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  1. #1
    The Brain
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    DOA 2019: Second Round Battles

    Creation breeds pain.

    They think that "Dead" is the worst this Island has to offer, but truly "Alive" is by far the more painful of the two.

    At least "Dead" allows an ending...

    sometimes.




    Round 2, Match #1: BOBBY LASHLEY & LIO RUSH vs. ANDRADE & ZELINA VEGA

    vs.

    Written by Sir Sam


    “Fuuuccckkk”

    “It's ok champ, yo’ man has got this”

    Lio Rush dabed the back of Bobby Lashley's ankle with a cotton bud he found in the gym first aid kit. The wound doesn't look good, the knife that sliced Lashley’s achilles tendon cut deep and the big man only just managed to hobble over to the bench he was now lying on.

    “I got this boss, don't you worry one little bit.”

    Lashley gritted his teeth as Rush began to strap his ankle up. They had only beaten their first round rivals by a stroke of luck, he knew that wouldn't happen again and he knew that if they wanted to stay alive he would need to protect his smaller partner. This ankle would make things a lot tougher though.

    He closed his eyes and did his best to block the pain out as Rush fussed around him.

    XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

    “Why you so angry baby? Why don't we just go back to that bar and enjoy some cervezas.”

    Zelina Vega glared at her client, “No Andrade, no way are we going back there. I still don't know what the fuck happened and I don't understand this island either.”

    “We are meant to be taking a break chica. Tranquilo.”

    “For the last time I am not your chica and I'm not your baby either Andrade.” Zelina shoots back, “besides can't you feel that? The air here is just different somehow. This does not feel like a holiday.”

    Andrade trudged on behind Zelina, even though she pushed him, she had always done the right thing for him in the long run. He also had to admit she was right, the way things got out of hand by the fire was strange, he'd been in fights before but it almost felt like he'd been possessed by some sort of violent spirit that drove him to go well beyond where he normally would in a fight. Still wandering down this old coastal track didn't seem to be achieving anything especially when they could be working this out over a cocktail and cold beer.

    XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

    “Ok chief where to next?”

    Bobby was back up and walking around. He had to admit Lio had done a pretty good job limiting the damage to his ankle, he had a limp and it certainly hurt every time he put weight on it but it was better than lying here waiting for whoever was next to show up.

    “I say we head to the coast, there is a road heading down that way and when we got here I saw a bonfire, there might be people or supplies there.”

    “Right on boss, you’re the man.”

    Every ounce of Lashley wondered if looking for trouble was the right idea, he just knew his partner was an accident waiting to happen. That concern though was outweighed with his instinct to attack. It was an instinct burnt into him by years of combat experience first in the army and then in rings of all shapes and sizes. Be the hunter not the hunted.

    He and Rush gathered up what they could, Lashley put the twelve inch knife Pentagon had sliced his ankle with on his belt and Rush selected the sharpest, longest knife he could find in the gym’s supply closet. Just for good measure Lashley grabbed a baseball bat from the supply shed and strapped it to his back and Lio took a backpack of assorted goods, bandages, water and a torch.

    The pair were kitted out and surveyed the gravel road down to the coastline with a pair of binoculars. It wound down through the jungle the gym and the surrounding buildings were nestled in and eventually got to what looked like a tunnel or cave before emerging next to the coast.

    “If we leave now boss we might make it before the sun goes down.”

    “Let’s go.”

    XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

    “Hijo de puta.”

    Andrade and Zelina had come to an impasse. They had been walking along on their track for hours. It had started off following the coastline but slowly moved inland and veered upwards into a jungle. Now they had come to the entrance of a tunnel or cave of some sorts. The jungle pressed in on the track making the tunnel through the mountain the only real option but Andrade wasn’t happy about going through it.

    “No way am I going in there. We know there are cold beers and food back there. We are meant to be here on a holiday.”

    Zelina’s eyes pierced him.

    “All you ever think about is fucking beer and food. You think what happened back there with those idiotas was a holiday? There is something about this island and all I know is that we have to keep on moving. I saw a building up the top of this mountain, it might have supplies and maybe someone who knows what the fuck is going on.”

    Andrade let out a stream of spanish swear words but didn’t turn around.

    “Now grab one of those branches, I hope you still have your lighter on you, we’ll need some light in this tunnel.”

    Andrade grudgingly picked up a branch, wrapped his shirt around it and lit it with his lighter creating a makeshift torch.

    “Venga, venga”

    The pair plunged into the cave their light flickering against the walls.

    XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

    “I don’t like the look of this cave boss.”

    Lashley and Rush had go to the entrance to the cave their road ran through, it was dark inside and it looked very cramped. Lashley leaned up against the wall, taking the weight off of his bad foot. What had started off as a dull ache had become a sharp jolt of pain that travelled up his entire lege with every step. Truthfully he didn’t much like the look of the tunnel either.

    “We could stay find another path around it, cut our way through. Your call though chief.”

    Lashley looked into the cave and the darkness seemed to stare back at him. Lio’s idea wasn’t a bad one but he didn’t know if his ankle could take cutting a track through the thick jungle.

    “Nope, we go through.”

    The chirpiness that was normally in Lio’s voice was well and truly gone.

    “Rightio boss.”

    He went to pull the torch out of his backpack but Lashley shook his head.

    “Nope, no light, if we are going through there we don’t want to the ones to give away our whereabouts. Now get behind me and for God’s sake keep quiet.”

    XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

    Vega and Andrade made their way through the tunnel, Andrade in front torch in hand, light flickering against the walls. There was something strange about the rocks, some sort of markings on them that didn’t look natural. Vega naturally moved in closer to Andrade.

    “Look at the walls Andrade. There is something on them.”

    Andrade moved his torch up closer and sure enough as the markings came into full vision it was clear they weren’t mere cracks in the wall but something entirely different. Dark red splotches over carved etchings. Andrade moved closer.

    “Mierda,” he exhaled.

    He glanced over at his companion, Zelina’s eyes were wide. These five figures were fighting near a bonfire. They moved forward and Andrade moved is torch left and right scanning over all the walls that were covered in picture of combat.

    “What are these pictures? Who are all these people? Are they fighting?”

    Andrade tried to tug Vega away but she wouldn’t budge. “We need to get moving.”

    Vega’s eyes went back to the original picture, three men on one side, one small, two large and two on the other side, a fire in the middle.

    “How did this get here?”

    Andrade grabbed his manager’s wrist and pulled her.

    “It doesn’t matter.”

    He spun around and blinked, was that eyes watching him, he went to move the flame of his torch to get a better view and that’s when the baseball bat hit him.

    The torch fell to the ground as Andrade stumbled back, his head spinning, blood in his mouth. He ducked a second swing and the bat cracked against the wall splitting it in two. He blindly charged in the direction of the assaulter and ran into a wall of muscle bracing against him. He looked over and Zelina was struggling with another figure.

    Bobby Lashley reached down and picked up the man who had charged at him. He was pissed he had blown the element of surprise but he could salvage this. He hoisted the shorter man up and drove the full force of his shoulder into his sternum pinning him against the wall. Lashley swore he could feel ribs cracking.

    He looked over at Rush, he had his knife out but the woman had pinned his arm to the ground with her knee and was holding his face against the flame of the torch that had fallen onto the ground.

    “Ahhhhhh not my face.”

    Lashley could smell burning flesh and let the man drop to the floor before charging over to Rush’s aid.

    Andrade crumpled up in a heap, he gasped for air but his breath was short and with a sharp pain in his chest. A warm trickle of blood came down from his brow as his vision slowly came back into focus. The smaller man was writhing on the ground, hands over his face but the bigger man had pinned Zelina to the ground and was pummelling her with hammer fists.

    Andrade pulled himself up, “kill or be killed,” he muttered through clenched teeth and he stumbled over to the larger man.

    Rage was in Lashley’s mind as he pummelled the woman. She was gouging and biting anything she could get her hands on but he picked his moments and delivered a series of crushing hammer fists to the side of her head, she could only take so much of this and he could feel her weaken with each blow. Suddenly though he felt someone grabbing his bad leg and wrenching it sending a lighting bolt of pain up the entire side of his body.

    Lashley roared and spun around to see the other man had dragged himself over, entangled him in a heel hook and with fire in his eyes was ripping and tearing at what was left of his ankle. Lashley felt tendons and ligaments separating, joints popping as this mad man leant back further on the heel hook.

    He looked over at Rush who still had his hands to his face in agony. With all that was left in his leg he kicked the other man against the wall and loosening his grip enough for Lashley to escape. His leg was burning with pain and he had lost any movement in it. With his hands and good leg he crawled towards the other man.

    Andrade looked up after once again being pounded against the wall and the bigger man was almost immediately on him. He kicked out and from behind he glimpsed Zelina closing in, she raised a knife that had come off the big man’s waist and sliced down hard, slicing across his thick neck, showering Andrade in blood as the bigger man’s body went instantly limp.

    There was madness in her eyes, her nose was broken and she had blood splattered across her face. She looked left and looked right, both the bigger and smaller man were now motionless. Zelina kicked at the smaller man and he didn’t respond.

    Andrade pulled himself up, gasping for breathe, his breathing was shallow and painful. He knew his ribs were broken, hopefully he still had both lungs. He bent down and reached for the torch, beside where it had landed was a picture. He blinked as if he couldn’t believe exactly what he was seeing. It was of a couple, a man and a women alongside a fallen duo, one large grasping his ankle, one smaller grasping his face.

    “This is no holiday.”

    WINNERS: ANDRADE & ZELINA VEGA



    Cave dust on my hands, mixed with red splotches. How did they get there?

    Even my actions are no longer my own. I am subject to those cruel beings who drive this Island further into damnation.

    But it's not the first time I've been a pawn of dark gods.

    I dip my hands in the blood and begin to draw a new scene...
    Last edited by mizfan; 1 Week Ago at 04:27 PM.

  2. #2
    Very nice, Sam! Enjoyed how you took from the previous round and built on it. I liked the on-going conflict with Andrade and Vega, too, and I'm glad you advanced them. Good build going into the battle, and the battle itself was gruesome with a good back and forth. I liked the details of the tunnel, and that was a very nice touch with the pictures on the wall. They only spiced up the mood of the piece.

    Nicely done.

  3. #3
    Senior Member
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    This was really fun. Good follow-up to the previous battles, and the addition of the cave paintings mysteriously appearing adds a bit of lore to DOA Island that wasn't previously there. Fantastic touch. Sad to see my original winners sent off, but honestly Lio Rush was such a weak link in terms of fighting to the death.

    Vega and Andrade are proving very formidable. Gotta say they might be my pick to win this all.

  4. #4
    The Brain
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    This one is... different.

    Not according to plan.

    Time and fate is in flux. The Island itself bends...




    Round 2, Match #2: LANA & RUSEV vs. CARMELLA & R TRUTH

    vs.

    Written by JacobWrestledGod



    (Prelude)

    www.LordsofPai….”

    You hunch in your seat, typing away at the computer. It’s DOA season, and you have a bit of spare time before the Mania pre-show to do some reading. DOA is probably your favourite LOP series.

    “What the hell...” As soon as you enter the URL, the lights of your room and the computer shut off and everything goes pitch black. Before you can react, your computer starts to emit a buzzing sound, like static in a vacuum. The screen starts to flicker, and you flinches as a long, dark corridor lined with steel black walls appeared on your screen, with a shadowy figure at the end of the hallway.

    You want to leave, but you are transfixed with a morbid sense of curiosity at what you are seeing. The figure slowly strides forward towards you, each footstep louder and louder. You can see him clearer now - and you realised why you think he’s so far away. Facing you is a sharply dressed 5 foot midget, every inch the city gent, sharp and stylish and sophisticated. His perfect grey suit was expertly cut, and as he walks closer to you in the screen, he tips his bowler hat at you with charm. On his other hand, he holds a short black walking cane, his weapon of choice.


    “Dear friend, you are in luck.” The midget beams. “You don’t have to know who I am. You just need to know this: I am here on behalf of the New Management of DOA Island.” He chuckles as though it’s a funny word.

    “Today, I offer you the opportunity of a lifetime. In front of you is an interactive story. You decide the story.”

    A 3 by 3 grid appeared on the screen.
    A|B|C
    1|2|3
    !|@|#


    “The GRID is the starting point of your adventure. A1!, B2@, C3#, ABC, 123, and !@# each stands on their own as a short story as a starting point. You hold the power over Rusev, Lana, Camellia and R-Truth. They await your instructions...” The voice fades into the background.

    The screen flickers again, as the GRID appears. You brace yourself…

    ---

    Click Here to lean closer to the GRID...


    WINNERS: ???


    I don't know how this can be... even on the Island, there are still surprises to be had.

    As long as the blood continues to flow...

  5. #5
    Member #25 SirSam's Avatar
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    Wow man, that is quite the labour of love. I'm curious at how many chapters there are. I went on a crazy ride that involved them 'escaping' but then choosing to go back. I'm totally going to go back through it again but just wanted to say it was amazing stuff man, the one story I went through alone would have been worthy to post but judging by the chapter numbers there are a few more just waiting for me to stumble over.

    And I thought I might have been pushing things by introducing the cave painting lore. Glad you loved my one but wow, this piece is quite the story.

  6. #6
    Senior Member
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    Dang, I went down a real rabbit hole with this thing. Lesnar-Thing appearing, Finn Balor's Demon, some midget dude making deals. So many different avenues to take. This is really fun, and I'll probably go back and do it again to see what else is there. I know you've done this before, but this one topped the last effort for sure. Good to see Lana and Rusev advance. They need to have success on DOA Island considering their history. I do just wish the Island would let them go though. There's something that keeps drawing them back in.

  7. #7
    Sam- 39 chapters, 2 secret chapters, 9 chapters on the grid. Total about 12000 words. If you follow the ABC story, you might just find the secret ending, but to solve it is not so simple.

    Rob- yes, a lot of work was put into this, and I always wanted to epically do a choose your own adventure for DOA. Very happy with the results, but there are a few paths that is intertwined back to other endings because O can only write so much, so I cheated in some of the branches. I still hope u all enjoyed it, my personal fav endings are the secret ones and the one with the Pills.

  8. #8
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    Great work Sam, I thought the cave drawings were really ominous and it added so much to the story and the island as a whole. I actually these caves can be used in a future edition as alot can still be done with it.

    Great work by you as well JWG. I remember the last time you did this but you blew your previous one out of the water. I'll also have to do another run through to see what other alternatives there are but this was a great story!

  9. #9
    Very good JWG. I was intimidated by this, at first, but it ended up being fun. I got through Brock Lesnar by lying to him and saying Heyman was still alive. But I fell at the hands of Horns Woggle exposing my lies.


    Fun times.
    Last edited by Benjamin Button; 1 Week Ago at 03:52 AM.

  10. #10
    The Brain
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    Only one battle remains before the final war…

    But… what’s this?

    The splintered time and fate of the Russian and Bulgarian lovers has rent a hole in the Island itself.

    I must close it before something… comes… through!

    I’m too late!!

    My gods… what IS it???





    Round 2, Match #???: ??? vs. ???

    Written by Cult Icon


    Cinderella Man: WE ARE COMING TO YOU LIVE FROM THE DOA ISLAND FOR DOA 2019, PRESENTED BY WALTER’S CHOP SHOP! IF YOU WANT CHOPS THAT STING, WALTER’S IS YOUR THING! TONIGHT WILL FEATURE AN INCREDIBLE BONUS FIGHT BETWEEN THE POWER COUPLE OF LUCHA UNDERGROUND, MIL MUERTES AND CATRINA, AND THE KING AND THE QUEEN OF THE FREAKS, SCOTT STEINER AND MIDAJAH. HELLO EVERYONE! I AM THE OVERLY EXCITED ANNOUNCER FROM RON HOWARD’S CINDERELLA MAN, JOINED AS ALWAYS BY CULT ICON AND THE FRESHLY SQUEEZED ORANGE CASSIDY!

    Cult: Rock and roll!

    Orange Cassidy: …

    CM: ORANGE, DON’T YOU WANT TO INTRODUCE YOURSELF?

    Cult: Forget Cinderella Man announcer, Orange is too cool for school

    CM: THAT HE IS CULT! GOOD THING I HAVE YOU HEAR! NO ONE KNOWS SCOTT STEINER, MIL MUERTES OR CATRINA BETTER THAN YOURS TRULY! WHAT WILL IT TAKE FOR EITHER ONE OF THESE TEAMS TO COME OUT ON TOP?!

    Cult: I honestly don’t know dude. On the one hand I’ve seen Mil Muertes buried alive at least twice only to rise from the grave. But on the other hand I’ve personally killed Scott Steiner several times when he tried to take over the world of professional wrestling, and he just keeps coming back! I don’t know if either man can be killed, which leads me to believe it’ll be like Wrestlemania and come down to the women to close this out.

    CM: LET’S HOPE THEY DON’T SCREW UP THE FINISH LIKE THEY DID THERE CULT! ORANGE ANYTHING TO ADD?!

    *Cassidy gazes into distance*

    CM: HE’S NOT THE BEST COLOR COMMENTATOR IN THE WORLD FOR NOTHING SPORTS FANS! AND NOW WE TAKE YOU DOWN TO THE ACTION AS THE COMPETITORS ARE ABOUT TO START…OR ARE THEY?!

    Steiner: GIMME EH FUCKIN MIC! GIMME ET!

    Cult: It looks like Scott Steiner has something to say before we start.

    CM: RIGHT YOU ARE CULT! I CAN ONLY IMAGINE THE POETRY HE’S ABOUT TO SPEW!

    Cult: Wait what?

    Steiner: CUT DA MUSIK!

    Cult: There was no music?

    Steiner: SHUT ET COLT IKEN! JEST BEGAUZE BECUZ YER ALL DA WEY AT DE ANNONCERS TEBLE EN TIMMIE DICK DEW DUZENT MEN AH KENT HEAR YEH!

    Cult: His spelling has just gotten worse!

    Steiner: SHUT YER WHORE MOTH!

    *Cassidy nods in relaxed bemusement*

    Steiner: YA NO DAY SAY ALL MENG ARE CREATID AQUA EQUAL…BIT DEN YA LOOK ET MEH END YA LOOK ET MEEK MIL MORTIS END YOU KEN SEE DAT STATMINT IZNT TRUE! SEE NORMILLY EF YA GO ONE ON ONE WIT ANOTHOR WRISTLER, YOU GOTTA FITTY FITTY CHANCE OF WINNIN! BUT IMMA GENETIC FREAK AND OM NIT NORMUL! HOLLA, IF YA HEAR MEH!

    Steiner Chorus: HOLLA!

    Cult: Seriously, how does all his freaks out there hear him wherever he is?!

    Steiner: SHUT IT DOWN COLT IKEN! NOW WERE WUZ AH?! WRITE! SO YA GET A TWENTEH FARVE PERCINT CHANCE, AT BIST, TA BEAT MEH! END DEN YA ADD THE FREK QUIN MIDIDASHA TO DA MEX, YER CHENCES OF WOMEN GO DRESTICULLY DUNN! YA SEA, DIS TAG TEM METCH AT DA DOA YA GUT A THIRTEH TREE END WON TURD CHANCE OFF WOMEN! BUTTAH, AH GOTTA SEXTY SEX END TOO TURDS CHANCE OV WINGING! SO MEEK MIL MORTIS, CAT SCRATCH FEVER, U TECH YER DIRTY THREE END A TURD CHEST CHANCE OV WOMEN, MINIS MAH TWINTY FEV PRECINCT CHACE AND YA GIT AH EIGHT INNATURD CHANCE OV WOMEN AT DA DOA!

    Cult: Will this ever end?

    Steiner: BIT DEN YA TECH MAH SERENITY…SEVENTY FARVE PERCENT CHOICE EV WINGING IFFET GAUZE WONONWON AND DEN ED DA SIX SIX SEX END TWO TURDS PERCY CHENCE, AH GOTTA ONE HUNDREDTH END TOO TOO TURDS CHENCE OF WOMEN ET DA DOA! SEE MEEK MIL MORTIS, CURB YER ENTHUSIISM, DA NUMBAS DON’T LIE, END DEY SPELL DISASTAH FER YA AT…

    Cult: What?!

    CM: OH MY GOD! MIL MUERTES HAS STRUCK SCOTT STEINER WITH AN UNBELIEVABLE RIGHT HAND BEFORE HE COULD FINISH HIS STEINER MATH PROMO!

    Cult: I can’t believe it! Steiner always finishes his math promo!

    CM: RIGHT YOU ARE CULT! AND STEINER ISN’T MOVING! MIL MUERTES MAY HAVE JUST ELIMINATED SCOTT STEINER IN A SINGLE BLOW! AND NOW CATRINA IS GRABBING THE MICROPHONE WHILE ALSO GIVING MIL THE LICK OF DEATH!

    Cult: I think that’s the sound of our male viewership tripling!

    *Cassidy is subtly aroused*

    Catrina: Death…has come for you Scott Steiner!

    CM: OH AND CATRINA HAS JUST STRUCK MIDAHAJ WITH THE MICROPHONE! SHE IS LAYING INTO THE FREAK QUEEN RIGHT NOW AS MIL STANDS OVER STEINER’S SLOWLY ROTTING CORPSE!

    Cult: Man this one is over already. T.O. ain’t going to be happy about this one.

    T.O.: Eat shit Cult!

    Cult: Wait, who said that?!

    CM: WHO GIVES A SHIT ABOUT YOUR DELUSIONS CULT?! CATRINA IS BEATING MIDAJAH TO DEATH WITH THE STONE, MIL MUERTES HAS KILLED SCOTT STEINER AND THIS MATCH IS ABOUT TO COME TO CONCLUSION! FOR ORANGE CASSIDY AND CULT ICON AT THE BROADCAST, I’M THE CINDERELLA MAN SIGNING OFF FROM DOA 2019, SPONSORED BY SUNKSIT ORANGE SODA! SUNKIST, THE OFFICIAL SODA OF THE FRESHLY SQUEEZED ORANGE CASSIDY!

    *Cassidy opens Sunkist bottle, takes tiny sip*

    Cult: Uh, you may want to hold off on signing off chief. Look at this!

    CM: IS THAT? CAN IT BE!

    Cult: Holy shit!

    CM: MY GOD LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! JUST AS CATRINA HAD MIDAJAH DEAD TO RIGHTS, THE FREAK QUEEN TOOK OFF A MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE STYLE MASK AND…

    Cult: It’s Sasha Banks! Sasha Banks is here at DOA!

    CM: UNBELIEVABLE! THE BOSS HAS BEEN RUMORED TO BE LEAVING WWE AND APPEARS SHE HAS DONE SO TO ENTER DOA!

    Cult: She better not be crying on the floor for this one because she’ll be dead in no time.

    CM: RIGHT YOU ARE CULT!

    *Cassidy sips Sunkist knowingly*

    CM: LET’S SEE WHAT SHE’S GOT! CATRINA IS SO STUNNED SHE HASN’T MOVED!

    Sasha: Catrina…you think you know lucha libre…well allow me to show you Eddie Guerrero style lucha libre…BITCH!

    CM: OH WHAT A RIGHT BY SASHA! AND A LEFT! AND A RIGHT! ANOTHER LEFT BY SASHA! AND NOW A LUCHA LIBRE INFLUENCED ARM DRAG! SHE IS TAKING IT TO CATRINA FROM ALL ANGLES!

    Cult: I haven’t seen things go so wrongly for a favorite since the Tampa Bay Lightning entered the postseason.

    CM: SUCH SAVAGERY FROM YOU CULT! BUT THIS IS STILL A TWO ON ONE SITUATION FOR SASHA! SHE MAY HAVE THE HANDLE ON CATRINA RIGHT NOW BUT ONCE MIL MUERTES STARTS POSING OVER SCOTT STEINER’S BODY IT WILL MAKE THINGS DIFFICULT!

    Cult: It’s very fortunate for Sasha right now Mil is so intent on doing his usual pose to the heavens. Hopefully he snaps out of it soon and…

    Steiner: KIZZ MAH PIMPLEH ASS MEEK MIL MORTIS!

    Cult: You can’t be serious!

    CM: YOU CAN BE SERIOUS CULT! SCOTT STEINER IS STILL ALIVE AND HAS JUST FLOORED MIL MUERTES WITH A SHOT TO HIS GILBERT EL BORICUA’S!

    Cult: Isn’t that his CMLL name?

    CM: RIGHT YOU ARE CULT!

    *Cassidy adjusts shades*

    Cult: Wait, does this mean Steiner will be talking again? Oh no!

    Steiner: END ON DA TURD DEY DA BIG, BAD, BOOTEH DADDEH WUZ KISSED FROM DA ROSE FROM DA GRAVE AND ROSSED FROMDA DED! END AS IWUZ SEYING BIFOR MEEK MIL MORTIS ERUPTED MEH, DA NUMBAS DON’T LIE, END DEY SPILL DISASTAH FER MEEK MIL END CATTERWOLL AT DA DOA! HOLLAH IF YA HEAR MEH!

    Steiner: HOLLA!

    Cult: It can’t be a Steiner match without a Steiner math promo. I’ll give him that.

    Steiner: SHUT YER BEAK COLT IKEN! NOW, EZ AH KICK MEEK MIL MORTIS’ TETH TA KINGDUM CUM, IMMA GRAZE YA OLL WIT A LITTLE BIT OV A MUZICAL PERFUMENCE WIT A FEW FRINDS OF MIND! GIVVIT UP FOR DA COHED AND DA CAMBRIDA! BOYZ, PLAY MAH JAM! PLEY MER GERM!!!!

    Cult: What?! Coheed and Cambria is here?! I love these guys!

    CM: THEY CERTAINLY DO KNOW THEIR WAY AROUND A MUSIC PERFORMANCE CULT! BUT WAIT, STEINER STILL HAS THE MIC!

    Cult: He’s going to sing with them? Why Grodd why?!

    *Cassidy casually puts on noise canceling headphones*


    Steiner: WEIGHT FER…EVERYTIN EVIL IN YER CUMS OTT! BAH DA, BA DAH! OIL STAINS WIN WILL ONEY MOTIVIT SOND INSTEED, SARGENTO! MEK FER DA TABLET…EN HOPS DAT AH WONT BE AFRIDGE AGIN!!!!! COLL WIN ENABLED…END SINGE DA LEDER OTT AGINST…OIL WELL!!!

    Cult: I don’t think he got any of those words right.

    CM: I’VE HEARD DIALOG FROM DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS RECITED BETTER THAN THAT CULT! BUT IT DOESN’T MATTER BECAUSE STEINER IS SINGING AND WINNING ALL THAT SAME TIME, MAKING MINCE MEAT OF MIL MUERTES WITH SUPLEX AFTER SUPLEX, PUSH UP AFTER PUSH UP! MEANWHILE SASHA BANKS IS CONNECTING WITH EVERY LUCHA MOVE SHE KNOWS ON CATRINA!

    Cult: Catrina may be taking a beating here but she’s at least taking those moves better than most of Sasha’s past opponents have. You can say she’s…Iconic at eating Sasha’s offense.

    *Cassidy slights moves*

    CM: GREAT INSIDE INFO CULT!

    Cult: Hold up now, Steiner’s about to hit the chorus.

    Steiner: LIGHTBULB! MONSTORE SHOW MEH DA TINGS THATTA NIVER WONTED DUNN! EVULVE! MOSTAR DO TA ME TA THENGS MAH FREAKS NIVER WONTED DUNN…OILLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!! FILT MULCH BITTER DEN TISSSSSS BALFOUR!!!!!! IF DEY FIIIIIIINNNNNEEEE OTT TO AVOYD!!!!! TEN TA ACCIDINTS KIP HIDING AWAY….BOT IF DEY STEY, BIF THEY STOY!!!!!!

    Cult: Wait what?

    CM: WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED CULT?!

    Cult: I don’t know! It’s the middle of the day here and the island has suddenly just plunged into darkness. Can an Island lose power? Did someone turn off the match like they turned off the movie in Spaceballs?

    *Cassidy sips soda in darkness*

    Cult: Well whatever has happened we gotta get the island lit up again. There’s dozens and dozens of people potentially watching on us on TV somewhere right now!

    CM: THEY WON’T BE NOW CULT AS THIS ISLAND BLACK OUT MEANS WE HAVE TO SIGN OFF! FOR CULT ICON AND THE FRESHLY SQUEEZED ORANGE CASSIDY THIS IS THE CINDERELA MAN ANNOUNCER SIGNING OFF FROM DOA2019, BROGUTH TO YOU BY PEN15’S FANTASY ISLAND! JUST WHEN YOU THINK YOUR VACATION CAN’T GET BETTER, BZZZZZ WRONG!

    Cult: Wait a second; the island is lighting up again…what?!

    CM: CULT IS THAT…

    Cult: That’s Aerostar! And that’s…

    *Cassidy flips off shades and spits out Sunkist* ARCHIBALD PECK!!! IT’S FUCKING ARCHIBALD PECK!

    Cult: Did Orange Cassidy just speak?!

    CM: ORANGE CASSIDY JUST SPOKE!

    Cassidy ...what? No…no I didn’t! *Cassidy puts back on shades, acts like nothing happened*

    Cult: I’m pretty sure Orange Cassidy just spoke.

    CM: WHATEVER HE JUST DID HE WAS SPOT ON! THAT’S MIL MUERTES’LUCHA UNDERGROUND CO-STAR AEROSTAR AND FORMER CHIKARA STAR ARCHIBALD PECK, BOTH KNOWN FOR THEIR TIME TRAVELING ABILITIES!

    Cult: But what the hell are they doing here at DOA?

    Steiner: WUT IN DA FLYIN FACK IS DIS?! WHO ORDERVED DA LIGHT BRITE SPOCKSMEN END ANOREXIC VINNY MEC?!

    Cult: Did Steiner just compare Archibald to Vince McMahon? Sounds like he has Bret Hart’s Hall of Fame writer.

    Steiner: SHIT IT COLT IKEN!

    Cult: I swear to Cthulhu Steiner I will come down there and end you again if you…

    CM: ENOUGH OF THAT RACKET CULT! AEROSTAR AND ARCHIBALD ARE MAKING THEIR WAY TOWARDS A FALLEN MIL MUERTES! SCOTT STEINER HAS NO IDEA WHAT TO DO! CATRINA AND SASHA BANKS ARE FROZEN IN THEIR TRACKS, WAITING TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS NEXT!

    Cult: Whatever they have in mind it better be a miracle. If Mil Muertes was dying any more out there he’d be ‘Plan after I beat him in the Gran Prix.

    CM: SPITTING THAT HOT FIRE AGAIN CULT. DIDN’T THAT GUY RETIRE?!

    Cult: They all do when they can’t beat me!

    CM: WAIT, WHAT HAS AEROSTAR PULLED OUT FROM HIS JACKET?!

    Cult: Is that…it is! That’s a Lucha Underground contract!

    CM: WHAT IN THE DEVIL IS AEROSTAR DOING WITH A LUCHA UNDERGROUND CONTRACT?!

    Cult: No idea but I can tell you that contract brought Mil Muertes untold restrictions and seven years of his career he’ll never see again.

    CM: AEROSTAR HAS HANDED THE CONTRACT TO ARCHIBALD…AND HE LOOKS TO BE GIVING IT TO MIL MUERTES!

    Cult: What’s he saying there?

    Archibald: Mil…I hope you learned your lesson.

    CM: …OH MY GOD!

    Cult: He’s torn the contract up!

    CM: MIL MUERTES HAS TORN UP HIS CONTRACT WITH LUCHA UNDERGROUND, FINALLY GIVING HIM HIS FREEDOM! AND HE SEEMS TO BE GROWING STRONGER AND STRONGER!

    Cult: Man, getting free of LU has done more for Mil in two minutes than it’s done for Ivelisse and King Cuerno in two months!

    *Cassidy thinks about smiling at joke, doesn’t*

    CM: IT APPEARS RIPPING UP LU’S CONTRACT HAS POWERED UP MIL MUERTES TO HIS FINAL FORM! STEINER CAN’T BELIEVE IT! SASHA AND CATRINA CAN’T BELIEVE IT! COHEED AND CAMBRIA WOULDN’T BELIEVE IT IF THEY HAD ACTUALLY STOPPED PLAYING DURING THIS ENTIRE TIME!

    Cult: And during all of this Aerostar and Archibald have disappeared! I guess there’s no rest for time travelers these days.

    Steiner: WUT IN DA SEVIN HELLZ?! I DONUT CURE WUT DEY DO TOYA MEEK MIL MORTIS, YER STEEL GUNNA FOIL TO DA BIG DIPPAH! DATS ME! IMDA BIG DIPPAH!

    Cult: Oh it doesn’t look like that anymore Scotty!

    CM: MIL MUERTES IS GOING TO TOWN! THERE’S RIGHT! A LEFT! ANOTHER RIGHT BY MUERTES! AND CATRINA IS NOW STARTING TO FIGHT BACK ON SASHA! AND OH MY GOD WHAT A POWERSLAM BY MIL ONTO STEINER! IN A HEARTBEAK, ARCHIBALD PECK AND AEROSTAR HAVE TURNED THIS FROM THE SCOTT STEINER SHOW INTO THE FIGHT OF A THOUSAND DEATHS!

    Cult: It’s remarkable. This fight went from Mil Muertes and Catrina winning in two minutes to Sasha Banks revealing herself as Midajah in disguise to a live Coheed and Cambria concert soundtracking a Scott Steiner beat down to Aerostar and Archibald Peck time traveling to give Mil Muertes a power up. And now we’re on the verge of Mil and Catrina ending this. We even got Orange Cassidy to speak!

    Cassidy: I never spoke and you can’t prove it! *Cassidy sits back down as though nothing happened*

    Cult: The point is we’ve had so many twists and turns that I cannot possibly see how there’d be any more.

    CM: RIGHT YOU ARE CULT! AND THIS DOES LOOK TO BE OVER MOMENTARILY! MIL MUERTES HAS SCOTT STEINER IN THE FETAL POSITION! CATRINA IS SLOWLY STALKING SASHA BANKS AS THE BOSS TRIES TO CRAWL AWAY!

    Cult: Is it my imagination or does Sasha have something in her hands?

    CM: SHE DOES INDEED CULT! AND IT LOOKS LIKE…A PAGER!

    Cult: I’m not sure what a pager is going to do to help her here but hey; she’s about to die so why not?!

    CM: ASTUTE ANALYSIS AS ALWAYS CULT!

    Sasha: In…critical danger…need…help…Elite…assemble….

    Cult: Did you catch that?

    CM: I DID INDEED CULT! AND I MUST SAY I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THAT…WHAT WAS THAT NOISE?!

    Cult: It sounds like something flying towards the island…it is!

    CM: MY GOD YOU’RE RIGHT CULT! THERE APPEAR TO BE SEVERAL ISLANDS FLYING TOWARDS THE ISLAND AT RAPID SPEED…AND THEY HAVE JUST LANDED WITH A SONIC BOOM!

    Cult: Man this has more twists than Shyamalan.

    *Cassidy wipes dirt of shades*

    CM: WE’LL HAVE TO SEE WHO THIS IS WHEN THE SMOKE CLEARS…WAIT, WHAT IS THAT SOUND?!

    Elite Chorus: The…ELITE! The, the Elite! The…ELITE! The, the Elite!

    Cult: No way!

    CM: IT CAN’T BE CULT!

    Cult: It is! That’s Dean Ambrose!

    CM: DEAN AMBROSE! BUT I THOUGHT HIM LEAVING WWE WAS A WORK! A REDDIT USER TOLD ME SO IT MUST’VE BEEN TRUE!

    Cult: You gotta lay off the internet dude…my Grodd that’ s Bayley!

    CM: BAYLEY IS HERE! BAYLEY IS HERE WITH DEAN AMBROSE!

    Cult: But why are they coming out to the Elite music OH MY GOD IT’S THEM!

    CM: I DON’T BELIEVE WHAT I’M SEEING! CODY RHODES! KENNY OMEGA! THE YOUNG BUCKS! ALL ELITE WRESTLING’S EXECUTIVE VICE PRESIDENTS ARE HERE AND THEY’VE COME WITH DEAN AMBROSE AND BAYLEY!

    Cult: That’s who Sasha was calling on the pager! Holy shit this is incredible. Not two months into their existence and the AEW guys are doing super hero stunts and interfering in DOA matches.

    CM: NAME A T-SHIRT COMPANY THAT CAN DO THAT CULT!

    Cult: I can’t! And now with them here Scott Steiner and Sasha Banks have an eight on two advantage over Catrina and Mil Muertes. This has to be it for LU’s power couple.

    Steiner: YA SEE MEEK MIL?! YA SEE CORTANA?! DIS IS WAH DA BIG BAD BOOTEH DADDEH SIDDED WITTA BUSS SESSIONS BUNKS!

    Sasha: It’s Sasha Banks.

    Steiner: SHUT YER MOTH! YA SEE MEEK MIL END CARÓN, WIT DA ELITE BAH MUH SEED…SIDE, YUR ADDS HAV GUN EVAN FURTHA DUNN! YOU’VE NO GUN FROMA DIRTY TREE EN A TURD CHANS OV WOMEN TO A NEGADIVE NINETY THOUSEND END WON CHACE OF WINGING! DA NUMBAS DON’T LIE, END DEY SPILLED DISASTAH FER YA RIGHT HEYAH, AT DA DOH! HOLLA IF YA HEAR ME!

    Steiner Chorus: HOLLA!

    Cult: I hate Scott Steiner with a passion Cinderella Man…but even I have to admit he’s right!

    CM: IN THE WORDS OF LEO ON TOP OF THE TITANIC, THIS IS IT CULT! SCOTT STEINER AND SASHA BANKS ARE MOVING ON IN DOA 2019 AND THEIR DOING IT WITH THE HELP FROM THEIR…

    Cult: What the hell is that?

    CM: …IS THAT?

    Cult: I do believe that is a grenade and we should be getting down.

    CM: TAKE COVER CULT! TAKE COVER ORANGE!

    *Cassidy doesn’t move*

    Steiner: WUT IN DA NAME OV…

    *explosion. Smoke clears, Cassidy remains seated expressionless and fine*

    Cult: Are we alive?

    CM: WE ARE INDEED ALIVE CULT…BUT SASHA BANKS, SCOTT STEINER AND THE ELITE ARE NOT! THEY HAVE ALL BEEN KILLED BY A GRENADE!

    Cult: Unbelievable! Did you guys see where it came from? It didn’t look to be thrown from Catrina or Mil?

    CM: I DON’T KNOW WHERE IT CAME FROM CULT BUT I DO KNOW THAT THERE LIES THE BLOODY REMAINS OF SASHA, SCOTT STEINER AND THE ELITE, MEANING THAT CATRINA AND MIL MUERTES HAVE WON THIS DOA MATCH!

    Cult: You gotta love DOA man. Just when you think you have all the answers, they change the…now what?!

    Catrina: Mil…the stone…it destroyed the stone.

    *gunshots*

    CM: WHAT IS THIS?!

    Cult: Stop it! Just stop it!

    CM: THIS IS AN UNBELIEVABLE SCENE! MIL MUERTES IS DEAD! CATRINA IS DEAD! BOTH HAVE BEEN SHOT IN THE HEAD!

    Cult: That shouldn’t have been able to happen, but the grenade destroyed Mil Muertes’ stone, thus enabling the otherwise immortal Muertes to die.

    CM: AMAZING ANALYSIS CULT! BUT WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?! WHO SHOT THEM?! WHO WINS THIS DOA MATCH!

    Cult: Look, someone is coming from the distance.

    CM: WHO CAN IT BE?!

    *Cassidy sips soda*

    Nathan Drake: Haha! See Sully? Told you those mercenaries weren’t going to be any problem?

    Sully: Uh…kid?

    Nathan: Yeah?

    Sully: These aren’t The Syndicate?

    Nathan: What are you talking about? Of course this is the Syndicate.

    Sully: Nate, it’s not. Look at these people. They’re professional wrestlers.

    Nathan: Sully come on. We’re on the island with the next clue to find the lost city of Atlantis and all its untold riches. We’ve already fought off some of the Syndicate’s men. Why on earth would these guys be pro wrestlers?

    Elena: Nate…

    Nathan: Elena, don’t start with me!

    Elena: Nate, he’s right! Look at them.

    Nathan: …you mean…these guys aren’t Syndicate?

    Sully: That’s right kid. Look, there’s even an announcers table over there with guys calling this match. And we just killed all of them!

    Elena: Oh my God!

    Nathan: …we have to leave now.

    Sully: Best idea you’ve had all day kid.

    Elena: Let’s go…dammit Nate do you always have to think with your trigger finger?

    Nathan: I was defending us! I didn’t want to do this!

    Sully: Tell that to the other 9,001 men you’ve killed over the years.

    *Cassidy wipes condensation from glasses*

    Cult: I know I’ve said this a ton already but, in the words of Excalibur, UNBELIEVABLE!

    CM: I DON’T BELIEVE WHAT I’VE JUST SEEN! NATHAN DRAKE, THE HERO FROM UNCHARTED 1, 2, 3 and 4, HAS JUST ENDED THE LIVES OF EVERYONE INVOLVED IN THIS DOA MATCH BY TOSSING A GRENADE AT THE ELITE AND THEN SHOOTING CATRINA AND MIL MUERTES IN THE HEAD!

    Cult: You know; I always wanted to believe he wasn’t a cold hearted killer but hot damn! How’s he going to explain this away?

    CM: EXCELLENT QUESTION CULT! BUT HERE’S A BETTER ONE; WHO WON THIS DOA MATCH?!

    Cult: I mean…I guess it’s got to be Nathan Drake! That or Orange Cassidy.

    CM: I THINK IT HAS TO BE ORANGE CASSIDY! THE FRESHLY SQUEEZED IS THE ONLY WRESTLER STILL ALIVE HERE TO EMERGE ALIVE, AND HE DID IT WITH FEW WORDS AND MORE BRAVERY THAN ANY MAN I’VE EVER KNOWN!

    *Cassidy falls asleep*

    Cult: Alright, now I can raid his Sunkist case!

    CM: AND ON THAT NOTE I THINK WE CAN NOW OFFICIALLY WRAP UP THIS DOA MATCH! WHAT A THRILL RIDE IT’S BEEN FANS! FOR CULT ICON AND YOUR WINNER, THE FRESHLY SQUEEZED ORANGE CASSIDY, THIS IS THE ANNOUNCER FROM CINDERELLA MAN SIGNING OFF FROM DOA 2019, SPONSERED BY STEAM STAMKOS’ CHOKEJOB 19! YOU WON’T GET A MORE AUTHENTIC EXPERIENCE AT BLOWING SPORTING EVENTS YOU SHOULD WIN THEN THAT ONE!

    *Cassidy slides off chair*

    WINNERS: ………………………………………………………………


    The rift is closed… for now.

    The true battles will once again commence.

    Yet, what madness lies beyond the veil…

    Let us all pray to the dark gods who watch over this Island that we shall not be overtaken again!

  11. #11
    I don’t know what to say except.....



    ????????????

  12. #12
    The DOA impromptu match explained!

    . The sky opened and the real inhabitants of the island were unable to stop the madness that came from other dimensions. Scott Steiner did a promo, perfectly breaking down Mil and Cantrina's probability of winning, the promo stayed in real time and with each consideration that Scott threw in the equation, the probability for Mil and Catrina looked worse and worse. Also, the announcers included a column writer, an announcer from a fucking awesome movie, and a CHIKARA wrestler. It's worth mentioning the column writer has killed Big Papa on multiple occasions.


    Early on Mil and Catrina looked decidedly to have the advantage, until Scott's tag partner was unmasked to be Sasha Banks. At this point, Sasha and Scott took control. Scott sang with Coheed and Combria, and during this time he was just building momentum and becoming unstoppable. That is until time travelers from two separate promotion entered the dimension. They changed the tide of the match and gave Mil Muertes his Lucha Underground contract. Mil opted to destroy it. With that, it appeared Scott and Sasha were on their last leg, until she paged the Elite.


    Now, I must take a step back and mention that throughout the show Orange Cassidy had been mostly quiet, but at one point in the excitement, he spoke to mark out for his fellow Chikara wrestler, time traveler, Archibald Peck.


    Back to the actual battle. At this point the Elite showed up like an army, showing their latest acquisitions to be Dean Ambrose, Balay, and Sasha. When it looked liked there to be no hope for Mil and his companion, a grenade thrown by video game personalities killed the Elite, Steiner, and Sasha. Cassidy seemed suspiciously cool, throughout this. Or was it only his laid back personality? Still, it seemed he made a deal with the devil, Mil and Catrina, and could have possibly titled the scales for them, twice. Once with the interference of Archibald Peck and then with the interference of the video game characters. Then, the game characters in the fog of war, also, destroyed the Stone that would keep Mil and Catrina alive and then destroyed them.

    When the smoke clears it appears Cassidy gets the credit for the win. Could this mean he only used the dark couple to advance himself?

    In the end, the hole is closed, all the randomness, madness, and death, thrown together from opposite dimensions goes away. But we're left not knowing the purpose of the blood spill, as it seemed by happenstance and confusion. And we don't know if or when it will return...

    It's about Vietnam, guys! Now, let me get back to my hippie acid.
    Last edited by Benjamin Button; 6 Days Ago at 12:13 AM.

  13. #13
    For those who are still interested in the Easter egg for the choose your adventure, here are the steps to get the special ending:

    1) Choose story grid ABC to reach tundra cave
    2) go into secret tunnel
    3) Take a shot at cracking the vault door

    --> you will be transported to a google form which asks R-Truth and Carmella how many real endings are there. Counting the one hiding behind the door, there are 7 real endings in the entire game. after you answer correctly, you will be transported to the best ending. My fav ending.

    Hope you had fun!

  14. #14
    Mediocrity at it's finest kingzak13's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2018
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    162
    Ok I've caught up now. No spoilers or nothing but I am content with the story I got, though it was incredibly depressing in the end.

    Looking forward to what comes next.

  15. #15
    Member #25 SirSam's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2018
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    1,336
    Quote Originally Posted by JacobWrestledGod View Post
    For those who are still interested in the Easter egg for the choose your adventure, here are the steps to get the special ending:

    1) Choose story grid ABC to reach tundra cave
    2) go into secret tunnel
    3) Take a shot at cracking the vault door

    --> you will be transported to a google form which asks R-Truth and Carmella how many real endings are there. Counting the one hiding behind the door, there are 7 real endings in the entire game. after you answer correctly, you will be transported to the best ending. My fav ending.

    Hope you had fun!
    I did that and can I say that it was fantastic in true Easter Egg fashion too a proper tribute.

    That is the fourth one I've gone through too JWG. Can I just commend you on really going above and beyond creatively, awesome stuff man.

    I think I enjoyed my fist ending the most where I took the red pill and lied to Lesnar and then met a certain midget, had me rolling that one.

  16. #16
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2018
    Posts
    249
    Loved the impromptu match!

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