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    Mizzie & The Spin's Total Non-Stop Wrestling Project #12- New Champs Crowned!

    Mizzie & The Spinís Total Non-Stop Wrestling Project


    MF: Greetings, mizfan fans and Spinnerettes! Like an X Division body thrown from the top of the ladder and smashed upon the floor below, so too are we poor souls about to hurled from our triumphant perch. Come gawk at our mangled corpses! What indignities await us this week??

    SM: Wow! That was some deep shit right there Mizzie! Anyone reading should probably just stop now. Nothing on this show will be at the level your speech just set. Go on everyone. Leave! No? Fine, but donít say I didnít give you the opportunity.

    MF: Save us, Goldilocks! Youíre our only hope!

    NWA/TNA #12
    Tennessee State Fairgrounds, Nashville, Tennessee
    September 18th, 2002


    Jarrett, Jarrett, JarrettÖ DX?



    Me vs Mizfan When Jarrett Arrives


    MF: This is Vince Russoís NWA/TNA, so of course we start the show with a barrage of fast paced clips. First we join our hero Goldilocks backstage, and she welcomes Scott Hall back to the company. We last saw him in July, wrestling Jeff Jarrett in a putrid stretcher match. I love Hall but he looks absolutely terrible. Itís grim to say, but I had to keep reminding myself he didnít actually die during this period in his life. In much better news, we learn Sean Waltman is joining the company to be his partner! Iím a big fan of Waltman, and he looks to be in relatively great shape at just 30 years old (really? wow!). The best thing about this segment is nobody is even remotely mean to Goldilocks, itís a miracle!

    SM: Hall doesnít have the ability to be mean to Goldi at this point. Iím pretty sure that every bit of brain power was being used to remind him to stay upright and speak words. This man looks like heís already been dead for months, which he kind of has been, since anyone on TNA at this time wishes they were dead. As for Waltman coming, Iím not the biggest fan, but I do remember some of his TNA stuff and itís far better than the shit weíve been getting. While he may not blow the roof off the place, anything is a step up from the Dupps and Bruce.

    MF: We smash cut to footage from earlier today, and just to even out the universe, itís a nice clip of Brian Lawler being awful to Goldilocks. I have no idea what Lawlerís character is meant to be, besides enormous asshole, which is less a gimmick in this company and moreso a way of life. Heís here to fight with Jeff Jarrett for the billionth time. This time Jarrett defends himself with a suitcase, which thwarts Lawler entirely. Should have thought of that earlier, I guess. Jarrett says he knows the secret (Tenay is jealous), and claims he never touched Lawlerís girlfriend April. Jarrett says April is a puppetmaster and is probably having sex with someone else right now. This seems to put Lawler off of Jarrettís track, so Iím glad we went through all that. Also good to know we have another manipulative evil slut of a female character to add to Russoís ever growing pile.

    SM: In one short segment we have two women presented to us as bottom feeding trash bag hoes. Sounds like a normal day in the depraved, sadistic, masochistic world of Vince Russo. I wish for the day when an army of scorned women storm his house with pitchforks, barricade him inside, and torture him for days on end. Maybe then he will have gotten the comeuppance heís deserved since his early days of writing wrestling shows. Honestly, Iíd pay good money to see Ronda Rousey get those hands on the slimy neck of Russo. I wonder if there is any way to make that happen. Anyway, while I fantasize about his demise, tell us what other shit is happening in Russoland.

    MF: And now Jeff Jarrettís in the ring, so the fun never stops! Heís here to feud with the Armstrongs, not with Lawler, Killings, Monty Brown, or any of the other people heís currently fighting. No sooner does Jarrett hit the ring than he leaves it so he can push Bob Armstrong around backstage. The masked Bullet shows up again and they go back out to the ring again! Truth in advertising, this is certainly nonstop, albeit in a somewhat nauseating, sensory overload kind of way. The Bullet reveals what took me too long to realize by doing a familiar dance, asking if you didnít know, and unmasking to show himself to be Road Dogg, or ďBrian JamesĒ. Jarrett retreats, probably in disgust of Doggís horrible little rat tail beard. Seriously Spin, put up a picture of that horrible thing:


    The TNA Debut of Road Rat

    MF: Road Dogg starts doing a shooty shoot promo about when he was the Roadie, which seems super relevant in 2002. He name drops DX and promises to be a tag team champion. Aim high, Dogg. Heíll now be known as BG James. The G stands for ďGet it, got it, goodĒ. I can see why he abbreviated it. Spin, Iím exhausted and we havenít even had a match yet. I feel like I have whiplash here.

    SM: Zzzzzz. What? Sorry, I dozed off their for a minute. Something about getting it good with the Roadie? Sounds like weíve returned to the secret porn set backstage again. I was hoping that front had been discovered and shut down. If everyone is finally done talking, letís get to some of this action they keep promising, so that I can try to wake myself up again.


    Uncanny X Division



    I Will Eat The X-Division for Breakfast


    MF: Goldilocks is backstage again, and she calls Sonny Siaki out for his character being confusing as hell. Siaki has stopped speaking in the third person and wants to be a team player. He also name drops Shawn Michaels for no reason, because itís DX week for everyone apparently. Jerry Lynn is getting a chance to be NWA Champion tonight, and Siaki says itís their chance to show X Division wrestlers have a place in wrestling. A place like the main event last week, Siaki? Siaki promises the X Division will be united behind Lynn tonight. I will give you exactly one guess what heís going to do later.

    SM: I know! I know! Let me guess! Heís going to attack Jerry Lynn, turn heel for the tenth time since the promotion started, and state that heís bigger than the X-division and all the other spot monkeys who inhabit that world. Why do these characters need to be so convoluted, confusing and dumb? What happened to good old basic storytelling? I want my classics back. Hell, at this point, Iíll take watching the Mizís dad only be proud of him once he wins the tag championships with a 49 year old man, even though heís a former world champ. Screw this stuff, letís have some wrestling, pleaseeeeeee!


    AJ Styles vs. Kid Kash



    If I Hide My Eyes I Wonít See The Rest of the Show


    MF: YES, give me this match! It doesnít make up for everything else but still, I canít help but be excited. Styles gets on the mic before the match to say he wonít support Jerry Lynn. Heís as bad on the mic as he is good in the ring. Man, I appreciate the hell out of Kash. He can fly but heís also great on the mat and heís got some grit to him. And heís so damn smooth! He does a double springboard rana that is to die for. Beautiful segue into a Styles Clash from the 2nd rope for the win with AJ Styles. That was awesome, I absolutely loved it. Give me 100 times more Kid Kash!

    SM: Kid Kash reminded me of a grizzled veteran from the first time I saw him. Itís like he was a 50 year old trapped in a 20 year oldís body. The guy has always impressed me, and this match was no different. It isnít often that someone in the ring with Styles comes away as my personal match MVP, but he accomplished that here. Not to say Styles wasnít great, as he was his typical top notch self here. He showed off the athleticism that most can only dream of, and he was the antithesis to Kashís gritty ground game. I can only imagine what these two men could do if given some real storyline time, and a chance to build the tension. On second thought, with the way storylines go in this promotion, I think Iíll stick with what we had. Great match.

    SM Rating: ****
    MF Rating: ****ĺ



    Random Crap



    From Us, To Russo


    MF: I donít have the heart to make a million categories for all the random 60 second stuff that happens on this show, so here we go. Buff Bagwell is back, which is reason enough for me to crash back down to earth. Goldilocks wonders why heís here, once again asking the questions no one else dares ask. Buff calls himself ďMarcus Alexander BagwellĒ but unless heís teaming with 2 Cold Scorpio he can go to hell with that. Road Dogg shows up and says he doesnít know Bagwell but he knows of him, and heíll give Bagwell a chance to be his partner. He must not know that much about him after all. I need to point out that once again nobody was mean to Goldi again, so Russo must be sick this week.

    SM: After the show had clawed its way up from the pits of hell with the Styles/Kash match, it plummets to new lows with the reintroduction of the talentless never was, Buff Bagwell. Obviously Killings has been smoking a little of the RVD special today. Otherwise, he would never want that crapfest by his side. As for Goldi getting through another segment without being cursed on, pushed around, or degraded, I guess Russo is finding another way to make her life hell. Probably cut her wages, the spineless fuckwad.

    MF: Look who else is here, itís Screech from Saved by the Bell! What, what the fuck? For reasons too stupid for me to describe, he will have a boxing match with ďTiny the TimekeeperĒ, who is called Tiny because heís fat. I canít believe this wonít even be the dumbest thing on this show.

    SM: Professional wrestler Dustin Diamond to you, Mizzie. Donít you know that he would later go on to be trained by Hogan and company on a reality wrestling program that was so dumb I forgot its name. What viewers are they looking to bring in with this? It canít be wrestling fans, it definitely isnít television fans, and lord knows it isnít the women fans. Iím lost, letís move on.

    MF: The Hot Shots, whose names I havenít learned and am too lazy to look up, are backstage cutting a very bad promo. Theyíre trying to do a comedy segment about giving chances to young wrestlers even though they themselves are young, but Goldilocks is the only one with any comedic talent. Speaking of a complete lack of talent, Disco Inferno is also back. Goldilocks shits all over him and he lamely comes back to say she wants to sleep with him. Who employs this idiot?

    SM: Russo, the answer is always Russo. It just has to be at this point. Hot Shots are cold on the mic, so maybe a name change is in order. Goldi proves to be a queen among her peasants once again, while Disco proves to be no more than a five and dime court jester. Time to wrestle now? Or do we have more pointless shit to shift through first? Oh fuck, itís the ďboxing matchĒ.


    Screech vs. Tiny the Bellkeeper - Boxing Match



    Soon to be World Champion


    MF: Why?

    SM: Itís the year of the Jackass, obviously.

    SM Rating: Nope
    MF Rating: Stupid



    CM Punk & Ace Steele vs. Jimmy Rave & Derek Wylde vs. The Hot Shots (Cassidy OíReilly & Chase Stevens)



    Baby Punk, doo doo doo doo doo doo


    MF: Oh yeah, those are their names. There is a tag team gauntlet later tonight, and whoever gets pinned in this match doesnít get to participate. This is explained very poorly. Also, blonde Punk is in this match. It was fun to see him, he was already pretty good and youíve got to wonder what might have happened if TNA actually invested anything in him. This was a reasonably fun match, and the right team lost as the nondescript Hot Shots get booted from the gauntlet.

    SM: This didnít seem bad at all, however, after the last few segments anything would seem like a step up. Punk showed off some considerable skill at this early stage of his career, while the other three men in the ring also proved to be miles above many of the main event talent. Itís amazing that TNA was never able to see the talent they had in the mid card divisions. Their company could have been golden from the start if they had built around the X-division, and pushed some mid-card talent into the main event scene. Thatís a tale of what ifs too convoluted to dive into. Instead, we will just enjoy the talent that was on display while the writers were busy trying to find more old wrestlers and ďtv starsĒ to bring into the main events.

    SM Rating: **ĺ
    MF Rating: ***ľ


    MF: After the match Goldi interviews AMW in front of a blindingly white wall. Chris Harris isnít even mad that Storm is acting like a cowboy hick. Harris says he can be a cowboy as long as they win the titles, and calls him buckaroo. James Storm is infectiously happy about this. They are a bright spot in this company and I hope to god they win the tag titles.


    More WWF Story Time



    Season 1, Episode 1


    MF: Scott Hall and Waltman come out to the ring. Iím super glad to see Waltman, at least, and I canít lie, Scott Hall is 10 times more over than basically anybody else on the show, even looking as terrible as he does. Hall reminisces about first facing Waltman in the WWF in 1993. The crowd chants 1-2-3 and Hall references Razor Ramon. Hall gives some very genuine praise to Waltman, and says heís one of the few guys that makes him love wrestling. Thatís a nice moment. Waltman says some might not like him and everything bad youíve heard about them is true, but they love pro wrestling, and thatís why theyíre here. He says heís not ďsports entertainmentĒ anymore, and now he's back. He says theyíll both probably get fired and theyíll go down in glory.

    SM: The getting fired line is the truest comment Iíve heard on this entire episode. I feel like these two had at least 20 runs each in TNA, and each time they ended up fired for backstage misdemeanors, poor attitudes, and terrible life choices. For now, Iíll just accept that they are here, they seem happy to be wrestling, and I am sure that Waltman will give us some entertaining matches before he winds up unemployed.

    MF: Nothing is allowed to sit for even a second in this company, so we immediately get Brian Lee and whichever Harris twin coming out to attack them. Waltman drops Harris, holy shit! Heís got those ex-WWF powers! Hall hits the Razorís Edge on Lee. So yeah, to beat these two you just have to have worked in WWF. Glad we cleared that up.

    SM: Makes sense to me. Itís as logical as anything else Iíve seen in the past 11 episodes. Build up Harris and Lee as unstoppable juggernauts, only to have them beaten down by two WWE cast offs during a random in ring segment. Booking geniuses are working for this company. Ugh.

    MF: Before crashing into the next segment, we see Goldilocks once again trying to talk to Brian Lawler. What a professional. She asks him about what Jarrett said about his girlfriend. Lawler seems to have no idea whatís going on and forgot he was in a match later tonight. He screams he has no time for her comedy and itís life or death. Two things here. One, Lawler is the only one being an asshole to Goldilocks this week. Stop it, Brian. Second, he really seems kind of out of it through all this. Iím a bit uncomfortable watching him fumble his way through this stuff, knowing the personal struggles heís had.

    SM: Damn, is it too early to predict that Lawlorís time with the company may be coming to an end soon? The guy looks like he needs some help, and sadly, this company does not have a great track record for helping their talent in need. As for the storyline, itís as pointless and annoying as it has been every other week. Nothing to see here, move it along.


    Christie Ricci vs. Bruce - Miss TNA



    The Picture Says It All


    MF: Christ, this angle just never ends. Before the match, NASCAR driver Hermie Sadler is back. If memory serves, he defeated the current NWA Champion in a singles match. Good. He cuts a bad promo as we reminisce about that stupid time.

    SM: So if we take logic into account (ha) then he should be the number one contender to the championship, and be granted a match at his earliest convenience. No? Ok, then. I guess we will move on to the single most offensive piece of crap in a festering company of crap. I cannot believe we have to sit through another one of these matches, and I refuse to subject our readers to having to hear we talk about it.

    MF: Tenay reveals that Bruce is the longest reigning ďchampionĒ in the company. Itís the 12 show in the company history and every other title has changed hands multiple times. Oh Russo. Hermie Sadler is still there doing commentary, and he mumbles some comments while Bruce is trying to talk. He doesnít understand why Bruce does the things he does. He says he takes a coffee break when he watches Bruce at home. Tenay criticizes Bruce for having ďgender identityĒ problems. Bruce wins a match not worth talking about and then Hermie Sadler beats him up for being an evil gay transgender crossdresser. This is such an awful combination of so many things that just donít work.

    SM: Currently my older dog is curled up by me on the couch, watching me type on my computer. My younger, excitable dog, is running around the living room trying to get my attention so that I will play with her. This is far more interesting than talking about the above stated match.

    SM Rating: Russo is a homophobe
    MF Rating: For the sake of human dignity, stop this now


    MF: Letís cram in another quick segment here, why not? Goldi is talking to Lynn about challenging for the world title. Killings shows up and says itís just ďhonky tonkĒ. He says heís everything people told him he couldnít be, and ďa bag of damn chips, any flavor you wantĒ. Again, nobodyís mean to Goldi, so either Russoís sick or he devoted all his energy to Screech and Hermie Sadler.


    Tag Team Gauntlet



    The One True Gauntlet


    MF: So stop me if youíve heard this one before, but the rules of this were confusingly explained. Basically itís just a Royal Rumble and you enter separately from your partner, and there are two winners. If the two winners are from different teams, then your partners come back out and everybody starts a traditional tag match for the NWA Tag Titles. Early on we bafflingly see Brian Lawler dominate the ring to mediocre reactions, including throwing out James Storm out with absolute ease. He ends up wrestling Buff Bagwell one on one, which is exactly as bad as it sounds. The ring fills up again and we hear Mike Tenay comparing Brian Lee to Andre the Giant. Tenay is losing points with me by the week. The match slogs along until Waltman comes out and wakes up the crowd by looking like he actually gives a shit. Tenay invites us to marvel at Lawlerís amazing 11 minute iron man run. Lawler goes out at last, but sticks around to eliminate Waltman, Christ. Road Dogg comes out and beats up Brian Lee and the Harris twin all by himself, because WWF powers are strong. Our final four is Chris Harris, Scott Hall, Road Dogg, and Brian Lee. Iíd actually like to see Waltman against AMW, but I doubt itíll happen. Dogg and Hall both go out, so the final two are Chris Harris and Brian Lee. Iím a sucker for Rumble style matches but this wasnít very good, too many dud entries and not much of interest happened when Waltman wasnít there.

    SM: I love the TNA gauntlet match even if the rules are a little hard to understand in the beginning. After youíve seen dozens of these (which you will), it becomes quite easy to understand, and you can sit back and enjoy the chaos. As for this match, it was a step down from the gauntlet for the gold, and a huge step down from the X-division gauntlets that we will get at later dates. AMW was the right team to make the final two, but why did it have to be against Harris and Lee? This is going to be an assault on my eyes. Also, since when did 11 minutes become an Iron Man run? Is Tenay going senile? Has Don West become the better commentator? Join us next week to find out none of these answers, because we have no idea what is going on in this company.

    SM Rating: *Ĺ
    MF Rating: *Ĺ



    AMW (Chris Harris & James Storm) vs. Brian Lee & Ron Harris - NWA Tag Team Championships



    Mizfanís Most Wanted


    MF: Ron attacks Storm on the ramp and chokeslams him. Jeff Jarrett suddenly shows up and attacks Road Dogg, who is still hanging around, so that also happened. God forbid we forget about Jarrett. This stuff is so muddled it doesnít even get a reaction. Even Don West is annoyed by how many Harris we have in this match. Storm finally makes it to the ring and does a pretty good fired up comeback. They tease a table spot but instead AMW wins by a flukey looking roll up. Well, at least the right team won. AMW need way better competition going forward, and also they need booking that doesnít make them look like chumps.

    SM: Iím not sure how long it takes, but I can say with absolute certainty that they will get much better competition. As for the booking, I canít promise anything, since they writing team is always a bit questionable in TNA. This match somehow ended up being worse than the clusterfuck dud that came before it. Harris and Lee should never be fighting for the tag belts. They are talentless charisma vacuums. Thankfully AMW are now the tag champs and things are looking up a little bit.

    SM Rating: *
    MF Rating: *Ĺ


    MF: Road Dogg is a bloody mess backstage. Jarrett 3:16 says I just whupped everyoneís ass.


    Jerry Lynn vs. Ron Killings - NWA Championship



    Lynnís Reaction When He Heard Ron Killings Was The World Champion


    MF: I have no idea how this is going to go. Lynn is very good and Killings is veryÖ not. Lynn gets busted open early when Killings drops him on the commentary table with the title belts on them. I wish Killings was as engaging a wrestler as he can be a talker. Killings is really bloodying up Lynn, which definitely helps up the stakes. Will this be the first good Killings match? AJ Styles comes out to ringside. Kid Kash comes out too, and the Maximos. A lot of X Division guys come out, theyíre out here to watch the match and see if Lynn can take it home! I think thatís kind of cool. Something confusing happens to distract the ref from a pinfall, then Sonny Siaki costs Lynn the title, for Russo-riffic reasons. Killings wins. It was maybe the best Killings match so far, but it was not the first good Killings match. All of his offense just looks like nothing. The ending didnít help either.

    SM: I love R-Truth, but Ron Killings was not a talented wrestler. More and more Iím seeing the flaws in his style as each week passes. The moves look weak, the delivery is all flash, and the impact is non-existent. Lynn pulls the match to something nearly passable, but thatís not enough in a main event match for your world title. As for ending, the Siaki turn could be seen from miles away, while the X-division wrestlers coming down makes all the turmoil of previous shows look like it didnít matter. Why would AJ cheer on Lynn? The match was ok, but I am no clamoring to see a rematch. Hereís hoping we will get some bigger, more impressive, title matches soon. Maybe even another new champion.

    SM Rating: **
    MF Rating: **ľ


    MF: Weíve got a few seconds left, so letís cram some chaos in! Road Dogg comes out and Killings hits him, because something something WWF. Jarrett also comes out and beats up Dogg. Hall and Waltman come out to help and discount DX beats up Jarrett at the end. Iím legitimately shocked he didnít roll over all of them.

    SM: Jarrett canít beat up members of the Kliq. They run the entire wrestling world. They metaphorically bend over every other talent and show them who runs this business, whether itís WWE, TNA or the indy promotions. Why are they treated like Gods everywhere they go? As Mizzie said, something something WWF.


    MF: Well, that wasÖ a show, wasnít it? On paper I thought I might like some parts of it, but the only thing I really liked was the awesome Kash/Styles match, seeing baby CM Punk, and watching Jerry Lynn bleed. Oh, and Goldi getting a break from taking shit constantly. The Rumble was a big disappointment, and between Screech, Hermie Sadler, and Bruce weíve got lots of absolute dreck on the card. Iím sure weíll soldier on, and Goldilocks willing, we shall prevail!

    SM: So there was legitimately one good match on this card, and it was the opening contest. Gives me WCW PPV flashbacks. At least we know that the X-division is awesome, and Goldilocks is the queen of TNA. Everything else will blindly stumble through the booking choices of Vince Russo. Letís hope next week has more ups than downs. Goodbye people! As always, keep on spinning through life, and never challenge an ex-WWF superstar to a fight.

  2. #2
    HUGE Member TheLAW's Avatar
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    Sweet jebus this is so gloriously awful. Pro wrestling at its bottom feeding best. I remember being a kiddo and discovering this and just being excited that they had wrestling on FS1 (obviously after these initial PPVs).

    Im so glad I didn't have taste back then.

  3. #3
    The Brain
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    I'm praying that when we reach that era (if we survive that long) things may be just a little better, i.e. at least fucking Bruce won't be there anymore. A lot of this stuff is funny-bad if you can step back from it but that's just awful to watch.

    Spin, you're so good with the pictures and your half of stuff, I hope everyone loves you as much as I do.

    I also hope Nony's face isn't too broken to read this.

  4. #4
    Senior Member 205 Clive's Avatar
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    I have no knowledge of any TNA stuff before 2004, so this is quite the treasure trove of horrendous Russo-ness that I never knew I needed in my life.

    Excellent.

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