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