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  1. #1
    Mediocrity at it's finest kingzak13's Avatar
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    Kingzak presents: Fastlane 2019 Predictions


    Insert caption here


    What’s up guys, Kingzak is back in action as we reach the final PPV on the road to WrestleMania. I dunno about you guys, but the hype has officially set in for me. The big stories are beginning to, or have taken root and unlike a lot of the previous WrestleMania’s, the focus isn’t on the part timers but more on the current talent. 32, 33 and 34 featured the part time superstars in the winning role, and that is simply backwards, the current generation is better than the previous generation, like how the previous were better than the one before, and them better than the one before and ETC, you get it.

    While true the part timers are still there, it is looking more likely they are in a position to launch the next generation than to win themselves. But obviously before we get to WrestleMania, we need to get into the Fastlane … and that means predictions, so without further ado, let’s begin.

    Zak’s note: I was so damn far ahead with this one, I had things about 80% done on my end by Thursday evening. Then we get a match added to the pre-show. I refuse to change what I have already written on principle. WWE should have all PPV matches confirmed by Wednesday evening at the latest.


    The New Day vs. Shinsuke Nakamura and Rusev

    This match is best summed up by a tweet from Xavier Woods


    Zak: The New Day
    Brother: Shinsuke Nakamura and Rusev
    Dad: The second one
    Dog: New Day
    Mum: Shinsuke Nakamura and Rusev


    Rey Mysterio vs. Andrade “Cien” Almas

    Pre-show match of the year? I’d be willing to bet on it. These two have had some great matches on SmackDown and it’s a shame that they are being relegated to the pre-show. While far from the most interesting feud going, it is still quality work being done. I’d have this around the middle of the show, or even in the bathroom break spot, at least then you’d be able to catch the last five or so minutes when you get back.

    Maybe it is good that this is the only pre-show match; give it a bit of time to thrive. It’ll be the last big spot for the two as they are most definitely being stuck in a clusterfuck match (either the Andre BR or some sort of US title ladder match). Andrade is a quality heel and hopefully in the post mania landscape we will get to see some more of the man.

    As for the winner, the obvious winner would be Rey; the good guy wins in the end in most wrestling feuds. However Rey has been winning most of the matches in this feud so far, so the reverse-momentum theory would suggest Andrade wins here. I am going to say Rey wins this one but wouldn’t be shocked if Andrade was able to sneak a win

    Zak: Rey Mysterio
    Brother: Rey Mysterio
    Dad: Andrade 100 Souls, The Latin Masterpiece
    Dog: Andrade Almas
    Mum: Rey Mysterio


    The Revival vs. Aleister Black and Ricochet vs. Chad Gable and Bobby Roode
    Raw Tag Team Championship

    This is a bit of a weird one to me, all six of the men involved are part of the NXT call-ups from the past couple years and yet, this feels nothing like an NXT match. I know it’s a Raw feud but I’d expect there to still be some of the aura to the match.

    Honestly, I want to be excited here but this all feels too thrown together, Gable and Roode are a thrown together team; Ricochet and Aleister Black are A) still in NXT and B) literally never showed an interesting in teaming together until they were aggravated by DIY. And as much as I love The Revival, they literally lost to every team on the roster before getting the titles, it kind of cheapens them. I mean seriously, am I supposed to take a team that lost to Curtis Axel and Bo Dallas seriously.

    The Revival winning this is the only rational outcome, no other choice is worth even exploring.

    Dad: What are the first one’s names
    Zak: Scott Dawson and Dash Wilder
    Dad: So ones got a normal name ones got a good name, they should swap surnames.
    Zak: Scott Wilder and Dash Dawson?
    Dad: Yeah that sounds good, I pick them

    Zak: The Revival
    Brother: Ricochet and Aleister Black
    Dad: Scott Wilder and Dash Dawson
    Dog: The Revival
    Mum: Ricochet and Aleister Black


    Bayley and Sasha Banks vs. Nia Jax and Tamina
    Women's Tag Team Championship

    Nope, I can’t think of anything. Puppies all round.






    Zak: Banks and Bayley
    Brother: Banks and Bayley retain
    Dad: Sasha Banks
    Dog: Nia and Tamina
    Mum: Nia Jax and Tamina


    Asuka vs. Mandy Rose
    SmackDown Women's Championship

    Hooray, talentless bimbo gets a title match. What a lovely message to send to the kids, you don’t need to work hard, you just need to be blonde with big tits and you will be given opportunities that others struggle for … just realised this kind of applies to both women’s title stories at the moment and now I’m really sad.

    Honestly, just swap Mandy and Sonya as which gets pushed, there is so much more to Deville than Rose, she is a better wrestler for a start, the slight MMA background would mesh well with Asuka and allow for a potentially stiffer match, and as an aside, you have her LGBTQ+ ties to get some mainstream hype on the match.

    By all rights, Asuka hits a kick and locks in the Asuka lock to win this in less than a minute.

    Brother: Wait … who’s the Women’s Money in the Bank and what brand are they on?
    Zak: Women’s MITB is Alexa Bliss, she’s on Raw and cashed in about eight months ago.


    Zak: Asuka
    Brother: Asuka
    Dad: Asuka
    Dog: Asuka
    Mum: Asuka


    The Usos vs. The Miz and Shane McMahon
    SmackDown Tag Team Championship

    “No more guaranteed title rematches*”
    *unless you are a McMahon

    This Miz and Shane team needs to end, it feels wrong. The entire team is based on the fact both are disappointments to their parents … THAT ISN’T A REASON TO BE A TEAM. Miz as a face still isn’t working for me, but lately it has been less of “this feels wrong” and more of “I just feel nothing towards this”. But honestly, Shane as full-part time wrestler feels wrong; he is not thriving in the matches. Shane is best left to one or two matches a year were he can just jump off stuff.

    Usos win this one easily.


    Brother: The Miz and Shane McMahon, definitely
    Zak: Why do you like this team?
    Brother:Because it’s The Miz and Shane McMahon
    Zak: Also featuring the galvanizing gel of disappointed parents.
    Dad: Wait, are they brother and sister?
    Zak: Nah, they have disappointed there parent separately.
    Brother: And one of the parents is Vince McMahon
    Zak: Yeah and because they are disappointments they needed to win the tag titles to earn their parent’s love.
    Dad: I’d like to point out, no one gives a fuck.


    Zak: The Usos
    Brother: The Miz and Shane McMahon
    Dad: The Usos, The other thing is so stupid it deserves to lose
    Dog: Miz and Shane
    Mum: Le Miz and Shane McMahon

    The Shield vs. Baron Corbin, Drew McIntyre and Bobby Lashley

    Of all the matches I expected for Fastlane, this was not on the list. I don’t want to sound like one of those conspiracy nutbags but I am honestly surprised that Roman is all recovered. It’s quite apparent that he didn’t reach the chemo stage and that’s the one part I have a slight knowledge of. I don’t really know much about the various stages outside of the basic science of it and knowing it is a sensitive topic, I’m going to get off of it quickly and just say, I’m surprised by Roman return but am glad to have him back.

    I like the idea of a final Shield match before Ambrose leaves, and that is an incredibly nice and sentimental thing … and since we are in nice and sentimental mode, the faces win this.

    Zak: The Shield
    Brother: The Shield
    Dad: Anyone but Roman Reigns ( Zak’s note: The More things change, the more stay the same)
    Dog: The heels
    Mum: The Shield


    Becky Lynch vs. Charlotte Flair

    How many times have we seen some combination of this matchup since SummerSlam? If I am honest, I don’t have much of a problem with the addition of Charlotte to the match (by all rights she should be involved in the first women’s WM main event for all the work she has done in the division), but this story could not have been more convoluted if they tried. The match has been set and cancelled about seven times now (eight when Becky is added) and I have actually went and counted.

    1.
    Becky vs Ronda
    2.
    Becky Suspended, match not happening
    3.
    Becky Reinstated, match happening
    4.
    Charlotte swapped for Becky
    5.
    Ronda refuses match, vacates title
    6.
    Becky vs Charlotte set for women’s title
    7.
    Ronda returns, situation becomes what it is now. [COLOR="#008000"]

    And then we are going to have Becky added to the match she rightfully had that Vince took away from her. By all rights, next week’s SmackDown or Raw should just have Triple H, Steph and Shane just agreeing to overturn Vince’s decisions on Becky and Kofi, because if they were even remotely listening to the fans like they claimed, those two would be going for the gold, because they are easily the most cheered of their divisions.

    While I am a bit down on the storyline for the match, this does promise to be a great match, as these two have proven pretty much every time they are in the ring together. In all honesty, I can see this one going either way; I can see Becky winning because that is the obvious answer. But I can see Charlotte winning to add some doubt and because as I mentioned in the last paragraph, Shane, HHH and Steph should absolutely overturn Vince’s decision.

    As for my pick, like I said, the obvious answer would be Becky, she needs to be added to the match and this is the obvious option. No matter the outcome, Becky being added to the match is the only outcome. Especially since Charlotte and Ronda are both heels now, and heel vs heel WrestleMania main event … that is just …. icky. I guess that is the best way to put it, it just feels wrong to even think about.

    Zak: Becky Lynch
    Brother: Becky Lynch
    Dad: Charlotte Flair
    Dog: Becky Lynch
    Mum: Becky Lynch


    Daniel Bryan vs. Kevin Owens
    WWE Championship

    I like the idea of Vince setting this match up because he is out of touch. Nice little way of blurring the lines a little. If this leads to Kofi vs Bryan at WrestleMania then all is well in the end. I still personally prefer the idea of New Day vs Bryan and Bludgeon Vegans as their big match here but this makes sense, especially since Vince would want his top title defended as much as possible.

    I am actually interested to see how this one goes, these two haven’t faced each other in the WWE before (not including last year’s tag match), and based on everything I have seen, this will be a fantastic match despite it not being the match people really want to see from a story perspective. I reckon this will likely be match of the night.

    As for the winner … kinda obvious that Bryan wins. The match has been built for two weeks, that is not enough for a title change. So this is just a filler match so that WWE don’t blow their load with the Bryan vs Kingston feud too soon.

    Zak: I hope someone asks what the plot for this match is because I have the best answer.
    Family: Silence
    Zak:Stares intently
    Brother: Ok, what’s the plot for this one?
    Zak: Vince is senile and doesn’t know what the fans want.
    Dad: Why can’t one of these matches just be two people fighting. Why do we need this?
    Zak: Because that’s boring.

    Zak: Daniel Bryan
    Brother: Daniel Bryan
    Dad: Kevin Owens (Bonus point if Kofi interferes)
    Dog: Daniel Bryan
    Mum: Daniel Bryan




    Dog Predictions



    New Day and Paper, didn’t eat the paper, just put it on the floor.
    A quick sniff and then The Revival
    Nia and Tamina instantly
    Asuka and her paper
    In the biggest twist of the dog’s predicting career, he chose Rey Mysterio but spat it on the floor, he went to get the paper again, but couldn’t eat it. I gave him Andrade’s ham and retrieved Mysterio’s paper, only to discover his ham was still wrapped and intact … since it is based on what he eats first, this counts for Andrade.
    Took Becky Lynch’s paper in the gentlest way I have ever seen him take a choice
    Choose Bryan’s ham, his paper fell to the floor, he then had Bryan’s paper despite Owen’s ham being offered to him.

    And that is all for the predictions. I was on a high when we began this column … I’m not now. Not because I am not interested, but more because of what I am calling, the February Curse, which basically says that matches are set for WrestleMania and there isn’t going to be much of a change from what is expected, leaving PPV’s without tension as the expected route is taken 9 times out of 10.

    My honest advice, don’t go out of your way to watch this show, nothing particularly spoiler worthy will happen, but the matches look to be pretty on point, my suggestion would be to watch the best matches from the show Monday when you’ve got nothing else to watch or while you are doing something else, this is an incredibly low priority show.

    And on that note, it is time I bid you all a fond farewell. I’ll be back Monday with the Royal Recap, and after that, I’ve got another column in the works and the second round of the Top Trumps tournament will hopefully be kicking off next week too. But until then, I hope you have enjoyed today’s column and I will see you next time.

  2. #2
    LOP's part time glass ceiling DynamiteBillington's Avatar
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    you just need to be blonde with big tits and you will be given opportunities that others struggle
    Thats not just a wrestling thing!

    Got to admit, despite the predictability of pre-WM PPVs, I'm kind of looking forward to this one. Just a shame I have a busy week coming up an no idea when I'll find time to watch it.

  3. #3
    Mediocrity at it's finest kingzak13's Avatar
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    Royal Recap: FastLane 2019

    Feedback time

    @Dynamite: I know, but it is infinitely less prevelant/obvious outside of entertainment.

    Best of luck finding the time to watch, this is a pretty good show for what it was.

    Thanks to everyone for reading, now onto the recap.





    #ThankYouShield


    What’s up guys, Kingzak is back in action with another column. FastLane … happened. Okay sarcasm aside, this was actually a pretty good show, despite the predictable nature of the show some of the ways they went about it were more interesting than I’d anticipated. Couple that in with the expected quality in-ring action and this was arguably the ideal filler show, fun action, moderately interesting choices. The McMahons were right to give booking control to the fans, we have booked three pretty good PPV’s in a row and I feel like that deserves a reward, so go grab a drink of your choice, sit back and enjoy the Royal recap for FastLane.


    The New Day beat Shinsuke Nakamura and Rusev (Pinfall)

    Even though I said Rey/Andrade would be pre-show match of the year, we instead got another alright contender for that title, and probably the only one that isn’t going to feature the phrase “Cruiserweight title”.

    Zak: 1-0 (The New Day)
    Brother: 0-1 (Shinsuke Nakamura and Rusev)
    Dad: 0-1 (The second one)
    Dog: 1-0 (New Day)
    Mum: 0-1 (Shinsuke Nakamura and Rusev)


    The Usos beat The Miz and Shane McMahon (Pinfall)

    Usos retaining was inevitable. I honestly didn’t see Shane being the one to turn, I was expecting/hoping for Miz to return to form and return to smug heel mode. Instead Shane goes at him with the beatdown, I am okay with this, purely for the fact that this means The Miz gets a guaranteed WrestleMania match, and after the past couple years, it would be hard to deny him the claim to that spot.

    Zak: 2-0 (The Usos)
    Brother: 0-2 (The Miz and Shane McMahon)
    Dad: 1-1 (The Usos)
    Dog: 1-1 (Miz and Shane)
    Mum: 0-2 (Le Miz and Shane McMahon)

    Asuka beat Mandy Rose (Pinfall)

    Asuka winning was inevitable. I get the feeling I am gonna say a variation of that a lot here.

    I really hope that this leads to a split for Mandy and Sonya, Mandy is an anchor that drags down anything she’s involved with, I like Sonya, I like some of the bigger matches she been in, and I reckon that all she needs is an actual one vs one on PPV and the fans will get behind her.


    Zak: 3-0 (Asuka)
    Brother: 1-2 (Asuka)
    Dad: 2-1 (Asuka)
    Dog: 2-1 (Asuka )
    Mum: 1-2 (Asuka)


    The Bar beat Kofi Kingston (Pinfall)

    I saw a few jokes on the comments and on Twitter about the mild racial undertones of this feud (Just finished black history month and he got beat by “white” noise) and I really hope it doesn’t.

    Just give Kofi his shot at the title, no need to put any additional story in place, you’ve already got your big story matches in Rollins/Lesnar and the Women’s triple threat, just let this be the match for internet nerds to enjoy. That is all I ask WWE.

    The Revival beat Aleister Black and Ricochet and Chad Gable and Bobby Roode
    (Pinfall)

    Yeah, not much to say that I didn’t already say. This was a great match though.

    Zak: 4-0 (The Revival)
    Brother: 1-3 (Ricochet and Aleister Black)
    Dad: 2-2 (Scott Wilder and Dash Dawson)
    Dog: 3-1 (The Revival)
    Mum: 1-3 (Ricochet and Aleister Black)


    Samoa Joe beat Andrade Almas, Rey Mysterio and R-Truth (Again)

    Zak’s Note: As soon as I saw this was changed, I made my choice, and then throughout the day I checked with the family if they wanted to change who they picked.

    There isn’t much to say here, this felt kinda similar to the match these four just had on SmackDown. This was a good match and honestly, if there is anyone to have a reign that restores relevance to the title, it’ll be Joe. Give him a nice long run and the title’s stock will rise so much (though considering it is literally the bottom tier title right now, anything is better)

    Zak: 5-0 (Samoa Joe)
    Brother: 2-3 (Samoa Joe)
    Dad: 2-3 (Andrade 100 Souls, The Latin Masterpiece)
    Dog: 3-1 (Unable to re-choose as he saw the results while I was watching, so no points give either way here)
    Mum: 2-3 (Samoa Joe)



    Bayley and Sasha Banks beat Nia Jax and Tamina (Ultimate roll-up of doom)

    Kinda glad to see the roll-up used here, it works to at least keep Nia and Tamina credible.

    The more interesting part of the match comes with the post-match, and more importantly the reunion of the Divas of Doom (are they still going to use that name?), Phoenix was almost the lone bright spot in the Divas division. So I really hope that Beth and Natalya get a proper match at WrestleMania. I’ve seen her WrestleMania matches, they are pretty much trash, so having a good match would be wonderful.

    Zak: 6-0 (Banks and Bayley)
    Brother: 3-3 (Banks and Bayley retain)
    Dad: 3-3 (Sasha Banks)
    Dog: 3-2 (Nia and Tamina)
    Mum: 2-4 (Nia Jax and Tamina)



    Daniel Bryan beat Kevin Owens and Mustafa Ali (Pinfall)

    The addition of Ali was a nice touch, and probably a necessary one, fans aren’t exactly used to cheering Owens so it wasn’t really picking up, so adding a person to cheer was good.

    Now onto Kofi vs Bryan.

    Zak: 7-0 (Daniel Bryan)
    Brother: 4-3 (Daniel Bryan)
    Dad: 3-4 (Kevin Owens)
    Dog: 4-2 (Daniel Bryan)
    Mum: 3-4 (Daniel Bryan)



    Becky Lynch beat Charlotte Flair (DQ)

    I wasn’t sure how they were gonna go about this with Becky’s “injury” and this honestly makes sense, Ronda just ensured that she gets to smack about the women that has been taunting her the past few months, the one that has gotten inside her head, she just ensured a chance to vanquish that demon.

    I’m still not a fan of the overbooked mess that led to this point, but I’m glad we got here. Now if we can get to WrestleMania without the match changing again that would be great.

    Zak: 8-0 (Becky Lynch)
    Brother: 5-3 (Becky Lynch)
    Dad: 3-5 (Charlotte Flair)
    Dog: 5-2 (Becky Lynch)
    Mum: 4-4 (Becky Lynch)


    The Shield beat Baron Corbin, Drew McIntyre and Bobby Lashley (Justice)

    Zak’s Note: It’s a bit late now, but I think the Justice powerbomb would be a dope name for the triple powerbomb.

    Not much to say here, this was everything I expected. I will say it was good to see Roman being active in the match; my biggest concern was that he wasn’t 100% ready yet and would just be there for the big moves near the end.

    Like I said, not much else to say here, #ThankYouShield

    Zak: 9-0 (The Shield)
    Brother: 6-3 (The Shield)
    Dad: 3-6 (Anyone but Roman Reigns)
    Dog: 5-3 (The heels)
    Mum: 5-4 (The Shield)




    If it weren’t for the fact that I consider this an incredibly easy set of predictions, I would be proud of that perfect score. But I have gotten perfects before on more unpredictable shows than this. Though a fairly impressive showing from most this time around.

    Looking back, this is going to hold a weird place in history, it looks so much like filler but ultimately it’s the perfect version of filler. If you are looking for recommendations, aside from the pre-show and SmackDown women’s match, all these matches are worth watching from either a story or match quality perspective. Though I will say, the other two women’s matches are kinda in-between, if they don’t offer something you have interest in, they are worth a skip too.

    And on that note, it is time that I bid you a fond farewell. As I mentioned in the predictions, I’ll be back later this week with one of two potential columns, either round two of the Writer tournament or another little column I have brewing … actually I reckon the LOPCFWOTYTTT will be coming first, the other column is more likely a weekend thing. But either way, I hope you have enjoyed today’s column and I will see you next time.

  4. #4
    Member #25 SirSam's Avatar
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    Hey, a perfect score is always worth celebrating.

    I would have like to read a little more about your thoughts on each match here.

    For me I actually skipped significant parts of the PPV but absolutely adored The Shield match and really enjoyed the US Title Match and WWE Title Match.

    I'm actually thinking of writing a piece called The Shield Rides One Last Mother****ing time after what Rollins said which felt so genuine and in the moment.



    @Sir_Samuel

  5. #5
    Mediocrity at it's finest kingzak13's Avatar
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    Feedback time

    @SirSam: I feel like between the prediction and the recap, I had put all my thoughts regarding a match.

    Those three do seem to be the best matches based on every opinion I've seen, also the Raw tag titles was pretty alright.

    Regarding your idea, if you want to do it, you should absolutely do it. I'd read it.


    Thanks to everyone for reading.

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