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  1. #1
    The Brain
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    The Life & Times of Bobby Heenan: Perfection Doubled (December '90)

    Greetings, mizfan fans! And welcome to another chapter in the life of our man Bobby Heenan. November was a busy month of fighting with the Big Bossman, but time waits for no man! As 1990 draws to a close, thereís lots to do before the year ends! Letís get right to it!

    WWF, December Ď90
    Ongoing Heenan Storylines


    Perfection Doubled

    Mr Perfect (w/Bobby Heenan & Ted DiBiase) vs. Kerry Von Erich, WWF Intercontinental Championship 12/15/90 WWF Superstars

    It seems like ages since the Texas Tornado blew into the WWF and snatched up the Intercontinental Championship, but Perfect has never stopped trying to get it back, and hopefully this will finally be his opportunity!

    To add an extra wrinkle to the match, Ted DiBiase is also at ringside because he has developed his own issue with von Erich. He makes his presence felt throughout the match, taking shots at Kerry behind the refereeís back! Good on you Ted, help your old friend Bobby bring the title back where it belongs. That aside, I have to say this is the match I always wanted them to have, at long last. Tornado going buck wild with offense and energy, and Perfect bumping around yet still firing back with great shots when he could. In the end, the ref gets bumped and DiBiase clobbers Tornado with the title, and Mr Perfect is able to get his championship back!! Finally!!


    The Perfect Champion, Once Again

    Awesomeness Rating: ****Ĺ


    Inching Away From The Long Arm Of The Law

    BH: Iím keeping an eye out for the Big Bossman.

    GM: Donít worry, Iíll let you if heís coming!

    BH: Oh yeah, youíd let him wrap his nightstick all the way around my neck and you still wouldnít say anything!
    After receiving his fair share of beatings (and more!) last month, it seems like Heenan may be succeeding in cooling down the Bossman, as they donít have too much in the way of direct confrontation this month.

    BH: Yeah, Iíd like to order a dozen red roses, to be sent to Cobb County, Georgia.

    GM: Whatíre you doing, weíre doing a broadcast!

    BH: Quiet, Iím on the phone! And yes, Iíd like them charged toÖ Gorilla Monsoon, ok bye!
    The matter is by no means dropped entirely though, as on pretty much every broadcast we see Heenan buttering up the Bossman and trying to make sure heís not going to come charging back after him! Heenan even brings a phone so he can make calls and order things for Bossman while on commentary. The saga of Heenan and the phone never ends!

    BH: You know, I bought 150 copies of the WWF Magazine with Bossman on the cover, so I could give a copy to all my friends.

    GM: You bought 149 copies too many, youíve only got one friend!
    I really like that Bossman attacked him where he felt safe, in the commentary booth, and now Heenanís as scared and apologetic as Iíve ever seen him. That was his safe space, after all! Weíll see if this feud is really over, or if theyíre gearing up for another leg. Feels like this does have more juice in it, Iíd like to see more Bossman vs. Family matches please!

    GM: Didnít you call Big Bossmanís mother a deer?

    BH: I did, of course, sheís a dear woman!

    Giant Rumors

    The word goes out that Andre the Giant is returning to compete at the Rumble! Itís a testament to his spirit that Andre wanted to keep wrestling just about as long as humanely possible, even after his body was very broken down. Monsoon greets this news by saying he always liked Andre and they are close friends!! You absolute liar Monsoon, you slandered him for years!!!

    Sadly, we do learn later in the month that Andre will not compete after all, due to injury. More accurately, I believe he was having surgery to try to ameliorate his worsening condition. Makes me sad to think of, but I do hope we see Andre in a few more segments at least, Iím sure it would make him happy to do something more in the WWF.


    A Merry Prime Time Christmas

    BH: You know, itís better to receive than to give.

    GM: Oh, Iíd like to give you something.

    BH: And Iíd like to have it. Wait, itís not a punch in the face or something, is it?

    Heenan may have to tap out here.

    A few fun things from this month of Prime Time. On one episode, Alfred Hayes shows up and gives Monsoon an award for 300 episodes of Prime Time. Thatís pretty cool, what a great ride itís been! Heenan demands something but Hayes has nothing for him. Poor Bobby.

    GM: Weíre gonna show clips from past episodes of Prime Time, including on location episodes!

    BH: Nobody okíd that with me. Every on location episode of Prime Time almost cost me my life!
    They also do a Christmas episode, and Heenan gives Monsoon a single banana for the holiday. How generous!

    BH: Hey crew, I got something for all of you for Christmas this year!

    GM: Remember what he got you last year?

    BH: No! No no no!
    Monsoon has one gift for the crew and one for Heenan. Heenan grabs the big present and itís a box of tools, and he gets so furious that he smashes the smaller present with a hammer! Turns out it was a Rolex and it was meant for him. The Catch 22 is that if he had opened it, it would have been a stick of dynamite or something. Itís SchrŲdingerís Prank, and Heenan canít win.


    You already broke it, might as well have fun smashing it!

    BH: Iíve just got off the phone, and that director is GONE.

    GM: Which director is gone?

    BH: The goof who sent the other goof out here to give you show notes and ignore me! Iím the goof who should get the notes! Wait, I mean- you know what I mean!

    Elsewhere in the WWFÖ

    What a Rush

    I just need to take a quick minute to say LOD absolutely rules and Iím really glad theyíre in the WWF now. All they do this match is kill jobbers, but holy crap do they KILL those jobbers. Super fun to watch.


    Iím The Mountie!

    The Mountie vignettes have started, and they are absolutely awesome. Jacques shows up on a horse and verbally beats down a man feeding the birds! Because heís littering! These are amazing and should be remembered right up there with the best introductory vignettes. The Rougeaus were a fine team, especially after the heel turn, but the Mountie is gonna turn the campy level up to 11 and I am here for it.


    All Hail Iron Mike

    Iron Mike Sharpe vs. Davey Boy Smith 12/2/90 WWF Challenge

    I just want to highlight two things. First I want to point out that Davey Boy has been pretty good since he came back. Secondly, and far more importantly, I want to remind everyone that Iron Mike Sharpe is the greatest jobber ever to live on godís green earth. I love the way he moves for his size, I love how vocal he is, I love that when he gets his shots in they look awesome, and I love how good he is at making others look great. Sharpe absolutely rules, and he has a legitimately good sprint with Davey on this episode of Challenge and Iím going to recognize him for it, dammit!

    Awesomeness Rating: ***Ĺ


    Demolition Donít Matter

    So this might have happened earlier and I missed it, but suddenly Demolition is back with Fuji, even though they made such a production of dumping him a couple years ago. Unfortunately with Ax gone, basically all the heat seems to have gone out of the team, and one of the most popular acts in WWF history is now a total afterthought. What a long, strange history this team has.


    Miscellaneous Quotes

    GM: Are you jealous of this father/son duo, Brain?

    BH: Jealous of having a father like Dusty or a son like Dustin? Thatís like asking if you want to be shot or hung.

    GM: You donít have a son at all!

    BH: And I donít have a father like Dusty, so I won on both counts.
    BH: Boy is this referee Marella dumb. You know that a period comes at the end of a sentence, right? I asked Marella what comes at the end of a sentence, and he said parole.
    GM: Bret Hart, giving his shades to some lucky youngster!

    BH: You know, after the match he waits outside and takes those back.
    BH: Buddy Rose showed me his scale and it showed 217 lbs.

    GM: Thatís because itís broken! He probably used it when he was 6 years old and never fixed it!
    BH: I want to see the Barbarian match, roll the footage!

    GM: They donít take direction from you.

    BH: They donít take direction at all. Canít get these guys to work.
    GM: Iíll see what I can do about having Damian pay you a visit!

    BH: Good, Iíll see what I can do about Barbarian eating him.
    GM: If Slaughter doesnít like it here I can get him a visa, and Iíll get you one too!

    BH: I donít need a Visa, I have MasterCard.
    GM: Look how excited this young fan is!

    BH: I donít know why he would be.

    GM: Because the Rockers are headed to the ring!

    BH: That kid must lead a pretty dull life.
    BH: Texans get so sensitive about Texas because deep down they know how bad it is. If they were secure about their state, theyíd just drop it and move on. You donít see me defending Beverly Hills all the time, do you?

    A bit of a light month, as December often seems to be for whatever reason. Heenan avoided any more beatings from the Bossman (on camera, at least), and the Intercontinental Championship came home to the Family. Prime Time celebrated 300 episodes, and everything is looking up for the Brain in 1991. Or is it?? Weíll find out soon enough!


    Thatís it for today, humanoids. Iíll be back soon with the next entry, until then donít let the ham-and-eggers get you down, and stay awesome!

  2. #2
    Junior Member
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    Glad to hear the IC Title has returned to where it belongs. It seems to me that Kerry disappeared from WWF not long after this is that right? I don't remember much about him other than him bursting onto the scene winning the title, losing it, and then never seeing him again.

    I'm also so glad to hear about your joy to see The Mountie, he was one of my favorites, he was such a great antagonist and absolutely embraced the role.

    You and I have discussed this before, but seeing the Bossman/Heenan issue really reminds me how much managers brought to the equation. I'm glad to see that WWF appears to be embracing them again. Some of the best feuds in wrestling are the right manager and his entourage feuding with an individual. There's no bullshit about number one contender matches and stuff, it's just two people with an issue, that morphs into many people with an issue because the manager is able to send different people after the same person.

    You'd think that they'd have realized this sooner.

    Also, do you think the Andre Rumble Announcement was a bait and switch like the Rude stuff, or that they changed their mind?

  3. #3
    Member
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    Always good to see LOD love. Have been a huge Road Warriors mark for almost as long as Iíve been a wrestling fan. Got to see them contemporaneously at the height of their run in the NWA. The first video I ever bought was a Road Warriors compilation from their NWA days. I feel like they have lossed their shine in modern fandom, mostly due to the fact that they were never putting on stellar matches from a work raw perspective and more and more that is what contemporary fans seem to want see. Their actual in ring abilities will never be confused with that of Lou Thesz or Nick Bockwinkel (who has gone on record as not a fan of them), but what they did bring to their matches was special for a different reason. They had a look not previously seen elsewhere and they literally just about murdered their opposition on a regular basis - even non-jobbers back in their AWA and in some cases NWA days. Their charisma and transcendence of the heel/face dynamic cannot be overlooked...the Road Warrior pop isnít just a clever name. I was an Animal fan as a kid but over time switched my stronger allegiance to Hawk after maturing as a fan.

    Miss them...RIP Hawk

  4. #4
    It looks like the I.C Title is finally back where it belongs. It felt like it took some time for him to get that title back. Heenan must have been over the moon to have gold in his Family once again.

    Heenan is scared as hell buttering up Bossman but it makes perfect sense for him to do so, especially considering the beatings he took at the hands of the Bossman. I loved that Deer line that was gold lol. This certainly seems like it's not over yet.

    Did Andre ever return from this injury?

    With regards to Demolition it must suck to have the life sucked out of the most dominating tag team in WWE history up until that point. I can't remember if you said why Ax left in your previous column; but could you elaborate on that if you know the reason?

    I will always love the quips and exchanges between BH and GM. There are some fantastic lines in there.

    Great work always, Mizzie
    Last edited by Don Franc; 09-27-2018 at 06:42 AM.

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