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  1. #1
    Administrator Prime Time's Avatar
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    The King of the Columnists 7 - Information and First Round Draw

    Ladies and Gentlemen, it is my distinct pleasure to welcome you to the seventh King of the Columnists tournament! This year, in the period of time between the Royal Rumble and Wrestlemania, sixteen columnists will be battling to prove that they alone are worthy to wear the crown.

    As the name of this tournament implies, there have been six other people who have sat on the throne before today. Back when the tournament was first ran it was conceived rather differently than it is today, as something of a ‘reflection on the entire body of your work’ rather than a contest in which you specifically produce something new. DoubleHelix won that first contest, beating Xanman in the final. The latter had actually beaten no less an illustrious name than yours truly in the semi-final to get there. Ah, 2003.

    Over time the tournament has metamorphosed into something more like the other contests that we run here at LoP, but one thing that hasn’t changed is that the names that have won it have been amongst the finest writers we’ve had at the site. Yourayatollah won the second in 2004 – though he’s now better known as the lead Admin here at the forums and just goes by Steven. Morpheus, perhaps the most dominant writer we’ve ever had here (until 2017 he was the only person to have ever won three consecutive COTM awards – and no pressure, but the only other person to achieve that feat is actually competing in this) – won the third, and then Zuma, another big name from what many people called the first Golden Age, won the fourth. The fifth and sixth were not won by people who are currently in our Hall of Fame, but Jules and Priest were both hugely talented writers – Jules won a bunch of Column of the Month awards and had a stint on the main page while Priest became, for a year or so, essentially a machine, winning practically every tournament we ran for that period of time.

    Why am I telling you all this? Mainly because one thing we do here is that we observe the people who’ve come before us, not just for their own sake but for ours. If this is special, it's because everyone who has won this was, at the time of writing, in the form of their life and producing some of the finest material that has ever been put out at this forum. And now, sixteen of you have the chance to add your name to that list.

    But only one of you will be able to do so.

    There can be only one, after all. So this is how it works. There are sixteen competitors in this thing, and therefore it will work fairly straightforwardly. The winner of each match will progress to a quarterfinal round, and so on until we crown a champion. Each match is single-elimination – you lose, and you are out. Topics and opponents are allocated in each round by a random draw. No favouritism, no excuses. There are no wild stipulations coming your way and the topics themselves are going to be fairly broad, and they are open to your interpretation. The only thing I will state is that all columns must be wrestling columns. If they are not deemed to have enough wrestling content by our judges, then you will be penalised. How much is up to them.

    Ah yes, our judges. I’ll have very little input as to whom actually wins this thing – that decision will primarily be in the hands of five other people. I think you’ll agree it’s actually quite a list that has been put together for this thing. The people entrusted with the responsibility are Spinmaster, Skulduggery, Rob S., Mizfan, and Chad ‘The Doc’ Matthews. Each will score your column as a percentage, which I suppose gives you a theoretical top score of 500. There is no official rule regarding spelling and grammar, though it is entirely up to the judges how much weight they do – or do not – place on such matters when coming to their decision. I have given no real instruction to judges other than to assess for themselves whether something is truly a wrestling column – other than that, they have free reign to decide for themselves how they evaluate your style and your content. Needless to say, their decision is final and I’m going to make a request before we start that they are given the respect due to people who give up their time to help make these tournaments happen. Poor sportsmanship will be looked on with the appropriate severity.

    There are five disparate scores coming in so I’m not expecting an issue with tiebreaking, but there is a procedure in place. In the first instance, we’ll move to an ‘Olympic’ style scoring, where the highest and lowest scores are discarded and the column with the highest ‘median’ score will progress. If they still can’t be split, then the column with the fewest penalties will win. If they still can’t be split, then it is whoever has won on three out of five scorecards that gets the W. And if that isn’t enough, then I will decide it with a casting vote. I believe that should account for every eventuality. The one exception to this rule will be the final, where, quite simply, there must be a clear winner, and if they are tied they'll have to write another column.

    Aside from the casting vote, my role in this will be merely to enforce the technicalities - I'm an umpire, if you will. There are three, primarily, of which you need to be aware, because although there aren't many rules they have strong consequences that will be enforced. The first is that once you have posted your column, you cannot edit it without penalty. This will be equivalent to 2% from each judge’s scorecard, applied at the sight of an edit stamp on your work. The scale of your editing will also be assessed and further action can be taken at my discretion, up to and including disqualification from the tournament if it is deemed you are making wholesale changes. Second, each column will have a word limit which will be strictly enforced – and you’ll lose 1% from your total score for each word you go over that limit up to 99 words. At 100 words over, you will be automatically disqualified. Finally, each column will have a deadline. Being late carries the highest penalty of all – for the first 12 hours you will lose 10% from each scorecard, and at 12 hours over you will be disqualified.

    None of these rules will have exceptions. In case anyone is concerned about the word count, they’ll be assessed at https://wordcounter.net/ so everyone’s work will be in the same boat. Including your title in the column won’t count but any material like captions or epigrams will form part of your total, so use them wisely. In the event of any disqualification, your opponent advances automatically. Any penalties I add for these technical infringements (up to and including disqualification) are, naturally, just as final as the judges' assessment of your work.




    I think that’s enough by way of history and rules. Let’s get to it. Here is what the draw has thrown together. The word or phrase that follows your match-up is your ‘topic’, though as stated previously feel free to come at that topic and the broader subject of wrestling in any way that feels right to you.


    Round 1

    Kleckamania vs Anonymous – Mercy

    Oliver vs Timebomb4321 – Insecurity

    205 Clive vs Don Franc –Reset

    Samuel ‘Plan vs Typeitinmaan – Elite

    R-Prof vs Skitz – Weight

    SirSam vs JacobWrestledGod – Momentum

    The LAW vs Jeremysclsplx – Overrated

    The Implications vs KingZak – Japan

    Your word limit for these columns is 1500.

    Since this tournament is a truly global affair, each round the deadline will be given in plenty of different timezones.

    DEADLINE:
    New York, NY, USA - Sun, 3 Feb 2019 13:00
    United Kingdom - Sun, 3 Feb 2019 18:00
    Singapore - Mon, 4 Feb 2019 02:00
    Sydney, Australia - Mon, 4 Feb 2019 05:00


    Competitors, please read through the rules carefully. If there are any questions after that, feel free to ask them here. But it should be fairly straightforward. It really boils down to this:

    Write about something to do with wrestling, that connects to your topic.
    Stick to your word limit.
    Don't post until you know you won't have to change it.
    Get it in on time.
    Don't be a dick if a call goes against you.

    Stick to those five principles and you will be fine - or at least, you'll only have to worry about writing something better than your opponent can manage. As I say, any questions, feel free to reply with them here. Until then, I suppose there's nothing left for me to say except good luck, and may the best writer win!

    "The worst moron is the one too stupid to realise they're a moron."

  2. #2
    Member #25 SirSam's Avatar
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    Wow. Cool topics and match ups. Some big opportunities for upsets. R-Proof & Type have a chance to take out some big names. Then there is Kleckamania v Nony, talk about a Heavyweight show down. Looking forward to seeing the results.
    Last edited by SirSam; 01-28-2019 at 05:34 PM.

  3. #3

  4. #4
    Administrator Prime Time's Avatar
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    I do. Damn website I used has screwed me, haha. That'll teach you to copy and paste. I'll double check they are all still OK apart from that and edit.

    EDIT: Correction made.

    "The worst moron is the one too stupid to realise they're a moron."

  5. #5
    "Imp, you're word limit is 1,500"
    "Cool, that should be fine."
    "And you topic is: Japan."
    "... ah feck."

  6. #6
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    SWERVE, I'm a judge. My one request, show me why you love wrestling. Entertain me. Good luck to all

  7. #7
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    R-Prof in the first round? FFS. So much for easing into this thing.


    Excited for Kleck versus Nony and to see what these lesser known guys bring to the table. It's also nice that we ended up with 16 writers on the nose. Thanks for putting this comp together, Prime. My imagination is already running wild with ideas.

  8. #8
    Administrator Prime Time's Avatar
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    On the whole I'm pleased with the way the draw came out - there's that little thrill of excitement when the very first two names out of the hat are a pair of heavyweights who are going to have to slug it out, and I think the whole thing looks about as balanced as I've ever seen in the first round of something with so many competitors. So I don't think anyone is really going to feel like they can ease their way into this, to be fair.

    Good luck to everyone involved, once again.

    "The worst moron is the one too stupid to realise they're a moron."

  9. #9
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    This'll be a fun time.

  10. #10
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    I absolutely LOVE the one word topics, so much room for interpretation.

  11. #11
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    I think when we did this last year (January 2018 maybe?) we had to be exactly at the word count. If I'm reading this right, it is up to 1500 words, right? Anyways, looking forward to it and happy to be back writing!

  12. #12
    Administrator Prime Time's Avatar
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    Yeah that's right. It's a maximum word limit. You can write any amount you like below that figure.

    "The worst moron is the one too stupid to realise they're a moron."

  13. #13
    SkitZ, we keep getting pitted against one another! First December COTM and now this, I though rematches were no longer guaranteed haha.

    Well I just blew my wad writing a dissertation about Saturday Night's Main Event but I got a little left in the tank, this should be good fun.

  14. #14
    Lamb of LOP anonymous's Avatar
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    Bollocks. I’m scared. Good luck Kleck. Good luck all. I’ve never written 1500 words in my life.

  15. #15
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    I love that just one word got me thinking of a column that needs to be written. A column I wouldn't have written without that word, which is pretty awesome.

    Good luck to all those involved.

  16. #16
    The Brain
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    This looks so awesome. Dying at Imp's comment in particular.\

    This is gonna rule so hard.

  17. #17
    Member #25 SirSam's Avatar
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    I just noticed Clive v Donny with some Main page on main page crime.

    Question, in terms of a bracket does it just go down that list. Ie, winner of Kleck v Nony goes against winner of Oli v Timebomb or will there be another shuffle?

    Also lol at Plan an absolute dyed in the wool wwe guy getting Elite.
    Last edited by SirSam; 01-28-2019 at 05:35 PM.

  18. #18

  19. #19
    Lamb of LOP anonymous's Avatar
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    It couldn’t mean anything to do with Rollins thankfully. Elite is not a word I could ever associate with him.

  20. #20
    My mind’s drawing a blank, but I shall see what I can do

  21. #21
    Senior Member 205 Clive's Avatar
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    Is it too soon to make my "reset" piece a comic tragedy about the LOP forums...?

  22. #22
    Member #25 SirSam's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JacobWrestledGod View Post
    My mind’s drawing a blank, but I shall see what I can do
    Good. May it stay blank all week.

  23. #23
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    If I glazed over this in your initial thread post, than I apologize, but where do we post the columns, and what title, if any, should we put on them? I'm assuming we post in the Column's Competition sub section, should we label them as "KOC 1st Round: Topic"?


    Thanks in advance


  24. #24
    Administrator Prime Time's Avatar
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    Sam, no bracket, as I say the draw every round is random.

    Kleck, title it whatever you want but good point, I'll add something about putting KOTC:R1 somewhere in the title. Just post it in the main forum for the time being - if we need to move them to the competition subforum for any reason mods can make that call later on.

    "The worst moron is the one too stupid to realise they're a moron."

  25. #25
    Member #25 SirSam's Avatar
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    I will probably be posting mine on the main page too.

    I can't imagine that will be a problem.

  26. #26
    I won't be posting mine on the main page, fair to say I get rather experimental with these tournaments lol. Never know which Imp you're gonna get.

  27. #27
    HUGE Member TheLAW's Avatar
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    Anyone have the updated betting odds on me getting knocked out in the first round? I'd like to at least win some money lol

  28. #28
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    I wanna see a money in the bank version of writing. During the finals, I cash in a vulnerable columnist with writers block and come in with fresh ideas for the 1,2,3 #MoneyInTheColumn

  29. #29

  30. #30
    Lamb of LOP anonymous's Avatar
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    1501. DQ Him!

  31. #31
    Mediocrity at it's finest kingzak13's Avatar
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    Are pictures included in the 1500 or can we use as many as we need/want?

  32. #32

  33. #33
    Lamb of LOP anonymous's Avatar
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    Am I not allowed to tease you?

    I shall attempt to read and feed all tournament columns in detail. The reality is I’ll do a few then get distracted.

  34. #34
    Author of 101 WWE Matches To See Before You Die Samuel 'Plan's Avatar
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    You can tease, but you know how competitive I can get. I will not be held responsible for my over-reactions!

  35. #35
    Main Pager Maverick's Avatar
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    Just dropping in to say that the trash talk is as lamentably poor as ever. Kindly watch some Samoa Joe and then re-engage. Good day!

  36. #36
    Author of 101 WWE Matches To See Before You Die Samuel 'Plan's Avatar
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    Could be because there hasn't been any mate.

  37. #37
    Administrator Prime Time's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kingzak13 View Post
    Are pictures included in the 1500 or can we use as many as we need/want?
    If your image has no words in it, you can use as many as you like.

    If it includes words it gets trickier. It will basically be a judgement call based on how they are used. I want to allow creative freedom as much as possible so if it's brief enough and used honestly it will pass without comment.

    Conversely, if you are judged to be trying to gain an unfair advantage then it'll have consequences. My best advice is if in doubt, leave it out.

    While it's not an exact situation I hope that's clear enough.

    "The worst moron is the one too stupid to realise they're a moron."

  38. #38
    Member #25 SirSam's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Maverick View Post
    Just dropping in to say that the trash talk is as lamentably poor as ever. Kindly watch some Samoa Joe and then re-engage. Good day!
    IRRELEVANT

  39. #39
    Main Pager Maverick's Avatar
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    CHANGE IT

  40. #40
    HUGE Member TheLAW's Avatar
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    Maverick is a doodoo head. There. Trash talk. Lol

    EDIT: do we really have to post these in the main thread? Seems awfully counter productive if one of them gets buried somewhere. Just my two nickles.
    Last edited by TheLAW; 01-31-2019 at 11:23 AM.

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