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  1. #1

    7 prayers for Lucha Underground

    Author's note: Prayers one through three are a re-post from a column that I did not finish due to the board resetting. These first three prayers were written in between seasons one and four.


    Prayers four through seven are a first time post and a completion to this column. These are written after the last week of Lucha Underground.



    7 Prayers for Lucha Underground




    This is dedicated to the Spanish, bonita senoritas with love and especially to one who passed away last year.



    Prayers One through Three




    He crawled in Death Valley, stained with blood from gunfire. He whispered, “Jesus Christo and the saints will this by my end?” As he tasted the sand and looked up, his judge, the sun would not hear his case and instead blinded him with it's light. To be executed by heat, he’d just been sentenced.


    When Maria’s face and the top of her cleavage hovered from just above, he knew this to be not good. For, he knew Maria to belong to heaven, now. He remembered a police chase gone wrong drove a guilty man’s blood-red Tahoe Chevrolet into her innocent life- a life in which only pressed the gas to reach home from work. She died against the curb of a 22nd street in the Midwest, yet, here, in Los Angeles California, this Mexican angel’s eyes blinked. In the tenor of Antonio Banderas swag, she said, “where were you going with your hair dyed black? You look that the count Dracula!”


    He cried, “Maria, Maria, say a prayer for me, for Lucha Underground may see its end and then, what wrestling fan will be free?”


    She lifted his head and humped into and breathed into and cushioned into the side of his face with the thin cloth of shirt and the thin cups of bra but mostly the thick flesh of breasts. “What do you wish, my child?” She chuckled at her heartiest.


    “You still drink those hard Mike's?” he whispered a snicker but the wound hurt too much to do more laughing.


    She out-laughed him, as she always did.


    Then, he said, “Maria, Maria, I never told you this but I love wrestling, especially Lucha Underground. I just pray the new Temple be as savage as the one before. The stone steps, the Aztec faces, the spirits of legends and gods, the taking of heads and masks. Please, Maria, don’t let them change.”


    She chuckled again, and then first he hit his shoulder then his face against Death Valley’s base.


    He opened his eyes to a 2nd angel’s big brown Columbian ones. She smirked sideways and told him his clothes were dirty and his gunshot wound disgusting and told him he needed to clean it himself. Finally, she asked him to pray another prayer, for Saint Adrian of Nicomedia said he liked violence and wished to hear more.


    Lifting out of his human’s person, his soul’s person grabbed the thighs that her khaki shorts shot out, and he named them the Lord’s thunder and His lightning. He said he needed all electricity to spark Lucha Underground’s future. Being strangely familiar with this 2nd angel, he kept his left hand gripped on her left thigh and placed his right on his huevos when we wished not on any of the stars but for new stars. He thought of Puma being the silent hero and how Konnan taught him the art of war. Then, he thought of how it gave psychology to Puma’s flips. He grabbed her hand and she seemed to like the romance. He said, pour favor, mi amor, may they find a new route that’s unlike this desert—a route easy to follow- for a new good guy. I don’t want to fantasy book for them because I trust them…May his path be different than Puma’s, but may we make it home with him!”


    She laughed a bit to herself, and in her place another wilder Columbian laughed to flirt. Her eyebrows penciled in with ink, this 3rd angel grabbed his soul’s hand and lifted its body to its feet. The desert’s night settled in and they felt a bit cooler. “You have to dance she said, because you know, that’s what we like.”


    They laughed as he tried to salsa. She sarcastically gave him an “oh yeah.” Then, he grabbed her ass. She said it’s ok, now, because her boyfriend hasn’t made it to the other side just yet. She told him to grab her ass and pray, because his life may have just rear-ended into destiny. He kept his right hand on this third angel and paid homage to the Trinity with his left. Then, he prayed for the trios titles and wondered what it had left. For, he remembered when Cueto first delivered it to them; “El Jefe” said he wanted it as big as his Lucha Underground Title.


    This kind of ambition for a secondary title looked back to the Intercontinental Title of days gone by that was booked to sell arenas out by its own right. To the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit he asked for more trinities like Son of Havoc, Angelico, and Iveliesse and less like the Reptile Tribe. While he respected the meaning and tie-ins of the animals with the Aztecs, he prayed Lucha underground more so hit those relatable stories. He thought of Iveliesse, a shooter, Son of Havoc, a bad ass, and Angelico, a risk taker. He prayed for three athletes with credentials and backstories to upsurge. He put each of the God-head in charge of one individual apiece.


    As he slithered his fingers down the 3rd angel’s crack, he said Cobra Moon just needs to go deeper. The angel laughed and pressed her head on his shoulder but then disappeared from his arms. With the force from a ball against a soccer player’s foot, his soul drove back into his body…..


    Dirt mixed with blood lay underneath his movements, while the sand felt hot without taste. He pushed his body up and reached for, if not redemption, water but only saw a 4th Spanish angel.



    Prayers Four through Seven



    The 4th angel, a fallen blur in a red dress kneeled at him. His cheek wet with her tongue, he exhaled and asked is this it?


    Catrina said his skull would be nice for her collection.


    “Can I pray?” he said.


    “You better.” She retorted.


    “I- can’t…” he replied “And neither can you.” He hesitated knowing both to be sinners. “But I wish— I wish for you and Mil to just keep tellin’ your story because I haven’t seen a couple like this since...” He closed his eyes and his own Guatemalan wife laughed at him with her high pitch. He longed to hug her once more. But then Randy Savage and Elizabeth with a blue Wrestle-Mania 7 sign in the backdrop filled his sub-conscience. He watched from the audience, while tears streamed down the face of the big haired fan next to him. Randy hoisted her up with such strength that the Macho Man’s slippery shoulder threatened not to slide her.


    He opened his eyes and blinked against the sand and told the empty air where Catrina’d been they don’t tell stories like that no more.


    A 5th angel with red lipstick and Melissa Sanchez face laughed and said “we try.” She held a candle in her palms and asked him to blow, while he had breath yet. She said blow for the dead. They elevated to the sky and twirled and saw Mascarita Sagrada walking by and waving and drop kicking Famous B’s leg from underneath him. Mr. Cisco came through and nodded. Big Ryck sat down on a lazy cloud and sucked a cigar. Angelico leaped down from the 3rd heavens, landing near his face like 3D. Then he evaporated. A headless Vibora sat up, and the wounded man, against his own gunshot, smiled for Vibora. Fenix gave a thumbs up, and Melissa’s eyes hurt. A casket rolled up and Konnan jumped out and, throwing his arms around, started talking shit to the stars.


    As the images vanished Melissa sighed, but then sitting next to him in Melissa’s place, a Mexican 6th angel’s tone and words asked “Where’s Dario?”


    “Oh, there’s no Dario in that group,” he said, again, lying in blood and earth.


    “Really? I’m just curious. I’m just wondering how you would know.”


    He lay on his face in silence as if death had taken him, already.


    Then, she said “You know who this is right?”


    He remembered this voice once buzzed his brain. But that brand of dopamine died years ago like all inside him, now.


    “I know… Let’s play." She said "You say a wish, and I'll pray!”


    Three quarters gone, he muttered “Pentagon.”


    She giggled. “You’re always one of them people who you know –don’t give up. Everyone thinks his Title reign’s a bust.”


    “They cheer so loud…He fights so hard…”


    “You really think he’s going to hold it a long time though and have that moment?”


    “Can you just fucking pray….uhh sorry for that! You— you know I use to really like—“


    “Umm, let’s go for a walk.” She said.


    “I—I can’t…”


    He closed his eyes…





    A 7th Spanish angel--a tyke of a woman walked ahead of him. Her laugh and voice came through her nose— her chiseled calves didn’t tire from walking the hills. From all sides, he beheld tall grass and houses peaking from the mountains. “We’re not in the desert?” he said. '


    “The desert? No, this is Guatemala!” Her face reddened. Her eyes shrunk, and the protraction of her laugh contained some nasal.


    He looked down to see his gunshot healed. Not a faint of red on his white shirt declared he’d ever been wounded.” He looked at her again. “Is that you, baby?”


    His wife said, “of course.”


    Tears streamed from the corners of his eyes, as he drank them to compliment the taste of the invisible but ever present sand. He knew the mirage fucked with him, yet he held her soft hand and traced its creases.


    “Hey! Don’t cry!”


    “Baby, I took a bullet for someone, and he left me in the wasteland like a wounded—a wounded jackass!” He said. “Baby. I’m dea—“


    “What are you stupid? I hope you said your prayers!”


    “No, I didn’t, but you—please say a prayer for me!” He cried. “And I made a wish— one for the dead: Konann, Big Ryck, Mr. Cisco… Everyone but Dario because….”


    “Cause why?”


    “He’s not dead…I…posed as his double... took this bullet for him, and the—THE FUCKER—left me in the desert!”


    Then, she poured to sand. Also, the stone steps underneath him transformed to dirt. Face down; he slid to Death Valley’s floor. He forced his upper body up in a push up, but to his wife whispering, “Dios, cuida a mi esposo,” he fell on his nose and his breath and eyes said goodbye.



    http://youtu.be/x8A9Y1Dq_cQ?list=RDx8A9Y1Dq_cQ
    Last edited by Benjamin Button; 09-04-2018 at 01:57 AM.

  2. #2
    Cero Miedo Mystic's Avatar
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    My first thought when I saw this was god yes!. I cannot get enough LU talk.

    This is quite a moment for some of us: "Then, he said, “Maria, Maria, I never told you this but I love wrestling, especially Lucha Underground." I haven't been as forthcoming in my life about my fandom as many, but I have been in the last few years and it has had a positive impact on my life.

    Ah, and here is how to live life as a lose-lose: "Please, Maria, don’t let them change.” When a product isn't what I want, I lose. When it is what I want, I have to fight not to think about 'when will it go away?'

    Goddamn magic in this paragraph: "Lifting out of his human’s person, his soul’s person grabbed the thighs that her khaki shorts shot out, and he named them the Lord’s thunder and His lightning. He said he needed all electricity to spark Lucha Underground’s future. Being strangely familiar with this 2nd angel, he kept his left hand gripped on her left thigh and placed his right on his huevos when we wished not on any of the stars but for new stars. He thought of Puma being the silent hero and how Konnan taught him the art of war. Then, he thought of how it gave psychology to Puma’s flips. He grabbed her hand and she seemed to like the romance. He said, pour favor, mi amor, may they find a new route that’s unlike this desert—a route easy to follow- for a new good guy. I don’t want to fantasy book for them because I trust them…May his path be different than Puma’s, but may we make it home with him!”

    The gripping, the not letting go, the letting go, the past, the present, the future...

    "He thought of Iveliesse, a shooter, Son of Havoc, a bad ass, and Angelico, a risk taker. He prayed for three athletes with credentials and backstories to upsurge. He put each of the God-head in charge of one individual apiece."

    God bless these there, their history, and anything that can come close to approaching it.

    "As he slithered his fingers down the 3rd angel’s crack, he said Cobra moon just needs to go deeper."

    Thumbs up. All the way up.

    "“Can I pray?” he said.


    “You better.” She retorted."

    haha, so Catrina.

    "“But I wish— I wish for you and Mil to just keep tellin’ your story..."

    If wishes as simple, as pure, as this one can't be answered, what is the point?

    "She giggled. “You’re always one of them people who you know –don’t give up. Everyone thinks his Title reign’s a bust.”

    Anyone who thinks this doesn't understand the Pentagon character, or many other things. But I will save my words on the matter for now.

    "“Baby, I took a bullet for someone, and he left me in the wasteland like a wounded—a wounded jackass!” He said. “Baby. I’m dea—“


    “What are you stupid? I hope you said your prayers!”


    “No, I didn’t, but you—please say a prayer for me!” He cried. “And I made a wish— one for the dead: Konann, Big Ryck, Mr. Cisco… Everyone but Dario because….”


    “Cause why?”


    “He’s not dead…I…posed as his double... took this bullet for him, and the—THE FUCKER—left me in the desert!”

    Fuckin' good stuff, my man.

    I don't know what I will do with a LU without the Lucha Bros in season 5, should it come to that. But I am where I am today, and with a prayer and a wish, I say, "Long live LU and the fans who make its meaning relevant beyond its temple doors!"

  3. #3
    The Brain
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    Love, love, love that you finished this, Benny. I remember the first part well (not to be sidetracked, but I also recall the 10 commandments series!). Dario leaving his double in the desert rings so true that I will choose to believe it right up until the true answer is revealed, and perhaps longer. Pentagon... a bust? Anyone saying that isn't paying attention. And yet, is his title reign all we hoped it would be? I'm not sure on that score. I may have said so before, but I want the man to be in danger, because it's there that he thrives the most. God, there is a lot to think on in this. Wonderful stuff, long live the Underground!

  4. #4
    Hopefully these reports about WWE being interested in signing Fenix and Pentagon don't lead anywhere. It'd be character assassination to do so and they've both been so instrumental in the success of LU. I shall pray to the Aztec gods in the meantime!


    The descriptive nature of your narrating is terrific, Benji. I'm curious to catch a glimpse of the champion Pentagon Jr's become. Can't imagine a guy as talented as him not delivering in said role so it's odd to hear people doubting his reign. Gah I'm so out of the loop in the lucha department. Captivating tale though, homie. You and Shane have been tearing up this forum over the last few months.

  5. #5
    I guess one thing I should have prayed is Jake Strong do well... somewhere far, far away.


    Shane. Thanks for the kindness as the words were chosen carefully for each paragraph. Example: Kobra, slither, moon, ass, crack, deeper. And ya know the Reptile Tribe has gone deeper, after all.

    I wish I were as good at breaking down columns as you..my copy and paste doesn't work when I try that so not sure how you do it but it was good for this as you were able to relay what my carefully chosen verbage was trying to capture like the verbage is the net of King Cuerno.

    Mizfan: thanks for the feedback as always...the ten commandments one would be hard to repost and continue since it leaned on columns from yourself and Jacob Wrestled God but if you two have those columns and I can find mine, maybe we can complete it together. I always intended on finishing this and have just found the time

    Skitz, thanks for the compliments. Sounds like Pentegon ain't going nowhere from recent reports but we'll see as they set us up for unpleasant surprises sometimes.

    Shane, Miz, and Skitz seems the common conversation is about Pentagons reign. I used the angel to portray the voice of doubt as a lot of times when you have a dominant champion like Penta, these days, the title reign ends prematurely. But so far to me his reign gets better every week... it's good for the champion to be a superstar before being threatened. I think he's establishling himself as the Lord of the temple and I'm with Mizfan that soon he'll need danger butI like the fun stories with good matches he's having. I'm hoping these will establish him as the man, and then he's challenged. Still, it's hard to trust a promotion of even Lucha Underground to grasp the value of their champion and follow through.
    Last edited by Benjamin Button; 09-10-2018 at 03:05 AM.

  6. #6
    The Brain
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    My feeling is definitely not that Pentagon is not performing well, or that they shouldn't be booking him to be dominant. I think, in addition to the danger aspect that I already mentioned, that even as he runs through challengers and has fun matches, everything about it feels a bit rushed. I think back to past seasons, and the hoops that people jumped through for a title shot. Cage ripped the championship into pieces to prove his intent. Hernandez leveraged his past with Konnan to get close to the champ. Drago had to fight his friend and put his career on the line. This season, it seems more like anyone who shows up can get a shot. Not everyone should have to move heaven and earth, but more depth to these challenges would add something to me. I'm enjoying Penta's reign a lot overall, but as a huge Penta fan I've looked forward to this reign so much for so long that maybe I set my expectations too high.

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