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  1. #1
    Mediocrity at it's finest kingzak13's Avatar
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    May 2018

    Kingzak presents: Hell in a Cell 2018 Predictions

    I can't think of a witty comment, Damn it to hell.

    Whatís up guys, Kingzak is back in action with another wonderful round of predictions. Since SummerSlam, wrestling has actually been pretty great, not having to rely on Brock Lesnar is great and honestly, even the stories I donít like are looking to be building nicely. The building to three PPVís at once has been a bit odd, and the two months of build to Survivor Series on the menís side is gonna suck, but probably a lot less than it could have.

    Iím gonna do something new with predictions this time, I have the matches sorted in order of importance to me (pre-show aside), matches I care about will be in the latter half of the column and stuff Iím not interested in will be near the start. The rest of the format wonít be changed; everything is the exact same elsewise. So without further ado, letís begin

    The New Day vs. Rusev and Aiden English
    SmackDown Tag Team Championship

    Zakís note: before I even get into the match, massive props to Erick Rowan, the New Day/Bludgeon No DQ match was as expected but holy fuck, the bump Erick took despite being injured, he must have been blazed on painkillers to take that bump. Just seeing him spasm under the rubble actually made me cringe a little knowing. So yeah, big props to him for that.

    I am not a fan of this being on the pre-show, but it makes sense really. This was the match that was most recently announced and is just a title match, there is no animosity, no hatred, just two teams fighting for gold. Every other match has a back story except this one, Iím sure if we spent a few hours looking at the five involved careers we could link together some sort of plot, but that shouldnít be our job to do.

    I think the fact that it has been moved to the pre-show is all the indication you need for how this one is going to go, couple in a very recent title win for The New Day and I think we can all safely say that The New Day are keeping the gold here.

    Zak: The New Day
    Brother: New Day currently hold it again
    Dad: The abomination that is New Day
    Dog: Rusev and English
    Mum: The New Day

    Ronda Rousey vs. Alexa Bliss
    Raw Women's Championship

    Iím just gonna paint you a word chart for why this is crap.

    Alexa has beaten every woman on Raw over the last year or so, so she is better than everyone on Raw.
    Ronda destroyed Bliss, thus, Ronda is miles ahead of everyone on Raw.

    There is no arc, there is no story, there is an indomitable wall that is gonna face Charlotte at WrestleMania in a ďLOOK AT US, WE CAN DO FEMINISM TOOĒ match. The Raw womenís division has got a Roman Reigns at the top Ö actually, this is worse, Roman has weaknessís and occasional losses, Ronda just arm bars people.

    I would go puppies here, but I donít want anything positive to be associated with this bastardization of the womenís revolution.

    Zak: Ronda wins
    Brother: Ronda Rousey
    Dad: Ronda Rousey
    Dog: Ronda Rousey immediately
    Mum: Ronda Rousey

    Dolph Ziggler and Drew McIntyre vs. Dean Ambrose and Seth Rollins
    Raw Tag Team Championship

    So every male title has been condescended into one feud Ö I thought we would be getting a bonus title when Brock left but this has basically put us back to square one. One day Raw will have multiple tiers of competition again Ö but right now is not the time.

    Honestly, this just feels like filler now, really should have kept this separate to Braun/Roman because this is now just the stooges fighting instead of a valid tag title match. As for who wins, I hope Ziggler and McIntyre do, because unless Seth plans on defending both the tag and IC titles at PPVís holding two title is a terrible plan

    Zak: Ziggler and McIntyre
    Brother: Seth Rollins and Dean Ambrose
    Dad: Dolphin Juggler is dragged down by Drew so the others will win
    Dog: Dolph and Drew
    Mum: Dean Ambrose and Seth Rollins

    Roman Reigns vs. Braun Strowman
    Hell in a Cell match
    Universal Championship
    Mick Foley as special guest referee

    So Ö is this a good time to say I barely pay any attention to Raw. I enjoyed the Reign/Strowman feud last year, it was just an exercise in how much could two dudes kill each other. The lack of attempted murder here is really disappointing. The only redeeming moment for this match is gonna be Strowman grabbing Foley and using him as a literal club on Roman, that image will single handidly save this moderately dull feud.

    Heel turn aside, this is the sensible line to go down, there are only two people in WWE that have actually given a challenge to Braun, and that is Brock and Roman. So Braun targeting Roman for a challenge is actually nice. I am expecting this to be pure carnage, someone is going through a wall or Braun is gonna go Kane on the doors and use them to beat on Roman.

    Of course this will inevitably lead to the tag division getting involved, and lead to Roman winning because he has two former world champions on his side against a couple of midcarders. I donít mind Roman as champion to be honest, he is actually on the show and has reached a point where he can wrestle half decent matches. Iíd still have preferred several other choices to dethrone Brock but Iím not to bothered, Raw is not my show.

    Fantasy Booking

    So, remember that Braun gave the briefcase to Corbin a few weeks ago. Well as GM, Corbin could just announce Braun vs Roman as a normal match and not the cash in. Then when the dust settles and everyone is a broken heap, Corbin comes out with the briefcase and cashes in on Roman to win the title, top champion and GM, that is a villain worth beating. Then we get Corbin vs Balor, vs Rollins, vs Ambrose ETC, while Braun and Roman continue to feud to find who is better.

    Dad: Quick, letís start the half hour conversation about which kitchen appliance he is
    Mum: No letís not, Iíll go with Roman Reigns

    *Ten or so minutes later*

    Zak: Anyway back to the match, we are still waiting on Dadís choice
    Dad: Between?
    Zak: Braun Strowman and Roman Reigns
    Dad:Seriously, youíre asking me that fucking question. What have I done to bring up this mongrel?
    (Everyone laughing)
    Mum: (to the dog) are they being silly
    Brother:Yeah, Zak is being silly

    Zak: Roman Reigns (or Baron Corbin)
    Brother: Braun Strowman
    Dad: Anyone but Roman Reigns
    Dog: Roman and his paper
    Mum: Roman Reigns

    Jeff Hardy vs. Randy Orton
    Hell in a Cell match

    This feud has actually been pretty great; I have enjoyed this feud a lot. Itís nice to see Orton being a heel again, he is just so good at it. I have enjoyed this feud, it has been pretty vicious (Ortonís finger in the earring hole is literally horrifying). I know a lot of people donít like either guy on promo but I havenít minded here.

    The one problem I do have with this one as a whole is that it is incredibly obvious what is about to happen with this match. We all know what Jeff Hardy is going to do here; he is somehow going to dive off the cell at Orton. That is going to be a great moment but ultimately we are just waiting for that moment.

    And after that Ö I donít entirely know what is going to happen. We all know Jeff is swantoning off the cell. The question is, is it going to connect, I think we may actually see Orton dodge the Swanton laving Jeff basically dead. I reckon that Orton is going to win and this is gonna be Jeffís last full time match. (I reckon a Hardyís tag at Mania is last for both)

    Zak: Randy Orton
    Brother: Jeff Hardy
    Dad: Jeff Hardy because I canít take anyone called Randy seriously
    Dog: Randy Orton
    Mum: Randy Orton cause everyone else said no

    Charlotte Flair vs. Becky Lynch
    SmackDown Women's Championship

    Feud of the month right here. And it ainít even close. No other feud in the WWE has gotten me this invested this year (WWE, not NXT), it just works in an amazing way where neither superstar is really in the right, it is that beautiful grey area of dubious morality. I have loved watching this feud play out over the past few weeks, honestly I am not too bothered about who wins this, I am loving Beckyís character. I would love to see some sort of double turn here but honestly Iím loving this bit of Becky so just keep her as she is now and everything is fine

    Zak: Becky Lynch
    Brother: Charlotte retains
    Dad: Charlotte Flair
    Dog: Becky Lynch
    Mum: Becky Lynch

    Daniel Bryan and Brie Bella vs. The Miz and Maryse

    I have mixed feelings about this mixed tag match Ö on the one hand, it is great to see the playing field equalled, but at the expense of having to watch Maryse and Brie Bella ďwrestleĒ, if it werenít for the fact that they already have their next PPV clash scheduled, this would feel way more important.

    I am expecting this to be a pretty standard work from all involved, honestly if we got 99% Bryan/Miz with just a couple of brief breaks for the two to catch their breath this would be fine. If you asked me about the outcome, I actually think that we are gonna see Daniel Bryan and Brie win, the reason for this being that The Miz wins at Australia, so Bryan needs a win to balance it out. So Bryan and Bella win.

    Zak: Daniel Bryan and Brie Bella
    Brother: Daniel Bryan and Bella
    Dad: Daniel Bryan will win
    Dog: Bryan/Bella
    Mum: Le Miz and the other one

    AJ Styles vs. Samoa Joe
    WWE Championship

    Iím a little disappointed this isnít in the cell, given the context of the feud a no DQ match or something of the sort would have made sense, but we just get a rematch instead. Unless this immediately goes DQ and leads into a fifteen minute brawl across the arena, this is going to be disappointing to me. Honestly I have enjoyed the feud; Joe is the perfect amount of crazy and dangerous to make this work. I have actually seen people on Twitter complain that they should just wrestle, and to those I say, fuck off back to New Japan you dumb cunts. Wrestling needs plotlines to succeed, remember Styles/Nakamura heading into Mania, no story and it was crap (by their standards). This sort of feud is actually good; I will take a solid plotline over a perfectly executed three quarter facelock any day of the week.

    As to the outcome for this one Ö the way I see this going down is either Joe wins it here and keeps it until Bryan (or other suitable face) takes it from him, or AJ is gonna get the win by the skin of his teeth, which leads Joe down an even more psychotic path over the coming weeks. Based on my own booking plans, I would say AJ retains here because he has to lose the title to The Miz at Survivor Series. I am actually hoping that both Joe and AJ get something good to do come Mania time, a prominent singles match would be wonderful. Both have done some great work and deserve the recognition for it.

    Zak: AJ Styles
    Brother: AJ will win
    Dad: Samoa Joe isnít Samoan, AJ will sin
    Dog: Quickly took Joe and his paper
    Mum: Samoa Joe

    Dog Predictions

    After missing yesterdayís section, here is a big bunch of thoughts right from the dogís mouth.

    ē Raw tag titles, Swapped the hams for the choices himself, so I went with what paper he grabbed
    ē Lots of mis-licks on the SD tag match, ended up grabbing Rusev and English
    ē I dropped Bryan and Brie and their ham on the floor before the prediction. The dog watched as a grabbed it back Ö I immediately dropped Miz and Maryse a few seconds later. Dog was very good and didnít grab any of the ham that fell on the floor. I am proud of him

    You know, when you look at it, this doesnít look like a bad card, honestly it actually looks pretty good. Would I be willing to say PPV of the year Ö maybe, with only the Rumble and MITB to beat, this does have the potential to knock those both down and usurp the top spot. Iím optimistic about it, but even if it isnít the best show of the year, this is gonna be a solid show that is hopefully worth the watch.

    And on that note, I guess that it is time for me to bid you all a fond farewell. This is far from the last time you will see me in the near future, Iíll be back for the Royal Recap on Monday and again in a couple weeks as we enter into newly dubbed Zaktober. I have no idea what it will include, but fuck it, letís see what happens. But for now, I hope you have enjoyed todayís column and I will be back Monday for the Royal Recap.

  2. #2
    LOP's part time glass ceiling DynamiteBillington's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2018
    The dog is very well trained if he watched as you retrieved the hams you dropped. I'm proud of him too.

  3. #3
    Mediocrity at it's finest kingzak13's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2018

    Royal Recap: Hell in a Cell 2018

    Feedback time

    @Dynamite: Honestly, I donít think it is so much training as much as it was that was confused why I threw the food on the floor, still some very good behaviour from him though, I gave him some bonus ham for good behaviour at the end.

    Thanks to everyone for the reads, now it is time for the Royal Recap.

    This space to rent

    Whatís up guys, Kingzak is back in action for the Royal Recap. Hell in a Cell is officially in the books, and like literally every PPV, it was basically a slide, we started at the top and weíre all excited, we start going and its all great, then as you get towards the end everything starts to become dull as you slow down, and then you slide straight off the end, do a flip and smack your face into hard concrete Ö ah childhood. Oh right, this is a wrestling column.

    I think this is actually going to be a well looked back on night for 2018, I donít think there is anything on the show that I would actually say as a negative. There are some points but all in all, this show lived up to the hype if you ask me. So without further ado, lets dive in.

    The New Day beat Rusev and Aiden English (Pinfall)

    I donít think anyone had Rusev and English capturing the tag titles, but they gave one hell of a match here, it is a shame this got bumped to the pre-show because this was solid as fuck. I donít entirely know what is next, but based on New Dayís title matches at Australia and Starrcade, I reckon a nice long feud with The Bar. As for Rusev, I am basing this off of the Starcade card again, I am seeing a feud with Shinsuke for the US title. That is actually gonna be pretty good to watch.

    Zak: 1-0 (The New Day)
    Brother: 1-0 (New Day)
    Dad: 1-0 (The abomination that is New Day)
    Dog: 0-1 (Rusev and English)
    Mum: 1-0 (The New Day)

    Randy Orton beat Jeff Hardy (suicide)

    Well, Jeff definitely did something we had never seen before. Fucking hell this match was vicous, it delivered on all the anarchy that I was expecting from Braun/Roman. The screwdriver to the ear hole may be the most horrifying thing I see all year and I donít even have pierced ears. That shit looks seriously painful. If this is Jeffís last match, then he is going out on a really high note.

    Zak: 2-0 (Randy Orton)
    Brother: 1-1 (Jeff Hardy)
    Dad: 1-1 (Jeff Hardy)
    Dog: 1-1 Randy Orton)
    Mum: 2-0 (Randy Orton)

    Becky Lynch beat Charlotte Flair (Pinfall)
    New SmackDown Women's Championship

    Wooooo. Becky getting the win here is best for everyone. Trust me on this. Charlotte is great but sometimes a superstar catches lightning in a bottle and you got ride that, WWE squandered so much momentum through 2017 so gotta take what you can.

    Fantasy Booking

    So Iím gonna take a quick stab at WrestleMania here for both womens divisions.

    ē On the Raw side, Rousey dominates the roster, not quite Brock levels of destroying, but beats all the top talent (Sasha, Bayley, a rematch with Jax)
    ē Meanwhile on SmackDown, Becky Lynch continues to feud with Charlotte the same way they have been lately, as we approach the new year, Becky moves on with the championship to face other SmackDown women.
    ē Charlotte wins the rumble because she is the John Cena of women.
    ē When given the choice between Rousey and Lynch, Charlotte decides to go face Rousey instead.
    ē Lynch goes ahead with a promo stating that no one is on her level, even the mighty Charlotte Flair fears her. The promo is interrupted by Asuka, a brief staredown and we now have our two womens matches.

    Honestly this sounds great to me, we have the general appeal match in Charlotte vs Rousey, and then we have the Internet superfan match between Asuka and Becky Lynch.

    Give me a better WrestleMania womens scenario. I dare you.

    Zak: 3-0 (Becky Lynch)
    Brother: 1-2 (Charlotte retains)
    Dad: 1-2 (Charlotte Flair)
    Dog: 2-1 (Becky Lynch)
    Mum: 3-0 (Becky Lynch)

    Dolph Ziggler and Drew McIntyre beat Dean Ambrose and Seth Rollins (pinfall)

    Fantastic match, nothing particularly exciting though, the finish was pretty obvious and letís be honest, this isnít over yet, though now Brock Lesnar needs to recruit a tag team to help him in this feud. Iíd go B-Team since Axel is still technically a Paul Heyman guy.

    Zak: 4-0 (Ziggler and McIntyre)
    Brother: 1-3 (Seth Rollins and Dean Ambrose)
    Dad: 1-3 (Ambrose and Rollins)
    Dog: 3-1 (Dolph and Drew)
    Mum: 3-1 (Dean Ambrose and Seth Rollins)

    AJ Styles beat Samoa Joe Ö maybe (Pinfall?)

    This is pretty much exactly how I pictured the outcome to this one. Though it didnít come with AJ tapping out, so thatís a different twist. A lot of people look at this is as the point the night went downhill, but while this was downhill, it wasnít bad by any stretch, Iíd still describe this one as good, and now we are definitely getting that No DQ match and that is what I really wanted from this feud.

    Zak: 5-0 (AJ Styles)
    Brother: 2-3 (AJ will win)
    Dad: 2-3 (AJ will win)
    Dog: 3-2 (Joe)
    Mum: 3-2 (Samoa Joe)

    The Miz and Maryse beat Daniel Bryan and Brie Bella (Pinfall)

    Ah damn, the perfect run ends here. Fuck you Maryse, I blame you.

    Iím a little disappointed that Bryan didnít get the hope point for the feud, but maybe that is a good thing, disappoint everyone and then the happy ending is that much sweeter. This was far from the SummerSlam match, but it could have been way worse. It could have been Brie vs Maryse on their own Ö wait Ö that would make sense to be booked at Evolution Ö shit.

    Zak: 5-1 (Daniel Bryan and Brie Bella)
    Brother: 2-4 (Daniel Bryan and Bella)
    Dad: 2-4 Daniel Bryan will win)
    Dog: 3-3 (Bryan/Bella)
    Mum: 4-2 (Le Miz and the other one)

    Ronda Rousey beat Alexa Bliss (Submission)

    It may not have been a hard bar to beat, but this was better than their SummerSlam match. Alexa actually managed to use heel cunning instead of hiding like a bitch for four minutes. I still am incredibly uninterested in Evolution. But at least Alexa is now salvageable.

    Zak: 6-1 (Ronda wins)
    Brother: 3-4 (Ronda Rousey)
    Dad: 3-4 (Ronda Rousey)
    Dog: 4-3 (Ronda Rousey)
    Mum: 5-2 (Ronda Rousey)

    Roman Reigns vs. Braun Strowman went to no contest (Brock fucking Lesnar)

    Why was Mick Foley here again?

    Seriously, was there no one else who could sell getting sprayed. This match was going along nicely until the ending section where the cell was negated as interference just kept happening. Brock showing up and trashing everything was nice, so long as he doesnít win the title again I am okay. Just have him face Roman at Survivor Series for the title, and then he can be destroyed by Braun at WrestleMania and everything will be right in wrestling. No more part timers winning titles.

    Zak: 6-2 (Roman Reigns (or Baron Corbin))
    Brother: 3-5 (Braun Strowman)
    Dad: 4-4 (Anyone but Roman Reigns)
    Dog: 4-4 (Roman and his paper)
    Mum: 5-3 (Roman Reigns)

    Honestly, this show isnít bad, the first five matches were all great, then the latter three disappointed, but were far from bad, Bryan/Miz and Braun/Roman werenít up to previous standards but still not terrible and Ronda/Alexa was miles better than the last match. If you want my opinion, this is now our PPV of the year, even if you did hate the second half, there are three 4 star matches and three 3 star matches, if my maths is correct, that is a good score.

    And on that note, it is that I bid you all a fond farewell. Iíll be back in a couple of weeks with the predictions for the Aussie Showdown, and it will be posted during the week, since the show is Saturday posting predictions that day wouldnít work. And that will be the launch column for Zaktober Ö still not sure what to do for it but fuck it, it might be a laugh. But until then, I hope you have enjoyed todayís column and I will see you next time.

  4. #4
    LOP's part time glass ceiling DynamiteBillington's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2018
    I actually enjoyed this whole show.

    Maryse pinning the Bella was the absolute best thing for that match. The best story is for Miz to keep beating Bryan (or at least not losing) every step along the way, with Miz getting the title off AJ and Bryan winning the Rumble to set up the Mania match where Bryan finally gets the elusive victory. Bryan is always best as the underdog, and it makes his story go full circle back to WM30.

    The ending of that Hardy/Orton match was possibly the worst thing. OK, the commentators tried telling us Hardy had lost his grip, but we all know Orton screwed the spot up by moving far too early making it look like pure stupidity on Hardy's part. That screwdriver spot was sick though. Very easy for it to have gone wrong too, showing how much trust these guys put in each other.

    Everything else I was more than happy with - the endings of most of the main men's matches were done well, all move the stories forward and the show as a whole was one of the most entertaining for a while.

    I wasn't really a fan of either of the women's matches. Rousey is proving to be decent enough, but having her be so dominant so early in her career is killing the division. I don't care what she'd done before WWE, I'd never heard of her and I can't be the only one. The Charlotte/Becky match was OK, but both of them are capable of better and they botched a few too many spots for women of their experience.

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