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  1. #1
    Mediocrity at it's finest kingzak13's Avatar
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    Kingzak presents: WWE Evolution Predictions


    Vaginageddon is upon us



    Whatís up guys, Kingzak is back in action with another round of predictions. Evolution is here and I have rarely felt less enthusiastic about a card. You can say what you want about the booking of the male roster but at least you can get most of a PPV card to be interesting just using them. This card is trash for most parts, and the good parts Ö well there are genuinely quite good, but just having some good stuff is not going to make a good show. Backlash had some good matches and it is regarded as the worst PPV of the year.

    In an ideal world, I would have found a bunch of women to do these predictions for me, offer an evolution of column writing; however I have yet to meet a women with any remote interesting in wrestling. I understand that this show isnít meant to appeal to the male fan, it should be inspiring to little girls, so as a male adult (sort of adult) I am the opposite demographic here, donít worry gents, the sausage party of Crown Jewel is right around the corner.

    So without further ado, letís dive into the card.

    Io Shirai vs. Toni Storm
    Mae Young Classic Finals

    Honesty time, I havenít really been keeping up with the Mae Young Classic. I personally tend to wait till the whole thing is done and then watch the best bits, so at this moment I havenít watched the tournament, however I have been keeping track of the goings on.

    Firstly, kudos to WWE for giving some real diversity here, a lot of different ladies from a lot of different countries competed, and I like that it isnít just America getting the chance to be wrestlers.

    Secondly, just based on the amount of women signed after last years, I am optimistic about the future of womens wrestling. While I do think that the NXT womens division has been on the decline since Asuka left, there is more than enough talent to potentially field its own womens show, (The combination of NXT Women and several signings from the MYC). A separate NXT ladies show would definitely be interesting.

    As for the match here, I think the answer for this one lies within last yearís tournament, last year we had Toni make it to semi-finals before she was beaten by Shayna. This year she has comeback stronger, better. I am going to go with Toni Storm to win.


    Zak: Toni Storm
    Brother: Toni Storm
    Dad: Toni is an 80s name, so she is either old or shouldnít be called that, so I choose the other one.
    Dog: Toni Storm
    Mum: This Io person


    Trish Stratus and Lita vs. A̶l̶e̶x̶a̶ ̶B̶l̶i̶s̶s̶ Alicia Fox and Mickie James

    Ok, so I was barely interested in this one to begin with, the fact that it was announced instead of being built up to really hurt it, and then the best wrestler of the group gets taken out Ö this is literally old people versus the lower card of the womens division. I donít care about this one at all anymore, and even when Alexa was involved, my only hope was that Alexa didnít take the pin. Now I have nothing to be interested in.


    Zak: Lita and Trish
    Brother: Trish Stratus and Lita
    Dad: The Stratus one
    Dog: Mickie James and Alicia Fox
    Mum: The opposite of what Brother picked


    ďHistoricĒ Women's Battle Royal

    This match will definitely be historic Ö in the sense that it occurred and is now a part of history, much like the ďhistoricĒ feud between Gable/Roode and The Ascension, or the ďhistoricĒ superstar Eric Escobar. This is literally just an excuse to trot out a bunch of past superstars and get everyone on the card, itís like the Andre battle royal but less likely to be interesting.

    So we have about 20 superstars in this match, Iím gonna give everyone two guesses for this one, as I do for most battle royals.

    Just so you know, my choices arenít indicative of which brand of womens wrestling I consider the best. Nope it is definitely completely random.

    Zak: Asuka or Ember Moon
    Brother: Asuka or Ember Moon
    Dad: Ember Moon or Alundra Blayze
    Mum: Ivory or Carmella


    Sasha Banks, Bayley and Natalya vs. The Riott Squad

    And there was me thinking that the Battle Royal would be the time to unleash the puppies Ö you know a decade ago that would have probably been something said by Jerry Lawler before a womens battle royal. Progress.





    While I may not have been able to get all female writers, at least I was able to get female puppies.

    Zak: I genuinely donít care enough to even predict this one
    Brother: Not the Riott Squad
    Dad: Sasha, Bayley and Natalya because the others have a stupid name
    Dog: The Riott Squad
    Mum: Sasha Banks and her lot


    Kairi Sane vs. Shayna Baszler
    NXT Women's Championship

    Onto the next one and after three steamed turds in a row, we finally reach another good match Ö so of the actual worth watching matches, half of them are from NXT. Just goes to show how shoddy main roster womens wrestling is, if you arenít going for the title then you are nothing.

    Onto the actual feud at hand, and if Iím honest, Kairi vs Shayna isnít doing it for me. Shayna has been great this past year, I am genuinely terrified of her, more than most wrestlers of either gender (my terror is always based on how badly they could kick my ass) Kairi isnít doing it for me, she is basically a female Paul Burchill. I think my general thoughts on her are pretty much in line with Klecks from his column back in August. (For those who donít remember it, the main premise is that she is just a person that dresses like a pirate with no actual gimmick. Obviously he explains it much better than this and offers solutions but Iím just summarising)

    I have enjoyed the matches between these two, but the problem I have spotted is that Kairi is basically Shaynaís kryptonite, in every big match they have had, Kairi comes out on top. Now if this were a scenario where the feud should be extended then Shayna winning is obvious, however with Takeover: Wargames coming soon and Shayna having been champ before, I reckon she is looking at a promotion soon, so Kairi retains here

    Zak: Kairi Sane
    Brother: Baszler
    Dad: itíll be Baszler
    Dog: Kairi Sane
    Mum: Shayna Baszler


    Ronda Rousey vs. Nikki Bella
    Raw Women's Championship

    Iím torn on how I am feeling about this one. On the one hand, the Bellas should be nowhere near the main event in 2018, however this is the best opportunity for them to be beaten so badly that they leave wrestling. Nikki has her spine issues and taking Rondaís offense is not going to feel good. So this is our best opportunity to get rid of them for good.

    If any of you think there is even a choice here, then you are clearly new around these parts.

    Zak: Ronda Rousey
    Brother: Ronda
    Dad: Ronda Rousey
    Dog: Nikki Bella
    Mum: Ronda



    Becky Lynch vs. Charlotte Flair
    Last Woman Standing match
    SmackDown Women's Championship

    I am gonna be so disappointed when this isnít the main event. This is the best built story WWE have had all year and both women have been on point. Whether the way it has come out is what WWE planned or not is irrelevant, this has been truly incredible to watch. If WWE have found a way to artificially create a chosen one versus fan underdog story in the modern era then I think they are in a way better circumstance than we give them credit for. If they just lucked into this, well then they made the best of the situation.

    I am gonna make the prediction that this is gonna be match of the night Ö kinda obvious though, you have two of the best wrestlers on the roster in a last Woman Standing match. If this is as good as the Asuka/Nikki Cross one from last year then we are in for a treat. I donít think there are enough good things to say about this one, so Iím gonna move on to the prediction.

    I am still of my opinion that I have booked the perfect set of womens matches for WrestleMania, done a few weeks ago in my Hell in a Cell Royal Recap, Charlotte vs Rousey + Lynch vs Asuka, there is no combination of womens wrestlers out there that blends the mass appeal, the technical prowess and the actual interest from the audience. Add in another midcard match, plus the battle royal and you arenít gonna get a better showing from a womens WrestleMania. Now of course for this plan, that does mean that Charlotte canít be champion, so that means Becky pulls out a win.



    Zak: Becky Lynch
    Brother: Charlotte Flair
    Dad: Charlotte Flair
    Dog: Becky Lynch
    Mum: Becky Lynch





    Dog Predictions



    ē The family were making jokes, as I called the dog over to make predictions, someone said ďI predict a riotĒ as a little joke reference to that song, the dog then chose The Riott Squad, he may or may not have been influenced by the words.
    ē Toni Storm immediately and paper too
    ē Ate Nikkiís ham and then made an effort to take her paper too


    So that is all for the show, that is literally it. there are four interesting matches and of them, only three are gonna be good, and based on WWE, one of those three will be cut short so that we can get a ten minute Stephanie McMahon promo to open the show Ö huh, makes sense that they are giving the first half hour free on Twitter, no one would pay for that.

    I am really hoping that this show can beat my expectations because if they live up to it, then this show is going to be an all-time low for WWE, and they are literally corroborating with a corrupted government right now, so this being an all-time low would take some doing. Hang on, anyone just think they were planning a normal PPV for late October, but then they got given the Saudi money and they decided to have the card over there but moved the womenís matches to being a week earlier.

    Ok, the more I am talking about this show, the worse I am actually feeling about the show, so I am going to bid you all a fond farewell. Iíll be back Monday with the Royal Recap for this show and then later on in the week with another column, but until then, I hope you have enjoyed todayís column and I will see you next time.
    *Ghostly wailing*

  2. #2
    Mediocrity at it's finest kingzak13's Avatar
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    Royal Recap: Evolution 2018

    Feedback time

    Ö

    How dare you peasants, how dare you show this disrespect to your king. I am the best columnist that provides the Prediction/Review combo on the whole of LOP, not just these miserable forums, I am the best in this whole damn place and this is the disrespect I am shown. you should be thanking me for keeping this concept afloat you pathetic poor people.





    If you think any of the above rant is genuine, you definitely don't read my stuff enough, we good homies


    Whatís up guys, Kingzak is back in action with another column. Evolution is done (Long live creationism), and after arguably the least inspiring build-up to a PPV that I have ever seen, Evolution took place last night and it surpassed my admittedly low expectations. The show was actually very on point, the stars aligned; everyone gave it 110% and other clichť statements. So without further ado, letís begin.


    Trish Stratus and Lita beat Alicia Fox and Mickie James (pinfall)

    Ok, Trish and Lita managed to have a passable match, fine. No more wrestling until next year for either of them.

    Zak: 1-0 (Lita and Trish)
    Brother: 1-0 (Trish Stratus and Lita)
    Dad: 1-0 (The Stratus one)
    Dog: 0-1 (Mickie James and Alicia Fox)
    Mum: 0-1 (The opposite of what Brother picked)



    Nia Jax won the Battle Royal

    Honesty time: I completely forgot there was a title shot on the line when I predicted this, and while the concept of Ember Moon vs Ronda Rousey really works for me as a match, Asuka getting a title shot now doesnít work in my plans for WrestleMania, had I thought more about it, Nia and Ember would have been my choices, and clearly they were WWEís too as thy finished the battle royal.

    I was more into this match than I thought I would be. Just goes to show, even when you arenít interested in it, Battle Royals are fun. Seriously, go find me a bad battle royal. A bad battle royal is infinitely more fun than a bad singles or tag match. While going in it is hard to care about a battle royal (Royal Rumble not included), they are one of the matches I will always give a gander to.

    Nia vs Ronda II is gonna be pretty good, not much else to say here.

    Zak: 1-1 (Asuka or Ember Moon)
    Brother: 1-1 (Asuka or Ember Moon)
    Dad: 1-1 (Ember Moon or Alundra Blayze)
    Mum: 0-2 (Ivory or Carmella)

    Toni Storm vs Io Shirai (Pinfall)
    Mae Young Classic Finals

    Just some straight up solid wrestling here. And like I said in my predictions, the combination of several competitors plus the NXT womens division is going to be straight fire.

    Zak: 2-1 (Toni Storm)
    Brother: 2-1 (Toni Storm)
    Dad: 1-2 (Not Toni)
    Dog: 1-1 (Toni Storm)
    Mum: 0-3 (This Io person)

    Sasha Banks, Bayley and Natalya beat The Riott Squad (Pinfall)

    I was right, I still donít care.

    Zak: 3-1 (I genuinely donít care enough to even predict this one)
    Brother: 3-1 (Not the Riott Squad)
    Dad: 2-2 (Sasha, Bayley and Natalya)
    Dog: 1-2 (The Riott Squad)
    Mum: 1-3 (Sasha Banks and her lot)

    Shayna Baszler beat Kairi Sane (SubKO)
    New NXT Women's Champion

    I did not see this one coming, I was expecting Shayna to lose and then make her way to the Main roster after Survivor Series. the introduction of the other two horsewomen was an idea I hadnít foreseen. Honestly if that team stays together, they are basically The Shield with lady bits.

    I am now looking really forward to the rematch at WarGames, for the very simple reason that since interference occurred, that means a way to stop it is what is needed at WarGames, and with it already being there, that means a cage match. And there is no way that doesnít end with Kairi doing an elbow drop from the top of the cage.

    Go ahead, post any other viable way you can see that match ending.

    Zak: 3-2 (Kairi Sane)
    Brother: 4-1 (Baszler)
    Dad: 3-2 (itíll be Baszler)
    Dog: 1-3 (Kairi Sane)
    Mum: 2-3 (Shayna Baszler)

    Becky Lynch beat Charlotte Flair (KO)

    I have no sarcastic comments to make here, this was a phenomenal match. I am honestly hoping that WWE donít ruin this by keeping the feud going. Charlotte can feud with any of the heels, and Becky can face Naomi, or any other face that isnít Charlotte or Asuka (Is there any other faces on SmackDown aside from Charlotte, Asuka and Naomi?).

    If you havenít watched it, go watch this match.

    Zak: 4-2 (Becky Lynch)
    Brother: 4-2 (Charlotte Flair)
    Dad: 3-3 (Charlotte Flair )
    Dog: 2-3 (Becky Lynch)
    Mum: 3-3 (Becky Lynch)

    Ronda Rousey beat Nikki Bella (submission)

    Yeah, this went about as expected, it was an alright match, the problem never was with the match, more The Bellas just reappearing and getting a title shot for no reason. With this done, we move on to Ronda vs Jax and this latest chapter in the Bellas career is over, now they can go back to doing whatever they arenít wrestling.

    Zak: 5-2 (Ronda Rousey)
    Brother: 5-2 (Ronda)
    Dad: 4-3 (Ronda Rousey)
    Dog: 2-4 (Nikki Bella)
    Mum: 4-3 (Ronda)




    All in all, Evolution was actually pretty solid, the stories may have been crap, but the Women of the WWE always bring it in the ring. A good show with an uplifting atmosphere and decent matches, this a good show and will likely be the foundation for Evolution to become the literal Womenís WrestleMania. I am really optimistic about things heading forÖ oh wait, Saudi Arabia is this week, forget the optimism, we have a shit show on the way.

    But for now, it is time I bid you all a fond farewell, I donít think Iíll be doing a prediction column for Crown Jewel, I donít want to dedicate so much time to something I donít agree with on a moral level. A recap is still possible, depends how busy I am the day after and whether there is anything worth talking about. For now though, I hope you have enjoyed todayís column and I will see you next time.
    *Ghostly wailing*

  3. #3
    I apologize for not responding sooner my most humble king

    I haven't watched the show yet but I'm super excited for that Lynch/Flair match. I was hoping that they would go on last but in hindsight there was no way that that would have happened. I agree with Rousey/Nikki as a match though as they are considered big names in WWE. I think Ember should have won the battler royal as a one-month program with Rousey would have been cool (mostly the actual match). It seems like WWE is high on Bazler so perhaps her win wasn't that surprising after all.

    Another awesome preview/review.

  4. #4
    LOP's part time glass ceiling DynamiteBillington's Avatar
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    Got to admit, I only read the thread to see what the family made of the event. Had no interest in watching personally so haven't really bothered with any other columns to do with it.

  5. #5
    Mediocrity at it's finest kingzak13's Avatar
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    Feedback time

    @Don: Ember vs Rousey would have been great, even though I doubt Ember would win, it would be great to give her a bigger platform to work from, the fans may actually really get into her if she was given the opportunity.

    I see big things for Baszler, she has taken to wrestling phenomenally, not just in the ring, but she actually has character which is something that can be a bit lacking in women wrestling.

    @Dynamite: I know you aren't a fan of Ronda, but you are doing yourself a disservice by not watching.
    The battle royal was a nice bit of fun, both the MYC and NXT title matches were incredible and Charlotte/Becky gave us a match of the year candidate.
    *Ghostly wailing*

  6. #6
    I have decided not to watch the wholw show. Besides Lynch/Flair. Which other matches would you say I should definitely watch.

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