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  1. #1
    Mediocrity at it's finest kingzak13's Avatar
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    [KOTC R1] Gotta Catch'em all


    Also known as the dumbest crossover ever

    What’s up guys Kingzak is back in action with another column. The King of Columnists tourney is well underway, and ideally I would like to king of something other than sumo-suit wrestling and omelettes, so it’s a no brainer. I was quite interested to see how this was going to go … and then I got my topic.

    I’m sure this won’t shock too many when I say I have not watched any NJPW or other Japanese promotions, and I’ve not been overly impressed with the talents that have come from Japan to WWE, they wrestle good but lack any character is the simple summary (Asuka not included). So obviously I had to fall back on stuff I actually know and like from Japan. Realistically I could only think of two Japanese things I do really enjoy and the first one is Japanese women and I don’t think anyone wants to hear about that.

    So that leaves us with option 2, so I present to you, for the first time ever …


    The obvious choice for the starters is the Shield trio, name a more iconic trio in wrestling, I’ll wait. And starters are the thing you always remember from the Pokémon games, they haven’t been assigned at random, each one is chosen for a reason


    VenuReigns: of the three starters, Bulbasaur is the least picked, and is often the subject of ridicule by certain sections of the fan base. Sound familiar? When looked at from a more objective outlook Venusaur is actually a solid choice. Ironically Venusaur is considered to have one of the worst looks for a starter while looks is Reigns high point.

    ChaRollins: Burn it down. Need I say more?

    Fair enough, of the three starters Charizard is the most agile, and is debatably the most popular of the three. For roughly 90% of his time in WWE I’d say Seth has been the most popular of the Shield, or at least generated the biggest reactions in whatever direction he was supposed to.

    Blastbrose: A close second to Charizard, the two’s existence is somewhat intertwined given the natural rivalry between fire and water. Couple in a natural toughness and a bit of brawler-ish nature and you can see the comparison.

    In Pokémon, the starters are looked at as the top three and are the biggest part of the game, same goes for these three wrestlers who I think we can agree the three have been the face of the WWE the last few years.

    There are more comparisons that you can find between the various wrestlers and Pokémon out there; here are a couple of WWE’s bigger names as Pokémon.


    Randy Arbok: This may be a bit of a cheap one but The Viper and Arbok work, both are looked at as baddies, both rather adept fighters.

    Cenachu: The face of the franchise, fun and kid friendly, refuses to evolve. There is no better comparison here.

    Pidgeot Styles: AJ could have fit as a lot of Pokémon; I choose Pidgeot because both have a fair amount of flight based offense, both rather powerful and beloved by fans,

    Curtatta Hawkins: incredibly easy to beat. Like seriously easy.

    MagmarKane: Both are based largely on fire. Both can be tough but when attacked the right way become incredibly easy to beat.



    For those that haven’t played Pokémon, most Pokémon do evolve, which basically involves a big change in appearance, size, ability, ETC. A good example of an evolutionary line is shown below


    Fantini and Breezenair: The first thing that comes to mind when looking at a Dratini or Dragonair is the sleek and elegant look, wrestling can be very inelegant so the obvious choice for these two would be the fashion forward Fandango and Breeze, however Pokémon fans will know there is one more in this evolution line, and that is

    Braunite: While I don’t think Braun would fit as a member of the fashion police, that is one of the good things about the complete change you get from Dragonair to Dragonite. Dragonite is a big and powerful Pokémon, and when provoked is incredibly vicious and destructive. While I think Braun may lack the need to be provoked to be destructive, that fact and both being considered one of the best of their group is why I think Braun would make a great Dragonite.



    Both Pokémon and WWE both have a fascination with the legendries. These legendries are rare to come across, much like the part timers in WWE. So here are some of the WWE’s part timers mixed with a Pokémon befitting their personality


    SnorLesnar: Both are notorious for being lazy.



    Okay, more details. Snorlax is actually a rare Pokémon, only having two encounters in the wild, which goes with Brock only having two matches a year. On top of that, both are actually incredibly tough against almost any opposition and use a limited variation of very physical attacks.

    Triple LaprasH: Lapras is considered one of the smartest Pokémon out there, as well as being incredibly rare and also a rather fierce opponent. However Lapras is also a kind and gentle Pokémon, which I think meshes well with the dual personality of Authority Triple H and NXT Triple H, the latter of whom comes across as a friendly and helpful trainer.

    Mewndertwoker: Both are legendary creatures, both are the “final boss” of their respective franchise (Mewtwo in a literal sense and Taker in a “Only at WrestleMania” sense) and both possess what is seen as unlimited powers that can’t quite be comprehended

    Ronda Mewsey: An interesting one here, Mew as a Pokémon is a rare Pokémon that can’t be obtained, except from special limited events, Rousey is a rare wrestler since she is only around for a limited period. Both are surprisingly powerful and Mew can learn any move in Pokémon, which I think goes well with Ronda learning wrestling really well.

    Also Mew is Ronda’s favourite Pokémon, so I’ll let her have it.



    Despite the probably hundreds of differences between the two brands there is actually one big similarity, and it isn’t the combative/competitive attitude that it is based around (though that is a big similarity). Both of these two brands are things that have created real passion within people, with both of them, they are enjoyed as a child and that passion carries through into a noticeable adult audience, passion is something that doesn’t dim with age and while both of these have their faults, both can be enjoyable no matter the age of the consumer.

    Also both were considerably cooler back in the late 90s.




    You ever look back at something and realise how incredibly nerdy you actually are, this is one of those times. Despite the blatant nerdery here, this is a great crossover between Japan’s most successful media product and the WWE. And this isn’t even the tip of the iceberg, there are so many more Pokémon and wrestlers out there that could have a secret connection, but now it is time I bid you all a fond farewell, I turn this over to the fans, what wrestler/Pokémon crosses do you think would work? Do you think I missed any obvious ones? Would you change who we have so far? Leave your thoughts in the comments and as always I hope you have enjoyed today’s column and I will see you next time.

  2. #2
    Hahahahah this is brilliant omg hahahhahaha

  3. #3
    That was amazing work Zak, given a topic that isn't your forte ! Your line up is quite fair to the actual wrestlers, I gotta say you nailed Cena and The Shield.
    This is great creative work !

  4. #4
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    I loved Pokemon as a kid and my son loves it now! Considering what you were given to work with you absolutely nailed this. I'd say Brock is more of a Ho-Oh and Dean is actually Bulbasaur who was more popular than Squirtle in my opinion. This was great dude. Good luck.

  5. #5
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    I have never been a fan of Pokemon, it was way past my childhood when it came out, but this column is sheer genius. Such an awesome way to twist a topic, and you put a hell of a lot of effort into fleshing it out. You are in top form lately man. Awesome work.


  6. #6
    Lamb of LOP anonymous's Avatar
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    As the man who’s done over 100 “Wrestlemon” as part of the “anonymous main page audience friendly” work, I have to say it isn’t totally new. I never devoted a whole column to this though so respect to you for doing that. I know how hard it is to write meaningful stuff for it and the similarities and love the creativity.

    What I would also say is you put far more effort into the graphics than I ever did.

    I love Pokémon so any reference to it is appreciated. If your next column is about tits, saved by the bell or Rikishi, I might take issue though.

  7. #7
    Mediocrity at it's finest kingzak13's Avatar
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    Feedback time

    @Jacob: Glad you enjoyed it.

    @Cathe: Surprisingly the only ones I really had set from the get go was The Shield, Cena came pretty late, but I don't think there could be a more apt comparison out there.

    @Don: Bulbasaur is not more popular than Squirtle.
    While I do agree that Brock could be a legendary, I wanted to keep this to the original 151 since I know the majority of the audience wouldn't be too familiar outside those that they may have watched when they were young. Had I the opportunity to go through the rest of the list, some of these would most likely change.

    @Kleck: I knew there wasn't any way I could do anything with Japanese wrestling, so had to improvise. I am glad to see even non-pokemon fans can enjoy this for what it is.

    @Anonymous: I had no idea you made some WrestleMons, if you got any knocking around I would love to see them.


    Thanks to everyone for reading, glad to see so many people actually enjoyed this,

  8. #8
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    An interesting take on the topic. I’m all about getting creative with the topics in tournaments, but of course there’s an inherent risk when one strays from the path. I suppose it’s also true that there’s a risk on sticking steadfastly to the path, for fear of playing things too safe! Ultimately, the direction you went with this one, for me, was a little too subversive to the topic, but not so much so that it struck me as off-putting.

    I think you went too thin on some of the comparisons. Take Magmar and Kane, for example. Pretty shallow dip into the waters for simply describing Kane as “incredibly easy to beat when attacked the right way”. Honestly, I think you could’ve done a 1500-word column justice simply on the Shield-Starting Pokemon analogy. Get a little more in depth in both worlds. Discuss the Shield members’ individual weaknesses to one another and relate that to the type weaknesses of Pokemon. Explore how one’s enemy assembles their final line-up completely based on which starter you choose, and how that could relate to each Shield member. Something along those lines. I know it sounds pretty silly to go deep on a topic like Pokemon rather than light and breezy, but I think once you’ve committed to writing about Pokemon and WWE, you’ve already crossed the line into silly (which is not a bad thing!), so I think just going for it would work.

    As they are, though, some of the “simply put” comparisons worked better than others. The Cena-Pikachu comparison was dead on. Perfect analogy, and one of the few that I think worked better with the brevity it actually received. That said, you go a little longer on the other description, and have just one with a brief description? Stands out even more. Adds that much more emphasis to the “nuff said” aspect of it.

    I think you missed a softball in Curt Hawkins, though – I would’ve thought Magikarp was the obvious one! Rattata can be a bit of a thorn when your starter is only Level 5 or 6 at the beginning of the game. Meanwhile, Magikarp is virtually ineffective! I think you have to really scrape the bottom of the barrel when you’re talking about a 250+ match losing streak. I also think you missed a nifty trick in not having Meowth in your list – specifically Team Rocket’s Meowth. The annoying mouthpiece for the villain who is all talk and no fight – immediately I think of a Jimmy Hart, or if you’re going more modern, maybe a Lio Rush.

    “Also both were considerably cooler back in the late 90s.” is actually a tremendous line and well placed in terms of having it be its own paragraph. Perfect little zinger to wrap things up. In fact, I think it would’ve worked even better as the outright closing line to the entire column. There’s something about a powerful line to conclude a column that often can work much better than a conversational farewell.

    I think what will ultimately hurt you the most is the writing. Bit of a rough start out of the gate, with no punctuation after “What’s up guys” and going right into “Kingzak is back…” Immediately afterwards, “…ideally I would like to king of something” is missing a word. The column has a number of grammatical errors sprinkled throughout, but these ones in back-to-back sentences right at the start just put things into a suboptimal lens early. Couple of clumsy sentences in there as well – e.g. “…same goes for these three wrestlers who I think we can agree the three have been the face of the WWE…” A lot of this can be caught with multiple, even if they need to be bordering on neurotic, proofreads.

    At the end of the day, I applaud the inventiveness with trying to twist the topic into something creative. That’s always welcomed in tournaments in my books, so kudos for that. But I think the execution left a lot to be desired.

  9. #9
    The Brain
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    I struggled somewhat to get into this, and I think it was the writing. Watch out for stuff like "they wrestle good", it really takes me out of the column. I do appreciate your effort on the photoshop though, and some of the comparisons were pretty funny. I did think you relied a bit much on one-off jokes and would have liked to see a little more meat, or maybe tackling something new if you're not too knowledgeable about Japan. I did get a laugh out of this but I think more could have been done with this idea.

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