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    Mizzie & The Spin's Total Non-Stop Wrestling Project #13- Champion vs Champion (Should be Important, Right?)

    Mizzie & The Spin’s Total Non-Stop Wrestling Project


    MF: Greetings, mizfan fans and Spinnerets! I feel like each episode almost breaks up, but here we are, back for more punishment. How many injections of Russo do you think two masochistic columnists can survive, partner?

    SM: At this point I think we’ve got so many that there is no turning back anyways. Might as well soldier on and pump the injections in!

    MF: We’re probably close to an overdose but no time to think about that, the nonstop action is totally about to begin!

    NWA/TNA #13
    Tennessee State Fairgrounds, Nashville, Tennessee
    September 25th, 2002


    There’s Something Happening Here, Why We Should Care Ain’t Exactly Clear



    YOU SHALL NOT PASS!! OH SHIT, COME BACK!


    MF: Woah, something chaotic is happening in the back! Is it still “chaos” if the exact thing happens every single week, Russo? Is it still a swerve if we’re just moving in a big circle, forever? Jerry Lynn beats up Sonny Siaki backstage, like he used to do to AJ Styles in the good old days of a couple weeks ago. Fortunately the God-Emperor of Security Don Harris has the power to stop them.

    SM: All Hail Don Harris!! The Lord and Saviour of the Impact Zone (Asylum?). Without him the world would fall into chaos, there would be fights every week, and people would interrupt matches as often as Vince McMahon changes his mind. Wait, that already happens. What the hell is the point of Harris then???

    MF: Tenay also tells us Ron Killings wants to eradicate the X Division because they get too much attention. Sure, why not? Let’s crash directly into the next thing!


    Amazing Red vs. Sonny Siaki



    Amazing Red Returns After Months of Steroids! Way to Listen to Billy Graham!


    MF: I really wish Red would win this match, but he won’t. Siaki isn’t dressed as Elvis anymore, which is apparently a plot point. Mortimer Plumbtree, whom you may remember as the manager of the penis team, is here taking notes. Siaki wins, despite not being very good. At least Red kept it decent.

    SM: The only thing you can hope for in a Siaki match is that his opponent can keep things somewhat watchable. It pains me to think that they are pushing this man to the moon when the only thing he is good at is being the love child of Rock and Elvis. Red, on the other hand, is one of my favorite early day TNA stars and I look forward to watching more of his stuff. Sad to hear he retired this year. A great talent!

    SM Rating: **¼
    MF Rating: **¾


    MF: After the match Jorge Estrada comes out and says he’s tired of Siaki “working him” and now they want to “get over on him”. Nothing like throwing out insider terms in an incomprehensible way, I guess. Estrada wants to take Siaki’s Elvis gear. Seems like that should be easy, since he doesn’t even bother to wear it anymore. In a company this stupid it barely registers, but the Elvis thing is pretty dumb.

    SM: Whatever do you mean partner? You don’t think the idea of a bunch of Elvis impersonators kicking ass and chewing bubble gum? I thought it was the most realistic part of the show. Maybe I’m just a hound dog full of burnin love.

    MF: Also Red is attacked by Ron Killings, because nobody in this company can focus on anything. Should have called it ADD instead of TNA. Killings also grabs Goldilocks and screams in her face. Great.


    America’s Most Wanted (Chris Harris & James Storm) vs. Brian Lee & Ron Harris - Tables Match, NWA Tag Team Championships



    Winning is As Simple As This


    MF: Wouldn’t it be nice if this put an end to either Harris brother being involved in this division, or anything? It won’t, but it’s nice to dream. As if to illustrate my point, Ron Harris goes for a pin in this tables match, then literally stands in front of a table with Storm on his shoulder before slamming him somewhere else. Tenay scrambles to explain this idiocy without Ron coming off as completely braindead. Brian Lee does a DX crotch chop, because god has forsaken us. There’s a table RIGHT THERE and they keep slamming them away from it. AMW finally works together to knock Brian Lee off the apron through a table to win. Very stupid psychology, but credit to AMW for working their butts off, you just want to get behind these guys.

    SM: The problem is that Tenay is the one who looks braindead by trying to defend the demented dumbass in the ring. There seems to be a trend on today’s show. A bunch of talented young superstars saddled with useless hacks that the company seems to think have the “look” or bring the “star power”. News flash, if you focused on all the talent, and eliminated the waste, your company could actually become something worthy of being a top promotion. As of right now we have to accept watch two meatheads slam people feet from the table, when winning was just 45 degrees away.

    SM Rating: **
    MF Rating: *¾


    MF: After the match Ron Harris tries to attack some more, and brawls with security. Don comes out and we get a big focus on Don and Ron arguing, and who could give a single flying fuck about that?

    SM: Now that will put the butts in the seats! Harris vs Harris! The battle of the blockheads! Book it now before I change my mind!

    MF: Meanwhile, Goldilocks braves rain and stupidity to talk to the abomination that is Bruce in a parking lot. I kid you not, an old lady comes up and slaps him for taking her parking space. That was a thing that happened, and (unfortunately) there’s more to come.


    Rats, Dogs, Posse Pants, Braids, and a Bag of Street Potatoes



    Somebody Get Me A Bag For My Potatoes


    MF: Ron Killings is here! He’s talking about rats in his bed and lord, I have no idea what he’s on about. He says prejudice is alive and well in TNA and he will show proof. He wonders what happened to Steamboat after giving Ron his title shot. Haha, that’s a weird piece of continuity but sure. He mentions Ken Shamrock. I miss Ken Shamrock. Road Dogg shows up, and Tenay makes sure we know they were a tag team in the WWF by name dropping them relentlessly. Dogg says he has Killings’ posse in his pants, which is both unappealing and nonsensical. He says a few years ago he extended his hand to Killings and covered his ass when people didn’t like him backstage. He says Killings needs a wakeup call so he’ll slap the braids out of his hair. Killings says Dogg only brought him to the WWF because Dogg couldn’t cut it anymore. He carried Dogg’s ass like a bag of street potatoes(???). Killings calls him a bitch so Dogg knocks him out of the ring, and makes a very tortured “can’t handle the truth” reference. I’m only surprised it took this long for someone to do it.

    SM: I don’t want to wait, for my life to be over. I want to know right now…. WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS ALL ABOUT!! The only thing that made even a molecule of sense to me was pointing out that Steamboat disappeared, and how Killings tied that in to the idea that the company was prejudice. Here’s the problem with that though. If the heel is the one making sense, and providing facts of prejudice, and the crowd boos him, then doesn’t that just prove he’s right? This is some messed up logic in this company. I need a drink.

    MF: To continue our punishment, we are subjected to a truly awful promo with Brian Lawler and April, his girlfriend. April couldn’t act her way out of a school play, but I guess the implication is Lawler is abusing her. This whole angle needs to go so, so far away.

    SM: So Lawler is a heel again right? I honestly can’t keep track. However, in this company abusing a woman might make him the top babyface. So confused.


    Low Ki vs. AJ Styles - 2 out of 3 Falls



    The Bright Light in a World of Darkness


    MF: And the X Division is here to save the day again! Imagine this company without matches like this to redeem them. This definitely made up for their disappointing match on the 5th episode, you’ve got all the jawdropping exchanges and amazing moves that you could want to see in this one, it’s really something of an instant classic in my book. In the end AJ Styles gets the win with some decidedly heelish tactics, including a low blow and putting his feet on the ropes. I have no idea if this is a turn or not because his character has been really poorly defined so far, but at least it’s a direction for him to go. What’d you think of this one, Spin man?

    SM: I think we are a little far apart when it comes to our ratings, but I can guarantee this was leaps and bounds ahead of everything else we saw, so I understand the high praise. I found this one a little clunky at times, with a couple needless botches, but they made up for it with the fast paced action, and crisp exchanges. I’m very happy to recommend this to others as it’s a top notch match either way. As for the ending, Styles is a face and a heel, just like everyone else in this landfill of a porn based company.

    SM Rating: ***½
    MF Rating: ****¾


    MF: After the match Goldi talks to Jarrett about how he’s been derailed in his quest for the title, so Jarrett calls her a junkie. You could try to say he’s just trying to get heat, but the faces are all horrible to Goldilocks also, so really we’re just living in Russo’s woman hating world.


    X Pac & Scott Hall vs. Elix Skipper & Brian Lawler



    I Hope He’s Asking God For A Brain and A Heart


    MF: Feels like we haven’t seen Elix in quite a while, or maybe I forgot because he’s another guy with an inscrutable character. My only memory of him so far is throwing a mustard filled balloon at Monty Brown for not being black enough. Brian Lawler is mad his girlfriend April because… she exists, I guess. What a terrible payoff to the endless “Lawler’s got a secret” storyline. Too much of this match is just Lawler yelling at his girlfriend. The saving grace of this match is the Skipper/Waltman interactions, which are very fun and a night and day difference to anything Hall or Lawler have to offer. Skipper leaps off the top but Waltman splats him into an X Factor in a cool spot to get the win.

    SM: I this was a one on one match between Waltman and Skipper then I could see me handing it 3 stars. However, the utter crapfest that is Lawler’s abuse brings it down almost a whole two points. I felt uncomfortable and annoyed during this whole match, and not in the way you should feel against a heel. It was the way you feel when you see someone doing something in life that you know is terrible, and yet you feel like they are so dumb that they can’t even tell the difference. That is TNA right now.

    SM Rating: *¼
    MF Rating: **


    MF: After the match Jeff Jarrett immediately appears and beats up Hall and Waltman. Once again, the most powerful man in wrestling history Don Harris chases everyone off.

    SM: Don! If you’re so damn great and powerful, how about trying to stop this shit before it happens, instead of letting the show go to shit every 2.3 minutes. You’re as good at doing your job as the guy assigned to protect the inductees at the Hall of Fame.

    MF: AJ Styles is backstage… sniffing and grinding on Goldilocks while she interviews. I don’t know what he’s trying to convey but he looks like an idiot. He says he’s the best sports entertainer, so I guess we’re doing this now. Putting aside how stupid the idea is on its face, imagine having AJ Styles on your roster and booking him to be the “sports entertainment” guy. Goldi is annoyed by how stupid and gropey he is. AJ fumbles his way to challenge the X Division title holder to a ladder match. This man should never touch a microphone at this point in his career.


    Just Fucking Stop It



    An Homage to KingZak! Because This Whole Thing Sucks and We Could Use Some Puppies!


    MF: Bruce, the homosexual/transgender equivalent of actual blackface, is here again. This has got to stop, it’s bad on a much deeper level than most of the other bad stuff, which is merely stupid and often perversely funny in it’s own way. This is just horrible though. Somehow Bruce is tying this gimmick into something about female equality and calls Oprah fat. He claims he’s the only woman around… I have no concept of what I’m supposed to take away from this besides clinical depression. There’s nothing funny about this, it’s so damn terrible. The old lady from the parking lot comes out to hit Bruce with a broom. The only thing slightly entertaining about this segment is Don Harris, who has thwarted the attacks of champions and legends, has to come out and personally stop the old lady, which is really only funny for the wrong reasons. That was the whole segment, Bruce being awful and offensive and a tacked on comedy spot. This is by a wide margin the worst thing on the show and everyone involved should be ashamed of themselves.

    SM: I can’t even find a way to critique this man. It’s some next level sexist, and homophobic story telling. The fact that this man was originally only a heel because he was gay is bad enough. Now, in order to make him more of a heel (?) they decided that he needs to run down women, like every other person on the roster. Russo seriously needs to go fuck himself, along with every person who let this happen, and every fan that enjoyed it. I don’t care if that sounds judgey, I’m ok with that. If you enjoyed this shit then you deserve to go to hell.


    Kid Kash vs. Jorge Estrada



    For Anyone Who Forgot This Was A Thing


    MF: Kid Kash is here to make me feel better! I was afraid Estrada was going to tank the match and he nearly does when he dives out of the ring and lands right on his damn face doing something stupid, but then he brings it around and does a pretty good job, and you know Kash was out there killing it. Final stretch was really impressive, with Estrada catching a flying ‘rana pretty astoundingly and turning it into a powerbomb en route to a victory. Kash probably should have won, but at least the match was fun. Oh yeah, and Mortimer Plumbtree was watching again, so these guys are candidates to be penises I guess.

    SM: I guess this is TNA’s way of saying that all members of the X-division are penises. Mortimer only seems to appear when the X-division guys are out there. So either he wants to recruit them, or they turn him on. Sadly, with this being TNA, the second option is probably more likely. The match was serviceable with Kash being the workhorse and Estrada only falling on his face once. As always, it seems that the only time you can count on the wrestling is if you’re watch an X-division match.

    SM Rating: **¾
    MF Rating: ***¾


    MF: After the match we see Sonny Siaki dragging Goldilocks to the parking lot to watch him burn his Elvis jumpsuit. This is very painful for Estrada apparently, though I bet less painful than landing on his face earlier. Why did Goldi have to be there for that anyway?

    SM: Because there is a clause written in the TNA handbook that says Goldi must be berated, beat down, or bullied, every 5.46 minutes. They barely got in under the time frame this time, so they threw her out there with Siaki to watch Estrada check into Heartbreak Hotel.


    Jerry Lynn vs. Ron Killings - Lumberjack, TNA X Division Championship



    He’s Trying To Figure Out How He Became the Main Eventer


    MF:Your lumberjacks are Amazing Red, Kid Kash, Low Ki, and Jorge Estrada. Hopefully Estrada can overcome his Elvis suit related sadness. So, the narrative of this is “can an X Division wrestler compete with a real wrestler??”, but aside from that being stupid in the first, Ron Killings is maybe 20 pounds heavier than Lynn, and he flips and flops 10 times more than most X Division guys. Anyway, we get a hint of possible future feuds as Kid Kash beats up Lynn on the floor, which is a feud I want to see, and Killings punches Amazing Red, which I’d just as soon skip. Also, AJ Styles shows up on the stage. Lynn gets a win in a pretty lackluster match honestly, I enjoy Killings’ promos to a point but his wrestling ability just is not there.

    SM: I didn’t mind this one quite as much as you did Mizzie. Killings is not the best in the ring, but on a night where I had to watch Don Harris slam people beside tables, I’m willing to forgive a little bit of his light offense. The only real positives to come out of this one are that Kash and Red may be in line for pushes, and that the X-division guy got the big win. Happy to see that they didn’t just send him in there to be buried by the “big name” main eventer.

    SM Rating: **
    MF Rating: *½



    Road Dogg vs. Jeff Jarrett



    Long Live The King!


    MF: Of course Jarrett main events over the champion vs. champion match. Of course. So, Spinny, when is Jarrett going to wrestle good matches or cut good promos to justify how much you love him? Still waiting for any sign of something good from this guy. Lackluster Attitude Era brawling. I don’t get it, they blatantly use a chair early in the match but later on they do a convoluted ref bump to use it behind his match. Elix Skipper and Brian Lawler come out for some reason and Jarrett hits an unprotected chairshot on Dogg’s head… and he still kicks out. This is really dumb. Finally we get a DQ to mercifully end the farce of this “main event” match that would an insult on the undercard of Sunday Night Heat.

    SM: So you didn’t like this match Mizzie? I thought it was going to be right up your alley. On par with the WALTER vs Thatcher match for sure. No, all jokes aside, this was pretty bad. Not as bad as Mizzie seems to think, but bad nonetheless. I swear he has some great stuff in TNA man, I mean you probably still won’t like it, but it is coming. Right now we have to sit through a main event full of attitude era wrestlers that couldn’t wrestle even when they were in their primes. Once we get into the days of Styles, Hardy, Angle, Joe, then you’ll see more of the great stuff from him. Well, great to us who see what he has to offer haha.

    SM Rating: *½
    MF Rating: ¼*


    MF: After the match, Waltman and Hall come out and help Dogg. Killings comes out to attack… Waltman? Did they have some kind of issue? Does anyone know, or care? Killings and Jarrett are working together, despite Jarrett never shutting up about taking Killings’ title. The writers don’t care, and neither should you. And that’s the end of the show, I guess!

    SM: Are you surprised? Did anything in the past weeks make you think that the writers care about continuity, or making sense. The only thing they care about is pushing as many ex-WWE guys to the top of their promotion as possible. It doesn’t matter how old they are, how long they were in WWE, or how well they could wrestle. If you wrestled for Vince then you can main event TNA. Where’s Barry Horowitz?


    MF: Is there a director’s cut of NWA/TNA that we can watch, one with just the good stuff? I know it would be, like, 15 minutes a week, but it’d spare us a lot of torture. Then again, if Russo’s the “director”, I’m sure it’d just be endless hours of women being insulted or beaten up with some Bruce segments in there to keep it fresh, maybe a little bit of Jarrett and others shooting and name dropping the WWF.

    SM: If we went with a Russo directors cut then we would never see another X-division match again. It would be one hour of sexism, racism, homophobia, and WWF name dropping, with a little porn thrown in to keep the middle aged men happy.

    MF: The torture continues, and apparently we deserve it, though we don’t know why. Join us for the next edition, hopefully coming soon! Say goodbye to the good people who aren’t in hell with us, Spinny!

    SM: Goodbye good people, I’m going to go to Cuba where it’s less hot than it is in our own personal Hell. One week of escape won’t be enough from this torture. Oh well. Until next time, keep spinning through life, and never trust a man named Vince.

  2. #2
    Hey guys, this is my first catch on your coverage of this. It really brings back horrible memories. Imagine having the favorite thing you grew up on shut down only to be replaced by a company owned by one of its worst champions in its worst time, who's pushing himself to the moon. And doing it with Vince Russo writing the program, no less. I forgot how much I detested Jeff Jarret. And for that matter, HHH during this time. This is one of my worst times for wrestling.

    Just reading this complete crap show awakens me to what I couldn't see, back then. How very, very sad it is to have this as your "alternative" promotion, right after, WCW closed.


    The fact they were teasing the Harris brothers feuding. No stability.

    Man, I really liked you guys take on this, but this promotion is so tacky I have a hard time finding anything good to say about it; it was named after tits and asses, for Christ sake. We should have known....

    I got a good laugh at the line about not knowing if abusing a woman makes a person a babyface in this promotion. Enjoyed your take on this. You really gave it its justice.
    Last edited by Benjamin Button; 1 Week Ago at 05:10 AM.

  3. #3
    The Brain
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    Awesome work with your half here, Spinny. I can't believe you found a picture of street potatoes, that's legitimately amazing!

  4. #4
    Junior Member Zombieguy's Avatar
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    Hey Mizfan & Spinmaster. This is my first time introduction to this huge undertaking. You guys certainly have your work cut out for you. The dual perspectives and cutting humor are definitely top notch here. I was entertained throughout and you gave a descriptive and hilarious take on this show. I loved the TNA Weekly PPVs as a kid and found them to be a spiritual successor to WWF 1999/WCW 2000 which I absolutely adored. By 2002 WWF seemed much more formulaic and monotonous. But I would hate to go back and watch these with a modern perspective though as the humor, wrestling, stories, atmosphere probably haven't aged well.

    However if this project is going to go on long-term I think you should walk into it with a more positive attitude. If you go into each viewing with a chip on your shoulders it's not going to be fun viewing. While trainwreck viewing can make for hilarious columns it eventually loses its shock value. Perhaps one of you could play a more straight-man role too as currently the two perspectives seem interchangeable and you end up with two Jerry Lawlers without a Good Ol JR to complement it. The complaints about sexism, racism, xenophobia, etc. just come off as petty modern social justice shoehorned into a different period of time.

    Good luck to you both. I'm sure you'll find more to like about these shows later as the company gradually evolves into its own unique brand.

  5. #5
    LOP's part time glass ceiling DynamiteBillington's Avatar
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    Why would a Champion v Champion match be more important than a Jarrett Match?

    That's like saying a WWE Title match should be more important than whatever Roman Reigns is doing that night.

    You people just don't understand wrestling at all.....

  6. #6
    Lamb of LOP anonymous's Avatar
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    Jarrett is a God. Keep defending him, Spin. This show needed more of him.

  7. #7
    Senior Member
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    I love these columns!

    I honestly have no idea how to give feedback to this column as everything was just super confusing and an illogical mess. I have to admit that I'm actually intrigued to watch this show based off the hot mess you guys presented here. I think early TNA suffered from an unneeded necessity to push the envelope and what unraveled was pure stupidity. Vince Russos twisted sense of humour always comes off as perverse and what is this guys problem with women? I wonder how much Goldi gets paid for putting up with all the shit she has to put up with every week.

    That R-Truth storyline could have actually set some new ground if there booking wasn't ass backwards. He made a few valid points which all got voided by nonsensical booking. Just crazy.

    That Low Ki/Styles match sounded good. Let me know if it's worth seeking out.

    Another enjoyable column for me. While another trainwreck for you guys to sit through haha

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